The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[kimay]

Yes, you read it correctly, and you'll never guess how it started. Thurs. morning for the first time in a year, I got into a size 12. I looked and felt so good. Put on a little self sun tanning cream and I gotta tell ya, I was feeling so good, even my 11 y/o son said, mom! you are really skinny! Feeling so good I almost wanted to call it quits and call it my goal's end at 155 instead of 125 or 130. But no, not really. I don't think???? Over the last two weeks I have been getting pretty bored and I have to admit I have felt some hunger pangs creep back. Now, I am on strict fast, no cheating. No pickles or any of that. A few diet sodas yes. No more than 5 pieces of sugarless gum a day.
So, back to the binge. Well, I've been craving white cake w/lots of frosting for a while now. But before that, I started off w/ a bowl of ice cream. Then I said, what the heck. Went to an old boyfriend's house to show off my new(er) body and had a few cocktails. Which then led me to the supermarket to get that damn vanilla cake. Well, that was last night. Which then led into today. Started with a bowl of sherbet. No shakes today. Then of course, had to go to Subway for a nice sub. Ya know what? I wasn't even hungry, just knowing I would be going full fast again tomorrow drove me to it.
Now how is that for reasoning? Surely not thinking like a skinny person should be thinking. What has these last 12 weeks of thinking about all of these things, i.e., maintenance, how I will eat as a thin person, willpower, eating healthy, coping with binges, to binge or not to binge, portion control, !!!! I am so mad at myself I could SCREAM. I really thought I had a handle on all of this after all of this time. I feel like I have failed, not just because of the eating part, but mostly because of the thinking part. However, I must note, that as I was eating this huge bowl of ice cream, the whole while I was doing it, I was thinking to myself, "Ya know what Kim, THIS is the kind of eating that got you up to almost 190 pounds in the first place isn't it. THIS is the kind of eating I cannot be doing if I want to stay skinny now isn't it. Why am I eating this when my stomach is satisified or even at the least, full!???" NOW, that's the part that pisses me off the most. (Sorry about the language if I have offended anybody) but I am really hurting right now and that's all I can come up with. I am flying off the handle and my fingers are flying off the keys!!!!
Okay, now I feel a little better, having let off some steam. I do know what to do. I guess. I am going to drink a lot of water tonight. Start all fresh in the morning. The cake goes in the dumpster outside. Shakes all lined up for in the morning. And darn it! I do want to get down to AT LEAST 130 pounds, Not sure if 125, but at least 130. That is only 25 pounds away. Well, 25 and whatever I will have gained from this ridiculousness I have put my body and mind through. I hate myself for doing this. But I am going to stop it right here and start loving myself again and start re-training my mind once again on the mindset of the skinny peoples!!! I just have to. There is no other way. I must conquer this.
Oh, and also. I have another question/thought I could use some advice on. A year ago I had posted my photo and personality profile on Yahoo personals. Well, I just happened to go back (I had 133 replies!!! all unread!) I just was toying around and started to read some. One was from this very handsome gentleman, a professor at the university here. He had just replied to me this last March. A nice photo. Kind smile and kind eyes. Lots in common. He gave me his e-mail and told me to e-mail him any time, even if it was much later than March '04, etc.... Okay, so here's the thing. I was (as of now) about 15 pounds lighter maybe 2 or so more. If we ever were to set up to meet somewhere should I a) Tell him I gained a lot of weight, but now have lost 34 pounds and counting, but am still 15 overweight since that photo? b) Tell him I am just a few pounds more than that photo? c) Say nothing now, wait till I see him. or d) Just say nothing at all. I mean, I know, I know, if he doesn't want to see me cuz I'm a few pounds or okay 15 lbs. over average--then he's a jerk anyway. Of course he is/ or would be! But...I want to be honest, but in a way, it shouldn't matter anyway, right? or am I???? Please let me know what ya'll think.
Also please kick my butt for the two day crap session that I will probably gain 5 pounds from.

kim
3/19/04
189/155?/125 or 130
5'5-1/2"

[Nancy]

Kimay ~

Aw, we don't need to kick you - you already did it yourself! You know what to do - gosh, you already have your shakes lined up on the kitchen counter. You just had a little cul de sac on your journey to Thinnville and now you are on the road again, the Highway to Success.

