Tawanda

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Postby Lizabette » February 1st, 2008, 4:40 pm

Tawanda wrote:Just tried one of the Strawberry Lemonade Momentum drinks in 20 oz of water. I liked it a lot.
After composing my previous post and thinking about what I've been doing off and on the past weeks.....I've (hopefully) purged the feelings and will be feeling much better about things.
I've drank 66 oz of water so far and done well other than one slip-up. I'm hoping I'm done with the self-sabotage. Only time will tell......
Just had to pop in to share about the Momentum Infuser. Good stuff!


HI TEE, haven't done much posting for several weeks, but wanted to stop by with a hug and a prayer.
The last pounds and weeks can really be daunting and slow. It was for me, too.
But finally you will get there too.
Maintaining during my illness has been challenging, too, but someone said, keep your eyes on the prize...right!
Lizabette :heart:
195/135 - Reached goal, Aug. 31, '06
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Postby dede4wd » February 1st, 2008, 10:07 pm

I LOVE the Momentum infusers too! I make them in a 44oz jug though (I water down crystal light too!)



Using food as my drug of choice has made life more difficult, less enjoyable in so many ways and down right dangerous to my long term health. If I am aware of all of this then why in the world do I still turn to it? Incredibly foolish!


I SO know what you are going through! It's like I wrote the above...The struggles are SO familiar! But don't let that stop you from posting...I also think that I didn't want to bring anyone down by reporting my struggles, but I NEEDED to be accountable and I needed my friends to cheer me on and talk some reality into my head!

So, post anything you're feeling and going through! I'll do everything I can to support you!

I'm SO glad you're feeling better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Age: 37 Ht: 5'10"
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Postby Tawanda » February 2nd, 2008, 8:53 am

Hi Liz and Dede. Thank you both for your kindness in not being tired of hearing the same story from me. I am very tired of it and I remember not understanding when others were where I am because I had not experienced it. I was still in ketosis, had been for months and the program was so darn easy to stick to.........well, I sure put my foot in it and for some reason I gave into the old way of thinking 'poor me, at the mercy of the food cravings'.

Well, as I laid in bed last night, unable to sleep because I was too busy beating myself up over the foolishness of the past months (off program eating and taking from mid September to lose the last 7 measley pounds to get to goal) -- I remembered how many nights I laid in bed, beating myself up for overeating all day once again. Hating myself because I let food and my appetite rule my day(s) and life. Promising myself that tomorrow would be different and doing the math to see if I lost 1.5# a week, how many weeks it would take me to get the weight off. I'd mentally go through the number of days/weeks in each month, calculate it all out and make my plans. It kept me awake MANY nights --- calculating and then the next day I'd be right back standing in front of the cookie jar or chip drawer--or in my car at the drive-thru at the local burger joint.

I had thought and hoped that those days of laying awake, mentally beating myself up over food, were over. I don't want to live like that. I don't want to disappoint myself any more. I don't want to struggle daily over food.

I, for some reason, gave my appetite control over me ---- once again.

Well, as I said a short bit ago---- I'm tired of this. Tired of stuggling and tired of beating myself up over poor choices. I keep saying I'm going to get this done. I was 3# from goal......now this morning I'm back to 7# from goal. The same weight I was in mid-September. UGH! Hopefully the majority of it is water weight and I can flush much of it out with sticking to shakes and my WATER today.

I want to be finished with this......my battle with my appetite for sugary foods and excessive amounts of food will probably always be with me.....but I need to learn to make wiser choices.

I hate this battle and I also hating being a whiner.

End of rant!
Began MediFast 2/10/07 212#
Reached Goal 3/15/08 147#
Renewed commitment 9/20/09-after regaining 38# (185#)
Reached Goal 1/25/10 147# Maintaining :)
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Postby Joy » February 2nd, 2008, 10:52 am

Tawanda wrote:
I want to be finished with this......my battle with my appetite for sugary foods and excessive amounts of food will probably always be with me.....but I need to learn to make wiser choices.

