The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[explorthis]

Query: I was posed this comment/question from one of the losers on this board. Great questions, and a great observation. I edited it for privacy, as requested, and thought is a significant question topic for this board, and would like to know your feelings…….

Mike,
Just read the post you put out for TamiL "white lie". I'm in a bit of a dilemma. I can't remember the last time I was thin so as you know. I've always felt fat, been fat, I am fat. I know my hubby has always adjusted to my being fat but as his wife I wish he'd say "Get a grip and lose the weight". We only get to chat with each other once or twice a week (reason is hidden) When I told him about the Medifast (due to finance) He of course said if that's what I wanted to try to go ahead. I got to talk to him this morning and I told him about being down XX lb and instead of saying stick with it he said " Honey, you know I love you as is" I was devastated! I know he's looking out for my feelings but am I crazy or am I the only one that wants their spouse to say "Lose the weight". It sounds like your wife was able to be your support as well, and maybe I should ask her this but was she able to just say 'Ok Hon it's time to get rid of the fat so stick with it' or was she just trying to protect your feelings in case of failure? Did you ever want to hear "Lose it", instead of I still luv ya? Is my husband just being cautious? I felt like why bother this morning. It is our choice to do this and I know I've got to stick with it, yet how do you deal with the need for "matter of fact" support from a loved one. I like you, have told no one but my family and I do get a lot of support from the forum, yet I so need the support from the love of my life and I don't know if he's just protecting my feelings or wondering if I'll fail again. Hate to put this "Dear Abby" type question……… Yada, Yada, Yada….

So after reading this, the question is, do you NEED, WANT, REQUIRE pushing, prodding, goading to help you along? Do you want your significant other, or family to just SHUT UP? Do you want the SUPPORT of your co-workers, or extended family to help you succeed, to be the “Angel” on your shoulder, or would you prefer to just have everyone shut up, and let you do your own thing? Would having someone like your significant other, or trusted family member harping (call it what you want) on you to lose weight? Does this just hurt you, or does it give you incentive?

Really curious about this one, especially from a female perspective….

-Mike

[finalstraw]

I personally would prefer for everyone that does not 'understand the emotional toil' it takes for me to be 'totally' committed to shut up and leave me alone.

Here, everyone is struggling along with me, so they understand. Others who know what I am doing whether they want me to succeed or fail (and yes Mike, some people do want us to fail) can't possibly understand the committment this takes.

I went to a large family dinner in a restuarant Saturday night with family (a party of 8 ) and later we were all complaining about being so full. I did the modified that day. I did have some of a spinach salad and picked (I did not order for myself because there was so much food already) at everyones different lean meats. I did eat alot for this diet plan, but my sister (this was later in the evening) said 'you hardly ate anything' and could actually tell me how much of who's entree I tried. She knew I was dieting and watched. She also has NEVER been overweight in her life. She was not being ugly, but women do notice what other people eat, dress, and everything.

My husband decided today that he is going to go ahead and drop the 40lbs extra he has put on over the past few years. Up until then, although he did not try to tempt me, I don't think he truly understood the daily struggles of being new to this. Mike, you have been on this a lot longer than me, I hope that when I am where you are, it will not be a struggle at all.

RE:

Would having someone like your significant other, or trusted family member harping (call it what you want) on you to lose weight? Does this just hurt you, or does it give you incentive?

I have never really had that problem from my spouse, but it would hurt at first then just plain infuriate me. I don't think it would help at all. We have to be ready to do this, not pushed.

[moutoncove]

Mike,

This is MHO. I think #1 you have to want this for yourself and no one else. Having someone hound me to lose weight is not going to make me lose it if I'm not ready to commit to a new way of life. And that's what this is for me. A whole new way of life. It has to be. My spouse is the worst sabotager I have in my life. EVERYTIME I try to change my way of eating he will be damn sure to cook the things I love the best. I'm from down South Louisiana and everything revolves around drinking and eating. EVERYTHING! I would love my husband to say "Good job! Keep up the good work! You're going to get their!" But not turn around and do everything in his power to tempt me in every way possible so I fail again. In my case - SHUT UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE!

If you're going to take the attitude "Oh not another diet. How much you're going to spend on this one. How long you think this one is going to last. You know you're not going to stick to this one either. ......" SHUT UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE. I don't need this crap. I feel bad enough because I failed so many times before - you don't have to rub it in my nose in it.

This is a very touchy subject for me. Like I said everything down here revolves around eating and drinking. Temptation is always there, especially on the weekends. So I don't want anyone telling me any sarcastic remarks, negative opinions or trying to sabotage what I'm trying to do for the last time. It is hard to make lifestyle changes. For me it is terribly hard because of all the good food we have down here.

Anyway, everyone's situation is different. This is mine and MHO. Not to offend anyone. This is just what I know and what I have to deal with on a daily basis but much, much harder on the weekends.

So for me, if you can't say something good, don't say nothing at all. Leave me alone. I'm doing this FOR ME.

I come here for what I need because I don't get it any where else. I've lost 13# since Tuesday. I reported it on the "Sunday morning weigh" in but I didn't tell my husband what I lost. He would just start thinking about what else he could cook that I really couldn't resist. So that's it. That's my opinion and what I deal with.

Ya'll all keep posting - YA'LL ARE MY SUPPORT.

Thanks for listening.

Brenda

[shineface]

Mike ---

Good question --- Unfortunately I find that the "angel" on my shoulder usually turns out to be the devil in disguise.

