by DutchChoc » January 27th, 2005, 5:08 pm
Howdy to old friends and new. It was exactly 13 weeks ago today that I literally dropped out of my program and started investing heavily in the grocery market. I had lost 34 pounds in 102 days, from 160 down to 126, and I was slaving away at the gym to get that one miracle last pound off so I could declare myself victorious. WELL!! Very little, in my opinion, could be called victorious in that I felt so deprived after having shakes only for 102 days that I had no interest in depriving myself further. That feeling persisted, and persisted, and persisted. I suppose it isn't quite over yet, as I ask myself whether this is the "right way" for me to reduce again.
Over the weeks, I've tried "moderation" as a way to manage my weight. I've FELT like I wasn't eating that much, at times. I've felt like I should've been maintaining all the while my weight continued to rise and rise, never really retreating. I've learned that I'm not that good at moderation! I feel I might never be that good at moderation, frankly.
However, the lassitude with which I've behaved has resulted in me no longer feeling good about myself -- whatever that means, as I didn't really feel "that good" about myself when I was fairly emaciated at 126. I did, however, feel better than I feel now. I am going to re-do, re-spend, re-try to the extent that I will once again be in the running for the grand prize of fatlessness. The re-spending, logically, is irksome, if it only gave me 13 weeks of eating whatever I wanted to return to the same "spot".
So, I have not been cured yet, but I still have a mind to be, lol. I've made it thru day 1, so far, 4 shakes and a mint bar -- which could yet be my undoing, but I think I have to learn how to handle more than just shakes.
Thanks for listening! I hope I don't lose sight of this commitment.
Ending weight MF 10/2004: 126
Starting weight 12/1/08: 168 :-(
Loss December: -7/-0