The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[shineface]

Hi All---

Well, I have been walking around for two days on the verge of tears, developing a sore throat and just feeling pretty alone. That said...

I KNOW these are--no, were--- all signs of impending self-sabotage!

The holidays are still tough without my husband, as are the change of seasons and weekends and yadda, yadda, yadda. Spring is coming and that makes me feel, I don't know, mushy somehow - softer, more vulnerable, on edge open to outside stimuli.

In the past I got through all of this wonderful stuff by pushing the feelings back down with food. I'm not doing that anymore and it does get uncomfortable - often. I come here... I talk to friends... I'm keeping a journal - all changes, new responses and things that I need to do instead of ordering take-out whatever. I know right now, in my heart of hearts that I am at a really critical point in my program. I have not stumbled, cheated or swayed off course even once because I know how hard it would be to start again --- and maybe I wouldn't have one more start left in me - then what would I do... hopefully, none of the things that have crossed my mind over the years. I have just crossed the 50 pound mark - fantastic accomplishment - I am actually a little over 1/3 of the way through my weight loss - reason to celebrate!!!! BUT I KNOW ME - the former me if I can get through this... about now is the time self-sabotage kicks in - because if I am not fat and I am not sad and I am not sick -- than who the H-LL am I???

It's a new day and I'm doing this a new way --- but I need to "write" out loud what I know is lurking in the recesses of my mind. I don't feel like I am at risk of going off of my program BUT I know that I need to be on guard every minute. Being sick - old response -I'll feel better if I eat ... feeling sad or lonely - old response - my buddies Ben & Jerry or Mac & Cheese will get me through - thay have always been there for me and in my old way of thinking --they've never let me down by being busy or unavailable. I'm the only one that can give them life - they have no life of their own -- make any sense?

That's about it for now -- except as always, thank you for being here and listening and understanding --- you are all there and you give me life and the vision of a healthier one going forward!!!

WE WILL do this together!!!

[Landylue]

You are doing so beautifully, Pam! With that 50 lb marker that you just sailed passed, you’re the envy of a lot of us sitting out here. If you've made it over a third of the way with no slips, then, Honey, THAT is strength! Raise a banner, Kiddo, you are going to make it the rest of the way--no problem! Failure is not an option, Pam!

Try getting out of the house and go see a movie. The Passion is always a great choice to get you 'centered' again. Go visit someone less fortunate than you are--maybe a nursing home, homeless shelter, woman's shelter--you get the idea. Volunteer to read to children at your local library, or tape a book for the blind, a lot of churches have after school tutoring you could provide--I'm brainstorming here--I promise that it will change your attitude almost instantly!

We all have down days, Pam, but we can't fall back on food any longer. That option is just plain dangerous for us. You've done a incredible job thus far keeping up that shield. Don't let it down now.

We are all here for you, Pam. We all care about you very much.

Landylue

[Carrie]

Dear Pam,
Your old friends Ben & Jerry and Mac & Cheese. Let's talk about them for a moment. Sure they were always available and never too busy for you. Sure they made you feel better for the moments you were eating and the short while of 'numbness' afterwards.

But what kind of friend are they really? The kind that pushes you towards an early death from obesity, heart disease, diabetes, hypertension. The kind that will cause you untold pain from over-stressed joints, and outrageous medical bills for treatment. The kind of friend that hides your problems for you and makes you think it's not ok to have everyday, normal emotions. The kind of friend that makes you hate yourself for being fat, the kind of friend that shuts you off from the rest of the world and from yourself. The kind of friend that demands your whole life and your death.

What have they done for you lately? Nothing. Because you haven't let them. And aren't you feeling better about yourself than you have in a long time? Even though you still have a ways to go, don't you feel yourself rejoicing quietly inside for what you have accomplished? Let yourself feel your feelings, the good and the bad. It's part of life, it's natural, and you need to do it.

