The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[Simmshe]

Hey gang! Feel like I have been gone forever!

I wanted to check in here to let you all know that I'm still around, and kicking! Welcome to all you newbies and semi-newbies !

I'm still working two jobs (70 hours a week) and to say that it has been exhausting is an understatement--I'm running on sheer will (until I get my second wind in the evening while on my evening job--but before 3:00-4:00 p.m., I'm a walking, cranky shell ). Anyways, I'm taking a much needed seven days off from my day project beginning on Monday (which will only last for another 1 1/2 or so weeks after I return and then that's it--back to working only my evening job). Why on earth would someone subject themselves to such torture, you ask?? Well, I was told that this project was only going to last three weeks (it's a freelance project), and I committed to the project right before I was hired for a permanent job. Since I made the committment (and I desperately needed some extra cash since my recent move really taxed my reserves), I decided to keep the freelance project, thinking it would be over two weeks ago. Three weeks has turned into five weeks, which will turn into 7 weeks. Anyways, I've learned a lesson and will not be putting myself in this position again--sleep deprivation (and feeling evil all of the time) is not healthy! I haven't been taking good care of myself, and I'm practicing more and more good self-care (trust me, I have to practice because I've made an art out of self-neglect, going back to my late adolescence). I will have more time to catch up on posting soon. I read everyday (use the computer on both jobs), but have not had much downtime to post. Trust me, I'll make it up (ad nauseam )!

As for my MF plan, I ran into some trouble on Thanksgiving Day. I made a choice to eat a "little" regular food at my sister's house (not a good choice, I might add). This "day" of eating turned into six days of bingeing, ending only when I damn near rendered myself unconscious from ODing on sugar and carbs. NEVER, and I have a long, sordid history of some astounding binges (probably consuming 8,000-10,000 calories on my worse binge days in the past), have I felt so sick . I now think I know what it feels like to be going into a sugar-induced coma (pretty scary).

There are several things that I can blame (at least partly) for allowing this to happen, pretty valid things, too--such as my brain, coming off of severe food restriction, driving me to eat (this mechanism resides in all of us); being severely sleep deprived, which has always been one of my biggest triggers (again, blame the brain--the brain sends crazy "eat" symptoms when we are fatigued in an attempt to get more energy); a pattern of self-abuse, etc. But of course, the operative word here is "choice." I was feeling vulnerable about my plan around the time I decided to take that first bite (because of my scale hawking, and resulting disappointment, and my growing fatigue)--this should have been (and was) a sign to not eat anything (even though I went into it thinking that I was in control).

Okay, I've rambled long enough! Just want to say that I'm back on track, which was super hard--the more you stop, the more likely you are to never get back on track. Everybody says this, but you don't understand it fully until you, unfortunately, experience this phenomenon yourself. I've learned first hand, that's why there will not be a next time. I'm pretty sure that I don't have another start in me, quite frankly, so it's the express route from here on out. Third time's a charm . Also, I didn't beat myself up (although it was no fun feeling, and looking, like the Michelin man) because even though I wasn't in control, I knew that I would get back in control, just didn't know when, of course. But as it has been said before, we really have to learn from these slips, and in a way, I'm grateful that I had this second slip because it led me to an epiphany that has changed my focus and an illusion I had about life after Medifast, and strengthened me where I was weak (I'll share these insights later--this post has been long enough!).

Well, I have to prepare for a meeting now at work, but I will come back later to post around the board (granted we don't have a lot of work come in).

Take care everyone, talk to you soon . It's good to be back !

Sheryl

[Carrie]

Hey There Sheryl,

Good to hear from you as always, sweetie.

Let me just say this......lasting psychological change doesn't occur in the moment of decision to 'do something about it'. It doesn't occur in a few weeks or maybe even a few months. It's an ongoing process, that requires continual reinforcement and the active expression of our intention to change.

