The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[Sojourner]

Wow, a journal. This is a little daunting. I've never kept a journal before; certainly not one that I intend to share with anyone! But then again, as I've learned from my lurking in the forum for the past couple of weeks, you folks are not just "anyone." You are all such awesome and terrific people...go on, you know y'are! I would like to sincerely apologize to those I failed to mention in my "recap." C'mon, Hilary Swank forgot to mention her own husband when she was naming names! I know, I know, and now they're divorced. But seriously folks...please know that each and every one of you has taught me a great deal already. Even those struggling so mightily have shown me a lot--in fact, I've probably learned more from you than anyone! First and foremost, I know that I'm not alone: I have a terrific bunch of MFers to support and guide me--and yes, that abbreviation "cracked me open" the first time I read it. Yeah, the 2nd and 3rd times too! Okay, it cracks me open EVERY TIME!! Anyway, I have also learned that I'm prolly not gonna' be perfect. I simply need to hold on tight, but if I fall off, I can't just lie down and die (LOL--with a cookie in my mouth, as someone said). I've got to dust myself off, jump right back on, and ride like the dickens.

Special mention to the Silver Fox: though I still believe you to be wonderfully sweet and definitely wise, a better description of you would have been Avatar Police! She's already threatening me with the skinny stick y'all, and didn't I get here just a minute ago??!! First I have to find or take a pic, then I have to figure out what the process is, so it might be a little while...but I promise to work on it.

Okay, so here's me:

(BTW, if you hadn't already noticed, I'm a little verbose--and I love parentheses--and dashes--!!)

Hola! My name is Sandy. I'm a 44-year-old wife, stepmother/stepmother-in-law, daughter-in-law, and auntie (to 33 nieces and nephews, with #34 due in Dec!! I know! Holy SHHHHHmmmmmmokes!). I also have two children of my own, though they are of the canine species (shhh! Don't tell them--they don't know it. Oh well, they wouldn't believe you anyway!) But really, I am the only one of my siblings (five sisters, one brother) who has no offspring--my choice. I absolutely LOVE children...when they belong to someone else and I can give them back!!

My husband, Robert, is the Parts Manager (Extraordinaire!) at a local auto dealership, where he has worked for 36 years (started right out of HS). He has lived in the same home for 30 years, come Sept. Mr. Stability. In addition, for the past several years (four?), he has been a Reserve Officer with our local police department, graduating from the police academy--with top honors--one week prior to his 50th birthday. He has since been promoted to Reserve Sergeant and has earned several awards and commendations for his work "above and beyond the call of duty." His most recent was a Lifesaving Medal. How cool is that? VERY. Yup, he's my hero and a truly honorable man. We have only been married for five years, though we have been together for nearly 18. He seriously ROCKS my world, even after all this time <<swooning>>.

My stepson, Stephen 28, teaches calculus and physics at UCMerced--it was SO cool to tell him that I had earned an "A" in my statistics class, especially since I hadn't had to ask for his help all semester! (See Mike, some students DO learn what their teachers are teaching them!) Stephen and his lovely wife, Carolyn (R.N.), have been married for four years and recently purchased their first home. Grandbabies soon? We hope!

Our dogs are an 11-year-old Boxer named Chloe and an 8-year-old Chocolate Lab named Rusty (officially, Robert's Rusted Chocolate), both of whom we have had since they were baby baby puppies. They have utterly stolen my heart.

Three years ago, I quit my job of nearly 15 years at the regional center (social service agency that works with people with developmental disabilities) to return to school on a full-time basis. I am a junior at CSUStanislaus, where I am majoring in Psychology and have thus far earned a GPA of 3.86 (rounded off that's 3.9, right? Yeah, I'm braggin'--that's hard work!). Not only has Robert provided me with tremendous encouragement and support, he set the example and has been the source of great inspiration to me in his own decision to live his dreams.