They aren't friends. They're enemies. You don't deserve friends like that. You deserve freedom from their imprisonment, and freedom from obesity.

Please respect and love yourself enough to stick with your program. You deserve it.

Carrie

[Maddie]

I have a boss who over reacts to everything and then freaks out on me. I am the more laid back type..."lets look at this problem and solve it together type" no matter what happens good or bad getting crazy only makes it worse so... This morning my boss overreacted and freaked out on me...guess what came to my mind?????

Here comes a wave...I better surf....

I know you are having a bad day but remember that you helped me today and didn't even know it...Thank you for that and please stay. I need people like you.

Maddie

[elle4nelly]

Hi Pam!

I read your post 2x. And as I did I felt something familiar. For there is a familiarity in others emotions and yours are no exceptions. This isn’t about sabotage. You are way stronger than that. This is another demon. It’s called “ Emptiness”. It loves to tag along sadness, which usually gets us to feeling sorry about ourselves and next thing we know we’re having a passionate affair with Domino Pizza, Wang Chong carry out or stalking all a the shelves at 1.00 am at the 7-11 around the corner picking up an arsenal of food an plotting 101 ways of killing the “ Emptiness” demon with all that crap/junk food we just bought.
But what is Emptiness? Oh sure Webster got some definition about it and all…but to me..Emptiness is the voice of the inner child (in all of us) crying and saying ..What about me?
Yeah Pam? What about you? How have you loved yourself lately? Oh..I know…they say you get love by loving others..Yeah..But I say you can’t keep loving others without loving yourself, for you’ll run into a deficit. That deficit is emptiness!
Take time to do things for you ..Simple things that make you feel good about being alive about being Pam!
Do you have a need for nurturing? Volunteer a couple of hours in a shelter tutoring homeless kids or reading books to them…I tell you from experience..It’s a humbling and loving experience and it kills that emptiness voice dead in its track.
You love movies? Go see one every other week. Museums? Go for a leisurely walk through one.
Painting, knitting, drawing, musical instruments? Pick a hobby that brings you joy and inner peace! Nothing like creating something!
My beautiful Pam, the way and the path to love and happiness is found within ourselves. And we shouldn’t wait until we’re slim to find it. For if we walk that path now, it will make reaching our dream so much more pleasant and the voices of emptiness will leave you alone!

Now go take a bubble bath and read a good novel…it will be all right!

Nelly

[shineface]

Thank you all ----

I really am ok and not going to eat - you had some great suggestions about new time fillers - new habits and hobbies to form.

I just really needed to share out loud --- I appreciate you all being here for me.

WE WILL do this together!!!

[TamiL]

all my fellow shakers who reached out to Pam...reached out to me and didnt even know it!! after reading those posts....I feel rejuvinated..no more feeling sorry for myself...Landylue hit the nail on the head in another post..when she asked me if I was eating "possibly due to a man...or rejection"...and she was soooo right!! I made a huge mistake last week...and was with a man that only hurt me in my past...and for some reason...thought because I looked better...that he would call me again..or treat me differently...well it turned out that my saying rings even more true "insanity is repeating the same patterns and expecting different results"..... why cant I just comprehend this?

I notice a pattern about myself...when IM doing this for just ME..and keeping busy with things that just are for ME...and only focus on ME...and not let anyone "distract" ME..I do much better!! feeling rejected and sad, heartbroken and like I have been played a fool...just takes me to a bad place...takes me to food for comfort...and it becomes a vicious cycle to get out of...but this has to be it you guys... I cant get off track again...I know I gained a few pounds back the last 2 weeks..not sure of how much cuz I wont weigh...but once IM back on my full fast...for a few weeks..I will weigh...and hopefully see the same number or less!!

