The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[Principessa]

My journey…. My journal.

Warning: There is no point to made with this post… just my ramblings…

The quest to be a perfect 10! Okay… so a size 10 isn’t my final goal… and I plan to continue with the program to finally reach my 115 aim, but my first BIG goal is to get down to a size 10 by my wedding at the end of July! Getting beyond that would be great… but realistically, I just don’t expect to lose 65 lbs. In a little over 110 days.
Today is Day 12 on MF. I know that I will talk myself into a few slip-ups along the way, but by thinking ahead about them I plan to keep them in check.
Last weekend I ordered my wedding dress. It’s a simple number… white halter dress with a sweep train… no embellishments except a silk flower on the right hip and a tiny band of fabric where the bodice meets the skirt. It suits me… and I ordered it in the size 18W that fits me now. Didn’t want to tempt the Weight Loss Gods by ordering a size I haven’t seen since the 90’s…. and won’t it be fun to need MAJOR alterations?!!! Hate to even put that number on paper 18W… 18W… 18 Women’s…. but to me it’s 18 WIDE! And yes, I know that wedding dress sizing tends to run A LOT larger than street clothes sizes… but the fact is, I AM an 18W. I have other clothes in my closet that are 18W or 16W.
I remember when I first started really getting up there in the digits that would flash on the scale… I swore to myself that I wouldn’t let myself get big enough to need to shop in “specialty departments”. Hmmm…. missed that boat!
I’ve never been THIN… but for a 4’11” frame 180# is quite hefty!
I know that I have a weakness for food…. but a bigger weakness is doing ANYTHING that requires delayed gratification…
How is it that I can be the biggest procrastinator I know… yet I’m soooo freaking impatient? Today is tax day, April 15th… and I JUST filed my tax return this morning. I know I’m in the company of MANY, MANY fellow Americans… but the fact is that my finances are very simple… I don’t have real savings, and I’m too lazy to keep track of any deductions I could make, so I can simply do a Tele-file… and I have ALWAYS gotten a return. Why the heck would I procrastinate and delay getting a RETURN?! But that’s just my typical M.O.
Doin’ this MF thing seems pretty easy right now… and I’m preparing myself for the fact that it’s gonna get tough… and I’m going to beat myself up at some point with pity parties for letting myself get into this situation in the first place…. I’m going to face challenges with social situations… but I’m excited that I’ve found the TOOL I need to get me to goal… to dig myself out of this mess I’ve made of myself. I’m not fooling myself that MF is anything more than a finely honed tool, a chisel if you will, and that I have to make the decision to utilize it each and every day if I really want to chip away these layers of fat, of self-protection, my shell and release the masterpiece within. Having the TOOLS but keepin’ the tool box in the shed isn’t going to sculpt the goddess that lives in my soul… I gotta start chippin’ away… with my protective goggles in place to prevent any accidental injuries…
I’m posting these ramblings to keep myself on track… if no one reads it it doesn’t matter… I just want to keep myself accountable...

Procrastinating to the goal!

[LilMsTexas]

Hey Mary.........if it helps any at all........I FEEL YA! You took the words RIGHT out of my heart and put them up for all to see. Does it help to know you have kindred spirits living here with you that ALL feel the same way? I know I shouldn't say "I know how you feel" but truly I do, as I am experiencing this life right along with you. I used to say if my stomach ever "laid in my lap" that I would know it had gone to far and I would stop it immediately!! YEAH I MISSED THAT BOAT TOO! I used to look at really overweight people and think "How did you let this happen? Didn't you see it getting worse?" Well apparantly I DIDN'T!! And neither did you and neither did anyone else.

Thank you for posting your personally journey. I for one appreciate seeing the words I should have written for myself. And ya know what? You really don't HAVE to have a major fall........that really is a myth we tell ourselves in a way to give us permission for failing. Just because we've ALWAYS cheated doesn't mean we REALLY have to this time And your wedding dress sounds like simple elegance which is all it should be. The main focus should be on your radiant smile while you are staring into the eyes of the man who holds your future in his heart. I'll be looking forward to seeing your wedding pictures!
Have a great day!
Chris

[joysea]

Having the TOOLS but keepin’ the tool box in the shed isn’t going to sculpt the goddess that lives in my soul… I gotta start chippin’ away… with my protective goggles in place to prevent any accidental injuries

…

Mary, so very true! Thank you for speaking from the heart! I, too, am a kindred spirit! At least you are thinking this through now. I have struggled with weight issues since a child.

