The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[Lauren]

Hey, T.!

That feeling of pride when you put your head down on the pillow each night is what got me through each and every day of the weight loss plan, and is what continues to drive me through maintenance. The times that I have deviated in any serious way, even for a day, made for a crappy feeling at night (physically and mentally), and that feeling sustains me in this process.

I am so psyched for you, and cheer you on all the way!

Keep on keepin' on!

Lauren

[Tawanda]

Hi Lauren, thank you. I just read your note to Robin......it is true, maintaining the weight loss is harder (was for me anyway) than losing the weight. Losing the weight, using MF, is cut and dried----but maintaining, especially when I didn't follow the program guidelines for transitioning to 'real' food again, is difficult. Once I began allowing myself 'treats', the treats became more and more frequent -- along with bigger serving sizes. Both, along with a good dose of new challenges (having Cheetos, candy and other snack foods that I wasn't buying) brought into my home when family returned to the nest- along with new stresses.

I love going to bed at night and not feeling self hatred, anger (at myself) and remorse for things that I consumed and poor choices that I made. That is one of the things that I loved as I lost the weight and in my early months of maintaining my weight loss----loving myself and pride at the end of the day.

I'm working on getting that feeling back every night. I want the weight loss, the healthier body and the pride back..... it is happening. Not easy, not fun but oh so worth while!

This morning I was still at 177.5#. 30.5 to get myself back to goal...I will do it.

Tawanda!~

[DogMa]

Of course you'll do it, T!! And it sounds like you've learned some lessons, which will help a LOT in maintenance. (The main one being that the fleeting pleasure from a doughnut or pizza or whatever is SO not worth the persistent feelings of disappointment and self-loathing.)

[Tawanda]

Robin, you are right.....so many foods just aren't worth the calories--but I ate them anyway, looking for a way out of the hole life threw me into (or the hole I fell into as I was backing away from my new life reality) .

This morning I was at 177.5 (again). Third day at this weight, so hoping I'll see the numbers drop again, soon.

Busy, full morning and afternoon here...going to read the other updated posts and then get moving.

Hope everyone has a great day!

[DogMa]

The important thing is you're climbing back OUT of that hole, T.

[Tawanda]

Hi, weight this morning was 180.0#
Yes, up 2.5# . Sodium weight.
Yesterday was one of the most stressful I've experienced for quite a long time. The day was taken out of my control (out of town as a passenger in some one else's vehicle). What was suppose to be a 2 hour round trip ended up being away from home from 7:30 a.m. to 4 p.m. I did take one supplement with me, anticipating that I could stay on program no problem. Well, I caved in at the golden arches where the majority of those in the car voted to eat. At that point, I knew my day was gone (it was suppose to be my one day this week that was 'mine' and I went on this trip, thinking it was going to be 2-3 hours from home, to help some one out), that I wasn't getting my free day and I had a good old tantrum. I ordered a small cheeseburger and a large diet soda. That was fine, until they delivered a small fry as an apology for shorting one of the orders. That was given to me. I thought "I won't eat it", but hadn't finished my tantrum and did eat it.
I knew that didn't 'blow' my day.....it wasn't the 1/4# burger with cheese and large fry that I would normally have ordered----but I wasn't done having a tantrum time. When I got home, I had to do laundry, clean the messes by small children and ............ yeah, I just had tantrums all day long. At the end of the day my computer decided it would not start Windows. I spent 2 hours fighting with system repair, eating during those 2 hours (goldfish crackers) and finally the computer gave me the option to restore to 3 days ago (before I did a wonderful Windows update----go figure).
Today was back on program. Disgusted with my tantrums of the previous day, upset that I don't handle the changes and stresses in my life right now--determined to put it behind me and look forward to the goal I've set (I will do it!!). Well, today has been horrible. 4 small pre-schoolers not minding --- right now I want to run away....and smash my face into a huge bowl of ice cream......thankfully there is no ice cream in the house and I'm the only adult to take care of the kids so I cannot run away....

I'm having quite the struggle to stay out of the off program food. So far I've consumed my supplements as I should but I've also had 3 string cheese (80 calories each). I reach for the crackers and I stop myself......I can stick to program for the rest of the day. EAting is not going to make the kids behave better, me feel better or change my life for the better. I want to be healthier (so I can run away faster? LOL Just kidding).

