The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[bikipatra]

And Tawanda, I hope I am not overstepping my bounds but being exhausted, stressed, angry even though you feel guilty about it and overwhelmed could have played a role in you eating off plan occasionally these past weeks. A lot of stress has to be going on to eat 4 bars in one day.

[nickieluv]

Tawanda, I hope you are able to take some time for yourself soon. I know there are things we don't WANT to do that we feel we NEED to do - but sometimes, you really don't need to at all, it's just putting pressure on yourself.

I am considering calling my mom and seeing if she wants the baby tonight. I feel guilty doing it, but I have been so tired and I'm getting so frustrated with her that I think it would actually be a kindness to her if she were away from me for a while. So you and I are on opposite ends of the road, here, but I know how you are feeling and it's OK to be 'babied out' sometimes. As a daughter, I would never be upset if my Mom had to say 'no' to one of my requests. When she says yes all the time, I secretly believe that she just doesn't want to disappoint me - but I want her to be honest and take care of herself. I know your daughter wants the same for you.

[Tawanda]

You guys are just saying what I've been saying to myself...my chest hurts this morning and I know it is stress related. I'm overwhelmed and trying not to be.

I started out yesterday with a mental list (dangerous as I am so forgetful) of things I wanted/needed to accomplish. I took a whole trunkful of clothes to a thrift store (some new, still with tags which makes me feel so financially stupid for buying things that didn't fit at the time--over the years--and then I got too small to wear). I then got blindsided by the g'child coming home with me. I figured it would be okay as his mom (my DD) probably needed some 'me' time. She has an infant, is sleep deprived and I'd rather give her a break than to have her stressed to the max. I just didn't realize how much I was looking forward to a break also. I spend little time with her and her children because I'm here watching the twins. Both sets of parents appreciate my time and willingness to help them out and I know parenting is difficult 24/7 so I do try to help them out.

Tomorrow I'll help with the doctor's appointment. I don't feel that I have an option, it is either I help or she does it by herself, which will be extremely hard with two active one year olds. It should only take one hour, 30 minutes driving there and 30 minutes home....so two hours of my day and then I'll have the rest of the day at home. The farrier is coming at noon.......then I'll have until DH comes home to myself. Friday is my twin babysitting day.......but I don't think anything is planned for this weekend.

I'm short of breath and chest is tight.......it is either my blood pressure being high (never have had a problem with it) or I'm stressed/hyperventilating over the idea of saying 'no'. LOL I know it isn't heart problems (not severe enough) but this is ridiculous to have myself feeling this overwhelmed.

Yesterday afternoon, after bringing home the little one.......I ate so much 'junk'! 4 bars, 2 fruit roll-ups.....a couple of french fries from DH's plate . I felt sick. Amazing how the definition of *BINGE* has changed since starting MF.........4 bars and 2 fruit roll-ups would have been just a precursor to a real binge.

Today I started with lots of water (well, for me lots of water is 2 cups before 9 am) and I'm going to eat as much diced baked chicken breast throughout the day, as I need to in order to make it through the day without eating anything off program.

Thanks for the thoughts.......I'll make it through this and will learn to let everyone know before I get this overwhelmed again.

[Karli]

Hi, Tawanda. Well, it sounds like things are rough, and I am sorry to hear that. It's interesting how trying to be thoughtful over some symptoms of stress, like not eating what/the way we really want, forces us to take a bit of a look into the rest of our lives, if we are going to stay true to some of our personal, healthful endeavors (like losing weight).

Ultimately, this is nothing but good because you will be stronger and know more what it will take from you to take care of yourself. And, it's facing these things, actually, that makes taking care of oneself so difficult.

Hang in there, and don't let the temptation to drain your energy in worry and disappoinment or whatever thoughts might want to cross your mind regarding your eating, overwhelm, overpower and confuse your ability to get yourself squared away. You can do this, this is the hard part, but, you are strong enough to face it and you will come out the other side !

[queenielou]

Hi Tawanda,

Just wanted to send some hugs and well wishes your way. I'm sorry to hear about the stressful time you've been having lately but as others have said, I'm sure once you start saying no more and putting yourself at the top of your list, things will even out for you.

Hope you have a good day today.

Take care.

[bikipatra]

Good Morning, Tawanda. I wish you strength today and calmness. And here's a bottle of water on me. (Those green bottles are Perrier!) Love ya!

[Tawanda]

Yesterday went well. I did fall back onto the diced baked Chicken breast once during the day and just subtracted that amount from my dinnertime L & G. Whew! Day 1 down and Day 2 has a plan in place (same thing as day 1, lol). Only drank 6 glasses of water.....thanks Biki for the Perrier! Maybe today will be 8? or more? Yeah, right. But I'll try.