I am now going to be the mother of the bridegroom on July 16. I started Medifast on March 12, 2003, lost 83 pounds, gained 57 back. I restarted on March 5, 2005 and have lost 19.1 thus far. I have decided that my last weight goal was too low...thus more realistically have 23.8 left to go!

I, too, am a procrastinator. But I keep remembering that this day will pass whether I Medifast or not...so why not just DO IT!

And what I really keep telling myself when I really, really want to binge is this: one donut is too much, and a dozen is never enough. My "just one more binge" begets another, then another....the viscious cycle goes round and round. Depression, binge, depression....

BUT I have that beautiful "tool" - the one that we all have discovered here - MEDIFAST. And the other important component is this sculptors' union (to keep the metaphor going) - this forum where we all have the same profession...working on that "chiseling" process - finding that beautiful masterpiece under all this fat excess!!!

Oh, and the "piece de resistance" - our transitioners and maintainers. These are our completed works of art. And we are learing how to preserve these precious bodies by following a formulated protocol.

Just some ramblings, too.

I know you CAN do this, you WANT to do this and you WILL do this.

Thank you for sharing.

Joyce

[dlr2424]

Principessa.........thank you so much for sharing that... .....it is a quote I will keep forever........I can only Ditto Christi & Joyce....right now I am speechless.....that doesn't happen to often
my many prayers for your continued strength to conquer this journey and obtain your goal......
how exciting to look forward to matching your beautiful inner self to a healthy physical appearence...........
Donna...dlr2424

[bk]

Another shorty here! (4'10 3/4" to be precise). you should know that while maybe sixty five is a bit out of reach for 110 days, about 10 lbs less is totally achievable. I'm down 52 in 94 days. I think it's totally reasonable to expect around 40.

So, depending on the restocking policy, you may want to order an extra dress and leave it untouched until a month away from your big day! Then you can decide to alter the 18W or use the smaller one. I don't think it's tempting the WL gods -- I think it shows confidence in yourself!

Also, I think you will find you drop sizes WAY quicker than you expect. I started in very tight 22W jeans and now I have very loose (I had an emergency try to shrink my clothes session last night before going out!) 16W jeans. I have dropped a size just about every 3-3.5 weeks. It's because of the shortness!

[Principessa]

Thanks ladies for your responses!

I used to say if my stomach ever "laid in my lap" that I would know it had gone to far and I would stop it immediately!! YEAH I MISSED THAT BOAT TOO! I used to look at really overweight people and think "How did you let this happen? Didn't you see it getting worse?" Well apparantly I DIDN'T!! And neither did you and neither did anyone else.

I think that I did really see it getting worse… I just wasn’t willing to put in the effort to change it. Isn’t it amazing how differently things seem when you’re on the other side? I know I have thought that many a time about really overweight people. And now I KNOW how easy it is to ignore what’s happening and find yourself WAY above any weight you ever thought you’d be! But we’re changing that!

You really don't HAVE to have a major fall........that really is a myth we tell ourselves in a way to give us permission for failing. Just because we've ALWAYS cheated doesn't mean we REALLY have to this time

You’re right that I don’t HAVE to have a major fall… but there are some situations coming up where I do think I will make a PLANNED break from the plan.

Joyce… thanks for the support and response… You are so right, this forum will make all the difference! We’re gonna be FABULOUS by the time those July weddings roll around!

And Donna, YOU are one of the most beautiful people on this board, inside and out! I’ve been reading a lot of posts on here lately, and you always have the best attitude, thanks!

bk, my fellow super shortie! You are right that getting VERY close to my goal isn’t unreasonable. I’m hoping to lose four dress sizes by the wedding. Most of my start clothes were an 18, so getting down to a 10 by the wedding will be great. And according to your calculations I could be at an 8! Wouldn’t that be great!

