The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[bikipatra]

Yay! 100% on the final WTG! I'm so happy for you! 4.0 semester woo hoo! It's worth not getting as many posts from you for that!

DeDe

So AWESOME! You're like me-beautiful and smart. And modest!

[LadyT]

Hi Sandy,

Just wanted to say hello in your journal. I have read it all, and see why you are so well loved here! You are obviously intelligent, clearly beautiful, and undoubtedly witty, generous and kind with your support of others! Thanks for the kind words in my journal, btw!

I personally cannot believe your age!! You are genetically gifted my dear! You look no older than 30...seriously!

So congrats on your amazing semester and I hope you get plenty of rest over the break!!

Keep on shakin' girl!

[Sojourner]

Diana: "Hey, Beautiful" right back at'cha babe! Love, love, love y'all's new avatar - SO adorable! I hope you both enjoy your "Winter Break" and experience some rejuvenation as well. I'm hoping for the same .

DeDe: Thanks for the kudos! You continue to inspire me - almost more so with your struggling. It's because you OVERCOME the struggling and keep on keeping on. That rocks. Thanks.

Biki: Thanks for the kudos, too! About the modesty...when it comes to school I am a total braggart! It's just that it's something that requires SO much effort to just get through, and even MORE effort and determination to do well, that I have to strut like a cocky rooster. But, hey - it ain't "bragging" if you can really do it, right??

Tracey: Wow. Thank you so much for your kind words and congrats on the semester. Genetically gifted? I like it!! The picture doesn't show all of my gray...uh, er, I mean...natural highlights(!), so I don't know about the no older than 30 thang. Maybe 35! I'll take it, seeing as how I just had a birthday a month ago and reached the very mature-sounding age of 45! I don't claim the mature part, either!! I also appreciate the great amount of time you must've invested in reading through my entire journal, aware as I am about my tendency toward polysyllabic verbosity!! LOL Muchas gracias!

-------

Just putting the finishing touches on my holiday preparations, and getting a lot of reading done. Recreational reading, not for studying. It's great and something that I really miss during school. I'm taking an English Lit class during this winter term, so maybe I'll have the opportunity to finally combine the two!

And last, but certainly not least -- I'm an auntie again! Well, actually this is a niece's son, so I'm a Great Aunt (seven times over)! No matter how many times it occurs, it never gets old! And it's a good thing, 'cause #34 was born on Dec. 20th, weighing in at 7 lbs., 5 ozs., with a length of 20.25" -- healthy baby boy. Welcome to the world, Gabriel Isaiah Duarte!!

[Taangrl21]

Congrats on that 4.0!!! WHOO HOO!!!
So you have brains and beauty...the whole package huh??? Work it!
And happy to hear you are Great Aunt again! The gifts that keep on giving... hehe

[bikipatra]

Wow, a family of readers and breeders! Congrats!

[Sojourner]

Congrats on that 4.0!!! WHOO HOO!!!
So you have brains and beauty...the whole package huh??? Work it!
And happy to hear you are Great Aunt again! The gifts that keep on giving... hehe

First of all, Debra, thanks for the kudos - much appreciated. Even more appreciated is the "jinx" you apparently delivered with the "gifts that keep on giving" line. Guess What? I'm gonna' be a Great Aunt again!!! Holy Camoly, y'all - #34 no sooner arrived than we found out that #35 is under construction and due sometime in Sept. This is my eldest nephew's wife this time (he's 28, she's 24). They've been married for a little over 2 years and have been trying from the wedding night to conceive, so this is wonderful news! They're gonna' be GREAT parents, and the best thing is that they live about 0.75 miles from me!! I see LOTS of babysitting in the very near future. Yahoo!!

So much fun!!!

[Taangrl21]

OMG!!!! I tell ya, your family will never end thats for sure...your bloodline will last for decades!!! Congrats again on becoming an auntie! Yeah 2007, I foresee ALOT of babysitting in your future.I am so happy for you.

[dede4wd]

Did you say #35 WOW! Must be hard to find a dining room table for the gatherings! LOL! Congratulations Great Auntie-to-be-again!

DeDe

[Sojourner]

Thanks for the congrats Debra and DeDe!! Y'all are sweeties!