Weight this morning back down to 158 (still .5 over my lowest weight). This detour I have taken has really messed up my weekly loss averages (per FitDay) but I knew I hadn't addressed the reasons why I became obese in the first place. I use to eat out of stress, boredom, a hobby and also to hide from the world when I was overwhelmed by emotions. I am (hopefully) cured of the boredom and hobby eating----I recognize it and have controlled it. But the stress is a bit trickier to know if I've gotten it under control (or mostly controlled) when it happens but the 'overwhelmed' is going to be the tough one as I don't get to that degree very often (thankfully!) so it is a tougher one to prepare and plan for. I truly hadn't given it much thought at all, figured I'd handle it just like I handle boredom and the 'use to be my hobby' eating---I just wouldn't do it. Yeah, right. Okay, so that blindsided me, but I also (hopefully) learnt from the experience. Eating didn't help a bit and in fact, not only was I stressed to the max but I also felt ill which just made things worse. The embarrassment factor is also something that I wasn't happy having to experience.

I just realized that I've not had DH take any pics of me since mid May. I meant to do it every 4 weeks. Oh well, perhaps I'll do it soon.

Anyway, time to get myself geared up for the day......helping at the twins' doctor's visit, grocery shopping and then coming home to meet the farrier who will trim the horse's hooves.......then I think I get a few hours to myself. Hooray!!! Twins all day tomorrow, so I'm looking forward to this afternoon. Farrier hasn't 'seen' my weight loss yet. The last time he was here (8 weeks ago), it was raining and I wore a coat. He's a nice guy and will be happy for me, which will lift my spirits and help firm my mindset for staying 100% compliant.

An NSV I got over the weekend.....I took a leather jacket and some other nice clothes to an acquaintance that is currently strapped for cash. She was ectastic about the leather coat (I gave her a full length one a couple years ago that someone had given me and it was too large for me) and also about the other items. I heard her tell someone else at the gathering we were at, "look at Tawanda.......she's lost like 200#- doesn't she look awesome?!". LOL Made my day........and almost made me forget that I was 'giving away' a leather coat......LOL

Hope it is a good day for everyone!

[bikipatra]

We want PICTURES!!!

[DogMa]

T, sorry you're having such a tough time. (And I'm guessing if your kids knew about the chest pain, they'd be upset about all the stress and want you to speak up about needing time for yourself!!!! I would feel incredibly guilty if you were my mom, and I would find another solution PRONTO to give you a break.)

As for the eating when feeling overwhelmed, I think the best way to avoid it would be to learn to recognize when you're approaching that overwhelmed state and to head it off. I think once you're feeling that way, it's probably a little too late. So I'd look for signs that you're starting to feel that way (more tired, more cranky, whatever) and be ready with some other ways to cope before it happens (if you get to it BEFORE you feel so overwhelmed, it may not even take that much - maybe just set aside an hour for yourself to do something totally relaxing, or say no to just one thing so you feel a bit more in control).

[Tawanda]

156.5# today. Yesterday went very well and today is day 3 of my renewed commitment to staying on-program.

I appreciate every suggestion & comment that has been shared with me, thanks to each of you!

Babies should arrive in about an hour. DH took a vacation day so we slept in an extra 90 minutes---it was heavenly not to awaken to an alarm.

[Karli]

Wooo hooo ! That's great, Tawanda. Keep it up .

[bikipatra]

Congrats on your renewed committment! I am proud of you!

[Hopebaby]

Hi T! I have been following your journey through your journal and just wanted to say I totally identify with your feelings about having your grandchildren and feeling you need some ME time. I just had my 3, each one for a week and this is the first weekend I have been kid-free for a month. I love it when they come and I love it when they go! Sometimes I feel badly because lately I would rather go to their house to visit them. Then I can control the time! Did I say that?

Yours is one of the journals I went back and read from the beginning (still working on Biki's!) and I think you have done an amazing job. Don't beat yourself up for your non-compliance. You are on the right road now and that is what counts!

I will have my whole family here Labor Day weekend for my grandson's birthday party. Honestly, I am worried. I am not worried about my resolve, I am worried about those old family roles we fall into. As long as people leave me alone and don't bug me to eat what I shouldn't I am okay. (I hope anyway)

Keep up the good work Tawanda! Great movie, great handle for you!

Linda

[queenielou]

Way to go on the below ticker weight! Hope you're having fun with the babies

[Joy]

Miss T!

Your posts in my journal are alway uplifting! Thank you very much.

Maybe I will have a pound gone by roll call?

In any case, I will keep upbeat! - regards