I'm finding myself quite hungry today but I know it is primarily 'mental hunger' and not true hunger (where my body needs fuel). I walked to my Medifast cupboard, stood and looked at all of the food there. I entertained the thought of just taking all of the bars and having a good old chow fest/binge and dismissed that thought within 3 seconds.
I began Medifast almost 8 weeks ago. I have not had one bite of food that wasn't on program in all these weeks. That is something that I treasure---that I've made this promise and commitment to myself. I don't want to let me down this time. I've started other attempts to lose weight (many attempts) but I always let food and my mental hunger dictate how long I'd eat healthy. Not this time. This time is the very last time and I refuse, I absolutely refuse, to fail this time.
So, why the mental hunger? I think it is because I have been so happy with my 22# loss....and I feel 'smaller'. This is a good thing.....but the reality, as I try on my 'smaller' clothing, is that I'm still very heavy and very overweight. The XL clothing is very tight, the size 16 jeans are snug and some 16s are far too small yet.
What I feel isn't the reality of my body----yet.
It all goes back to what I was thinking a week or two ago. I'm still 30# over what the very top of the suggested weight is for my height. I'm still within a hair's width of being termed obese. I am not thin, I am not fit, I am not at a healthy weight. Sure I weigh less than I did 8 weeks ago, I wear smaller clothing than I did 8 weeks ago, I've done well (exceptionally well) on the program for the past 8 weeks and I am making great progress........
But my reality isn't what my head and heart thought for a little bit. I now wish I hadn't tried on the smaller clothes......then maybe I'd still feel as 'up' as I did a few days ago. Right now, instead of treasuring that I'm 22# thinner.......I'm thinking I'm 22# from being able to fit into the clothes I tried on.
Not a big deal.......but just enough to make me think of going back to my old 'friend' food for some comfort and soothing.
I will not veer off of program. Partially because I've written all of this and will put it in my journal.
But mainly I'll stay on program because I'm worth it and I value me enough that I want this more than I want the food.
Now, I really feel that I need to say that this journal entry is NOT meant to make anyone feel badly who has chosen to go off of program......this is just my head talk, to myself, in my circumstances and what I need to do at this point and stage in my life. I'm 50 years old......I'm a wife, mother, grandmother.....I need to do this for ME........but also for my husband, my children and my grandchildren.
So, it is time for my supplement (I'm 15 minutes late! LOL) and time to drink some more water. I'm thankful we have these journals available, it helps keep me accountable to myself and to this community.....
I'm going to succeed!!
) shakes, no bar and really be careful on measuring out my green at meal time (I do weigh my lean each day but eyeball my green). I know this is nothing but another stall.....but dang it(!) this is day 6 of seeing the same number and I just went through this recently. I'm demanding (pleading? begging? sniveling? whining??) for the MF weight loss fairy magic dust to be delivered soon!
. You dont look like a grandma. You look to young. T this is your journal and we are here to support you every way that we can. Let me tell you if it has not been for everyone on this forum I would of been off program a long time ago. Have I gone off program yes. But I got right back on. People make mistakes. I did not gain this weight overnight. It will happen for you. You are doing terrific.
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