The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[Simmshe]

Hi everyone--old and new ! I have been missing in action for the past couple of weeks and just wanted to catch up with everyone!

The past three weeks have been really difficult for me. When I'm going through difficult emotional times, I kind of withdraw into myself, so this is why I haven't posted much here lately. I think I now have an understanding, in part at least--of why having a history of clinical depression is listed as a contraindication for Medifast ...

Well, I have been in the dumps lately, but the great thing about this situation is that I have remained faithful to my Medifast plan. I'm two days into my third month now and still going strong. This in itself is a HUGE victory for me. Having been a severe emotional/binge eater for 15 years, once I decided that food was no longer a viable option for dealing with my life and emotions, I had no choice but to "feel." And this was intentional. I haven't done real feeling in years--thanks to the numbing effect of massive binges, I was always able to escape my feelings (except for anger). But I knew that to break this binge eating problem, I was going to have to be relentless about being faithful to my MF plan and that I was going to have to face being uncomfortable, both physically and mentally. And this is what happened.

Losing weight has also brought emotions to the surface that I honestly didn't expect to experience. It's weird--I kind of went through a mourning period for two weeks--I mean I was crying everyday, overwhelmed with feelings of loss, but not exactly sure, at first, what I had lost. I feel like I have mourned the loss of the years that I lost to being imprisoned in my body and crippled by self-hate and depression. But the weight, for me, is just a side effect of what's going on inside, and I know this clearly now. I looked at my body in a full length mirror three weeks ago (something that I NEVER do--ever!), and saw the damage I did to it for so many years, which was damage that I did to myself, and I felt sadness about this. I didn't berate myself though--for the first time in my life, I'm learning to have compassion for myself--so it's sadness that I felt and not anger. The thing is, too, that I didn't necessarily hate myself because I was obese and a compulsive eater, but because I wasn't loving myself and hadn't fully dealt with unresolved emotions from years ago that I have been trying to work through. Anyway, I don't want to turn this into a novella, I just wanted to express what the emotional/mental part of my journey has been like so far and to let you all know that my low level of participation didn't mean that I fell off of the wagon or was ignoring you all . You know, for me, the physical part is a breeze--it's the muck and mire of the mental/emotional stuff that has been work (which, of course I knew when I began this, but I had no idea what to expect, of course. Not binge eating, or eating period, for emotional reasons is unchartered territory for me).

I've learned a LOT during these weeks, and am glad to finally be out of my head !?! Thanks to journaling, reading, talking to my therapist, talking privately to a couple of people on this forum, and expressing irrational fears and emotions to my best friends (thank God for them), and working on growing spiritually, I've come out of this a stronger person . Again, I'm sorry that I haven't posted much, but I was so fatigued/drained that I could barely string two words together without serious effort. But I visit the forum everyday and read all of the posts, so I share in you all's struggles and success. I'm glad to be back, fulltime, and will catch up on my postings to everyone !

To any of you who are really struggling with being faithful to your MF plan, remember that this is a multi-part journey for many of us, with the mental, emotional, and physical parts being equally important. If you find yourself continuing to fall off your plan, it's time to dig a little deeper into your mental well--figure out what all of the tools that you need for success are and get them into place. We can ALL be ridiculously successful !

Thanks for reading the novella that I was trying not to write !

Sheryl

[DutchChoc]

Hey, Simmshe, my "neighbor". Thanks for your always well-articulated message. I understand it. It sounds like you're sorting things out nicely, with the help of others. I'm glad you're not berating yourself; seems some of us find all too many ways of doing that as it is. I'd say that you're succeeding like never before and I wish you many more days of progress and self-discovery.