I have learned alot about myself..thru all of you..reading your posts..and when I read Landylue's past few posts....It all came full circle...and a little light bulb went off in my head... you guys are getting to know me better and better....we all have so much in common...thank god for this forum..and for all of you!!

you all have my back....thank you!!
Tami

[elle4nelly]

Dear Tami:

Let go of the last 2 weeks! Today is a brand new day; it is as the saying goes " The beginning of the rest of your life!"
As for your little situation with that "Male Arse" 'scuse my English here, let it go too. It is nothing more but a reenacting of your childhood battles. Some adults spend most of their times acting out over and over again all their childhood battles but they never use a different tactic thus finding themselves stuck in the same old pattern.
YOU my dear Tami do not love yourself enough. Probably didn’t as a child and learned to cope with these feelings of inadequacy by seeking love and approval from those you loved and when you failed you ate or overate. I read your post many times too. And all I see is a little girl who wants to be loved.
Say Tami? Why don’t you love her enough? Listen carefully to all the post here, from Dear Carrie, Landylue and all your friends here.
This world can be a very cold place BUT what a far more horrible place it is when the one thing you should cherish and take care of, you spent time running away from or fighting with. And that my dear is You. And by you I mean that Body that houses your mind and soul. The only thing you came in this world with and the only thing you will ever, ever
Knowing that, why shouldn’t we love it and treat it right! For if you wait for the world to heal your inner wounds, you’d be heart broken a 1000 times over!! And probably 1600lbs from having eaten your way through pain and misery.
Tami, Love comes from within us. And so does CHANGE! No external change is attainable without inner changes!! We owe it to ourselves to treat ourselves right, to nurture ourselves, to understand ourselves and most of all to forgive ourselves. It’s about accepting who we are first and then changing within reasonable goal what we want to change. We can part from lovers, parents, siblings…we can put a world of miles between us and anyone…But can you part from yourself? No! Tis the one thing you will always live with!! Hating it, abusing it, not liking it etc…doesn’t help! It won’t go away ‘cause you don’t like it! This body is here to stay with you from humble beginning to the very end!! THERE IS NO ESCAPE FROM YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!! NONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So one day at a time, learn to understand you and love you. The rest will fall into place in due time. I am not an expert in anything, but I have deep compassion for my fellow humans and an ability to feel for others. That “ Male Arse” for whom you went spirally down….isn’t even to be blamed. He is a human being whom you can’t control with his own mind, needs and all. And you are placing such a high expectation on him!! You are saying “ I don’t like myself, why don’t you love me so I can feel lovable?” Tami, he wasn’t born from his mother to come on this good old earth and do for you what you have failed to do for yourself. You have failed to love yourself enough! I say, let him go..Let them all go! Till you develop a love of yourself, a kindness for yourself..Let him and all the male classes and species tend to themselves while you tend for yourself. Just temporarily, for if you don’t you’ll be repeating the same old pattern over and over again.” I don’t love me, won’t you love me so I can feel better about liking myself. I can’t bear you not responding to me the way I want, It makes me feel lost, angry and scared and that inner voice within me keeps getting louder, I hate it, So I’ll just eat to numb this all. “ Sound familiar?
You deserve all the LOVE, KINDNESS, HAPINESS and PEACE within yourself. Because you are you, because you are beautiful no matter what. Well ..Just because you deserve it. Take a deep breath and face yourself!! Be brave, for it isn’t easy facing oneself when we don’t love ourselves. Forgive yourself, and from now on treat yourself right! Do something good for Tami, tell her she is a beautiful being and deserve nothing but good. Give yourself that goodness. By nurturing yourself and allowing yourself to grow, and most important by allowing yourself TO BE TAMI. Don’t be afraid anymore of your inner little girl, listen to her and stop running away from her or suffocating her with food! It will be a painful process but your life will be changed for the better!

Your Friend

Nelly

[TamiL]

Nelly
can u come live with me? lol!! I need my own personal trainer/advisor/couselour!! my gosh..I am sitting here with tears streaming down my face...like someone just shook me and wouldnt stop till your post was read and comprehended....you are the best!! I needed to hear every word you wrote. I truly believe that you all were put in my life so that I can learn what I learn each and every day by each and every one of you!! Nelly...thank you from the bottom of my heart for opening my eyes a bit wider...for giving me some truth that I did not want to face up to...for understanding and for being such a wonderful person!!