Great job ladies on your continued weight loss! I’m so freaking excited about all of this!

[Principessa]

Day 13: Sometimes I feel nervous about my weight loss because so often I find that I’m not hungry at all, and actually feeling rather full. I’m not used to feeling FULL without gorging myself… so when I feel all filled up with water and a recent MF meal I get nervous that this isn’t working because I don’t feel hungry! Don’t get me wrong… I’m THRILLED that I’m feeling full without guilt… it just is a strange sensation to feel FULL and be on a weight loss plan and gets these kinds of results!
Tomorrow I’ll be weighing myself for the second time since starting Medifast. 13 days will have passed, and I’m nervous. I saw a 9.8# loss after 6 days, and I’m scared that I’ll be disappointed if I only see something like 2# or a gain or something. I can’t wait until tomorrow morning so that I’ll know one way or another. I guess somewhere in my brain I just expected to feel alot thinner after only two weeks! Silly me!
My fiancé lives is from Argentina and will finally be here on May 13th entering the U.S. on a K-1 Visa (fiancé visa). He’s here for good and I’m sooo excited! We’ve officially been a “couple” since the end of July 2003, and by the time we’re married we will have spent about 75% of our life as a couple in different countries. I haven’t seen José since Christmas break, and we’ve been anxiously anticipating this reunion. Just this morning I got an e-mail from him…. And it discouraged me some… here’s the part I’m talking about:
“About the diet, I'm proud of you and everything, but when
I get there you're not dieting that weekend. I arrive the 13th and you
go back to work on Monday or Tuesday, right? Well, those days you're
not dieting. I don't want you to think about it those days. We'll just
eat, get drunk, go out and don't worry about it, ok?”
In general, José is VERY supportive of the whole weight loss thing. He keeps it to himself usually, because his main interest is my happiness and he knows that my weight issues make me miserable. He tries not to mention the “diet thing” too much, because he knows I can get all neurotic and freak out and start questioning WHY he’s so supportive. He knows if he’s too encouraging I’ll get pissy and start asking questions like, “so, you think I’m too fat? You want me to be a little skinny thing for YOU, don’t you?” and other questions like that. So usually he’s just quietly supportive, but definitely supportive.
His comment kind of ticked me off. I get to decide when or if I go off plan! I get to decide what’s right for me with this. I get to decide if I think I’m strong enough to take a few days off from the plan and get right back on the train to thinville.
José is VERY skinny. Frankly, at times I’m surprised that I fell madly in love with a guy so skinny, because in the past I haven’t usually found myself attracted to such scrawny men. But Wowza! I am head over heals in love with the boy!
In the past we have always enjoyed eating together… and drinking together. Not drinking all the time… neither of us has an addiction to that… but we like to go out to our favorite little local bar about once a week and try to work a little on our list of “100 beers from around the world” there. Just a few at a time… and usually a burger or some pizza to go with it… and we like to indulge in some wine a few times a week with dinner… sometimes we’ll open a bottle of champagne just for the heck of it. (wow… it does sound like alot now!)
I’ve told José alot about the MF plan… and I told him that it’s going to take a lot of sacrifice on his part too, since things will be a bit different with eating and ALOT different with drinking… and he’s said that he’s fine with that, he’ll happily do whatever I need him to do so that I can make myself happier by losing weight.
I’m thrilled that our time apart is almost over… and I’m sooo looking forward to seeing him… but I’m scared that he’ll inadvertently sabotage my plan sometimes. He just doesn’t understand how hard this is. He’s never had to struggle with something like this.
I shared my concerns about going off plan… so I await his response.