I hate this battle and I also hating being a whiner.

End of rant!


You sound like most of us - quite human; trying to tackle the hardest basket of emotional, physical and mental baggage that led us to our weight issues. You will find the answer and you will succeed and in doing so inspire others too.
Last edited by Joy on February 2nd, 2008, 6:19 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Postby lifelovinaries » February 2nd, 2008, 10:58 am

Well T, i thought i was just popping in to say :wave: but i can't just let this one go. What you do and what you say, i don't look at it as whining. You express your disgust with yourself and your decisions. We realize that it does become a struggle from time to time. Even more so when you are so close to goal already. Don't take my next statement the wrong way, but you say that you are tired of "this". Apparently, you have not gotten tired enough for it to make you stick to plan. I have been tired of being fat for YEARS but i never got tired enough to pick a plan and follow through completely, until now. You have come so far, i have said this somewhere in your journal before, but maybe your body is satisfied at the weight it is now. It will not be a cop out for you to stop trying for weightloss and just switch to maintenance. Actually, i think it may be less stressful. It will still take work to maintain however, you will have less to beat yourself up for. In the process, you may even find that you will drop the last few pounds with ease because you are no longer stressing about it and losing sleep. Just my 2 cents here... Whatever you choose, we are here for support.
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Postby dede4wd » February 2nd, 2008, 8:10 pm

Nobody can beat us up like we can to ourselves.

I just went through this when I was BATTLING with myself over whether/when to restart...I just kept saying start Monday or Start tomorrow.

I wish I knew what the "switch" was (I'm talking in light switch metaphors here), but suddenly Jan 2, it turned on.

I also have been where you are...but I was 15lbs from goal...I was in the healthy range, I KNEW I still had some to go, but I was golden compared to where I was and I maintained there for a LONG time...

This time it is important to me to SEE goal and maintain it, I think never reaching it but getting "good enough-itis" made me miss out on staying at goal after properly transitioning...I let the BLT's (bites, licks, tastes) take over and then went off the deep end when I quit smoking (doesn't matter what you eat DeDe, just don't smoke!)

I just wanted to let you know that a lot of us fight these demons. You wouldn't believe some of the names I call myself because I'm deluded enough to believe that a Krispy Kreme will actually make me FEEL better or happier...I felt so stupid and weak for feeling this way, knowing full well that I was using a crutch and not caring.

I hope to train myself in maintenance, that junk is an every once in a while "treat". While it's good every ONCE in a while, that it won't make me feel better or happier. I KNOW it won't. I know how much better my body FELT when I got back on MF, so I KNOW Taco Bell wasn't doing my body any favors! LOL!

The choice is yours, transition into maintenance and practice how you will eat for life with the last pounds taking some time but knowing what you have accomplished and being proud of yourself...or kicking towards goal on program, seeing the "finish line" of goal and transitioning well into how you will eat the rest of your life.

Either way, your words and support have helped me more than you will know and I just want you to look back and realize what you have already accomplished, how much you mean to a lot of us and give yourself a break, you're AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Age: 37 Ht: 5'10"
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Postby Tawanda » February 3rd, 2008, 9:13 am

Well, my ticker says it all.....up 4# to 147.5# (again).

Joy, Erica, Dede, thank you.

My HA called me last night (:hug: Nancy!) and talked with me for a long time. I hope I uncovered part of what has been driving me back to the sugary foods and that I will stop the destructive thoughts and eating.

For awhile, I forgot that I can never go back to my old eating habits (consuming large quantities of sugary foods) without returning to my old weight and my old thoughts about myself. I find it scary that I could so easily go back to self destructive behaviors. I haven't truly changed that part of me, even though I thought I had changed much of it along with changing my outward appearance.

Perhaps part of the long term change is how I handle this big slip up and get my mind and actions back in line with the BeSlim principles.