Tami

[elle4nelly]

No Thank you!
Thank you for being you!
Thank you all of you for being who you are!
Tis nothing more than the Goodness in you dacing with the goodness in me.
Thank you for the lovely dance!

Nelly

[Jeanette]

Wow....I am overwhelmed by what I read from all of you. You all sound so mature in this journey now!

Even though there will ALWAYS be reasons we want to stuff ourselves to get rid of the bad feelings, we now have NEW ways to cope with the curves life gives us. All we have to do is use them.

I'm busting with pride for you all today!

[shineface]

Hi All--

Tami and Nelly --- I'm speechless ... talk about hitting nails on the head - can I move in too...LOL

Tami so much of what you said is feeling of loss since Clif died - he did keep me feeling loved and not alone and valuable - I did suck those feelings from him and now he's not here to tell me those things anymore - I had problems believing in me when he was here --- doing it on my own is one big motherchallenge!
Nelly I felt like between your words to me and then your response to Tami about needing validation from outside sources, a man --- were being spoken to me too.

What can I say - thank you-- my dear sisters in this battle of the head and heart on the way to maintaining a healthy life and body.

WE WILL do this together!!!

[elle4nelly]

We are a family!
And we will get through all of it together, no matter what the issues are.
We are each other Sister's Keeper! We learn from one another, we learn through each others battles and our own. This is more than a forum, It a circle of friends.


All my love,

your conductor Nelly

[TamiL]

Pam
it is ONE BIGMOTHER CHALLANGE!!! after my divorce...I felt so empty..and even years later..its been 3 years now...it still hurts...they say that Divorce is one of the hardest things..besides loosing a loved one thru death..cuz you know that person is still alive out there..and chose to NOT BE WITH YOU any longer...and is loving someone else!! you have to live with the fact that they CHOSE to leave you...and somedays that eats me up still. But as Nelly said..and as you said...we have to learn how to love ourselves...to make ourselves feel valuable and loved from within and not seek that "approval" from someone else..especially a man!!
I made a vow to myself after reading Nelly's post...no more looking back...no more asking "what if" no more seeking the perfect Prince...untill I can look at myself in the mirror and truly LOVE ME before I let anyone else in....thats the key here I Think...Im always searching for it...but its all right here in ME!! and I think once I get my self esteem back...and learn to really KNOW myself without stuffing what I am feeling down with food....just DEALING with my thoughts and fears...without reaching for something or someone....I have to do it on my own!!! learn all that I can about ME and look deep inside to fix whats broken...then as Nelly said...it will all fall into place!!

Pam...your husband is looking down on you and is probably so proud of you for all your accomplishments.....you should be walking with your head held high!! your such an inspiration to me and the rest of us here!
Tami

[elle4nelly]

One more thing Pam & Tami:
Please do this as you read this. Make a clinched fist with one of your hand. "come on" Do it! Clinch a fist, a tight fist. And hold it there! Don't open your fist as you read this BUT LOOK AT THAT FIST.


This, my friends, is called holding on. In your case, it's holding on to past hurts, memories, feelings , fears and ect...

Now look at that clinched fist for the last time and always remember these words I'm about to share with you.

" A clinch fist cannot receive"

You need an open hand to receive your blessings and for as long as you hold on with that clinched fists to all your pain, memories, fears, old habits and etc...
you will not allow change to come into your future.
Let go... just gently let it go..let it all drift away...open your hand and let your blessing come in and while you're at it, open your heart...'cause if your hearts were houses, they would have locked doors and the shade pulled down with a sign on the door"owner not available for new life blessings because of past hurt and painful losses"

No one would ever ring the door bell...and you might even miss out on the next or right prince!

Just food for thought!

Nelly