[NikkiNix]

Hi Sheryl,


I can say I completely relate to this post, except for the fact that I did fall off the wagon and took a cab staight to fastfoodville I mean I wasn't posting because I was eating everything in sight. I went to visit my DR a while back and she tried to convince me I reallllly needed gastric bypass surgery so I thought what the heck she thinks I have no will to make it on MF I might as well live it up and eat what I want now because within the year I will be getting surgery. I have been an emotional wreck myself part of why I went to the DR. She prescribed me Prozac for depression caused by my own selfloathing. I keep setting myself up for failure because it's a cycle I have got myself into. I would lose 30lbs and then gain 15 of it back then I'd lose 13 and gain 17 back I have been doing this to myself since I started MF 5 months ago. I kept promising people on the forum I was gonna dust the crumbs off and then I'd be ashamed for eating McDonalds 3 days later and I wouldn't post. I kept trying to read inspirational posts and it would work for a week and then I would use a holiday as an excuse to start eating again. I'm sure alot of you know my crazy whinny selfloathing storys and have heard it more than once on this forum but I'm here to confess once more that even though I'm not perfect with the help of some graet people on this forum I am willing to try this again. I am gonna do this for my family and myself all I can do is try one day at a time.


Thanks to everyone I've missed you guys
Your friend Nikki

[Carrie]

Yay Sheryl!!



It's good to have you 'back', and I am so happy that your spirits have lifted.

This is just another example of the reality that change is difficult, and for some of us does not follow a linear pattern. We go up and down, and up and down, yet we will win the battle through perseverence.

You are a true friend, and I am so very proud of you and your INCREDIBLE accomplishment,

Keep shakin' sister!
Carrie

[RavenKat]

You're one tough cookie Sheryl! (excuse the food reference) ;-)

The path you're taking is sure to make you successful. No hard work goes unrewarded. I don't mean to sound like a hallmark card but I honestly believe that what you are going through will make you stronger. I can't seem to stop sounding trite....

back to my old phrase: You GO girl!

Kat

[Sylvia]

Hi Sheryl,

Great to have you back! While I haven't had to go through what you have regarding food issues, I can still relate. At one point in my life I developed an almost crippling fear of flying. I won't bore you with the details, but take my word for it - it was bad.

I decided I was not going to live my life around this fear and that I was going to deal with it. I took a job that required significant travel, joined a fear of flying program and resolved myself to getting past it. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done and one of the things I'm most proud of myself for doing.

Looking back, I'm glad I went through that very painful time because it taught me so much. I learned that my mind could really cause a physical reaction in my body (which I would never have believed before that) and, more importantly, that I was strong enough to overcome something that threatened to engulf me.

It sounds like you are going through something at least somewhat similar to what I went through. First, I commend you for taking the bull by the horns and plowing through it - I know how incredibly hard it is. Second, I can tell you firsthand that not only will you be happy with the result (weight loss), but you will be perhaps happier and more deeply satisfied with the sense of accomplishment and achievement you will feel for overcoming this.

Keep on doing what you're doing - it is so worth it!

Sylvia

[Lois]

Welcome home, Sheryl, and CONGRATULATIONS on not turning to food as a "solution" when you were feeling depressed.

You're right....this is an emotional, mental, and physical journey for many of us, myself included. It is also a spiritual journey for me.

It's NOT EASY to have so much stuff "plowed up" all at the same time....and to deal with these things WITHOUT the haziness and false sense of comfort that food once provided makes it far more challenging, for sure. BUT YOU DID IT! And I'm doing it! And if we just keep going, one day at a time, sure enough this too shall pass, and we will be stronger (and thinner ) people as a result!

love and hugs to you today.....

Lois

[hawaiiwhatnot]

Sheryl,

What a meaningful thread. How many of us all use food to forget or numb or self-medicate as Dr. Phil would say. Working on the physical part is the easiest for me as 'input is output' however, the mental aspect is not so cut and dried. True - we have to solve those mental issues that trigger these bad habits, and learn to deal with them. Takes courage and tenacity. I'm growing up finally I guess and 'facing the music'. The positive aspect for me is that at least I have self-medicated with food, and not alcohol or drugs, which I think would be so much more devastating and self-destructive. It's comforting that I'm not alone in my struggle. Here's to winning our inner battles!

A work in progress,
Camille

[elle4nelly]

Hi Sheryl!

