The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[siglamb962]

This morning has been really rough. I woke up to my parents screaming and yelling at each other and it went downhill from there. My emotions have not been so rattled for a very long time. Some of that, I am sure, is related to the pain killers I am on for the ankle (they always mess with my moods), but I know that many "environmental" factors are weighing on me as well. Staying on plan has been a struggle today. I am not hungry and I keep reminding myself of that fact. I just want to soothe the emotional struggle going on in my head right now. This is the first time that I have really had to deal with emotions this strong and overpowering while on MF so I am trying to come up with new ways to deal with them. Journaling is one of those releases for me now - if my hands are busy on the keyboard then they are too busy to shovel food into my mouth. I should sew, but I am to rattled for that right now. If I had two good feet, I would go for a walk, but that is completely out of the question at this point.

On top of the emotional junk, I slipped and landed on my bad ankle this morning. Needless to say, the pain has returned with a vengence. I really don't think I landed hard enough to do any damage. The nurse at my doc's office said that if I didn't break the splint, then I probably did not do any damage inside. Basically, I am to take two pills and call if it gets worse or doesn't get better. Since the doc himself is in surgery all day today, I wouldn't be able to see him until Monday anyway.

Deanna and I have another trip to Snow Trails planned for tomorrow. We will get up early to get her up there by the time the lifts open. At least I will be out of the house, but I am not sure how I will keep myself occupied while she snowboards.

Ok - enough whining - time to find something to do to conqure this mood.

Ouch! I am sorry you are having a rough day. But, I hope you are healing well. Soon you will be running around too busy to care about other people's yelling, and so surefooted you never slip. GO SEW!!!

[bikipatra]

I'm thinking about you Brenda! I want you to get better soon! Don't make me send any more flowers. They really will think something weird is going on!

[rodeomom]

Don't make me send any more flowers. They really will think something weird is going on!

Wouldn't that be a hoot!! You are so special. I am doing OK, just feeling sorry for myself I guess. I want to eat and shouldn't, I want to go for a walk and can't. Call it cabin fever, depression or whatever, but I am just flat struggling right now. Thanks for the lift.

Thanks for stopping by too Becki!!

[Tawanda]

RM, I feel for you......you've come too far to backslide. You can get your focus again and get to goal. Food isn't going to change things for the better, food isn't your friend and food isn't the answer (this is my mantra that I'm sharing with you......you need to get your own mantra 'cause I need mine daily. ).

You can do this------no matter what is happening around you.......you can stick to plan. You have control and power over your choices (Hey, that is another one I need to say to myself daily/hourly ).

[siglamb962]

I think it is perfectly okay to feel sorry for yourself. But, I have learned too many times that there is no way to eat to feel better. I know you know that. It just spirals and you end up gaining again. I know you want to be active, and it is not happening. I am sorry about that. Is there something you can do? Can your daughter take her invalid ma out for a drive to get you out of the house? Hang in there, I know you can do it. If you are bored I can send you my puking bug! That will liven things up for you!!!!!!!

[rodeomom]

Thanks Tawanda and Becki! I was able to stay on plan today, but it was NOT easy. I know I am not hungry, I know that my emotions are causing the desire to munch. Since I was really craving something sweet, I drank a few A & W Diet Cream Sodas. I did get in all my water and then some today, that is an accomplishment since I struggle with water intake everyday.

I can say that even though all of this has been very rough it has served as an important lesson for me. Obviously, I will not be on the 5 & 1 all my life and I will have to face food at some point. What I am learning about dealing with my emotions now will certainly come in handy in the future. Before my surgery, when I got into a "munching mood" I would go for a walk, clean stalls, carry in wood or some other kind of physical activity. I can't do any of that now. I can sew and I am getting some projects done so that is at least something good coming out of this.

So, here is to at least an easier day tomorrow if not a better one.

[lifelovinaries]

hey brenda! Just poppin in to check up on ya! Trying to make some quick rounds and didn't wanna forget you.

[rodeomom]

Thanks for stopping by OC.

Today was another rough one. All I felt like doing was sulking on the couch. I am suffering from a MAJOR case of cabin fever and I am bored out of my mind. Sewing helps pass the time, but I can't stay at the machine for longer than a half hour or so without causing pain. Is it too much to ask that with over 200 different channels on the satalite that I might actually be able to find something decent to watch? I mean a person can only take so much of Project Runway and America's Next Top Model before going completely INSANE!! Wow, glad I got that out.

Anyway, I have been able to stay on plan by taking it 2-3 hours at a time. I am using my allowance in snacks, which I didn't have to do before the surgery. I would rather not have the snacks because I am not eating them for the right reason. I am eating to sooth the emotional junk. Even though what I am eating is on plan, I am still eating it for the wrong reasons. How bad off does a person have to be to use a pickle or a stalk of celery to ease bordom or emotional pain? In a way, even the MF supplements are more of an emotional medication than a food supplement. I am beginning to wonder if I will ever gain a victory over food or if I am doomed to always use it as a bandaid.

