by sidrah » March 21st, 2009, 3:15 pm
I have been meaning to start writing in here again and as I sit and read what I wrote back then, I realized that 1) I have no recollection of some of those things that I made or cooked or did or said and 2) my mom died 2 years ago and some of the last posts in my journal involved my mom
Conclusion: It's been too long since I have written in here and likely too long since I have tried hard enough to be consistently on the plan
So, I figured I should just sort of re-fresh and update and re-start.
I am not that big on writing about myself. But, I feel like I can be vague enough and clear enough at the same time that what I am writing is still able to be generalized to have some meaning to it.
I have all of these food packets in the kitchen. I have a new order of those crunch bars in my car----they should be brought in so they don't melt---- and I got a new box of tomato soup so I can try those crackers out.
Little background for those who cannot remember, never knew, or never cared. I am a HS special ed. teacher. I usually have self-contained behavior and emotional disordered students. This year I am back to teaching Algebra and Freshman English in a resource class. Same work, slower pace than general ed. classes would be.
To say my current principal asks a lot of me would be like saying Niagara Falls is kind of like a backyard sprinkler. He thinks department heads should do all of his work, send it to him and then let him take credit for it. On top of that, I am teaching 5 of 6 classes a day that I have to prep for and during my planning period (if we can call it that) I have to work with the special ed kids at the charter school on campus. Don't get me wrong. I love these kids and have known most of them for 7 or 8 years depending on their grade. I started with them in jr. high and followed them up to HS. So, every year a new group starts and then one of my old group graduates, but I always have that one new 9th grade group there with sophomores-seniors being my old group.
I have had literally no time to sleep or do anything not associated with school. I think I am a little depressed or something. I look back now and see that ever since my mom died I just have no motivation to do anything. So, I feel even worse when I see that what my goals were two years ago, they still are. I still have to finalize my proposal and finish the dissertation. My coursework is completely done.
This school year has been ROUGH. It started okay, tehn the principal, little dictator that he is decided to impose his arrogance and cockiness all around. School is like walking into a war zone. NO one person is happy to be at work. Even the people that the principal treats well (I am thankfully one of them because I know my stuff and do my job well), get upset as seeing how he treats the rest of the 99% of the staff. So, I do almost nothing but school work. I should be working on IEPs right now instead of doing this. On the home front, I let my brother and his almost-wife girlfriend forever move in with their 1.5 year old. I love the baby, but coming home to pretty much taking care of her all night lets me do little school work. I was used to just coming home and working on school stuff. In retrospect, not healthy either, but I was never behind on school or homework like I am now. I look and see everyone else going home and not doing work 20 hours a day and started to think that if I am overwhelmed at work then they are jsut going to have to realize I cannot do that much work in one week and still come home without ulcers. I spent almost all of this school year sick because of that.
My dilemma right now is whether or not I should move to San Diego. There is a job fair the first weekend of April and I planned to go. I think with a spec. ed. background I will find a job. My other brother is already living there and has been for a few years, so I would probably get an apt. with him so we can live somewhere nicer and afford it rather than a cheaper place in a bad area. My other brother, gf, and baby will move out there if I do, too. I don't mind that. But, I really like most of the people I work with and after 8 years in the district feel like I have proven myself and am good at my job. I do not want to leave the people I am friends with, but I cannot handle another year like this one. Maybe it was the principal's job in his mind, but he makes me feel incompetent and I am not in any way incapable of doing a good job and am great with kids and parents. The school board votes Monday night, but that will play a big role in whether I stay or not. Even if he is gone, I still have other dilemmas to consider.
I rally want to move to SD, but am worried I won't get a job. I guess that is silly since I have always applied and received the jobs I wanted. But, I only apply where I know I am qualified and capable. I just don't want to walk in and be pre-judged. I know I am in a comfort zone here, but I don't think that is so much my concern as having to prove myself to another group of people. I know I am smart and work well with my teachers and the kids. I just wish I knew some more people in San Diego or knew I would at least have something to go to. Yes, I will have family there, but I hope also that I can meet some new people. I am just confused now.
So, on that note, does anyone know any school districts in SD that I should be on the lookout for? I like the Hillcrest area simply because it is a nice little town feeling where you could walk around and go into little shops and cafes; I could care less what the majority of the people in the area are (it is known as a gay area) and to be honest, I think that I would enjoy it there because it is so different from Phoenix. I am not from Phoenix but I moved here when my parents did. Now that my mom died, I feel no compulsion to remain here. I am not a fan of the education system and desire an overall district closer to where I grew up where education was paramount.
I feel like I am babbling. I am watching The Real World Reruns and I now feel like I have absolutely no problems!!! Okay, so I hope someone might have some ideas or ideas to ponder for me.
As for myself, I am going to continue visiting and writing even though most of the people I started with years ago are gone. I think it inspires me to read new slants on things. For my sanity I will write in here everyday and if for no other reason, use it as a place to vent.
Have a great weekend everyone!
Teresa
Don't really care as long as everything's better than yesterday was...
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