No, that is a lie
----I did join a couple of days ago, but my name isn't Tawanda. I don't think anyone's name is Tawanda 
---but I wanted to join without using my real name and just that day, during a web search, came across the movie 'Fried Green Tomatoes' listed as a possible site and there was that middle-aged woman's battle cry TAWANDA!!! I was in a spot in my life where I could use a battle cry of my own----so, Tawanda is what I thought of when I had to chose a name for this site.
The battle-----my weight. And until I can feel that I am not going to embarrass myself by losing the battle, I'm going to call myself Tawanda. On the day that I feel successful, I'll share my 'real' name.
My weight has ballooned up from 122 to 222 (my highest point) in the past 17 years. I was always a very thin child, a thin teen, a slim adult and then, during a particularly depressing time in my life, I became an overweight, sad woman and then an obese, sad woman.
At that time, I could not continue with my hobbies so I took up a new hobby---eating. When the time came that I could do my hobbies again (sewing, cross-stitch, knitting, crocheting, gardening, quilting, exercising) I had forgotten how to do all but the most current hobby----yep, eating.
I became stuck in a downward spiral--or perhaps it was an upward spiral if you tie it to the numbers on the scale. With each increasing year and scale jump, my happiness with myself took another nose dive.
I've tried many venues to take the weight off. Spending time, spending money, planning the current game plan, figuring out how long it would take me to lose the weight and then, I would once again end up failing. Most diets failed before they were truly begun as I have been horrible at sticking to a diet. I'm not a good cook, I do not enjoy cooking, I do not enjoy grocery shopping and I really hate being told what to do.
Pretty much a recipe for failure on most diets.
I did lose while doing a modified Atkins diet a few years ago. Modified? Well, I made it easy on myself and did what worked for me -- and the scale showed a consistent loss so to me that was success. I stopped eating the 'Atkins way' while gone on a very long business trip. I figured 'no problem' not sticking to my eating plan while I was gone and that I would just jump right back onto the plan when I was back home. Well, some how my 'jumper' got broken or misplaced or just quit working, because there was NO jumping back on the plan after I returned home.
Thus, I gained back almost everyone of the 40+ pounds that I had lost. I had promised myself that I would never gain back the weight once I had lost it, so the self hatred and recriminations have been impressive. Unfortunately I excel at things such as negative self talk, recriminations, self hatred and being unforgiving of my failures and foibles. I'm much kinder to others than I am to myself.
But, I've not given up. I felt that I was just about to the end of the rope, not enough room even to tie a good solid knot, or so it seems.
Then I found out about Medifast through an acquaintance (she had lost over 45# while using it), which led me to do a web search, which led me to a blog, which led me to another blog, which led me to Serendipity's blog, which led me to this site. (Whew! a lot of web surfing and blog reading)
I read Serendipity's journal, read many other people's journal entries, spent hours and hours reading the forums and threads on this site which inspired, impressed and gave me hope.
So, a couple days ago I placed an order and then wrote a PM to Serendipity/Jo telling her thank you for her journaling. Being able to follow her journey through losing weight using Medifast and this site, gave me hope that I could do the same. There were many, whose stories I've read, that have impressed me--but Jo's was the first story that I've read completely and I felt that God led me to this site and showed me the successes. Jo is close in age to my age and also mentioned quilting as one of her hobbies. I was at the point of grasping at straws so I figured that those two straws along with me finding the blogs that led to the website and her story along with the other successes posted here, was my blessing from God. "Follow me, believe that I am with you, I will help you through this and see what I have in store for you". Probably wishful thinking instead of Godtalk and blessings---but I think I'll just stick with the God-incidence thought and be thankful.
The UPS tracking says my package is on the truck and to be delivered today. I've been watching for the big brown truck all day in anticipation of beginning my own journey. It hasn't arrived, but I thought it was time that I began my accountability by introducing myself in my own journal.
I noticed some older posts by people whose tickers don't show any movement for a year or longer. I'm guessing that those are people who have left the site and not continued on the Medifast program. I am hoping and praying that I don't follow that same path. I am hoping and praying that some day, some one will see me as the success that I see Jo and many of you......that some day I will receive a PM from a new person saying "Thank you for what you have shared about your journey---you give me hope that I can do as you've done and become healthy, happy and successful in taking control of my relationship with food".
I appreciate being able to join a group such as this and hope that I will encourage you from now on as many of you have encouraged me, without even knowing you were doing it, in these past days.
Tawanda!!
........well......you get the picture.
) but the taste buds do get use to it and if this is what I have to eat to be successful, then I'm doing it. 
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