[Sojourner]

WARNING: crazy-long entry to follow, so get your re-fills everybody!

Spurred by battles elsewhere on this forum, I was prompted to re-examine my journey and the detours and bogging down that have occurred as of late. This must stop. NOW. I am the only priority that matters. Everything else will fall in place once I have taken care of mySELF. It’s time to break out my Selfish Bastard Crown and wear it proudly.

It’s funny how things conspire to chip away at the attainment of your goals and you start putting out little peripheral fires and pretty soon the whole damn forest is burning up. Well, I’m breaking out the big hoses and those overhead aerial dumper thingies , hand-held extinguishers, and even the neighbors garden hose, and I’m putting this thing out once and for all. Calling all cars!! Oh, wait, that’s the cops not the fire department. Well, hell, I may as well call them too! C’mon bad boys, bad boys..what’cha gonna’ do?

When I first began MFing, I was intrigued by the fact that we must overcome our own mindsets before we are able to be truly successful (the first entry of my journal: “The difference this time is that I have decided …”). Lately, there have been a great many forum members really struggling to hold onto their seats on the Medi-wagon. Most of these folks really seem to be making a true effort and are not merely paying lip service. Some have obviously, and admittedly, sabotaged themselves right off the wagon, but have clamored back aboard. There have been recent discussions about being too quick to overlook Medi-transgressions vs. tough love, etc. What is going on? Everyone seems completely discombobulated lately. Myself included. Is it the holiday hooha? Resolution time anxiety? What is it? WHAT??

College student that I am, and just life-long Curious George, I decided to read up on why we are so quick to self-sabotage. Here’s what I learned, and what I will be doing the minute I finish posting:

It’s all about self-concept and self-image. Bear with me…this is not a cheesy, touchy-feely discourse on loving yourself enough to help yourself, or getting in touch with your inner feelings…hey, wait a minute—that’s exactly what it is, but this stuff is REAL and truly necessary to move naturally and easily toward the accomplishment of your goals. Think about how Jo and Lauren are always saying that following the program is easier than straying from it. They have both been able to tap into the esteem and confidence they needed to make it simple for them – and, hmmm, they’re two of the biggest losers on the forum, whaddya’ know? We all have it, but we don’t always avail ourselves of it. Even those of us who are struggling so mightily have it. For instance, Nickieluv is having a particularly tough time right now, but even so, she noted in a response to Mike “…that implies more control than I had last night. Or maybe not more than I had - just more than I used.” See? She knows that she has it.

You can have anything you want if you will give up the belief that you can’t have it. Read that line again and then consider this: you can be on the most perfect diet in the world (which we are, with MF!), and you can follow the best exercise routine ever developed, but you’ll always sabotage yourself if you don’t understand what your self-image is and how it controls your behavior. It isn’t as simple as "just doing it" because desire isn’t enough to create what you want if you have internal beliefs that conflict with the attainment of your goals.

Self-concept. This is all of our thoughts and feelings about ourselves—including the way we see ourselves and all of those labels and names we affix to ourselves. Basically it’s how you would fill in the following blank: I am ______.

Our self-concept is first formed in early childhood, largely through the influence of our parents and other authority figures in our lives. As infants and small children, the “hatch cover” on our minds was open wide. Every bit of information and each suggestion “given” to us went straight into our subconscious where it was accepted as true, even if it wasn’t. At that point, our minds are very malleable, like a lump of modeling clay. About the time we reach adolescence, the “hatch cover” slams shut with all that stuff inside. So as adults, our self-concepts are pretty solid, but they can still continue to be molded and/or further solidified by our experiences. That is, successes, failures, triumphs, humiliations, and everything we see, hear, read, and think. The negative stuff is always so much easier to see than anything positive. So…if we attempt something and fail, this info is processed into our subconscious memory bank and reinforces a negative self-concept: “See, I told you that you’d never be able to do this.”

Wait! Don’t despair—there is still hope! Even after all these years of conditioning, our self-concept CAN be changed. But this is why it is such a difficult process and takes more than just a “want to.” See, most of us remain inside a comfort zone that’s consistent with the concept and image we hold of ourselves – rarely allowing ourselves to rise above or fall below this level. Any time we try to make a change in our lives, it will be met with resistance because we’re attempting to move out of that zone that is safe, familiar, and comfortable. Our conscious mind does not control our behavior; this is done on a far deeper level, in our subconscious minds where our self-concept is located. If something is inconsistent with our self-concept, it will sooner or later lead to some form of sabotaging behavior to bring us back into to our comfort zone.