[dlr2424]

Mary........i'm so happy for you and glad the love of your life will be joining you soon..... .....I believe you can be strong!!!.... ...you only have 55 lbs to go ......you can do this..... ....just let Jose' know how important this is to you.......i'm sure he will be supportive....and you can still go out to eat....have your lean & green at that time.....but the drinking.... ....well maybe you could save that for your honeymoon....you'll almost be at goal by then..... ...just think of how much fun that honeymoon will be..... ....you can be strutin around in your thinnie little body... ....with some new sexy lingerie..... ...and at that point you will then be grateful you stayed focused...you have a lifetime ahead of you.....those beers will be there another time as well...i'll will pray for your strength .......
Donna...dlr2424

[bk]

Look out world! We're going to have an 8/10 bride on our hands!! You know what, not one of my friends has said they don't have fun when we go out and I don't drink. Stay strong and he will learn to support you how you need to be supported. It doesn't mean that HE can't have a beer while you're out at a bar. It doesn't mean you both can't have fun! You've already started your plan and there's no reason to screw it up with a couple of nights of drinking. Just explain that it is dangerous for you to start & stop willy nilly, and dangerous to be drinking while you're on the plan. It's one thing if it's a choice, but it is not good for you to be doing that stuff. Maybe he'll understand then?

[Principessa]

Donna…. Hmmm… lingerie! I don’t think I even HAVE any of that right now! Well I do think I have a few things tucked away that are WAY too small… and a few baby doll numbers I picked up about 30# ago in an effort to look feminine AND mask the big ol’ belly… unsuccessfully! I can look forward to buying lingerie! I think I’m gonna pull a few of those things out and hang one up on the back of the bedroom door… just for inspiration!

bk – you’re right… he will be supportive with whatever I decide. And he wouldn’t dream of trying to pressure me if I really don’t want to go off plan. I’m just sad, anticipating the look of disappointment in his sweet face when I tell him that I’m stickin’ with it. He’ll be happy that I have such resolve, and happy that I’m doing what’s best for me… but both of us will be disappointed that we can’t indulge together for awhile.
The fact is… the more I think about having a weekend of sinful abandon… of eating and drinking whatever I want… it’s just so freaking tempting! I just wish he hadn’t put that option out there… I wish he hadn’t suggested a planned break from the program. I want pasta! Or pizza! Or Mexican! Or my all-time favorite – BURGERS! And I know the damage it would do. Right now I know that if I took a break I’d be scarfing down everything in sight… trying to get in all the things that I miss… it would be DISASTEROUS! I just don’t have the resolve right now to do a sensible maintenance type of break from the plan. So I know I need to keep with the program. I can do as you suggested and just have a lean and green when we go out and skip the alcohol. I just don’t wanna! And the little kid inside of me that HATES to wait for anything is P.O.ed that I’m not listening to her! That’s gonna be a joyful, but tough weekend!

[DonicaB]

Hi Mary. I was away for only one day and wow I missed a lot. You and I started at about the same time. I love reading your post because you speak so honestly about how you feel.

You are going to look beautiful on your wedding day, no matter what size the dress says because you are a beautiful person. It is easy to see your beauty just by reading your post. Your fiance is a very blessed man for finding such a passionate person to spend his life with.

God Bless You!

DonicaB

[Principessa]

Donica - we are definitely gonna need to keep tabs on one another! We have almost the same start date and about the same amount to lose! Fun times!

Day 15: Well I just started a new thread on the Weight Loss board for all of us Medifasters to start tallying up new losses from today until the first official day of summer! Hope that between now and then I'll have at least another 20 lost to contribute to that... more would be great, but 20 more lbs. in 9 more weeks is nothing to sneeze at!

Talked to the fiance... we met online last night (just costs too dang much to use the phone very often to call South America! Even with the best plan I could find I seem to only be able to get 19 cents/min to Argentina!) It took alot of explaining... but I think he finally gets the fact that I CAN'T go off this plan whenever I feel like it and expect to keep seeing results! No "No Man's Land" for me! Seriously... I think I'll need to get beyond my half way mark to even start to weigh LESS than the boy! He's just CLUELESS with what a struggle losing weight is! Ultimately he's VERY supportive, but it took me awhile to get him around to gettin' this whole thing... he threw quite the pity party when I made it clear that I can't go out drinking with him! His comment: "all I know is, I see tons of thin people, myself included, that drink all the time". YES silly boy! I do too! But I can't GET to the point where I can be a thin person sitting there drinking if I drink while I'm doin' it! And I see thin people in restaurants all the time, eatin' my favorite foods, and it doesn't seem to pork them up! I can't do that right now either!