Robert and I have incredible friends and awesome family members (except for...well, you know how it is). We are active members of our community, which we love, and we give back as much as we are able, both in funds and deeds. We are financially comfortable and, though we are not wealthy by any means, we are indeed very rich.

So how great is my life? It's ABSURD how great it is. I am quite happy and content with almost every aspect of it. Of course, nothing is entirely perfect...like...oh yeah, I'm FAT! Not that I expect everything to be ideal when I'm no longer fat, I'll just be able to enjoy my terrific life all the more.

On the less-sunny-side-of-the-street, I've experienced some family issues that are deeply involved, traumatic, and ongoing; but I've come to acept that sometimes things just are what they are. I can only control my response to people and situations; I cannot control the people or situations themselves. I say this rather blithely but, make no mistake: this was a lesson that came about through much pain and devastation.

Another blip in my otherwise wonderful existence is that I have three herniated discs in my lower back. Well, two herniations (L5 & L4) and a fissure (L3). Pretty much from the time I was born to the time of this injury, approximately nine years ago--wow, it's been nine years?--I was extrememly active and athletic. I played competitive sports year-round; mostly, volleyball (setter) and softball (shortstop). I absolutely loved to work out and feel that BURN babee. I was an endorphin junky in the most serious way. Here's the kicker: because I had been a jock all my life and so very active, my body required a lot of fuel and I oculd eat or drink anything I wanted to, and as much as I wanted to, and I never had to worry about my weight. Ever. So for 35 years, I had a gi-nourmous appetite with no restricitions, and I mean NO restrictions. C'mon, I'm Mexican, Italian, and Navajo Indian. Me peeps love to eat--and drink! The Mexican and Italian apparently block out the Navajo part of that equation, because I can drink a Marine under the table! Really though, this is because I have a very high tolerance for drugs and alcohol. Happy Hour is not cheap for me! This also was not helpful when trying to find pain relief with my back. I've been on everything from Vicodin to Percocet to OxyContin to Morphine! The stuff does nothing for the pain (anti-inflammatory meds don't work either), and pretty much just nauseates me and makes me puke, which kills my back--so what's the point?

Though my back injury was likely a culmination of a lifetime of use and abuse, the debilitation occurred all at one. Once instant I was fine, and in the next instant my life was forever changed. I couldn't walk at all initially (this eventually improved to a back-brace-aided slow shuffle, though now my ambulation is fine). I couldn't comfortable sit or lie down. I was in excruciating pain for months. Through physical and massage therapy, acupuncture, and an awareness of my limitations, my condition eventually improved...or I got used to it. Acutally, I think it was a little of both. If I stop to think about it right now, at this very moment, I would realize that I'm in a great deal of pain. The trick is not to think about it--duh! Currently, I can go for long stretches of time with no flare-ups, but I have to be pretty careful. Sometimes, it doesn't matter how careful I am, it just goes.

The upshot of all this is that I can no longer exercise or be anywhere near as active as I used to be, but my appetite has never diminshed. Of course, it wasn't long before the weight crept up, up, and UP. I didn't have the first clue about healthy eating habits or portions--for realz...I was practically raised on grease. Oh, I've made half-hearted (non-healthy) dieting attempts in the past several years and had some success, but that was only temporary. It was as though losing weight fave me license to revert to eating whatever it was that I wanted. The problem was that each time this happened I'd gain everything back and then some. This is yo-yo dieting, yes? So now, 70 pounds later, here I am on the MFing diet talking to you all.

The difference this time is that I have decided to really end this. I've made a conscious decision that I'm done with being a fatty-fatty-2x4. It's over. Already, I've lost 21 lbs. in a very short time and I am one STOKED MFer!! As I mentioned in the "Come on in" thread, I chose Sojourner as my forum name because now that I have decided to leave Fatville for good, I can look at my time there as just a temporary, but extended, stay. In other words, a sojourn...

Like Unca said, I'm on the train to Thinville babee! BTW, I love my fellow passengers--YOU!

