by Lauren » March 15th, 2007, 9:17 am
It's amazing how affected I've been by my inability to exercise since last Monday's accident. I've been able to walk (not quickly), but I am not able or allowed to do any additional exercising, except for the stretching exercises the rehab guy gives me. I have felt lethargic, cranky, frustrated, and truth be told - FAT. The feeling fat thing is twofold: first, just not being active and moving for 10 days in comparison to the running I was doing almost daily, has just left me feeling like a sloth which makes me feel big. But the second issue is that I am incapable (physically) of sucking in my tummy or tightening my abdomen, because it uses back muscles which are not currently able to be used, so I feel I have a perpetually distended belly, which sucks. I feel more self-conscious in my tight fitted clothing, because I can't stand up nice and tall with my shoulders back and my stomache tucked in.
Anyway, last night I had another rehab/PT appt, and I was told prior to it that if I felt up to it, and wasn't in too much pain, he'd *consider* letting me get on the recumbent bike for a short time. I was so excited! Fortunately I was indeed feeling up to it, and he put me on for 5 minutes, and it was GREAT! He laughed and said he'd leave me alone for those 5 minutes because he could tell I would cherish the time! :-) I feel sore today (as expected), but so good.
Here's what I figured out and learned: all the exercising and running that I've been doing for these last months hasn't just toned my body, it's toned my ego and self-esteem. It doesn't just make me look good, it makes me FEEL good about myself, and I take tremendous pride in being this athletic/active woman. I want to shout it from the rooftops that I am a runner, that I make a conscious choice to do this thing that I never thought I could do, and that so many people can't or won't do. This exercising and running is so clearly attached to my ego, that these last days without it have left me bruised, emotionally, even more than physically.
Anyway, I am on the mend, and I see improvements every day, and I know that a good run is just around the corner. In the meantime, I will cherish my 5 minutes or more on a recumbent bike, as if it were a marathon!
Sorry for the dissertation!
Lauren