The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[DogMa]

He said he owes you an apology but didn't actually apologize? I guess I'd probably go with the clever response basically telling him you're still waiting for an apology and explanation.

At least he recognizes that he owes you one. Maybe the florist is backed up today.

[mellowmom]

Well..for one, he doesn't know where i live, so the florist is a definite no-no.

And he didn't apologize via he email but says we'll "talk" and then I can decide whether to accept his apology.

So now, the ball's in my court... do I go with the forward volley, the slashing backhand or my favorite, the finesse drop shot... Tennis, anyone?

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[DogMa]

I'd definitely respond, because I'd want to at least hear his explanation and apology, and I'd want him to know that I want to hear it and am not ignoring him. But it had better be good.

[ascicles]

Based on what you've said, it sounds as though he isn't interested. The reason he apologized is because you emailed him and he felt that some kind of response was needed. Most guys are too gutless to simply admit that they aren't interested. The easy thing is to just not say anything.

[Elke]

My opinion....e-mail him back, at least thanking him for the help with the toilet, then maybe something like I look forward to hearing from you...that puts the ball back in his court where it belongs. If he doesn't call or anything then be done with it but at least hear what the man has to say. I for one don't believe he is not interested but I will say if you never hear from him again don't call him for advice on toilets...call a plummer.

[alpha femme]

no, don't respond to the we'll talk thing.
this is a case of he just isn't into you.
it happens.
he also sounds like he has... other committments.
so, as a form of good practice, save your pride by not initiating ANY contact with him. if the toilet backs up again, call a plumber-- who knows, THAT guy may be hot. this one isn't.

and, most importantly, DO NOT internalize anything to do with this guy.
not everyone is going to click with you. and, you will realize as you get out more, you won't want to click with everyone.

the rules of initial dating contact are simple:
one call, one shot.
if he wanted to "explain" anything, he would have.
he didn't, so don't WANT him to. don't even entertain the thought-- because people usually only hedge their bets when they have a lot of action on the table. may i suggest match.com? you may not meet mr right, but it will get you back in the game.

[mellowmom]

Okay...now my head hurts.. too much good information on both sides of the issue....

I've decided I want to know "why"...and I'm gonna email him back that an apology isn't what I'm looking for. I want an explanation. He can call or email me tonight, if he wants to set things back on track. If I don't hear from him then "sayonara".

That's my decision and I'm sticking with it.

Carmel (the mellowmom formerly known as "confused")

[DogMa]

Good for you! If he's not into you and doesn't respond, then who cares what he thinks, anyway? You've lost nothing, including your pride, as far as I'm concerned (but yes, if he doesn't respond, I certainly wouldn't contact him again no matter what).

But Manly, I WOULD like to know why in the world guys act like they're so into you when they're not? I've had it happen, too, and I just don't get it. If I'm not into a guy, I don't pretend I am. I'm polite, I thank him for dinner or whatever, and that's it. I don't pretend I like him more than I do. I don't tell him we'll go out again when we won't. I don't tell him I'll talk to him later when I have no intention of answering the phone if he calls. What's UP with that?

[mellowmom]

Just finished talking to "Stuart". He apologized and explained what happened. His business is going belly up and he was feeling pretty down about it. The job interview he thought went real well, didn't pan out and they emailed him Friday and said it was a "no-go". He was embarassed. Said he felt bad that he couldn't take me out to a movie and dinner and just shut down. Admitted he was acting pretty stupid but his pride got the better of him.

At any rate, we're meeting tomorrow at a job fair he's attending and we'll have lunch together. I'm going to accept his apology and reasoning right now, because I know guys can get a bit "wonky" when it comes to being a "provider". But still, I'm gonna have my guard up. If he asks me for a "loan" I"ll be outta there. Hope he's not a scammer...but you know what they say.. Fool me once...yada yada yada...

And so the "soap opera"...continues. Maybe I should start a poll? Or better yet a betting pool? Will Stuart show up...will he ask for money...wll he "disappear" again.... ...And to think if I hadn't gone on Medifast this never would have happend!!!!!

Carmel

[Elke]

Good for you! I hope things det better for him then maybe things will get better for you

[cyberghost]

One thing I've learned about men (and no offense to the fellas here who don't agree with me or who are not like that) is that they hate conflict when it comes to dealing with women. They also hate explaining themselves. Which is why playing it cool always works, it takes off the pressure for having to explain themselves AND avoids conflict. I was surprised at how much honesty and forthrightness comes my way when I don't show initial interest. Then again, they also accuse me of being too "aloof"
To each his own, I guess

[dede4wd]

Carmel,
I hope it goes well tonight. Let us know.

I've been enjoying your soap opera (not your pain and confusion...just that there's someone else out there going through this stuff).

Anyway, hope he's not a scammer!

D

[mellowmom]

I was late to our meeting this morning...(I swear it wasn't a "contol issue", more Freudian as in I couldn't find my keys!!) But Stuart was waiting when I got there.

Told me I looked very nice and then said that the Job Fair really wasn't very good. Only a small handful of employers showed up. I went in anyway and collected a couple of promising leads...some tenative appointments. In at 10:30 out by 11:15 AM (Should give you a pretty good idea of how lame this career fair truly was.)

We went out for coffee afterwards and sat and chatted until 1:00PM. He had an appointment at Fremont at 1:45. We hugged goodbye and he said he'd "call" me tonight... It's still early here in the West Coast, so we'll see if he gets in touch.

End of Chapter 2. Stay tuned tomorrow and find out if our intrepid couple re-unite under the pau pau tree by moonlight, or merely toss angrily barbed email at one another from across a crowded internet....

The preceding program was brought to you by Medifast....if I hadn't lost the weight, I wouldn't be in this situation...(I need a pickle)

[Nova]

I couldn't see where you had met Stuart initially, but I wanted to second Alex's suggestion of match.com. At least put your profile out there and have fun chatting up the guys on there. That's how I met my hubby, and to cap it off, we met on our free two-week trial period. I like the computer dating services because you can get an initial read on a guy without having to base it on his looks, or go out to a place you normally wouldn't go. I never would have met my guy at a bar, which is good, because I don't like bars either.

If nothing else, having all the guys email you is good for the ego. And sometimes for a laugh or two.

[mellowmom]

I met Stuart on another dating site that caters to clients of a more "Rubenesque" nature. I actually did sign up for match.com, based on a recommendation from a friend, but I haven't met anyone on there. (I think my picture scares them away.. LOL) Also, the "descriptions" for the more zaftig clientele which I consider myself to be, are Heavyset, Stocky, Big and Beautiful, Full-figured, and Curvy. Very few of the gentleman on that board indicate an interest in women with those descriptions. Their"Body Type" preferences most often are, slender, athletic and toned, average and a few extra pounds. I'm afraid I just don't fit into their desirable demographic. Or then again, maybe I'm just too old.