And that's me.

[Diana]

Ok, I'm going to have to read all that in installments! lol

My s-i-l lives in Fresno! We'll have to hook up for a L&G sometime when we're down there!

Again, welcome, Sandy. So glad you found us.

(And you knew, of course, as soon as you started naming folks, there'd be someone, right?? After all, I think the official count on the forum is over 1300. Nonetheless, that was the most affirming intro ever posted in my experience.)

Have a fantastic week.

[Sojourner]

Wow, thanks Diana. What I found to be really affirming is all of you on this forum--that's why I'm here . Yes, even those I didn't specifically name!! I covered all that in my first journal entry. Of course, by the size of the thing it doesn't look like there's much that I DIDN'T cover, huh? LOL. Yes, I can be a little wordy sometimes...it works great for school papers and such, but I'm sure some people just want to throw their hands over their ears and scream at me to shut up!



An L&G in Fresburg? I could do that! Maybe a bit further down the road, though--I haven't ventured into the restaraunts yet and I'm a little skeerd! Of course with you there it'd prolly be a learning experience for me...

Thanks again for the welcome, and I hope your week is fantastic also.
Hasta!

[Mike]

Wow.. what a great first journal entry. I am glad you got an A in your stats class... I just found out I also got an A in mine that I took at Solano for 2 weeks. There was a gal in that class that graduated from CSU Stan with a BA in Math. I tried to get her going on the MF wagon, we will see what happens.
We are all happy that you found MF and are looking forward to your insights and experiences.
Of course, you know where to come for encouragement, and a few laughs as well.

[DogMa]

Hey, I'm still honored to have been named in your original post - and I believe I was even FIRST, thankyouverymuch. I'm sure the swelling in my head will come down at some point.

Great story, and it sounds like you're going to do great at this. (And anyone with four-legged children has already earned plenty of extra points in MY book. Not to mention that I say the same thing about the two-legged kind - I love them, as long as they're not mine.)

Welcome again!!

[Elke]

Great begining to a wonderful jurney. Nice to have another MFer in the house...yea that cracks me up too.

[Sojourner]

So…I’ve learned so much about myself through this forum. One surprising thing I’ve learned is that I really suck at this journaling thing!! I was explaining to someone here that I feel as though I “journal” all over the forum and then don’t really have anything to say in my own actual journal. Then I confessed how my DH, anyone who’s ever met me, and even myself would have a good laugh at the very idea that I could ever reach a point where I would have nothing to say!! Since that excuse got blown out of the water, I have decided to make a more concerted effort to journal at least every few days or so. I can’t make any promises once school starts in a couple of weeks, but…wow, see—I’m already making excuses!!

Well, here we go:

Thursday, August 24, 2006—in the midnight hour. Ugh, I’ve got to start going to bed earlier!! I’m just a night owl, always have been, prolly always will be. Anyway, life has been pretty good lately. Well, it’s always good, but my A/C was finally fixed after going without it for just two days short of a month. Whew! In the hottest damn summer in the last 50 years, my air goes out! It was horrible, but we got through it—with a stint at the local Doubletree for the first few hottest days (three days in a row of 112 degrees!!).

I’m finally done with all of the projects around the house that I had saved up for my summer break. I’ve also gotten all of my school stuff organized and ready to go--classes begin on Sept. 6. My hallway, living room, kitchen, and dining room are all painted; that’s including all of the baseboards and six doors and their frames. The carpets are being cleaned tomorrow. Everything looks really great, but I’m especially pleased with the kitchen and dining room, which I did in a Mexican motif: terra cotta and brick colors sponged together. I have this great Diego Rivera painting of a roly poly woman rolling out tortillas, and a couple of Mexican rooftop tiles that we watched a local artist paint while we were in Mazatlán last February, and a few other decorative items that really fit in well. The coolest thing is the molcajete (mortar and pestle) that used to belong to my maternal grandmother. It’s prolly over 100 years old and is really awesome looking.

