The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[Principessa]

Ahhh... Donica! How I sooooo relate to the laying on my side belly thing! It's an entirely separate limb sometimes! I know I will have "arrived" at goal when that baby becomes one with me! The back fat and the inner thighs that rub and the soft arms will drop away with time... but when that belly and I are ONE, that's when I've made goal!

[Principessa]

Day 15:Yesterday was a bit of a bummer since I ONLY saw a 4.6# loss. I KNOW that it’s still great, but after 9.8# the first week it was a bit of a downer.

Still going strong though. I feel pretty great! And the fiance is really getting how committed I am to this now. I do have the desire to celebrate Jose's return with some champagne... but that's almost a month away, and I shouldn't be concerned with it right now.

If I’m honest with myself I haven’t kept to the plan perfectly…. I’ve had several days where I haven’t gotten in all of my supplements. I know that I have a hard time delaying gratification, but for some crazy reason I’m TERRIFIED of running out of food throughout the day so I space them too far apart. Then I have 2 supplements left at 8pm, and after I get in the 4th one I find that I’m feelin’ nice and satisfied, and the idea of getting in that last one (I’m on the 5&1) just seems to be more than I can do before I head off to bed. I guess I need to devise a plan to help myself move past this fear of running out. I know I am allowed to have an extra supplement if I really want/need it at night… but that just seems like cheating. But I guess it’s much better than cheating myself by not eating ENOUGH and slowing down progress by letting my body think I’d ever starve it! (Like that could happen!).

I remember when I was a teen, and a little chubby, but definitely not in the obese state I find myself in now. I remember truly considering bulimia… ahhhh… to eat and then just rid myself of it! I thought it might be the perfect solution to let me have the best of both worlds. I’m thankful that I never had the “strength” to force myself to throw up. Just couldn’t do it. Didn’t sound like fun. Back to that instant gratification and avoidance of all things unpleasant... I could handle the instant gratification of the binge... but ewww.... the purge was just more than I could bring myself to do! Thank goodness!

I can’t remember a time in my life that I’ve intentionally missed a meal. EVER! I know that I HAVE missed meals, but never because I’ve deprived myself of them. I guess I’m afraid that if I gobble up my MF meals every three hours and find myself OUT of meals by bedtime I’ll just DIE! I’ll have to delay instant gratification… and I just suck at that! Must find a way to get over this fear… I know it’s important that I don’t miss a supplement and slow my weight loss. I need to do everything I can to prevent this body from rebelling against the healthiest thing I’ve committed myself to in years.

So… weight loss isn’t at the miraculous 10# per week that I’d like… but I KNEW when I started this that I wouldn’t get to my goal of 65# before my wedding date. So how the heck can I be expecting a string of 10# weeks?! I know I’m not going to lose 65# in 16 weeks, so why would I expect scale readings to say I’m on track to lose all of that in 6 ½ weeks?!
The brain & scale is tricksy my precious! Cruel scale hurts us. Master brain tricks us.

Strange side-effect I’ve notice for me – I am actually looking forward to finishing this upcoming week and adding a little light exercise! Yes! The ultimate couch potato (you are whatcha eat!) WANTS to finish up week 3 so that she can ADD exercise to her routine! I normally hate exercise! Seriously, anything that requires workin’ up a bit of a sweat (and that doesn’t take much for me) is avoided at all costs! But I WANT to break out the recorded Yoga video tapes I have. I WANT to start working on the Winsor Pilates tapes I’ve had sitting on a shelf of the closet for about 2 years in original packaging! I WANT to throw on some sweats and go for a walk around the neighborhood! Yikes! Can this be true? I WANT to exercise?

[bikipatra]

I missed a shake yesterday too. I had a shake at 8pm and was going to have my 5th closer to my bed time which is usually 11pm or 12. I accidentally passed out in my clothes sometime right after 10...didn't get to brush my teeth or moisturize! I typically don't get much exercise and yesterday I walked 20 blocks then went to the mall. I was exhausted! It was nice not to suffer from insomnia though.

[Principessa]

bikipatra,
That's exactly it! On about three nights I have come home, had a supplement and then curled up on the sofa to "relax" and have fallen asleep! Oops! Not sure what to do in those situations!

