This is gonna be a long post...
Well, well... first, my poor uncle passed away this morning at 6 am. He put up a good hard fight, since August 2nd, but this morning, his body was so filled with infection and his blood pressure just couldn't keep up, no matter what the hospital did. They tried for 30 minutes to save him, but they couldn't... Ah well, he was deathly ill in 1993 and my family thought he was lost then, but he pulled through. Maybe God let him have 12 more years on the slide
His service will be Thursday morning. I stayed with my mom for a few hours today, and before I left, I convinced her to take a nap. She was exhausted from everything, and dealing with family phone calls, service plans...
I'll tell you, the way he lived, as I grew up, with an addiction that I know runs through my family, slowly it ate up his life and talent. He was a such a talented artist, really, could have had his own business, no question, but he took another path to help out in his mother's drapery business... with his BFA newly under his hat... and art soon became a side hobby, then he stopped it. I guess he lost the passion for it.
My mother called me this morning while I worked (yes, a half day on Sunday) and told me... I sat and thought about his life while I worked for another two hours, and how he was such a funny, joyful man, that slowly faded as the years passed. It was like a clarion call of a trumpet to me, and what my life has become... I bury my artistic talent in real estate postcard design, clicking a mouse and using Pantone charts, putting in my overtime to try and get promoted to a position I think less and less will really happen.
Oh yeah, my job - well, after my problems with insane salary jealously, I decided to make a positive go at it instead, and came up with a well-researched proposal for our business to recreate the Art Director job. My immediate boss seemed very receptive, but recently, the responsibilities I proposed are being handed out to me and also others.... to share the training of new hires, to write a design manual... it worries me that they will decide to go with adding onto the senior staffs' duties instead of reaching into their pockets to promote me. I mean, I can see why, sure, it saves money, you know? But I think the effect will be diluted, and I can tell you for sure, that my enthusiasm for pushing my talents will be greatly lessened. I'm already getting really burned out on computers, and the grind of this particular business.
I feel like my life has been going nowhere... and I have made several poor decisions since I graduated from college, well, actually dating back to when I graduated from high school in 1989! Nothing earth-shatteringly awful... just misdirection... wasted time and efforts in a major and grad school that took me nowhere for several years... busting my butt in waitressing jobs for years to get by as a student... moving across the country "in search of"...
I am lucky in that I have my health, and most of my youth at age 34, and no partner or children to consider their lives and desires (both a good and bad one, the last, heh!) Yes, I have a pretty big chunk of debt, but... I can uproot and follow any direction I want.
I know I have no satisfaction in my job. I am very good at it, and have the liking and respect of coworkers, but... I feel like I am punching a time clock to nowhere
A coworker of mine just this past Friday, an older woman (about 45), quit to pursue her dream to return to school, get her BFA, sell her fabric art in a gallery, and also get her teaching certificate to teach art to children... I was so happy for her as she left... she is married, financially stable, son grown up and moved out, and can devote her life to her true wishes. I admit I was a bit jealous too, and wished I had that stability with no debt backed by healthy savings, so I could do the same.
But you know, life is short! I was willing to go into debt for grad school in archaeology, with the prospect of being a college professor... but not art school? I never got as excited about archaeology as I did art
Instead of living the rest of my life, plugging away at Coldwell Banker brochures, it could be better to seize the day and take a shot at art school, despite having my first BA, which will restrict a lot of my aid down to loans only (no scholarships or grants.)
Well, with the thought of my uncle close in my mind, it seems a crime to "settle" and gray away one's life. Money is important, but so is zest for life
Part of that for me is getting rid of this fat. I've been in the process of covering myself up in many ways for years... making myself my own long-lost artifact 
You only get the one time around, right?
Something to think about.
As far as MF goes, I am on track. I'm hungry
but toughing it out. In about 15 minutes, I will be on shake #3 of 3. I am already losing unsual amounts of water 
Nice!
Hope you all have a wonderful Sunday... and keep pursuing what YOUR happiness is.
My family has decided that no extraordinary measures will be used to keep her going... so it is entirely up to her what she desires to do.
..I surely have you added to my prayer list..I hope your grandma gets better too.It is so horrible for us to lose a loved one.. some people never recover..I will pray for all of you all this week..
for you.
fire this week and Melting Martha is in the deep waters.
praying for the MakeMeThinner Forum people every day.
jumped up and down yelling, "Pick me! Pick me!"
skanky events come into our lives and 
test us, they can develop perseverance,
compassion for others,
stronger and move us 
forward,
electric fence now,
“No trespasser” sign and keep Old Man Trouble outta our space! 
You'll get that gain off in NO TIME!
Berk!
at supper tonight!
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