Anyway......that is my rant, my story and my frustration right now. I guess I just need to channel this frustration and anger (yes I am very angry at myself and everyone else) into a positive thing. I need to get mad at my thoughts to eat --- it isn't helpful and it isn't the way I want to live my life.

Food doesn't ease us through life.......it creates more problems (health, mental and physical).

I can stick to program and become healthier no matter what happens in my day and life.. I want to stick to program and make healthier changes.

I want to be a smiling, happy and nice grandmother instead of growling at kids.... Some days are just tough-----for kids and grandparents. Wish I could back up the day so everyone could wake up on their own (all 4 children were woken by their parent this morning, thus the whining, fighting and tantrums) and be happier. Sure would make my day easier, LOL.

Okay, big deep breath.....I can do this. I want to do this (babysit my grandchildren and stick to my plan to become healthier and more fit). Playing outside didn't work because of the biting flies and bees that were bothering the kids....now to find something creative to do inside.

This to shall pass.......

[DogMa]

Group nap!!!

[Stihl]

Hey T - sounds like you've definitely made tremendous progress. Good luck and keep on working!

[Tawanda]

Today is going well, so far, but then again, I've only been awake for 3 hours. Still plenty of time to toss in a towel (screw up being on program). I've not gotten myself back onto program (and stayed there all day) since my tantrum day on the 5th. Weight has to be up but I don't want to know how much, thus scale avoidance going on.

[Tawanda]

Less than 20 weeks until January 1st 2010....and I'm (probably) stagnant on weight loss. UGH! I know I should change my ticker to show what I weigh, but I don't want to know what I weigh......ridiculous!

Anyway....today, so far, is a great one..... LOL..... time will tell if I've finally got my head on straight and myself back to caring about my health. I'm so tired of me and my poor choices.

[Tawanda]

Well, after writing the post above, I thought 'who am I kidding?! I need to be responsible and accountable to myself.' So I changed my ticker. Reality is that I am at 184......UGH!!! Darn me anyway!

So......will I be smart and exercise today along with not eating off program foods or will I continue on this path of self destruction? I am fat again....I swore to myself when I took off all the weight that I would never regain it and I have regained a lot of the weight. Why?! Food doesn't solve problems, food doesn't make me feel better (in the long run) and eating excessively just causes more problems in my life.

I know the answers to many of the things (food doesn't get rid of problems or stresses, food isn't a friend when I am lonely, food isn't the answer to a bad, stressful day..........etc). So why in the world am I still self-medicating with excessive eating? I am only making more problems for myself..

Determination hasn't seemed to work for me, I can toss my determination (to stay on program) out the window in a flash. Wishing doesn't make it happen... I need and want to find the reason why I am sabotaging myself.....and be done with doing it.

Time to get tough with my bratty self and just get this done (again----grrr! and sigh with sadness that I have to retravel a path I never thought I'd have to travel again).

I can do it........I will do it! I am, right this moment, on the right path to becoming healthier again.....

YES!!!! (this self talk is tiring, LOL, especially when I've said all of it before and I'm echoing in an empty room.....)

Tawanda.

[Tawanda]

Weight is coming back off!! I'm still fighting myself many times during each day----but I refuse to give up and I will win!

[katesmom]

Hi Tawanda !
Thanks for supporting me AGIAN !
I feel horrible at this weight and DO NOT want to resort to surgery !
I am hopeful that I can take care of me this time (just like you are doing) and not put myself LAST !

Have a super day !

Pam

[CGal67]

Hello Tawanda,

I am stopping by to check up on you and to say I'm back. It's been a rollercoaster year...but I know what is good for me.


It's nice to see you're still here...as you were always one of my favorite peeps!

Carrie

[Tawanda]

Hi Carrie! Welcome back. This place is all but dead now.... Very sad. I've regained almost 40# over my lowest weight, I'm very disgusted with myself. Still working on getting myself back into the right mindset to stick to program - but it is a constant struggle.

Don't let the quiet forum stop you from posting. Perhaps if enough people just persevere with posting we can breathe some life back into this site.