[bikipatra]

It is almost 10:30 and I almost did it again-fell asleep without drinking my last shake. I guess it is kind of good in one respect. You really do stop being hungry after a while. I remember in my first day or two praying to God to let sleep come I was in such agony with hunger. I was miserable! Now I have to force myself to get all the supplements in...things change! Night everyone...see you tomorrow!

[Principessa]

Today was tough. It's Day 18 and I KNOW that I wasn't hungry, but MAN did I want to cheat? I kept opening the refrigerator, and there is nothing in there that is completely off plan, so I wanted to go nuts and over-do the lean and green. I didn't, but I was sooo tempted. I seem to have hit a stall this week. I keep getting on the scale hoping that it will tell me that I'm wrong, but it doesn't. I jump off before it comes to a final weight but the digital display is in numbers that are over a lb. over my weigh-in weight on Sunday. I had promised myself that I wouldn't weigh except on Sunday mornings, but I blew that this week. And now I have no idea how my weight was fluctuating during those first two weeks, so I can't find any solace there.

It's only week three... it just doesn't seem fair to have a stall already. And it's hard working through it, since I haven't dropped a full size yet. The thoughts... "Why am I even doing this if it's not working?" etc. "WHY can't I go to the Wendy's drive-thru if I'm not losing anyway?" "What about ONE glass of wine. Will that really be so bad?". Those little thoughts were HARD to work through... and I finally had to just lie down and go to sleep. Couldn't handle being awake and wanting to eat off plan. It helped... but I know that until this stall is broken it's going to be tough going.

Also, today was an emotional day. I've struggled with clinical depression for the last 8 years (usually without meds) but for almost a year I've been in denial that I'm not in control of it. For me, the signs that I'm really in a bad place are when I don't take care of every day tasks or avoid getting things done that I really should do for work. Like I don't get around to paying the bills, even though the money to cover them is in the bank. Or I don't pick up the apartment and have to step over stuff that I have just left on the floor instead of putting away. Very pathetic. Very disgusting and embarrassing to me.

Well today at work I got called into the principal's office during my prep period. Yikes! Turns out that I had neglected to proofread the Prom tickets (I'm the advisor for it this year) and there were some pretty embarrassing mistakes (although I guess I assumed that they would be great since they were written by a Junior HONOR student!). I apologized profusely and the principal told me that really she's more worried about ME than about the oversight. She said that I really haven't seemed like myself all year, and she thought that it was due to the stress I must be under with getting José's fiancé visa approved so that he can immigrate here and planning the wedding and everything.

I broke down in tears. I told her about the struggles with depression and how I thought that I had been doing a better job than I am about keeping it AWAY from work issues. She asked if I was currently on meds and I told her that I wasn't. She said that if I could get in to see my doctor this afternoon that she would be sure that my classes were covered. I got an appointment for tomorrow and took the day off, but it was quite a blow to realize that I've let my problems with depression escalate to this point. I KNOW that these feelings are related to the desire to eat off plan (that mixed with the stall).

Rough day! Just glad I didn't hit the drive-thru! (Still sounds good though!)

[bikipatra]

Mary, I am so sorry you are having a rough time. I have been struggling with depression my whole life. I have been on and off meds for it since 1995. I am taking meds now and they help, but are not a cure-all, as you know. Some days it is just hard to get out of bed. I have done the step over stuff instead of picking it too. It sounds like you are doing the foot work to get your illness under control. I am proud of you. Sometimes, just getting to the doctor is so hard. Be honest and take it easy. Best of luck.

[DonicaB]

Mary, what a heart-felt post. I just want to reach out and give you a great big HUG. There is not much I can do for you except pray. Believe me when I say that prayer has helped me deal with a great deal of depression in my life.

You have already shown such resolve in your life by being in control of the urges to go off of the plan. You have sooo much going on in your life right now that it must seem so overwhelming. HANG IN THERE MARY!!!!! You are on your way to a brighter day.

I don't think you should say that you allowed your despression to escalate. I think depression just has a way of creeping up and then BAM! hitting you right between the eyes. Look at how you have responded. You have already taken steps to climb back out of the hole of depression and I for one admire your strength.

You are a wonderful person. God Bless You Mary! I will be praying for you.

