The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[QT2Lose45]

Okay, i need to get a restraining order from my scale.

I got on this morning KNOWING i would have lost a few pounds, and able to join the 20 lb club. And NOTHING! NADA, ZILCH. 216. uugghhhhh

I need to stay compliant and not let that frustration lead me to cheating!! I think i'll be okay... i'm ready for the day:

Rtd @ 7:30
Bar - 10
soup - 1
shake - 4
L&G -7
pudding 9:30

i'm having some other emotional issues going on right now... I'm really upset w/ DB. So that is probably affecting my progress on weight loss, cuz though i'm being compliant (even though my emotions are beggin me to do otherwise) the stress i'm trying to deal w/ from him and his male assinine (don't know if i'm spelling that right) actions that it's affecting my sleep. Very frustrated w/ him right now. trying to keep the food in check so i have some control. hmmmm....

okay, til later.

[bikipatra]

I am so sorry you are having a rough time with whatshisface. (What I call DH when I am pissed at him.) It is actually asinine but your spelling is PERFECT considering your mood! I have been where you are, so close to the 20 club and not moving or actually gaining a bit with compliance! But I finally made it this morning and you will too! I believe in you!

[Taangrl21]

Sorry you and the hubby had a tiff...dont let it derail you from your progress or from your schedule.You are on the right path and will be at the 20# in no time.

[QT2Lose45]

Thanks Biki and Taangrl...

I guess i'll try to fill you all in in a short version (short as can be)

We are in along distance relationship. I'm in Tampa, he is currently stationed in Key West. We try to see each other as often as we can.... or correction: *I* try to make sure we see each other. The last time he came home was the weekend prior to Thanksgiving. He has a dj business as well as his navy career, so he is pretty busy w/ dj'n alot. Okay. no biggie. BUT the entire month of December, he booked holiday parties to dj and even one on new years eve. He has custody (recently) of his 14yr. old daughter and her grandmother decided to come down for xmas, so they couldn't come here. Fine. It is now Jan 8, and he has not lifted a finger to make arrangements to see Mikaela and I. I'm pretty furious about the whole thing. When i brought it up to him, he says 'i'm busy, babe'... but guess what? We are *always* going to be busy! You have to make time... and you have to put in an effort... it's not going to happen by itself!!!!! So here is why i'm so mad: this coming 3 day weekend, he has plans and can't leave the area. The next weekend he goes on a 7 day cruise w/ his family (that i'm not going on, that was another fight) and then Kay and I leave for San Diego and won't be back til the 5th of Feb. So by the time we do see each other (probably presidents day weekend) it will have been 3, THREE, 1,2, THREE months since we've seen each other... I'm not okay with this, but to him it's okay. It's like time is on a different realm for him. Then on top of that, he hasn't been calling as frequent as usual. hmmmmm... suspicious? YES. Can't accuse him of anything though, cuz i have no evidence. We haven't even exchanged our xmas gifts, cuz i want to do it in person. Oh, that'll be a nice thing to do for Valentine's Day, exchange XMAS gifts... then maybe by memorial day, we can plan something nice for valentines. I don't get it... he SAYS i'm important, he SAYS he loves me, he SAYS he misses me.... but I don't SEE it. We have been together for over 2 years, and we always talk about what our life will be like when he retires (sep 08 ) and we buy a house/get married/have another child, etc, etc.... I've mentioned to him that we can't neglect our relationship in the mean time. But i SWEAR i am the only one ever concerned with seeing each other... or making an effort. when we are together, it's like night and day... everything is GREAT. Everyone around us says how happy we are together, and how in love we are, and how great he is to Mikaela and I (which he is when he's around). I love him and want this to work, but i'm frustrated. I argue with myself about if i'm being selfish all the time by wanting what i want. But i don't think i'm asking for anything unreasonable. a guy at work broke it down to me like this on friday: Men can't handle/manage chaos... women can have 20 things going on, and they can make it work smoothly, men can only handle one issue at a time, the one that is in front of their face, not thinking about how that will affect the whole picture w/ 19 other things being balanced... I understand that to a point... but it is not an excuse. Where/when do I draw a line? and when I do draw that line, i have to be ready with whatever the outcome may be, whether i want it or not, and i do not think i'm ready for a negative outcome. when i look at the big picture, him and I have been through a lot... too much to go into detail, but through it all we stuck with each other... now he has his daughter, and wants to get his son... which i'm alllll about! Other than love, with our situation the way it is (not to look at it from a shallow point of view) he would be absolutely stupid to let me get away... I separated from the military and have an AWESOME job as a government contractor... doing way better than i was when i was active duty. He's getting ready to retire and his income will be halved. We talk about things we want and how to get them. He can go back to school if he wants. We want the same things in the long run. I treat him like royalty (running thin right now though) and normally i get treated great in return. I'm totally willing to take on his children, who have issues with their mother, and are 14 and 12. Not too many women, i would think, would be willing to take on everything that he is bringing and be able to see a way to make it work... I wish there was a way to give him a reality check without taking the risk of it going either way. I guess from my past relationships... whenever issues came up, the dumb a$$ man, not ready for any commitment or responsibility, walked. I don't think he would just walk, but i'm not willing to find out at this point. Very insecure from past relationships. I just feel like he has this attitude like I'm not going anywhere and he has nothing to worry about with me. Like, he knows my schedule, and knows everything i do, and has no reason to doubt that would change... I'll tell you what, i went out one night to the club for a friends' bday and didn't tell him prior. he called while i was out and was like 'where are you at?' when i told him out, and that i couldn't really hear him i would talk to him later, i got three phone calls in a 12 hour period. I know i know.... make him miss me, make him wonder what i'm doing... don't answer the phone every time he calls, go out more without telling him first.... but that is hard for me. Very hard. and i feel like its a game, and i'm too tired with working full time, taking care of a 4 yr old and a puppy to play games. i'm so weak about it, that i'll tell myself i won't call for nothing... then i give in and call... don't even have anything to say, just call to see what he'll say to me, or what his attitude will be to me.... pathetic, huh? Okay, so from here out, when i want to call i'll get on the forum instead and journal it instead of calling. Yea, that was the 'short' version... there's actually a ba jillion more details, but my fingers will cramp up and your eyes will probably bog out of your head, if you've even gotten this far in my rants... * deep breath *