Please do not look at this as another 'glitch' or failure. It's an experience you had in which your old ways resurfaced and fought to survive, yet you INTENTIONALLY chose to cast them off and continue on your path to lasting change. That is a success. That is the definition of making lasting change.

Each time you overcome the very strong urge to return to self-destructive behavior, you are reinforcing your intentions to honor yourself and take care of yourself. (And yes, you binged unhealthily, but Sheryl you put a stop to it in less than a week - that's MAJOR progress) You are going to have to deal with food every day for the rest of your life. There are going to be times when you will make less than ideal choices. Fact of life. But the bottom line is you ARE changing your relationship with food.

Can you imagine for just one moment that after this journey you are going to return permanently to the way you used to be? No. Because you have learned that you deserve better, and that you want to live in a way that takes care of you, makes you healthy and happy.

Look at this as an example of your new you conquering your old you. After all you are here, no? And you have picked right back up where you left off. Fear not, grasshopper, you are succeeding.

Carrie

[Marseilles]

Welcome back Sheryl!!

Its great to hear from you again. I hope things settle down for you very soon and you have a moment to pause and catch your breath. Know we are all here supporting you on your journey to health and wellbeing even when there are slip-ups. I daresay we have all experienced them!

I firmly believe that medifasting is a time of self realization in many ways and through experience comes growth and success.

You are well on your way!

Shake on, its great to see you back!!
-M.

[hawaiiwhatnot]

Sheryl,

It is WONDERFUL to have you back here. My goodness, read Carrie's post over and over. It's FANTASTIC!!!

Carrie,

I feel like I've been to a great therapist after reading your post. THANK YOU! It really hit home with me.

Wondering what I ever did without this forum,
Camille

[Carrie]

Thanks Camille.

Just preaching to the choir (and to myself most of all). It's a tough job, but something that each one of us is worthy of.

See you soon at Victoria's Secret......

Carrie

[susan]

sheryl,
I know what you mean when I went on my binge it was the hardest thing next to impossible to get back on but I have 1 day behind me again.so we just haft to hang in there.
susan

[Simmshe]

Thanks everyone !

Carrie, you are right on with what you said. It's funny, but I just learned this year that you actually have to reinforce change. I used to be under the illusion that we get these great epiphanies and that our thoughts and behavior will automatically change because of this newfound insight--WRONG! It's work, all right--moment by moment, day by day, reinforcing
intentions. And what you said about me learning that I deserve better--this has been, and still is, my biggest challenge. After years of tearing myself down and reinforcing that I don't deserve better, that I don't deserve to take good care of myself and have joy in my life, this has become the norm. So, now I'm doing the hard work of reinforcing the opposite. I had that self-esteem and self-worth as a young child but lost it by 13. But we are working and succeeding, even when we feel like we have failed. This is definitely a journey and I think one of the most valuable lessons that I have learned this year, really just over the past 4-5 months, is how to view my mistakes or failures as opportunities for growth. In fact, what often is deemed a mistake or failure turns out to be a blessing because of the lesson it teaches. So now, when I make bad decision, I'm almost immediately looking for the pearl in the oyster shell. We are doing it ! How rewarding is growth ?!?

Marseilles, thanks for the welcome back--and welcome back to you, too ! So glad that you are getting things going after the difficult months you have had this year . You know what, we re-started on the same day, too--I'm also on Day 8--doesn't it just get better and better with each passing day? Here's to another 8 days, and another, and another !

Camille, thank you, too--glad to be back! I've been living a little vicariously through you (and Sylvia)--just imagining how wonderful you feel having reached your goal . I appreciate you sharing your experiences as you navigate the rugged maintenance terrain. Hopefully by the spring when I'm beginning my own navigation, you will have drawn out a map to add to Mike's, Nancy's, and Sylvia's .

Susan, congrats on getting day 1 under your belt--this, to me, is the hardest day to get past. You are on your way ! Yep, we have to hang in there and persevere when the going gets tough, taking comfort in the easy days. Your comfort days will be coming soon!

Gotta run now, work is here!

Sheryl