The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[Lauren]

Back from Aruba, safe and sound, and just the teensiest bit tan (I'm so light, I wear 45 spf the whole time!). Great trip with the family and friends, and had some really good daily exercise at their upgraded gym! I realized how pathetic (in a funny way, I hope) I am at the sheer joy and thrill I got when I saw they doubled the size of their gym and got all new equipment too! Heaven to start the day that way!

Eating went very well, I still lugged a ton of my MF products, as well as going to the grocery store upon arrival and picking up fresh veggies and fruits and yogurt to put in our fridge. And the food in Aruba is great, the fish is out of this world, and they're extremely accomodating with putting out the meals the way I request. Love that!

Strange, strange, strange thing: my mom told me I was too thin. (actually, "skinny" was her word)

This is coming from a woman who has been thin forever, and for whom my weight challenges always frustrated/saddened/angered the most. Who I had fights with about my weight for nearly all my life. Why I was a closet eater. Why I was a silent binger. Who I felt most ashamed to be fat around. But also who has always been a loving, nurturing, and fantastic mom. She just happens to be naturally beautiful, homecoming queen when younger, classy, proud, brilliant, and all in all, a totally intimidating woman! :-) I just can not explain to you how my whole universe seemed to flip when she said this to me. I think I laughed out loud. And then I got a little defensive, I told her I wasn't trying to lose more weight, I just happened to have dropped a few more pounds because I started mix up my workouts to more interval training, and my body responded by dropping weight. So, yeah, I am the lowest I've ever weighed (down 170 lbs from my top weight), but really on just a couple lower then when she last saw me. It just happens to be that my face gets very angular and shows the weight loss most prominently. I am not too skinny, still very much in the healthy weight range, not even on the lowest end of it, and still eat a TON of food! I just think it's so foreign to her (still), even though she finally admitted on this trip that she is getting used to seeing me as thin now, where before, every time she saw me, she was happily surprised! :-) The whole thing was just wild. I can't explain it.

Anyway, just goes to show you we still get NSVs years after the weight loss, and this one was a doozy!!

Keep on keepin' on, folks!

Lauren

[Tawanda]

Lauren, what a mix of emotions you must have felt during that conversation. Good for you for seeing/realizing that it was a NSV and for explaining the facts to your mom. She must be very happy that you've made such huge changes in your lifestyle and have so many healthy habits.

Your vacation sounds like it was wonderful.

[nickieluv]

I'm sure I would have been more than just a little defensive. The words 'what can I do to make you happy if you're upset when I'm thin AND when I'm fat' come to mind.

A great NSV and from your Mom, too - that most important of all people (I have to say that because I am one ).

Jealous of the vacation!

[nickieluv]

I mean jealous ABOUT the vacation. Jealous OF you for going.

[Lauren]

Thanks, T and Nicks!

Yes, a wide range of emotions indeed. The weirdest part was that for a fleeting moment I felt, I don't know, guilty(?) for having lost weight. Actually, that's been happening more lately with folks. They kind of tell me I look great but it's sounding simultaneously complimentary AND accusatory. Like, it was really cool while I was losing all the weight, and they were really happy for me during the process, but now it's getting old? Ha. I can't explain it. And please please please do not take any of this commentary as conceited, I truly don't mean it like that. I mean that when my weight loss was new, everyone was psyched and wonderful, but I think that people didn't anticipate my maintaining it, so now there seems to be the slightest twinge of resentment (more from people who have a few pounds to lose). Or, maybe I'm being paranoid - totally possible! :-)

The reality is that no matter how long I maintain (and I hope it's a really long time, but we all know the research!), I will always feel like a fat girl who lost weight. I still don't feel like a thin person. I kind of just feel like I am hanging out temporarily in a thin world, like I got a back stage pass, and I am not sure when it expires! haha

If this makes sense to anyone, by all means, let me know!

Anyway, thanks for understanding, and listening.

Oh, and Nicks, you have a great vacation coming too, so no need to be jealous about it or of me or of it or about me! hahah

Lauren

[nickieluv]

I hate to be negative, but I bet there are people out there who saw you lose weight and said to themselves 'well, it won't last.' And now they might be put off because it IS lasting, especially if they themselves have more to lose.

As someone who strives to be a former fat girl, I find it gives me hope to see you maintaining for so long. Don't think that it might expire, or you might make it a self-fulfilling prophecy, you know? Tough balance there, between being confident that you won't gain it back, but not getting cocky and starting to slide. But you always sound like you have embraced your new lifestyle and are not just waiting for an excuse to eat cake - so I think (imho) that you will be fine for good!