I am and always have been a very independent woman. Everyone always thinks of me a such a 'strong' woman who can handle anything. I don't need a man to support me and my daughter, Lord knows I get by just fine by myself. I'm not a dependent person, i'm not a person who sits back and wishes they had certain things. I'm a go getter. If there is something i want, I will get it. On my own. Because no one else is going to go out of their way to do it for you... No one has stopped me from what i want, but me. I'm confident and smart.... as my sister told me a few weeks ago, you don't NEED him for anything... I know you WANT to be with him because you love him, but you don't NEED him. BUT, i want a companion, i want a partner, i want another child (w/ help this time!) before mikaela is too old. i want someone to lay with at the end of the day and know that they love me for me and all that i am. I know i'm a great person who treats people good, too good sometimes and then i get bit in the arse... I want someone to do for me the way i do for them. Terrance does that when we are together. The distance sucks. i either need to demand a change and take the chance of being alone, or stop whining and deal with it and know that's how he is until we can be together every night. I just feel like i'm not getting the attention i deserve and that's when i start arguing with myself about being selfish. UUGGHHH!!!

Okay, i need a break. i'm going outside for a minute. Be back later.

[eskwyre]

OMG! I totally understand. I could have written that same post only substituted my name for yours and my son's name (Nathaniel) for Mikaela.

I absolutely understand your frustration and don't think you are being unreasonable or demanding. I know better than to offer advice because every situation is different and I have no crystal ball.

I'll only encourage you not to make any decision when too emotional. Some of us can't get on the scale each day because the wavering numbers can be discouraging. We all know that we can't throw in the towel just because something we see at one given moment makes us feel less than great. Same thing here, don't make a big decision just based on a couple of days. I'm just encouraging you to make a "big picture" decision, whatever you decide.

I'm sending really good, happy vibes to you today...

[Nova]

Wow, that is a huge amount you've got to deal with there. I feel for you.

I'm no therapist or expert on relationships, but it sounds like you have him pretty much figured out. It does sound like he knows what he can expect from you and it's working for him, so why bother to make any changes? I do think you need to tell him specifically that you're unhappy with the distance and you want him to put forth some effort to see you and Mikaela more often. I can't remember if you did or not. ANd I totally understand that you don't want to play games with him by not answering the phone. Game playing like that only cheapens the relationship. If you can't be honest with him now, you're saying you don't respect him, and if you don't respect him, you don't respect the relationship you have with him.

I agree that you need to take some time and definitely don't do anything while emotional. And make sure to stick to your eating plan. Having control over one thing can make you feel a lot stronger when dealing with the stuff you have no control over.

Good luck and lots of hugs and well wishes.