You did the right thing by visiting the dumpster.

There are some days that we must drive out of our way to avoid the call of the vanilla cake (or fresh bread, or Subway, or...you fill in the blank).

Hmmm...re: to tell or not to tell the professor about the poundage.

My Mom and I were talkin' about this on the phone. Her motto is to not volunteer unnecessary info. She always taught me to never ever lie but to not volunteer extra stuff. Always answer people kindly and with truthfulness but don't spill your entire load.

This is interesting.

I met my former high school guy friend this last summer and I did not tell him that I had been fluffy. We hadn't seen each other for about 34 years and we have been emailing one another for several years. He told me that I looked great. "Obviously you've taken good care of yourself!"

I laughed and told him that I was a high-maintenance lady!

I never told him about "that other part of my life."

He recently saw my website and his comment - "Nancy, you were a good sized gal. How long ago was that?"

[Guest]

Well, looks like you are all set to jump back on the wagon. Don't kick yourself too much, we all loos it sometimes. Concentrate on what you have accomplished (SO MUCH) and keep right on going where you want to go.

I'm with Nancy on the internet guy. I wouldn't volunteer unless asked. Just be yourself - you don't want to be with someone who doesn't like you for you (15 lbs up or down). Who knows, his picture may be a little older too...

[MomJackieLee]

Oops - I'm at work and forgot to log in. That was me above.

[TamiL]

Kimay
You and I have the same GOALS with our weight....I am just stuck at 155...my own fault...I have been playing with my food latley...some days I dont get in enuf shakes..and other days I just eat what I can...its been so crazy at work for me latley..that there are days that I go far more than 4 hours without a shake or any lean/green!! but I know what I need to do...get it together and start to re-focus and regroup...I have to say that it feels great to be 155...my pants (old) are starting to fit again..and its great..but I still have 25 pounds to go...and alot of firming up to do!! that is why I need to be consistant with the gym...start my weight training and cardio again....
I know what I need to be doing....its just a matter of DOING IT!! im just greatful that I have not gained over the last few weeks...the parties at the Fire Dept..cook outs...FOOD EVERYWHERE..but I have to say..I have been keeping it under control...and when I have lost control..I get right back on track the next day...that is a MIRACLE in itself, because my old habits would have been to binge for weeks...before seeing the LIGHT!! !!!!!
we all fall off the wagon now and again....the trick is to get right back up and get on track!! Medifast has changed my life...it gave me hope...30 pounds gone...what a difference it makes!! there are so many new people on this forum that its GREAT to read thru and get the motivation I need....havent been able to get here for a while..but just reading thru these posts this morning...has got me PUMPED up and ready to get my butt back in GEAR!!!!
Hang in there Kimay....forgive yourself for the binges...and just DRIVE ON!!! we WILL LOOSE THESE LAST 25 pounds....and get to the place we want to be!!

Tami

[Landylue]

Kimay! Sweetie, to put on 5 lbs of fat, you would have to gobble down 17,500 calories. You probably didn't consume enough to put on more than 1-1.5 lbs, so if that scale shows any more than that, HANG IN THERE, it will just be fluid retention, and it WILL go away. It's not the food that hurts us as bad as the guilt we suffer afterwards. It sounds like you've got a firm grip on things now, though, and I'm very proud of how you have rebounded from this. EXCELLENT EFFORT!!!

Scarey isn't it how fast old habits can jump back on your shoulders after weeks and months of hard work. DANG!!! It has happened to all of us, though. You know, someone out here the other day said that after she gets alot of compliments, that she was more likely to falter. There just may be something to that. We can get to listening to those compliments, or even admiring ourselves in front of a mirror in a smaller size, and it somehow leads us to think that we can let up just a bit before we reach goal. But for most of us, that 'bit' is a very slippery slope. A bit leads to a bite which leads to a bowl which leads to a bag which leads to a bushel.

You are going to be just fine, Kimay. And I am very glad you are one of us.

Landylue