All of this came AFTER I mentioned that I had just realized that I could easily still prepare him fajitas (he loves pseudo mexican food!) while I'm still on this, because for a lean and green I can have chicken, bell peppers and onions sauteed in calorie free I Can't Believe It's Not Butter spray and even do some of the seasoning (the stats on the packaging read almost exactly like those on the Medifast Caesar Salad dressing except for a much higher sodium content - more water and no boullion or pickles for me on those days!) so I can have the filling for fajitas and he can do the tortillas and cheese without me. He said that sounded good... but then proceeded to whine about me not being able to drink! Arrghhh! He's got it now though! I think.

[bikipatra]

Men, but especially men from a diferent country and/or culture are SO CLUELESS! I know! I married a Brit, my mother married my dad, a Mexican, and my sister married a Salvadoran! We just can't marry Americans! My husband has been at the computer with me when I ordered my Medifast, I have explained the concept to him and he STILL offers me whatever he is eating. And I am so TIRED of people telling me what makes you fat. I sat on a bar stool listening to a washed up lush tell me that BEER didn't make me fat, alcohol doesn't do that, it was my eating. I've got news for you, if you drink a case, a CASE-24!!!, of beer everyday for a year, the calories add up. That's what I was drinking at my worst! We just have to hold dear to us what we know to be true and what REALLY works for us because people will SAY anything! And if I feel like having a Stouffer's family sized lasagna and bottle of wine, if I talk to enough people, someone will give me permission! But to thine own self be true.

[Principessa]

Ewwww... GROSS!
I was taking a nice, long leisurely bath today and as lay back in the tub I ran my hands over my belly (the place where I store the most fat). And my belly is all rough and wrinkly feeling! My stretch marks aren't stretched to the hilt now, so the skin is looser and I feel all bumpy! And the suckers are a bit rosy in color now that they aren't stretched so tightly that they go white!
VERY positive feeling since I somehow thought that after 14 lbs. my belly would miraculously be firm and tone (j/k)... so noticing the rough stretch marks is suck and affirmation! Mah bellay is shrinkin'! Wahooo!
Bummer though... this shoots the whole string bikini dream to H*LL if I'm gonna be a rosy and wrinkly from the shrinkage!

Bikipatra - men from foreign countries are sometimes so different! You're right at that! And Jose comes from Argentina... land of the wafer thin anorexic models. Seriously, when I go there it is a total bummer that at 65lbs. overweight I am almost ALWAYS the fattest chick in my age group out on the town! I swear, pretty much the only fat people I see there are at least middle-aged, and I'm only 31! Much safer on my ego to be in my classroom and see the tragedy of many teen girls headed toward obesity. Oops... did I say that?

Sidenote: It seems that in my classroom the girls are either tiny little things or are already struggling with obesity. Makes me very sad to picture the road ahead of them. Hopefully as they see my weight loss they'll be inspired to start changing some of their habits NOW!.

Jose's experience with watching girls around him diet is that for awhile (usually in spring) they eat almost nothing... drink a bunch of coffee and yerba mate tea (typical in Argentina, but also a fairly decent appetite suppressant) and smoke alot of cigarettes. They slim down for summer... and tend to starve themselves on a regular basis... and to him (not having lived with one of them) they don't seem to struggle much. Besides... we're talking small weight losses like 10-15lbs. here!

I guess since rampant obesity seems to be mostly an American problem, many foreigners just don't undertand the struggle with food addiction. Frankly I don't either! But we're workin' on it!

[DonicaB]

Mary, I can totally relate with the belly thing. I get grossed out when I lay on my side and my stomach lays next to me. Or when I am sitting up straight and my stomach is laying on my lap. I am committed to getting rid of my stomach, at least the one that seems to be a separate entity from me. (me & my stomach)

As you said, we are workin' on it. And we are going to keep working on it. The reality is we will be working on it our whole lives. Even when we reach our goal, go through transition, and then maintenance, we will be working on it.

We CAN do it.

DonicaB