Anyway, thanks to all of you for your encouragement (whether or not you know your posts on this site encourage me) and support.

Oh! I had a Momentum Banana Shake for my first supplement (after 2 glasses of water!!!! LOL) and I liked it. Time will tell if the Momentum products will help curb my appetite and get me where I want to be weight wise.
Began MediFast 2/10/07 212#
Reached Goal 3/15/08 147#
Renewed commitment 9/20/09-after regaining 38# (185#)
Reached Goal 1/25/10 147# Maintaining :)
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chin up

Postby Joy » February 3rd, 2008, 9:34 am

I hope you have a successful week.

regards,
joy
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Postby queenielou » February 4th, 2008, 10:21 am

Hey T,

Sorry to see that you were beating yourself up over your recent slips. I know being 7 pounds away from goal isn't the same as being 3 pounds away from goal, but your goal is still right there - you haven't messed up so badly that it is out of reach. Just a few days on plan and you'll be right back on goal's doorstep instead of in it's driveway like you are right now. I know you know what to do - you've been so successful so far. Goal will feel just as good in two weeks from now as it would have felt in a week from now. It's just a little delayed gratification :) You have done so well and I know you will continue to do well and make it. I agree with Dede about the switch that just comes on. I've tried so many times to force the switch but it just doesn't come on each time I want it to. It's on right now for me and I hope it's on for you, too.

You are such a source of encouragement and inspiration, even through your struggles. I can't wait to throw some confetti at your goal party!
Start: 4/21/2007
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Postby holberry » February 4th, 2008, 10:27 am

good morning T :wave:
I hear your struggles, feel them too.
Maybe some geek could invent a chip to put in our brains, ya know re-program how we think about food.
Personally, I have to use my favorite mantra, not an option. not an option, ommmm.

Hope I dont get hit with tomatos for saying that :tomato: :tomato: :tomato:

h
live a good honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you will be able to enjoy it a second time.~ Dalai Lama
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Postby DogMa » February 4th, 2008, 11:24 am

I think we've all had those same struggles, T, and seeing how someone else copes is helpful for everyone here. It's especially hard when you're so close to goal and start getting a little complacent.

But hopefully you're learning from it, and learning that you can never be complacent. But remember that your weight will always fluctuate some, so don't freak out TOO much every time it goes up a few pounds. As long as you use that as a wakeup call and make it go back DOWN again.
Robin

203/130/130
Reached goal in August 2006
Added BodyBugg in May 2009
New ticker: 136.6/123.2/130
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Postby holberry » February 6th, 2008, 6:20 am

bumping you up missy,
cause you are so darn cute and skinny :heart:
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Postby Tawanda » February 6th, 2008, 10:57 am

Thank you everyone!

I was in the middle of a nice update and my post disappeared when my computer did something weird. :x

I have the babies here until tomorrow night and do not have the time right now to try to start another post. Another :x .

I do appreciate all the comments and notes, thank you. This has been a busy week of babysitting grands and very little time to myself.

On program and down 2# from roll call, so far.

I'm sorry to be gone so much this week......but I'm thinking of you even if I'm not writing/replying.

Thanks again and hope everyone is doing well.
Began MediFast 2/10/07 212#
Reached Goal 3/15/08 147#
Renewed commitment 9/20/09-after regaining 38# (185#)
Reached Goal 1/25/10 147# Maintaining :)
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Postby DogMa » February 8th, 2008, 11:05 am

Glad to hear you're doing well, T. Don't worry about us, just check in when you can. Sniff.

And that's great about the 2 pounds. Keep it up, so you can get to goal already!!!
Robin

203/130/130
Reached goal in August 2006
Added BodyBugg in May 2009
New ticker: 136.6/123.2/130
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Postby queenielou » February 8th, 2008, 4:37 pm

5.5 pounds to go! The train will be pulling you into maintenance land soon :)
Start: 4/21/2007
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