To be lean and healthy, we must be able to see ourselves as capable of achieving that body and worthy of maintaining it. If we see ourselves as fat and out-of-shape, we will NEVER be a lean and healthy person…not until we see ourselves as such.

Just when you start to see results and become happy with how you look…all of a sudden, you’ll get the irresistible urge to have just a little bit of cheese, a little PB&J, just a couple of mini bagels. Next thing you know, you’ve not only ordered take out pizza, but you're eating it! These self-sabotaging behaviors are all symptoms of a self-concept that is inconsistent with your present results.

This is where our self-image comes in…the way-we-see-ourselves part. This affects our physical condition and ability to achieve our perfect weight. We have to reconstruct our self-image if we are to have any hope of changing our behavior. If the self-image stays the same, the person’s behavior stays the same. Somebody’s signature line (Allie's maybe?) says, “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always be where you’ve always been.” So true. We’ve gotta’ shake it up, y’all!!

One of my favorite guys, Ralph Waldo Emerson, once wrote, “Of what use to make heroic vows of amendment if the same old lawbreaker is to keep them?” So we can pour all of our effort into changing our eating and exercise behaviors, but the problem is that this doesn’t address the SOURCE of our behavior, which is our mental self-image. Like Mike always says, we need brain surgery, too. ‘Cause we’re more than just bodies. We have minds and spirits, too. We will always act—in fact, can ONLY act—like the type of person we SEE in our minds. If you see yourself as a fat person, you will behave like a fat person. A fat person would never be able to stick to a healthy diet, so why are we surprised when someone with a fat person self-image cheats on their diet and binges on junk food? After all, their brain is programmed that way. Do you see? Does this make sense?

So, to make lasting and permanent changes, we’ve gotta’ work on both the physical and mental aspects. The real secret is not trying to force new behaviors, but changing the self-image that controls the behavior. If we just focus our energy on creating new mental pictures, the pictures will create the new behaviors. Best of all (ask Jo & Lauren), the new behaviors that we create through a positive new self-image won’t require as much effort or willpower because they will be pretty much hard-wired into every cell of our bodies. The “unseen forces” will be working for us instead of against us. That sounds better than ketosis!!

Issues of loneliness, isolation, abandonment, emotional distancing, and the seeming inability to remain MF-compliant all appear to be separate issues; however, they all have the underlying core theme of feeling undeserving or inadequate. So, here’s how to delete your current operating system and install a new and improved updated version...

First, you’ve gotta’ choose a new self-image. You can think of it as a goal, or use measurements like inches and pounds, but also make it a real picture in your mind. Use your imagination. Make it a clear, vivid, and dynamic picture of who you want to be and what you want to look like. Don’t be afraid to visualize what you really want, and not just what you think is the best you can get. If this isn’t scary and exciting at the same time, then you’re not thinking big (or small!) enough. Don’t sell yourself short. Take that “hatch cover” off your mind and GO FOR IT.

Now that you’ve created your new self-image, put a description of it in writing – on paper. The act of writing out what you want is the go-between step from your imagination and dreams to a concrete, tangible form (right, Karli?!) Don’t worry if it’s not perfect—you can always go back and change or update it later. Just start—sit down and write.

So you’ve got your new role, and you’ve got your script. Now you have to ACT the part. Live it. Be a method actor and really get into the role (Jamie Foxx glued his eyelids shut in order to really feel blind, like Ray Charles—and he has a shiny Oscar for his efforts). So yeah, this is gonna’ feel strange at first, and resistance will rear its protective head, but ignore all of that and fake it until you make it. Ask yourself, “What would a person with the type of body I want do in this situation?” Then do it. BE that person. (I’m gonna’ have a bracelet made that says, “WWSSD?” What Would Skinny Sojo Do? - !!)