[QT2Lose45]

thanks for the vibes, eskywre... I sure need 'em....

and i hear ya nova.... thanks. I have said that he needs to make more an effort... maybe i didn't say it 'forcefully' enough! He says he gets it, but i don't think he does.. he's just too comfortable right now... It's funny cuz a few mnths ago, when i first started losing on MF, i didn't tell him til i was 10 lbs into it.... and i was really happy.... told him i wasn't happy about something, then all of a sudden we saw each other 3 weekends in a row! granted one was a day trip; flew down at 10 and back at 7 pm, but it was worth it! So i don't know what's up with him.... i want to ask if he is talking to someone else, but how do i do that without being accusatory??!
soo its totally killin me not to pick up the phone and ask T what the heck his issue is!?

i'm trying to have a nice peaceful evening. I came home from work around 4:30... walked the dog (well not really walked, just took him out and stood out there for him to do his business) Then i came in and Kay wanted to watch Spongebob (for the millionth bajillionth time) so while she said all the words out loud along with spongebob, i decided to try on my jeans... All of them. I will say i don't have any super skinny jeans... the smallest is a very small 14... oh yea, and a 13 in juniors (yea right) My ultimate goal is to be very comfortable in a 12. So there i went, trying them on. I don't even know what size i got up to, cuz there i came a time i just stopped wearing jeans altogether. in fact, my friend/neighbor said in beg. of december she had never seen me wear jeans that's sad! anyway, out of 10 (guessing now) 5 fit.... nicely. 1 that i was really shocked about... they used to be my favorite jeans, they are so comfy... i wore the heck out of them, cuz between the legs is frayed... i didn't think they would fit and they were quite comfortable!!! yea! score for me. So all the other 'skinny jeans' i could get over my backside and hips, but not zipped/buttoned. One pair i laid on the bed and got them zipped up, but WHOA..... talk about muffin tops!!!! EWWWWW. oh well, at least they got up! So my jeans episode actually made me feel a little bit better.

And i had another NSV! I was going to pay my rent (late ) and the office manager was outside, so i walked up and gave him the check and was chit chatting, and he said, what have you been doing, you are getting all skinny! (okay, don't push it buddy!) but reminder that i'm 5'10... i have alot in the trunk too... which i DON'T want to lose Skinny, no? but i am slimming down and people are noticing, yay!!!

so for dinner i had an awesome little filet mignon that was pre seasoned in the package. I can buy these little pacs of two for $5 at the commissary. now that i'm thinking about it, i think i can eat 2 at a time, cuz the packages are originally 4, and the label says 1 lb... so that means each little round is 4 oz prior to cooking. Oh well, i was good with one and a bag of the garlic cauliflower you just throw in the microwave and it steams itself in the bag... yum. So that was my dinner: one little steak and cauliflower. Mikaela had a frozen pizza, one of the small totinos or jenos or whatever... i'll admit i had a couple of small mouthfuls that i chewed up and spit out for the taste... i almost ate a small piece, but then thought about my jeans, and that i would rather fit into them for my trip then eat that garbage pizza.

so Mikaela had an episode tonight, and i must be in some weird mood, cuz normally i'll flip out (i'm a 'yeller') and get really frustrated, but instead i just calmly told her her punishment and she didn't like that and tried to have a crying tantrum.... it took every thing in me NOT to laugh.... what's up with that??! This is what happened: after her spongebob movie ended, i told her no more movies, she had to take a bath and get ready for bed. this is nothing new... most days she's not even allowed to have the tv on during the school week. So i started her bath and told her to turn the tv off and leave the movies alone. So i come out of the bathroom, and sure enough, there is another movie in the dvd player and the tv is still on. we had just decided that after her bath she could go downstairs to see her friend for a few minutes before bed. Well, not anymore... i told her that she was no longer going downstairs, and OH MY GAWD..... you would've thought that i told her she was never going to see her friend. ever. So here she is in the bath tub crying her little eyes out talking, moooommmmmy... i WILL listen.... PLeaaasse.... mommmmmy..... *sob sob sob* i willlll listen i wanna see Chloooooooee....(chloe) *boo hooo hoo* So i repeat that she will not be seeing chloe tonight, and that i'm glad she is going to listen so maybe tomorrow she can see her friend... oh my.... the tears kept coming. Whateva. normally she gets 2 bedtime stories and a song when she gets in bed... so i tell her its time to get herself together or else she'll lose her stories too..... long story short, some tears later, and few back talkin 'NO's' coming from her.. she was in bed BEFORE 8 pm, with no stories,..... i didn't yell not one single time! i almost busted out laughing a few times....

so i'm totally rambling on right now to keep from picking up the phone and calling T..... bear with me if you are actually keeping your eyes pinned open to read this.... trying to wait a few more minutes before i kennel up Vegas for the night. i try to wait til 9 to put him in there...

okay... guess i'll go read everyone else's journals now... then make some hot cocoa and post up in the bed to watch law and order ( i watch it almost every night on TBS/TNT/Bravo/USA whichever its on, cuz it's ALWAYS on one of those channels....)Til later....