Donica B

[doglover]

Hey Mary. I can't say anything new that's not already been said. But know that I too am thinking and praying and supporting you along this journey.
Donna

[dlr2424]

Mary.........ditto to everyones responses.........many prayers .... ...and a HUGH hug for you.. ......all to well I can relate to you....... ....however.....meds could get you on track.....not a fix all..... ......but ease the overwhelming sensation.. ...please don't see them as a weakness.....depression is real.....if you had high blood pressure and had to go on meds...one wouldn't think twice.....but for some reason there is a pre concieved notion that if we are on depression meds....someone may think we are wack jobs .... ......You have so much going on in your life right now..........being on a diet itself can be overwhelming ......but look at you..........you analize the situation and don't give in to what could add more depression.......YOU ARE STRONG...YOU ARE NORMAL.....YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL....and YOU WILL PERSEVERE!!!!!!!!!!!......... ....
For me I found my depression to be the culprit of sugar... ....and once my body depleted itself from that evil and returned to a balance (thanks to Medifast) I was able to lower my dosage........now don't get me wrong.....when i'm overwhelmed I still struggle......and as far as paying the bills.....ohh ditto ..ditto
never an issue with money.........always more than enough in the bank...the problem lies in me being so analitical that if I don't have the amount of time I need to do them I put them off.........Thank God for automatic pay.... ....most all are taken care of now..... ....except for the Gas & electric...........and let me tell you a somewhat embarrasing moment....Tuesday they shut off my electric....... ....I wasn't home....the kids were.....they called their Dad & asked what was going on..........I wasn't to worried..it clearly had to be their error...I'm sure I paid it.... ....well guess what..... ....2 mos. in a row...Feb. & March when I
was writing out the check for Narr Electric I in error made it out to New Eng Gas..so I have a big credit on the gas bill and no payment on the electric .....ohh well.....my bad... ....first time in 23 years....I must have had my small brain up my big butt.... .... now I can't say my DH found it humerous at all.......
Sooo Mary.........take care of yourself........we all send all our thoughts & prayers..........xoxoxox...and if it's any consoleation my third week was a smidgen of a loss week....so keep the faith and keep on shakin....
Donna...dlr2424

[DonicaB]

Donna, you have such a wonderful outlook on life. I bet people say you radiate with joy.

Mary, my sister-in-law is a Christian author. One of her book is called Scandalous Grace. This book is all about the scorched places in our lives and how God can see beyond those places and love us any way. It is very encouraging to read. I would recommend it to you as she has dealt with depression as well and may be able to offer some hope to you in this book. Her name is Julie Barnhill. (on the book it will say Julie Ann Barnhill) If you would like a copy of this book but cannot find it or would just like to borrow a copy, I would be happy to get one for you.

DonicaB

[Principessa]

Thanks ladies for all of the support!

Bikipatra, it’s always nice to hear from someone who understands the ridiculous struggles depression can bring.

Sometimes, just getting to the doctor is so hard.

This part is soooo true for me. Actually, reminds me that I need to get to the dentist too. I had a crown put on in the fall, and I think there is something wrong with it, but since it doesn’t really hurt I haven’t done anything about it. Now that I think about it… even when that tooth did cause pain before the crown it took me months to make it to the dentist.

Doglovin’ Donna – thanks so much for the hug. I needed that!

Donna dlr – thanks for the pep talk!

meds could get you on track.....not a fix all..... ......but ease the overwhelming sensation.. ...please don't see them as a weakness.....depression is real.....if you had high blood pressure and had to go on meds...one wouldn't think twice.....but for some reason there is a pre concieved notion that if we are on depression meds....someone may think we are wack jobs

I don’t think I have ever really thought of the meds as signifying that I’m a wack job… my actions are enough of an indicator of that! But really, I find that the main reason why I usually go without meds is that I’m too freaking lazy to go get a refill when I need one! Also, sometimes for months at a time I really feel like I’m doin’ fine. And then BAM, I’m under again.

and as far as paying the bills.....ohh ditto ..ditto
never an issue with money.........always more than enough in the bank...the problem lies in me being so analitical that if I don't have the amount of time I need to do them I put them off.........Thank God for automatic pay.... ....most all are taken care of now..... ....except for the Gas & electric...........and let me tell you a somewhat embarrasing moment....Tuesday they shut off my electric....... ....I wasn't home....the kids were.....they called their Dad & asked what was going on..........I wasn't to worried..it clearly had to be their error...I'm sure I paid it.... ....well guess what..... ....2 mos. in a row...Feb. & March when I
was writing out the check for Narr Electric I in error made it out to New Eng Gas..so I have a big credit on the gas bill and no payment on the electric .....ohh well.....my bad... ....first time in 23 years....I must have had my small brain up my big butt.... .... now I can't say my DH found it humerous at all.......