Ok - so I just read over that and I realized that I am totally rambling and dumping. Time to check other journals then get off of here.

[bikipatra]

A person has to be pretty dedicated to remaining COMPLIANT to ease emotional pain with a stalk of celery. Someday you may grow to not need food at all for emotional support but if all of us on the board had used celery to take away our emotional pain, we would have never gotten fat. Celery is one of the few foods on the planet that take more calories to digest than are in the actual food. So you are growing! I hope you have a better day today.

[katieb920]

Hi RM,

Hope you have a better day today. <img src="http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/11/11_8_14.gif" alt="SmileyCentral.com" border="0"><img border="0" src="http://plugin.smileycentral.com/http%253A%252F%252Fimgfarm%252Ecom%252Fimages%252Fnocache%252Ftr%252Ffw%252Fsmiley%252Fsocial%252Egif%253Fi%253D11%252F11_8_14/image.gif">

[rodeomom]

A person has to be pretty dedicated to remaining COMPLIANT to ease emotional pain with a stalk of celery. Someday you may grow to not need food at all for emotional support but if all of us on the board had used celery to take away our emotional pain, we would have never gotten fat. Celery is one of the few foods on the planet that take more calories to digest than are in the actual food. So you are growing! I hope you have a better day today.

I made a new list for myself. This one is for me to remember or read when I get a craving. I KNOW that what I am feeling is a craving and the desire to "cover up" my emotional baggage. Maybe this will help someone else....

When a craving strikes I will now ask myself if consuming ___ (Fill in the blank) is worth.....

1. the cost of of the supplements it will take just to get back into ketosis?
2. the hunger, grouchiness, headaches etc during the 3 days it will take
to get back into ketosis?
3. the delay it will cause in reaching my goal?
4. the guilt I will lay on myself after I am finished consuming it?
5. the feeling of failure I will have for not remaining compliant?
6. having to face our clients knowing I haven't remained compliant?
7. the risk of fueling the craving and making it worse?
8. possibly never reaching goal?
9. feeling like a hippocrit?
10. having to tell my email buddy support system I fell off plan?

If I can actually read all of those and honestly tell myself "Yes, it is worth all of that." Then I will satisfy that craving. I don't think I will ever be able to look at that list and justify satisfying any craving I might have though.

Thank you both, Biki and Katie for stopping in and for your support. Today, I remain compliant. I went out for a drive this morning (what fun driving with the left foot) in order to keep from going COMPLETELY INSANE! I feel better having given myself back some of my lost freedom. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow morning and I will go to that by myself too so I will be able to stop at a fabric store and browse a little for some fabric for a quilt order.

My goal for now, is to start looking at the entire Medifast plan as a dietary supplement and not as food to ease my emotional pain.

[bikipatra]

I think your list was a great idea and I am so glad you got out on a drive!

[lifelovinaries]

Hmmmm... some classy tiger print fabric maybe? RM, i'm happy that you are able to recognize your eating issues and deal with them. Once we recognize them, they start to become easier to to control. Just think...at least you have the ABILITY to get out now. Enjoy it for what it is, no matter how minute it may seem!

[rodeomom]

You betcha Erica! GGRRRR! I will have to get your snail mail addy so I can send you those samples.

I am not sure if I am supposed to be getting out or not, but I just couldn't take it any longer! We all know what they say about the simple things in life. In this day and age in this country we all take so much for granted. Just the freedom to be allowed and able to get in a car and drive to where ever we want to go when we want to go there is a freedom not enjoyed by many people around the world. I have been re-reading the book "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff... and Everything is Small Stuff" just to remind myself of the blessings that I do have. So often recently, I have been squalering in my own self pity because of pain, lack of mobility, and other stuff when I could be thinking of all the good things I do have. I am on the road to recovery after dealing with this injury since October of 2005, I am on the road to a thinner, healthier me, my daughter and I are getting closer than we have ever been and developing the mother/daughter relationship I have always dreamed of, there are more, but I am sure you all get the point. During times of darkness, like the last few days I forget to count my many blessings.

My new non-weight related goal or my late New Year's Resolution is to name at least 5 things/people I am blessed to have in my life - to count my blessings.

[jayzoe]

Thanks so much for posting that! I was just thinking today about how absolutely INCREDIBLE my life is, I have two fabulous boys who are perfect in every way a marvelous husband who loves me and supports me no matter what, a beautiful home, a working body, etc... I really need to count my blessings every time I get grouchy with this food stuff... matter of fact, this whole experience should be a blessing, I'm learning how to treat my body CORRECTLY instead of stuffing it full of stuff it doesn't need...

anyway, thanks for reminding me to count my blessings too!