The last part of this process is one of the most important. Reinforcement. Repetition. Reiteration. Replication. And then do it again. You’ve gotta’ burn your new image into your mind like data onto a CD. It took your whole lifetime for your current self-image to develop so you can’t expect to change it overnight, so be patient…but be persistent. This is from Skinny Nova’s recent journal post – she’s got it down, and, hmmm, she’s another Big Loser, whaddya’ know? She said, “Something else I've been doing lately is telling myself that I'm normal. In whatever situation I find myself, I think in my head, ‘I'm normal. I look like a normal person, I'm a normal size, I'm eating what a normal person eats.’ At dinner tonight, I didn't worry about walking between the crowded chairs because I knew I would fit. As I sat down with my little soup, salad and half sandwich, I thought to myself, this is a normal, healthy eat-out meal.” You ROCK Nova!

Visualization is especially powerful. That’s what Nova was doing when she “saw” herself fitting between the crowded chairs with no problem. She didn’t stop and think, “Okay now kids, I must visualize myself gliding through the chairs…” her new self-image took care of all that without her even being consciously aware of it. Suh-weet!!

Here’s what one of my psych textbooks says about the powers of visualization: “The human brain and nervous system can’t distinguish between an experience that is real and one that is vividly imagined. When you vividly imagine yourself the way you want to be, doing the things you want to do, these mental pictures are not only accepted by your subconscious as real, they are accepted as commands or instructions. Project your image onto the screen of your mind. Remember, it’s your movie, so you can project anything you want. Visualizing while you’re in a physically relaxed state is even more powerful because your subconscious is more impressionable when you’re relaxed.” Cool, huh?

Think about your new image and re-write its description over and over again. Keep it on a card that you carry around with you all day, or post it where you'll see it throughout the day. Use it like a touchstone. I know that all of this sounds cheesy, trite, and really too simple of a solution for such large problems, but don’t underestimate its simplicity. There is immense power in visual images. And you all know how influential those inner voices of yours can be! So try it, what’ve you got to lose? Nothing but your "old self" and that's what we're here for anyway, right?

Personally, I’m gonna’ start writing the description of my new self-image right now…wow, she’s beautiful!!! And skinny!!
OMG, look! She just won the Lotto!

Hasta!

[bikipatra]

I usually only croon this song when drunk but it seemed apropos-"I am BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTIFUL in every single way, your words can't bring me down, they can't bring me down today..." I mean the negative words I tell myself. I have already been doing a bit of what you are asking of us. When I go to Starbucks (my major social outing most days) I ask myself-how would a cute, sexy thang behave in line? I usually end up having one conversation at least! When I order my drink I smile, because I am not invisible. When I walk down the street cute men say "good morning" to me now. (That may just be my bedroom hair and Audrey Hepburn sunglasses, though.) Great Post Sojo! Thanks so much!!!

[Taangrl21]

Wonderful post. I myself have been visualizing myself the person I want to be. I take my inspiration clothes in my closet out once in a while for a visual aid,telling myself how cute I will look in them.When I see others certain foods in front of me I remind myself that I will feel so much better when I fit into smaller pants.There are definitly times when I know I am looking good and turn a few heads I will play that moment up.And despite my poor body image, my body isnt half as bad as what I think it is at times.
Thanks for that post Sojo...

[bikipatra]

There are definitly times when I know I am looking good and turn a few heads I will play that moment up.
Thanks for that post Sojo...

Ah, to be young and cute again...

[nickieluv]

Thanks, Sojo. I really enjoyed reading this. I have actually said to myself in the past that if I were thin, it would be so much easier to make good choices, because I wouldn't want to ruin what I had. It would be easier to say no to chocolate, for instance, because I would know that the chocolate isn't worth losing my body for. But as far as imagining that I am skinny right now? Well, there are days, when I feel really good, and I think that my clothes are hanging nicely, and I do walk taller, faster, I smile more, and I generally have a really good day (and while on the diet, I have had one of those days, and it was a really easy day to do the right things). Being in charge of those days - making them happen every day, whenever I want? It sounds impossible. But I am willing to try.

[dede4wd]

Thanks Sojo!

I'm writing out my script and getting my motivation now and plan to be a damn good method actor even if I need to glue my eyelids shut and rely on what people are telling me, not what I see in the fun-house mirror!

Thanks so much for writing that beautiful post!

DeDe