The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[alpha femme]

when i went for my hike yesterday morning, i bumped into the same older latina that i see on the trails at least 3x a week. she's probably in her late 60's, but she and her little walking stick still get around the trails. we talked briefly about how many people were clogging our space (normally there is n one around and people have peace and nature for their hikes). then she laughed and said they'd be gone by next monday when they forgot their resolutions.

it's true.

i thought about this conversation while i was reading the boards today. i noticed the high rate of recidivism and shame, regret, hopelessness, etc. it is the same story i noticed on the boards when i first joined last may and people were finally settling back into their mf routine.

quit torturing yourselves.

before i started mf, i lost 100# on my own and kept it stable (intentionally, for skin & maintenance issues) for a year. was it easy? no. but, you know what's even harder? digging a hole when you alternate each shovel of dirt out with a shovel or two of dirt in. that is exactly what we do to our bodies when we fill it with bad fuel. with or without mf, we know instictively what is good and bad for us. we have to make smart choices and fight for what we want.

everyone on this board is here because they want a better quality of life. something inside them desires change.

so, stop torturing yourselves with cheating and slipping. the food isn't going anywhere. however, if we are careful and dedicated, we can go everywhere.

[bikipatra]

Thank you.

[dede4wd]

Very well put!

DeDe

[BerkshireGrl]

This is an Elevator post if I ever saw one.

[Lisa in NY]

EXCELLENT POST !

And one I needed very much today!

Lisa

[Karli]

I have been thinking about your post here, alpha, and there's a bunch of good points. I am just not all there all of the time, yet (perhaps by tomorrow I will be, you never know ). And, though it's ideal to stay completely compliant all of the time, I guess I am not impenetrable in that department (though I aim to be). I am still dealing with a lot of stuff and I guess I find myself just being happy that I don't give up altogether. And on that point, I finally know that I won't.

When I first started MF, I actually felt as though I had *no idea* why people ever went off-program. I felt like it was so easy and I couldn't understand why in the world people would decide to do the program if they weren't going to be committed to the end.

You're right, it is a torture to slip up. I even know that, but that hasn't always stopped me. Sometimes it has, sometimes it hasn't. But, what matters to me more than staying compliant and never having time off, is learning whatever lessons I need to learn to make the changes that I *am* going through to stay permanent. I'm not really trying to set any records.

I'll tell you what, though, I am looking forward to another round whether anybody else is proud of me or thinks I am doing it the right way or not . This is just where I am at right now, but I am also open to and expectant of change/growth.

Cheers,
Karli

[Mike]

Well put, as always Karli.

[bikipatra]

I am proud of you Karli. It takes what it takes. Period. People change because of their own pain (or torture) and their own God, not because of mine. Reading about other people's food relapses and inspirational posts no matter how great can help me, but on any given day it comes down to you and that donut, or pizza, or drink-and it is your individual committment that saves you or turns it into another learning experience. Recovery and committment are not always linear.

[kmr]

Well said bikipatra.

[alpha femme]

eh, i look at food as the drug we are addicted to. unfortunately, it's impossible to go cold turkey from it. however, bad choices are still choices. when we make a bad choice, it is with the advance knowledge of how we will feel after the choice is acted on. it doesn't neccessarily take as long as it takes; it takes as long as we force it to.

[bikipatra]

eh, i look at food as the drug we are addicted to. unfortunately, it's impossible to go cold turkey from it. however, bad choices are still choices. when we make a bad choice, it is with the advance knowledge of how we will feel after the choice is acted on. it doesn't neccessarily take as long as it takes; it takes as long as we force it to.

But very often, self-knowledge avails us nothing! My brain will lie to me. Advertising will lie to me. It is the nature of addiction that we believe the lie. When I get miserable enough, maybe I will stop. And maybe I won't. Maybe I will have to get even more miserable or miserable again. I can't get well over someone else's "aha!" moment or experience. It has to be my own. And that takes what it takes. That has just been my experience as a recovering addict. I didn't have to drink, use cocaine, self-injure, or puke my brains out today. Hopefully, if I continue with THIS program I won't have to eat too much either.

[Karli]

however, bad choices are still choices. when we make a bad choice, it is with the advance knowledge of how we will feel after the choice is acted on.

Sure, I don't think anybody's arguing that. I am not, anyway, and as a matter of fact, I am admitting that I have to make the choice -- this is something that I am perfectly aware of. I just don't always make the choice that others might think I should or even what I feel I should. And, well, that's life. People make bad choices.

Sometimes those choices are about what we eat, and when we are here on a forum that deals with our diet, and honest about those particular choices, we are exposed to other people for whom it has been perfectly easy and straightfoward to make the "right" choice (after some point in their life). Good for these people, truly. It is a good example for all. But we are talking about one aspect of life and this one aspect is most of what we glimpse in each other here, but by no means all of who each of us are.

I know that there are loads of people out there who would benefit from the program. There are loads of people whom have started it and then fallen off or been setback whom I think feel like they *have* to give up on this because of that. Perhaps they are embarrassed to come back because they feel others just don't understand -- and sometimes others really don't.

And then, there is this tiny little slice of people here whom are sticking with it in this particular way. I personally would like to reach all of those out there who can use a little helping hand. And, I know that's not going to happen by saying to them or to myself "Why can't you just get it ?".

It's not a complex plan; it *is* very simple. However, life is messy and we have to deal with that everyday. And, I believe people say that TSFL is not just about our food and body, but about how we deal with life. It takes effort, for sure. But, just because somebody slips does not mean they have given up or taken an easier route than "those who have fought" for what they want. Everybody has to fight, its a law of living, and for each unique individual, the fight is just a little bit different.

I will say that I am grateful for this discussion because it is helping me to clarify my thoughts.


Cheers,
Karli

[jlaman79]

WOW! You guys have given me lots to think about today. Everyone has such great insights. Thinking.....

[LAwoman]

This is the post I needed to read today.

"what's harder" really made me think, about everything in life actually, but for this moment, it made me think about MF and weight-loss.

What is harder, staying on-plan to lose weight and avoiding whatever food it is I crave at the moment, or remaining over-weight and unhealthy??? Hmmmmmm, I think I'll take door #1 please, the easier choice to stay on-plan.

Thanks alpha femme, for making me aware of that perspective today.
It's funny how life presents things at just the right moment sometimes.

[nickieluv]

OK, I'm going to do what my husband hates - I'm going to play both sides on this issue.

I think we need both perspectives here to keep this place running. Yes, it would be perfect if we could all go from day 1 to goal without ever making a misstep - for many that's not realistic, but it's good to have the perspective of someone who has been there and done that to let us know that it's a goal worth having and continuing to strive for. If no one had done it, how would we know it's possible?

Others of us have several "day 1's" and each time we restart, it's another chance to reach that perfection. But the stories of those who have not given up, who keep coming back and restarting over and over again - we can't assume those people have been any less committed. How can we compare the willpower and courage needed for either sticking with a diet come hell or high water, or messing up and then coming back to a huge community to face the music and put your hat back in the ring?

The fact that we are all HERE, whether for the first time or the tenth, is proof that we are working towards something better for ourselves. That is the goal we all share - and however we each make the journey, it will be worthwhile and deserves to be celebrated.