The weight loss has been incredible. At first, I was losing weight like a man! I was a man once on a beach in Mexico, but that is another story for another time. Anyway, the weight loss has slowed down in the last couple of weeks. Only 3 lbs. last week, and so far this week has only shown a 2-lb. loss. But, I’ll take it!! I knew it would slow down at some point, and I haven’t yet hit any plateaus, which I know will happen. I can’t believe how strong I’ve been. I have had but one cheat, and it was very minor—during the second week, I had two wheat thin crackers. That’s it! Where did this control come from? I’m not gonna’ question it, I’m just gonna’ nurture it! I do believe that attitude is everything, and I’m definitely working on a positive attitude. The fact that I’ve lost over 30 lbs. in very short order has helped a lot, too! I also reached my halfway mark before the slow down…so, all of that has had a great deal of impact on my motivation. Not to mention this forum. Huge support, inspiration, motivating stories and pics. I love it!!

Okay, that’s it for now. More later…

[Aerie]

Great journal and I noticed you're more than 1/2 way to goal. Good job!

[blondeangel7782]

Good Job Sojourner and that was in my journal that you confessed to not keeping up with your own! Keep up the good work and I can't wait to see onederland

[Serendipity]

Sandy,

I don't know how I did it, but I missed your whole journal! I've enjoyed reading it this morning.

I've noticed your positive personality.....who hasn't, lol. But reading your first post confirms for me that attitude has alot to do with happiness. You could have slipped into a poor me place and no one would have blamed you. Being in a funk about something never makes it better.....that's my mantra.

I'm so glad you joined us. Keep up the positive attitude and you'll soon be at goal.

[Sojourner]

Thanks Doc! Woohoo for half-way!!

Nikki, yes it was in your journal where I 'fessed up to neglecting my journal--thanks for spurring me to make another entry! Let's see how I do...

Jo: I truly appreciate your kinds words regarding my 'tude--thanks! Somehow, even through all of my traumatic childhood experiences, I've always been quite an optimistic person. Maybe it's because of my upbringing--having survived it, that is! Anyway, I've really had to learn how to apply that optimism in the past several years, with my aforementioned family issues as well as my back injury. Live and learn, huh? But you're SO right (as always!), being in a funk never improves the situation. A person can be in a bad situation and feel like crap or be in the same situation and feel hopeful that it will soon resolve, or just happy to be alive and able to experience ANY situation, good or bad. When you can't do anything about what's going on, why put yourself through all the stress and turmoil of feeling sorry for yourself or anxious or angry or whatever other negative emotion/response you can think of? It's just not worth it, and it serves no purpose.

That said...it's time to test my attitude yet again. I'm really gonna' need to be positive in the days to come...and here's why:

I've been experiencing a really bad case of hives. I've never had hives before in my entire life. Not once. My doctor has suggested that I may be allergic to soy or something else MF-related, as the hives began shortly after I started the diet. Yes, that's right--I've had hives for 6 weeks now!

First we thought it was a response to a bee sting I had around the same time (I'm highly allergic). I was stung, I gave myself a shot of epinephrine, I went to the ER, etc. A couple of days later, I broke out in hives. This was on Day 5 of MF. Doc thought it was residual bee venom that I was still reacting to, but I wasn't having any respiratory difficulties or any other symptoms, so he had me take Benadryl, and the hives went away. Next day, more hives, but in a different spot. Some days, I'd just have a few, say on my abdomen or chest or legs. Some days, I'd have TONS in those same areas. I'm talking hives on top of hives, and they just kept jumping around. That's another thing I've had to control besides my food intake--no scratching!! I found out really quickly that scratching hives just makes them much, much worse. So, I've just steeled myself against the urge and rarely scratch. It's really tough, and absolutely miserable.