I am so proud of you for you've already won a big chunk of the battle. You 're able to seperate food from your emotions. You're awesome!!
Tis a long long journey indeed!! No Joke! But it is also a learning process and it can be all too overwhelming. Yes, we don't like being fat, we don't like what we see.....But Who else have we been all this time? Overweight people! And all that fat that insulated some of us from the" rest of them " is going away. Being fat , can make me feel invisible. It is often my insulation from people. It keeps them mostly at bay because you get ignore most often when you're fat. And frankly, somedays it feels okay to shut out others. This fat has been a part of us for so long that it can be so overwhelming to lose it! All the sudden you lose your cover, your security blanket, part of what has been your Identity for a while now. Yes, being skinny would be delightful, but losing weight can also be frightening as we emerge as new individuals. We take for granted our weight loss sometimes, but let me tell you that every ounce we lose is a major achievement! And that's the truth! We are undertaking a BIG task, and we have more determination than most for even attempting to lose weight and sticking to it.
Anyway Sheryl, You're awesome!
Let this battle rage on....and let us not surrender til the last extra pounds comes off our bodies!

Nelly

[MomJackieLee]

Sheryl,

Welcome back!!! I had taken a couple of months off and started back up this week. Big congratulations on sticking to plan. I was just happy to maintain...

Those emotions that are coming through ar no longer stuffed back down with food. When you are an emotional eater, and stop stuffing, you are allowing yourself to experience feelings you haven't had in a while. Sometimes scary, but also sometimes rewarding. Best of luck and keep up the great work!

[Simmshe]

Thanks everyone for the love ! Can't remember ever being in such great company . Sorry it took me forever to respond to you all's messages and do more posting on the board, but my week turned out to be quite busy, but here I am now!

Nikki, I'm glad that you are still around and not giving up! I read some of your back posts when I first joined the forum, and beyond, and I have related to your struggle, and I have been rooting for your success. And as you can tell, I more than understand how much for people like you and me (who have more serious emotional issues with eating), this is a very difficult thing to tackle. Please just do what you need to do to take care of yourself and improve your mental/emotional health along with this physical transformation. Your doctor prescribed Prozac, but what about counseling? I have used antidepressants for brief periods before, but taking them without doing cognitive work to change my state of mind, beliefs, and thought patterns often proves to be an exercise in futility. It seems that you have some emotional blocks that you need to plow through before you can really begin to not only lose your excess weight, but also break your dependence on food. And from a former self-loather to another, you will probably continue to not have success with changing your life as long as the hate continues. Self-loathing is steeped in worthlessness, and if deep down inside you don't feel that you are worthy of change and goodness, then you won't change. I'm rooting for you big time girl--you can do this! You are young, beautiful, and deserve every happiness. Write, talk, yell, scream, cry--do whatever you need to do to dig deep down inside and root out the imposter who is stealing your joy (I like to call them joy thieves!) so you can get on your way to living the life that you want and having the body that you want. And as for gastric bypass surgery, this would be like putting a bandaid on a stab wound (in my humble opinion). If you still have the same self-esteem and problems with food now, you will still have them after surgery. I've read that from 15-25% of people who have gastric bypass surgery regain their weight, epecially those who have a history with emotional eating/food compulsion. Of course, you do whatever you think will be best for you--just don't give up on yourself .

Sylvia, I definitely see the similarity of you overcoming your debilitating fear of flying and someone overcoming debilitating food compulsion/binge eating. It took every ounce of force, courage, and willpower you could muster to overcome your fear. I've definitely had to rely on these things for my breakthrough growth, too.

And you're right Lois--spiritual growth is the cohesive part of all of my growth/change--how could I leave that part out?!? And I'm soooo proud of you for how well you are doing. I love reading your journal everyday and seeing how well you are doing, not just sticking to your weight loss plan, but the internal changes that you are experiencing as well. Thanks for the inspiration for us all .

Thank you ALL for the support and relating, as I'm sure that for all of us, we have had to wage some form of an inner battle and fight old, ingrained habits in order for us to be successful with our plans.

You all are the best! To those who are doing well--keep it up! And for those who have been stumbling a bit--keep fighting!! We will do this !

Sheryl