The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[PippiLongstocking]

Hey all,
just wondered if you ever had to say good- bye to a friend that did nothing for your life in a positive way and you could see they were on a path to death and destruction?

I had to say good bye to a friend of 35 years tonight because she literally has a death wish weighing around 600 lbs. and putting me down all the time when I correspond with her because I do want to lose weight and be healthy although I'm no where near that on the scale.

I don't know if I'll ever make up with her, but I think its run its course...

[lifelovinaries]

Yes, pippi, i understand what you mean. It takes a lot to remove negativity when it is so deeply part of your personal life. Good for you for recognizing that your friend no longer had anything positive to add to your life and it was becoming draining. People come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you are able to ask yourself if you have done everything to change the negatives into positives and nothing has worked, and the answer is yes, there is nothing more you can do. We can't control how or what others think but we can control how we let that affect us. Sometimes, us maintaining that control means that we have to let go...and sometimes it hurts. Hang in there and, if you pray, pray for your friend.

[PippiLongstocking]

Yes, pippi, i understand what you mean. It takes a lot to remove negativity when it is so deeply part of your personal life. Good for you for recognizing that your friend no longer had anything positive to add to your life and it was becoming draining. People come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you are able to ask yourself if you have done everything to change the negatives into positives and nothing has worked, and the answer is yes, there is nothing more you can do. We can't control how or what others think but we can control how we let that affect us. Sometimes, us maintaining that control means that we have to let go...and sometimes it hurts. Hang in there and, if you pray, pray for your friend.

thank you, your words mean alot. this is a sad time, but I guess I knew deep down that its been coming for a very long time. I will pray for her, because I do believe in miracles and that God Changes everything.
He can do more in one hour for us than we can do for ourselves in a lifetime.

[Mike]

He can do more in one hour for us than we can do for ourselves in a lifetime.

Absolutely

I say that if they aren't a positive influence in your life, and they aren't family, then you don't need them in your life bringing you down. Just be a good example and you never know... she might come around eventually. If not, you have at least done something good for your own life.

[bikipatra]

I had a close friend that I have had to distance myself from too. I met her at one of my 12 step meetings. A few months ago she has a DUI, but not from drinking, but from taking Ambien during the day with Benadryl. So it was like she was trying to get high. She ended up driving and hitting another car. The judge suspended her license for a year. That lasted about a month and now she is driving again and hiding it from her 12 step sponsor. She has a therapist, a psychiatrist and a psychic/astrologer she spends 20,000 a year on even though she works at Starbucks. (A condition of her probation was getting a job.) She also still always refers to me as being overweight and I just don't need that. She acted shocked that a photographer actually wanted to work with me. We are both drama queens and it is like anything I say she has to have a story to top it. It just became too exhausting to try to carry on a relationship with her and wait for the barbs and remain silent about how she is breaking the law and risking losing the partial custody she has of her children. I have been in and out of AA for 14 years and in general people who lie to their sponsors don't stay sober. I feel if I spend time with her I would tell her things she doesn't want to hear and won't change anyway.

[PippiLongstocking]

I had a close friend that I have had to distance myself from too. I met her at one of my 12 step meetings. A few months ago she has a DUI, but not from drinking, but from taking Ambien during the day with Benadryl. So it was like she was trying to get high. She ended up driving and hitting another car. The judge suspended her license for a year. That lasted about a month and now she is driving again and hiding it from her 12 step sponsor. She has a therapist, a psychiatrist and a psychic/astrologer she spends 20,000 a year on even though she works at Starbucks. (A condition of her probation was getting a job.) She also still always refers to me as being overweight and I just don't need that. She acted shocked that a photographer actually wanted to work with me. We are both drama queens and it is like anything I say she has to have a story to top it. It just became too exhausting to try to carry on a relationship with her and wait for the barbs and remain silent about how she is breaking the law and risking losing the partial custody she has of her children. I have been in and out of AA for 14 years and in general people who lie to their sponsors don't stay sober. I feel if I spend time with her I would tell her things she doesn't want to hear and won't change anyway.

Wow, this is really close to the same type of friend I have. She has many compulsions and seems to be getting more. She has an incredible gambling problem but the money will never run out since she's a trust fund baby and daddy died leaving her even more. She's an alcoholic and a food addict. She hates pets and tells me how disgusting it is that I let my Pomeranian in the house,(my dog is so clean!) yet I'm supposed to kiss her pet (stuffed) monkey she's had since she was like 4, I kid you not!
I've tried to stand by her since she's pretty pathetic, but even sick people need to be held accountable at times and I'm not a punching bag.
She sent me 3 emails in 2 days about how much I let her down, ?????
I'm just going to let it go and see what happens, I really can't handle
volatile people. Like Mike said, maybe she'll see I've made some positive changes in my weight and follow suit...I seriously doubt it though.

[summergirl]

The title of this one caught my eye...

I had a "Toxic" friend for about 8-9 years. Introduced her to her husband-an old friend of mine-they're now divorced.... I got her a job at the office I used to work at, she called in sick so many times I lost track.

She was one of those degrading, negative people who suck you in and pull you down. I recall her calling me from Costco one day just to tell me what an "awful" outfit someone had on. (As though that's helpful to anyone...)

When I was at my heaviest weight, she would make comments about what size she wore, and if she could borrow the clothes I don't fit in, anymore... But once I did Atkins, and was losing... she would sit there and talk bad about Atkins, etc... "I like bread too much, I could never do it". Yeah, well I like bread, too-why do you think I am overweight!? Needless to say, once I finally wanted the "Venomous" people out of my life, we parted ways. It was a good thing!

[Karakuri]

I think this one is a bit hard to answer. Yes, the person is toxic and isn't good for you, but at the same time do you wonder why they're being the way they are?

Generally, people aren't happy with themselves when they go around putting others down. I've seen it a lot and I've also been guilty of it. Some feel so deeply depressed that they can't find a way back out. How often does someone take the time to really help their friends instead of cutting them out completely?

I'm not saying that's what you did, but I have seen it happen.

Many of these people need someone to help push them in the right direction. If everyone ignores them, then their situation won't always get better but worse instead.