Doc wanted me to stop the MF, but I was having such success I resisted. I was also confused because I've had soy products before with no ill effects, and if I was having an allergic reaction to something in the diet, wouldn't it have manifested immediately? Like I said, I was 5 days in before the hives first appeared. Well, my doc went along for a while, but they have been really bad in the past several days and he is now insisting that I stop for at least 10 days. Dammit!! In 10 days on MF I can lose 5 lbs! In 10 days off MF, who knows what will happen? But he is absolutely adamant now.

So...I'm off the program as of tomorrow (really today) Friday, Aug 25th until Sept 5th ('cuz of the holiday). Then he will anylyze test results and reevaluate my condition. I know it's something that I have no control over and I need to just deal, but #(!@!)()_#@@! Why can't I just continue taking a daily antihistamine? What's the big deal??? I know, I know...

Also, I was supposed to be in Arizona visiting my sister by now, but with all this stuff going on I won't be leaving until Monday morning. The bad thing about this is the timing...my sister has no internet access (how does she live in such a primitive manner??!!), so not only will I be off plan, I can't even come here for support for a whole week!

But I'm cool. I'll get through this. This too shall pass, right?

RIGHT??!!!

[Elizabeth]

Good morning Sojourner. I'm so sorry that you are having trouble with hives. Keep in mind that there are other meal replacements (soups, shakes, puddings) available that are not soy based. No worry, you'll figure it out. Keeping my fingers crossed its not MF. So, what do you have planned for food today? Have a great day.

[Lizabette]

SOJOURNER,

I read every word, yes every word, of your journal and all I can say is WHEW!
I did sorta notice the reference to Silver Fox being the Avatar Police. Guilty as charged, my dear!
But what a journal. You will be sooooo glad you are keeping a record of your sojourns both good and not so good!
When I look back at my journal, I think, "Oh My Goodness. Did I really write that stuff!"
But I know it serves its purpose, even if nobody reads it but me.

Sorry about the hives, SANDY. Okay if I just say a little prayer that everything will be okay with that?
Yeah, and I just want you to know that it is an honor getting to know you. And will be even more so when I finally get to see your grown-up face!

Lizabette

[Sojourner]

Elizabeth: thanks for the well wishes. Yes, I know that some meals are not soy based, I've already tried to do a few days that way, but nothing changed. I just don't believe it's the MF, but I've gotta' listen to the doc, right? My meal plan for today is doughnuts and pizza. Just kidding, lol. I was thinking I could do skim milk maybe twice a day and then 2-3 small L&G-type meals. Like a couple of oz of ckicken and maybe 1/2 cup of veggies?? I dunno, what do you think? At least, school hasn't begun yet and I'm able to do this for now...

Lizabette: Whew, is right!! Lots of yapping, huh? Thanks for taking the time, and thanks for the prayer, I do appreciate the sentiment. As far as my grownup face is concerned...I'm sending an extremely adult pic to Unca to post as my new avatar. Special order for the Silver Fox--I hope you enjoy it. And really, my face does look pretty thin in this shot!! Your new avatar, BTW, is gorgeous!!
<img src="http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/23/23_32_7.gif" alt="SmileyCentral.com" border="0"><img border="0" src="http://plugin.smileycentral.com/http%253A%252F%252Fimgfarm%252Ecom%252Fimages%252Fnocache%252Ftr%252Ffw%252Fsmiley%252Fsocial%252Egif%253Fi%253D23%252F23_32_7/image.gif">

[Lizabette]

SOJOURNER,

When I said "Whew", I meant "Whew" as in profound, detailed, and interesting!

The Silver Fox sends kudos for the new avatar. Sweet of you to respond. We'll enjoy it, for sure.
You are doing wonderful and halfway to goal in such a short time.
Sounds like your food plan while off MF will at least keep you in the maintenance mode and maybe even lose a few pounds.
But maybe you should eat more chicken and vegetables.

And thanks for your flattering words about my new avatar. I hope to be posting a goal picture one of these days soon.

You are definitely "cool" to be sojourning with!
"Cool" as in fantastic!

Lizabette