[Taangrl21]

QT-
I dont really want to give relationship advice for I have never had one myself. But I hope you will talk to him and tell him how you feel.And if you have in the past, tell him again. Communication is key in a relationship or at least that is what I believe.Like I said, I am ot trying to give advice. Just stand strong and hold your gound.Maybe he will get the hint that something is up.
On to the chewing up the pizza and spitting it out...LMAO...its that sad what we someitmes do just to taste something.I did that to something about a month ago and then spit it out.Funny to hear somone admit they have done it too.
Congrats on fitting into some of those pants...I tried a pair of mine on yesterday that I wore in like May/June...uhh yeah they didnt fit. So Kudos too you!!!
As far as your daughter...LOL...kids are so cute I tell ya.It can be funny when they get upset however I would go bonkers with the crying after a while.But she seems very smart...saying she'll listen...is she a mama's girl?
I am into Law and Order SVU.Its on now...gotta go get my cookies before they burn...

[QT2Lose45]

She is totally a mama's girl.... it's cute cuz i'll catch her watching me, then later trying to do the same things i do.... yea, we'll see how much that changes when she's like 12! then she won't want to do ANYTHING like me... she's a trip.

about the whole communication thing.. we've had that talk a million times, and normally are really good about communicating... we've been through a whole lot in the last few years, and communication is what got us through most of it. he's just acting like an A$$ right now, and i guess i'm being super insecure for some reason... my friend and i were talking earlier, and she was like, why are you acting like that now? I told her i had no idea... and that maybe i was acting a little psycho and pushing him away by it when all i want is TO SEE THE MAN!!! uugghghhhh! i need to chill. i don't know what my problem is! i need to not worry about it, then he'll start to wonder what is going on, and probably make an effort. i need to be concentrating on staying on plan, getting down 10 lbs before my vacation on the 25th.... i'm sooooooo excited about that! i'm having some financial stuff going on, so i'm trying to keep that together (thanks, xmas! ha ha ha) Well wednesday is mom's night out, so i'm not gonna tell him and hope that he calls while i'm out.... guess i'll have to not answer the phone.... let him see how it feels. in fact, if he calls tonight, i won't answer (the thing that sucks about saying that, is when i say that and mean it, he ends up not even calling! so then i get more mad!) i'm crazy.

okay.. off for law and order....

[dede4wd]

I am no good at advice, but as someone who has more LDR's than in person full-time ones, it sure sucks when both parties aren't giving equal amounts of "effort" to the relationship. I hope you two are able to talk it out and he is able to meet your needs with only a few "gestures" of love and sincerity if that makes any sense!

I feel for you, I KNOW how strong you are and I know you can stand up for yourself and get what you need! I'm rooting for you!

DeDe

[KeleeGrl]

Hi QT...sorry to hear your having some problems...I have to say you certainly have willpower. My DH and I have had our own problems, but one thing that I started doing was whenever anything was bothering me, I would write him a letter telling him how I was thinking and how I felt. And when he was ready, he would talk to me about it. It worked for us, I guess, because there was no confrontation, no raising my voice so he didn't shut me out. Afterwards, we actually had a really good discussion. You write so well (I have been reading your journals) so it may be something that might work for you too. Just a suggestion. Hang in there.

[bikipatra]

QT-

Congrats on fitting into some of those pants...I tried a pair of mine on yesterday that I wore in like May/June...uhh yeah they didnt fit. So Kudos too you!!!

They will! Give it a little more time. I just tried on a size MEDIUM Brooks Brothers sweater. It was snug but in my new bra, I looked like a sweater girl from the 50's. When I hit 30 pounds lost I am definitely wearing it in my "after" photo with boots and a mini skirt! No shame to my game...and I don't give a damn about my slightly dimply knees.

[QT2Lose45]

so i just spent the good part of the last 2 hours off and on writing a post.. i got interrupted by a phone call and a couple of tasks at work. i swear it was my longest post yet...

well it must not have meant to be posted, because when i submitted, it said invalid session and when i went back to cut it and put in new reply, all my words were gone. so i'll have to fill this in later, cuz i wrote a WHOLE LOT.

quick version:
spilled RTD on skirt this morning on way to work
scale still says 216 (good thing for jeans episode yesterday or else motivation would probably be down)
finally talked to Terrance.... wasn't good... got into it.... whatever... details later.

time for a bar.

til later.

[bikipatra]

time for a bar.

til later.

As long as you don't mean a martini bar....sorry your conversation didn't go the way you wanted...check in later with us...

[QT2Lose45]

As long as you don't mean a martini bar....

Thanks Biki... you made me laugh... and believe me, there is nothing i needed more right now...... ( i meant the laugh... although the martini bar is VERY Tempting. Right this minute. Yes, before 11 am.)

why does love suck so bad?