The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[Tawanda]

I felt dirty and mean hearted in writing yesterday's post. I am frustrated by the situation but unwilling to take the steps to change things. I am unwilling because I do not believe that it would change anything in a positive manner, that it would only hurt my mother and that would make me feel horrible and have more guilt added to what I already feel at times. So....it isn't often that I vent about it, guess it is like a tea kettle, I became so hot that I spit, sputtered and whistled.

Mom did call me late yesterday afternoon to say that she did call (YES!!!), she did talk to the specialists' nurse (YES!!!) and that the doctor's response was that there would be a prescription called to a local pharmacy for her. She is to call their office back in one week to give a report and if she isn't quite a bit better, then he needs her to come in (YES!!!).

Her making a long distance phone call was a big deal (she calls so seldom that she discontinued her long distance service and I bought her a calling card----she has only used it a couple times in 3 or so years so she is apprehensive about all of the numbers and voice prompts and following the instructions to make the call). Her calling the doctor was a big deal (to me). I felt proud of her and so relieved that it was ridiculous. I do count me telling her 'no' when she wanted me to make the call, as a bit of tough love. I could not relate what she has been feeling, her symptoms or answer the questions that the nurse/doctor would need to know unless I was right beside her and there was no reason why she wasn't capable of making the phone call herself (other than she didn't want to do it).

So......that is now done (thank heavens). I do feel a bit better about things, I feel like I have more breathing room and not so much pressing on my shoulders.

The babies slept well last night, they are just waking up and chattering to each other (sharing stories about their dreams? LOL ). They will call me to come get them up soon (they are good about playing for a bit when they first awaken and don't expect to be taken out of their beds). I bought a nursery monitor so I can hear and watch them on a little video screen. Funny little ones!

So, yesterday.....program compliance..........and all my water...........Hmmmm, let me just leave that at --- no, didn't happen. I didn't do 'horrible' but I was not 100% program compliant.

I do believe that my body is doing well at 145-147#. But ........ Oh I don't know what to do or think about it! So until I figure it out differently----

Day 1 (again)

[aquarianskye]

T, I'm so glad to hear that you're feeling a little better emotionally. I'm glad that your mom called the dr. You said you feel bleh about what you said yesterday but sometimes venting is exactly what needs to happen. Even about things that you cannot change.

I also wanted to say that you are such an inspiration to me. I know that I don't post here much but I always read your journal and listen to your journey. You truly inspire me and I just want you to know that.

[Tawanda]

Skye, thank you. I am concerned about how my struggles and sharing affects others' journey....if it brings them down or trips them up when I've shared that I, once again, wasn't compliant. I wonder if it would be better if I just didn't share those times, or if I kept quiet about any struggles. During the many, many months that I was program compliant I did not understand when others posted that they just couldn't keep themselves committed. Then my fall from compliance and my continued jumping off of program. I have been battling the same blessed pounds since mid-September. Incredibly foolish of me and the amount of money, time and energy I've wasted by being 'on program part of the time'. Stupid!!

So......thanks for the kind words.

Babies were tired, rubbing their eyes and cranky so I put them down for a nap almost 1 hour ago...Yep, they are playing and not at all acting like they need a nap. Guess it is time to put the computer away and play with them for a couple more hours.

Hope it is a good day for all.

[AmazonQueen]

I just want to personally say thank you for posting your ups and downs, I dont feel it trips others up but rather helps us to realize that at some point we are all human and will be tempted, but you also get on the wagon and even if it is part time you are showing you havent thrown in the towel. So from me I say that I am proud of you!

[rodeomom]

I believe that there are always times when EVERYONE wants to buy a bucket of ice cream and dig in and if you don't like ice cream fill in the blank with your trigger food. I also know that when I first started MF, I felt like I must have been the only fool that craved something so badly that I just couldn't get it out of my head or that I was the only one who wanted to just give up and binge when the stress of life got to be too much. Once I started looking at journals and realized that I wasn't the only one, I felt relieved and comforted that at least I wasn't alone.

What you are going through with family is difficult and those of us who are emotional eaters will all agree that staying on plan during a time like that would be nearly impossible. Coming here and realizing that someone else is under a BUNCH of stress and is still on plan (basically) makes me believe that I can do it to. That is what we call inspiration!!!

Only you know the best way to deal with the things that are going on around you and it sounds to me like you are doing a good job of it. Now go get a drink of water and pat yourself on the back!

[lifelovinaries]

t, don't ever think that your posts trip people up. I think they show the reality of the situation for alot of us... We all have to deal with issues, just different issues. It is inspiring to see what you and others have to deal with along with the weightloss battle. You show a lot of effort in "giving it another go", even if that "go" lasts for a few days at a time. Keep plugging along lady, it will come. At least some weight on your shoulders has been lifted with your situation with your mother. I'm glad to hear that you have experienced a little relief. You seem to find so much joy in your grandchildren and it's always a beautiful thing to hear (actually, read )

[Sojourner]

((((((((((((((((:hug:)))))))))))))))

[Tawanda]

I skipped weighing this morning (didn't want to see the bad news and didn't want to face my reality). I may not weigh tomorrow either and skip roll call completely.