I think in the last two years I’ve had the power turns off FOUR times! Always called them right up and paid and they had me back up and running within a few hours, but it’s so embarrassing to let things like that happen! Phone and TV too! Yikes! Luckily, although my TV and cable internet access are with the same company they cut off ONLY the TV (at first?) when you don’t pay… so I turn on the TV… see the black screen and run to the computer to make a payment! Actually, my fiancé was visiting last spring when the power was cut off. He called me at work, clueless as to what was going on. I took care of it right away, but it was embarrassing that it was one of the first times that he’d seen how irresponsible I am with taking care of finances. I’d told him about it before, but we had one LONG discussion about finances after that!

...and if it's any consoleation my third week was a smidgen of a loss week....so keep the faith and keep on shakin....

I think that I might be a touch constipated. But since there isn’t much in there, it’s not uncomfortable, so I didn’t notice. Maybe that is part of the weight GAIN this week! I’ll just keep shakin’ and hoping for more losses to come soon.

Donica – thanks for the support. I ordered the book you mentioned off of Amazon just now.

I appreciate you ladies cheering me on through this! Thanks!

[kassilou]

Donica~
I saw Julie last fall at a Hearts at Home convention. She is a RIOT!! What a small world!

[DonicaB]

Kassilou, Julie and I were best friends in college and then we married brothers. I guess you know what the B stands for now. She is a riot, has always been a riot and will always be a riot. Needless to say family functions with her around are always fun.

She and I always have a healthy weight competition thing going. She managed to slim down some this past year so, of course, I had to do something. She doesn't know I am doing MF. I want to surprise her next time I see her, which I hope will be soon. (But not before I get smaller than her )

God gave Julie a true gift. She is not afraid to be honest about her own struggles and how they have affect her life. She just puts in out there and tells it like it is. She always wants women to know, they are NOT ALONE.

DonicaB

[Principessa]

Arrghhh!
Just got back from the doctor with a fresh perscription for Paxil, so that's good. But I wanted to inform her of my Medifast use and she's pretty skeptical. First, she's had her own battles with a few pounds (but definitely not obese like me) and in some ways I bet that she's a bit irked that her diet struggles haven't been as success as mine have been. The last time I saw hwer was in the middle of January, so now that it's a little over 3 months later and I'm down 15lbs. she's impressed with that... but naturally she's freaking out about the fact that I'm "starving myself" and she's worried that the higher protein diet is tough on kidneys. She said that I'm young and healthy enough for them to handle it, but when I'm 45 or 50 something like this would be tough on my kidneys with that much protein.

I said I wasn't sure exactly how much protein I was getting and she said that the body needs about 35g/day and that the MAXIMUM I should be taking in would be 1g protein/1 kg body weight. Then she tried to do quick math and told me that I shouldn't be having more than around 64g. Bad estimate on her part, because I came home and checked and the conversion right now from current weight in lbs. to kilograms says that I can have a little over 74 grams. I added up my 5 supplements for the day and that's 54g. So I still have another 20 left over before I max out on a lean and green. But I checked the protein in chicken and I guess I'm doomed by her calculations! Oh well... ain't stoppin' me now!

I'm getting ready to go to the monthly BBQ that the my department throws. I'm a bit nervous about it. Lots of choices for a lean and green, but it's the booze I'm worried about. I'm supposed to bring a side-dish or appetizer so I'm thawing a shrimp plate right now so that I'm at least bringing something that I can have a few bites of. I'm also worried about protion control. These pyromaniac science geeks can make some mean BBQ! I'm planning to stick to the plan, avoid the booze, and just eat a salad and a small portion of some grilled chicken. Yum!