The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[mytime]

We came back from vaction this week and my son is back at preschool. He will be four next month. He has been wetting his pants and being really aggressive since we came home. He had a bad timeout tonight and hit me. We had to start over four times. When it was over we talked and he told me he was mad b/c I am back at work. It makes me cry. I told him I really missed him too. I promissed I would try to make more time for him during the week but cannot possibly see how. It is so hard not to eat bad things for me at this time.I know it will get better and all in all we have dinner every night a 5 and are all home by 4 but I still feel really sad. I love him so much. I know food is not going to change this. I screamed at my husband for not making more money - no, that did not make me feel better - ok maybe a little - but I know it made him feel bad. Food is not the answer - writing this is seeming to help some. Ok off to think about my schedule and picking him up early one day ASAP. Boy finding new coping skills is sooo hard but hot fudge is not the answer - not anymore. Mytime

[martha]

MYTIME--

How sad for you and your son..I have you in my prayers.. They do tend to miss us when we are gone but the sooner he realizes mama has to work then the better(that sounds mean but it's true)..I hate you had to do the timeouts 4 times but him hitting you is not an option. He is young and probably had such a good time with you on vacation that he wasn't ready to go back to his normal schedule.. Sometimes this happens as they readjust to not being able to do what they want -when they want after vacations.. Screaming at the hubby is not the answer either..(even if it might have felt good at the time ) ..I am sure he is upset over the situation also..If you are home by 4 and eating together by 5 then that's more than alot of us ever got when I was coming up..I think he will adjust and once he starts school this will change for the better..We went through a similiar situation when Doug went to work on the boats..He sent the kids each a card with 1 special day on it for them to do whatever that child wanted and it was only for them.. He and only that child spent the day alone-( me and the other child used it as our special day)they could talk and go to the movies or the park or wahtever and they had the special card from him each month to relook at..It really made their day..We did this till they were grown and it really helped them with missing him..
You did right by coming here and not hitting the HOT FUDGE like in the old days..Keep your chin up and hold steady to your plan.. you are doing great with your weight loss.. Hope the day goes better for you.. Martha

[missye]

This is a tough situation and a mixed blessing. At four, we are the center of their universe and they want to be with us all the time. But . . . sigh . . . they quickly become independant. Give him a week or so, and he will adjust, those little ones are good at that. But the worst thing you could do is not give him timeout when he is bad and not talk to him about what he's doing to you when he hits and especially, don't quit your job. I like your idea of picking him up early one day a week. I bet both of you will like that too.

Keep strong and stay away from the hot fudge. Blend a chocolate shake, mix a pudding, drink some water, light a candle, read a good sonnet or story . . . We'll be thinking of you!

[Jan]

Hi Mytime

I saw your post yesterday, but waited to reply. I wanted think about it for awhile.
You know, working is not an option for you. If you were working just because you wanted to then, I think you could probably feel guilty. But some things are not options. We don't feel guilty when our child cries because they have to have a shot of antibiotic. We know they have to. We know it's not an option.
Children know how to push their parent's buttons (adults to too) When your son sees how sad you are -- you may be reinforcing his behavior. He may in his mind think "ok, I'm making progress -- mom might just stay home with me" We all use our emotions to try and contol others. It's not fair but we do. Perhaps if you give him positives ( even though I know you don't feel them) like Oh, you are going to have such a great day today. I'll see you soon. We'll do .... Then sometimes it helps to ask about what "great'" things he did at pre-school and reinforce them. "Oh that sounds great -- tell me about ....." It's an effort and really "play acting " at first. Don't agree with him about how "terrible things are" Listen-- but then try to point out good things. You need to do this for him. It will get easier and he will adapt. That's one great thing about kids too -- they're adaptable. Make him feel special.
Oh, and I'm sorry to say this but we don't really outgrow these things. My children are 26 and 29 and they can still do this to me. They can make me feel guilty because of....... and I do feel guilty until I get ahold of myself and come to my senses. And in addition I have a 99 year old father who calls and says "Jan, I'm here allllllll by myself" and guess what guilt atacks again!! We know the reality of situations but are emotional beings. You'll get it all figured out and your son will do great. And, I am proud of you too, for not heading to the old "cookie jar" after all didn't we all learn as children that a "cookie fixes everything".

jan

[mytime]

Thanks everyone. Unfortunately, I bring in 80% of the income and so not working is not an option. I was able to pick him up today at 3 - something my husband usually does. He seems to be settling in already. Jan - when I was growing up cookies didn't fix everything - ice cream did. My mom tells a story of my being about my sons age and dislocating my shoulder cried all the way to the MD. The popped it in and the next second I looked my mom in the eye and asked if I could get an ice cream. Not easy patterns to change nor to stop from passing on. I will say I did not take my son for food today as a special treat so perhaps a start. As always I am grateful to my MF family. Mytime

[martha]

MYTIME--

WOW !!! that's great news about breaking the pattern of going out to eat for comfort.. It might just help him realize food is not what you need to make you feel better.. Those old patterns are hard to break..GREAT JOB!!!!!!!!!--Martha

[mytime]

Thanks Martha for the comment about Carson !!!!! You always know just what to say !!!!! Stacey

[ladyhawke]

How's the little man doing?
Us working Mothers do share a lot of guilt but tell yourself things have to get done and he will be allright.

Michael was in daycare since 11 mos old and I am a single parent.

When he was 2 I used to drop him off and he would wail "Mooommmmmy"

I can still hear it ringing in my ears, it gets better, the transition of vacation when he had you all to himself to going to preschool was hard for him.

Does he have a special friend there? Ask the teachers to give him extra hugs and kisses. It helps if they have a friend there to look forward to seeing.
Mike and I will pray for him today.