Plan today is eyes forward, shaker jar primary and water bottle in hand.

Uh-huh.......never said, heard or read that before from me--- If it weren't so sad, maddening and stupid I'd be laughing at myself!

(P.S. Spoke to mom last night, she said she is feeling better.....hope it is true. Oh, she only told the nurse about part of her problem, she failed to mention to the nurse & doctor that she has been bleeding for weeks...... huge sigh of frustration happening here, but it doesn't surprise me a bit).

[holberry]

[Tawanda]

I received another phone call this morning about mom's condition. The complaint (this time) was that she is miserable, in pain and that she didn't tell the doctor about the bleeding & pain.

Hellooooooooo?! What do you expect ME to do about this????? Why are you calling ME??? You weren't successful in getting her to do what you wanted her to do so you think I'll be any more successful??

I was furious and weary of it all. Why dump this on my shoulders? Her health, her choices. Even though I do not agree with how she is handling this......it is her choice and until she is senile and can no longer live or function on her own----it is her business until she asks someone to help her out.

Big sigh. I phoned her......said I had received another phone call......and she became growly (that is where I got it from!! Genetic growly-ness!!! ) She said she wasn't as bad as my (older) sibling described her as being and that she wished they would just mind their own business.

So........just about half way through my day and I've stuck to program through the growling. There is hope for the day.

[GucciGoo]

I'm sorry you are going through such a hard time right now. How about a small treat to make you feel like you are cheating? Something *almost* compliant, like a dollop of Cool Whip on top of your shake? Ok, I know I am going to be yelled at for suggesting that. Never mind.

My thoughts are with you.

[Tawanda]

LOL on your suggestion Beth---would have been much better had I 'treated' myself in that way instead of the choices I've made over the last couple days....not 'horrible choices' (I ate the same dinner as I made for DH last night instead of having my usual chicken breast salad---so meatloaf, AuGratin potatoes and green beans).....but not on program either. Did have some other foods during the last two days that are not allowed on program---thus the post that I put in roll call and will put below.....

Wow congratulations to everyone for their losses and/or their accountability.

I've been stupid (once again) and turned back to eating to solve my frustrations/problems. It does not work, hasn't ever worked, will not ever work....but the stupid part is that I just continue to pretend it will make a positive difference if I do it.

I know much of my gain this week is fluid retention (rings won't come off).....and I truly considered not weighing and not reporting if I did weigh. But this journey for me is about learning and being accountable, to myself especially, instead of hiding when I make these foolish choices (over and over and over and..........).

So.....with embarrassment and shame I am reporting a gain this week of 4.5# .

[lifelovinaries]

well we will chalk it up to stress and water! God allowed you to wake up this morning with the ability to start again. You will get there T. Stress affects us in so many ways, it tinkers with our metabolism, it tinkers with our mentality and outlook on things, it allows us to make choices that we shouldn't necessarily make if we weren't stressed. You've seen the 4.5 on the scale and it's now time to turn it around. You can control IT! IT does not control you. So many times we do things over and over again, nowng what the outcome will be. We can only pray that the little lightbulb comes on in time so we see reality. Here's a little lightbulb for ya because you can still see the light at the end of the tunnel. Hang in there. It's hard to suggest the next part but do you think it would help if you didn't post for a while? Maybe this would allow you to focus on ONLY YOU. For me, it works just the opposite ~ i NEED to post to get me thru sometimes~ but not posting seems to be what some others try. Maybe it would help relieve some of the stress of "telling on yourself" (if that bothers you). I don't know, just a suggestion and don't get me wrong, i am not trying to chase you away! Just trying to help in anyway i can.

[lifelovinaries]

had to add this...i know you are struggling right now T, and i hate to see it but just think of all of the support that you provide to us around here! Your "mommy ways" have gotten me thru a lot and sometimes the post was not even directed at me. So i just wanted to say "thanks for being here".

[Tawanda]

Hi Erica, I wrote a reply a few hours ago but lost it when I hit submit (took to long too compose it I guess). Anyway, I do understand what you were saying and I've wondered if stepping back from the forums might help me. Thank you for your input.

I just have no idea what will be the answer --- other than me not giving up or giving in (into my food desires completely). I'll just keep working on changing what I choices I have been making.

Today has been compliant but water drinking very poor. This morning DH and I took a long (2.5 hour) walk on the logging roads nearby so I did get some exercise. One more supplement left to have and lots of water to drink.