The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[bikipatra]

As long as you are still in contact with me, you have my permission to take as much time as you need. I understand your frustration. Because I have lots of free time, I read every post. This morning it took almost two hours to get through all the posts.

[Karli]

Hi, Tawanda. Well, I will just say "been there done that" -- and, I think it's probably healthy, actually, what you are feeling and what you are saying. Everybody needs this place differently, and we each have to figure out what that is for us individually, and it sounds like you are doing that !

Take care !
Karli

[Tawanda]

Thanks.

I still don't understand how I'm feeling. I'm just unsettled, over whelmed, tired of things that I use to enjoy and feeling the need to move on to -----------to what? I have no idea.

Yesterday was okay, nothing special about it. I went into town, did a little bit of window shopping and even tried on a buttery soft leather car coat. I loved the coat, even went back to the store a second time to try it on again. I decided against buying it because of 1). the cost and 2) the sleeve length wasn't quite right which I knew would bug the juice right out of me. It had slits about 2-3" long at the wrist, I believe it was so the bottom of the sleeve could be cuffed (folded up). Cuffed the sleeves felt bulky and were too short. Left down, the slit bugged me and the sleeves were a tad bit too long. The store doesn't have tailoring and finding a seamstress, who would do great with leather, in my tiny town would be difficult. So I walked away. The coat was a size Medium!!!

I came home, and within a few hours I started looking for something to eat...........

This is part of what I wrote in Biki's journal this morning........
My 'binges' are sad, sorry affairs. Usually MF food or such small quantities compared to how I use to 'snack' or eat. Extra shake, extra bars, a fig newton, a string cheese........

The thing that bugs me is that I made it for 5 months without a slip up (meaning without eating off plan). Now I'm lucky to make it for a week without sneaking a bite here and there.

Last night was a 4 bar night. The day hadn't been especially hard or bad, but I was just unsettled all day, beginning in the a.m. when I visited here.

Maybe if I understood what I was really thinking and feeling I'd do better at avoiding these times..........but, at the moment that I'm searching for something to eat, I don't care.

I also had a 1/2 cup of chocolate chip mint ice cream---not at all on the MF program. It was delicious, of course, but eating it did not soothe my feelings, did not fulfill whatever 'need' I was feeling (I knew this as soon as I finished it....."well, that didn't do it").

So if ice cream and other foods don't take care of the reason I'm eating off program..........why in the world am I not remembering that fact and just sticking to the program during these times?!

I've got to figure this out because if I do not, I believe that I will continue to attempt to soothe my life with food----which is something that I do NOT want to do any longer.

Dang! But this becoming a person with a 'healthy' relationship with food, is a tough one!

I will succeed.........and I need to start reading/remembering what I have in my sig line.......sheesh!

Oh, 155.5# today (wonder if that will be the amount tomorrow ...I'd better be pushing the water consumption).

[bikipatra]

I'm going to go crazy on the water today too after all those glasses of Ovaltine. I can usually get rid of carb weight in a day if I drink huge amounts of water.

[DogMa]

I wish I'd learn to just feel the feelings and cope with them as they come (and cope with the reason I have the feelings) instead of eating.

As usual, I'm late to chime in (and I haven't even read what was said between then and now yet) ... but T, I don't think you've had TIME to feel the feelings. You're so busy running around, taking care of everyone else, how can you possibly have time to sort out your feelings, let alone deal with them appropriately??

And for heaven's sake, take all the time you need. You focus so much on taking care of your family, the last thing you need right now is to focus on taking care of all of US, too. Spend some time on yourself - you're well worth it!

[katesmom]

Good Morning Tawanda

Sure hope you have a "sparkling day" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Serendipity]

Dang! But this becoming a person with a 'healthy' relationship with food, is a tough one!

T, I'm coming to realize that I will never have a healthy relationship with food. I will always be fighting the battle in my head, eating too much and the wrong things at times, feeling guilty for it, cutting back to make up for it, etc., etc., etc.......ad nausium. My progress is in accepting that fact and moving on, managing this affliction in my thin life. So far so good.

[nickieluv]

Hi Tawanda;

I know it's all been said already, but I wanted to chime in. I understand the pressure of reading all the posts - feeling like you have to be uber-forum-person and support one and all - but we're human. Some days I read more, some days less. There are a few journals I always go to no matter what (that list has expanded a bit lately actually) but I know I'm neglecting the newbies. No, it's not fair of me to do that, but I'd go nuts if I read everything - especially today, after being gone for several days - I'm skipping lots of stuff.

You do what you can - and if on Monday that means reading and responding to every post, and Tuesday it means just popping in for a 'self-report' as you called it, and Wednesday you don't come on at all, so be it.

Take a break, please. No one, either here or in your 'real life,' wants to see you so overwhelmed. And you'll never figure out what's bothering you if you're filling every moment taking care of others. Step back - you'll be better off for it, I believe that completely. Ask for a week with no grandbabies. After two days that may be enough and you'll want to go see them - of course you can. But have seven blessed days carved out with no pressures and just be with yourself for a while - in that week you can do whatever you want, and if that includes watching babies then do it - but make sure it's what you WANT, not just what you're willing to do for your family. You give so much and you deserve peace.

[Tawanda]

I've spent so much time reading this morning that I need to finish up fast and get myself out of this chair within a couple minutes......

Weight this morning 154.5 -- a new all time low and I cannot remember how many years it has been since I've seen that number.......

Weird how this is so very thin compared to how much I have weighed for years, but yet I feel 'overweight'.

I actually looked for my reflection in mirrors, store windows and any other reflective surface while out shopping a couple days ago. Marveling at 'that is me!' .

Anyway, thank you for the comments.

[bikipatra]

Congrats on the low weight. I am a pound above my lowest MF weight. Maybe tomorrow.

[DonnaS]

Congratulations T on the new low weight. Have a good and restful weekend.

[Lisa145]

Congratulations, Tawanda on your new all-time low!!!! That's wonderful!!!!

Have a great, relaxing and underwhelmed weekend.


~Lisa

[Mickeyz]

Congrats on your weight! You must be looking mighty fine! Would love to see a new picture in some sassy outfit.

I can't imagine weighing in at the mid 150's. My goal is 165 and I'm tempted to lower it to 155, but I think I'll wait.

[bikipatra]

Congrats on your weight! You must be looking mighty fine! Would love to see a new picture in some sassy outfit.

I can't imagine weighing in at the mid 150's. My goal is 165 and I'm tempted to lower it to 155, but I think I'll wait.

I weigh 152 pounds and you look smaller than I do, so 165 might be a goal that will stick.

[Tawanda]

Weight yesterday for roll call was 154, today 155.5 For my lean I had some Jenni-O Turkey burger patties.....don't know if that contained sodium or not. Heading grocery shopping this morning so will stock up on my usual lean (boneless/skinless chicken breast portions). Saturday's lean was fresh Chinook salmon--yummm! So, the 'lean' meals were different from my 'normal' along with the weekends I weigh 1.5 to 2 hours later than I do on the weekdays (sleeping in is awesome!). So.....whatever the reason---the weight jumped this morning. Sure messes up my weekly average loss numbers on FitDay when it does this.

Other than grocery shopping today....I think I'm going to move around the living room furniture, get the treadmill set up in a better spot so I can begin using it and do some other 'chores'. Fun, fun, fun. (Necessary, necessary, necessary....)