When my husband was alive - he got tired of my start and stops -- he'd exude enthusiasm for my efforts and then want to go out to breakfast or order a large pizza and two grinders figuring I'd be giving up in a day or two anyway - why wait --- I have to say that this kinda stuff happens with my family too. They all want me to be healthy BUT have all done their sabotage thing --- you see, my role in my family is to be the FAT sister, daughter, aunt, etc -- and I have done it so well for years. It is what makes everyone else comfortable -- and I don't leave myself out of this equation -- it is the role that I know best. I have literally lost hundreds of pounds and regained -- always seeing the disappointment and fear in my husband's, my sister's, parents, brother's, friend's eyes --- never really understanding ----

At this point - I have told absolutely no one about MF -- my choice -- I don't want to be issuing daily reports or be watched like a hawk or know that everyone is waiting to see what happens this time. My personal choice I will do this - -- people will be happy-or not -- I don't care. I will be happy -- I will make this choice -- I have made this choice and it is mine alone.

Having this forum has made a massive difference for me -- here I can share and talk and get information and I know everyone here knows what it feels like to be FAT and have FAILED.

A little long-winded but my choice is get off my shoulder and outta my face and I will do this for me...forever.

[elle4nelly]

Mike!

Personaly, I rather everyone just leave me alone! For this reason I have kept my weight loss secret to all but 3 people. Two are my parents. In the past when I dieted, I found that friends (women friends) And co-workers would do anything to sabotage you. It's like they wait for you to fail. Plus I am not sure many people understand medifast. When I attempted to tell my 5'5" 117lb anorexic waif best friend. She said:" Just drinking shake?? You're not eating!!..This is dangerous!!". I did explain to her the safety and the necessity I have to be on medifast. But my whole speech was met with the disgusted Horrified look. Right there and then I decided no one needed to know. I am determined to get to the end. And as my weight loss become drastically noticeable, when asked...I will as vague as air... You know? Oh..Just watching what goes in my mouth and switching the subject to something else. I DON"T need others who are not in this beautiful forum to even go there with me! They simply don't understand It!

Nelly

[finalstraw]

my role in my family is to be the FAT sister, daughter, aunt, etc -- and I have done it so well for years. It is what makes everyone else comfortable -- and I don't leave myself out of this equation -- it is the role that I know best. I have literally lost hundreds of pounds and regained

I second that!

I have to confess, this will be my third (and FINAL) time to loose 100+lbs. I had a sister that (I have a very large family) was bigger than me, she chose Gastric Bypass and looks wonderful. I don't have a good feeling about the surgery for me, so I am trying to just teach myself CONTROL! That is what my forum name means 'this is my final straw', if this was not going to work (which it is ) then I was going to have the surgery.

Hang in there all, I too would not have made it this far if it were not for this forum, even with my husband and daughter participating in the plan, I will post things here that I don't want to tell them.

I have not told anyone outside my family of 3 what diet I am doing, I just tell them I am watching what I eat.

THIS TIME, I WILL NOT GAIN IT BACK! I WILL USE MEDIFAST TO MAINTAIN MY LOSS.

[BonitaGirl]

I started off just telling my husband and my coworker who told me about Medifast. I didn’t want to share it with anyone else. I didn’t want it to be another one of those weight loss things that I spent a bunch of money on and was really excited about for the first few weeks, then I fizzled and burned out on it. I needed to test myself on it first. I am also a very stubborn person, you tell me I can’t do something, I will show you that I can. Actually got a funny fortune cookie today at lunch (I had the lettuce wraps without any veggies, just the chicken) “A great pleasure in life is doing what others say you can’t” . So no nagging or prodding is allowed or else I will do the exact opposite of what you want me to do.

I have been on the program for 27 days and I am very open when people see me mixing up my shake. This will work for me, I know it and am confident in it. The only people I have not told are my parents. I want to surprise them when I see them next. My mom loves me to death, but she is constantly hounding me about my weight, and I finally lashed out at her and asked her if she loved me..she said more than life itself and I told her flat out to stop nagging me about my weight. She is really the only one that does that to me and it pisses me off. I will let her know about Medifast when I am ready, and not before.

I wasn’t going to tell my best friend, but I can’t keep secrets from her. She and I have done WW together and she is super successful with that one, but I can’t deal with the 3 weeks, 2 lb loss thing. She was skeptical at first and very worried about my health, but once I told her about the whole program and she saw how happy I was, she was incredibly supportive. She told me the other day that she knows now that this is what I need to be successful. That it is going to work, she can tell because of my attitude. Yes, I will fall off the wagon, but I am getting right back on and am happy to get on.

Sorry, guess I rambled a bit…so the point of all this is just leave me alone to make my own decisions and stand behind me when I am successful and when I fail…let me make my own decisions about my life. Support is great, just don't nag.

[finalstraw]

Yes, I will fall off the wagon, but I am getting right back on and am happy to get on

That is why we come here.

[sher]

I for one, think this has to be a personal decision...and also a personal success. I quit smoking a few years ago, the first THREE times I tried to quit I failed, because I was trying to do it for someone else, and not me...when I finally decided I HAD to quit, I did it cold turkey, no crutches, and with much success, that was three years ago....I only succeeded because I did it for ME...same with this weight loss...I feel that as MUCH as we want approval, we really don't need it...we THINK we do, and that will come as we lose weight, and when the compliments start rolling in, isn't that good enough....if we HAVE to have someones approval, and support, then in my opinion, we can't do it ourselves...but we MUST do this ourselves, or failure is for sure....because as SOON as we don't hear that approval, or support...BANG...we get depressed...now come on, we are here for a reason, because we are food addicts....now I am NOT trying to be harsh...but if you make up your mind to lose weight, why is it so important what others think, whether it be hubby or wife....I have always had to have support to do something...then when I don't get it I fail...until now....THIS is for me, and I am letting no one get me depressed because they do not support me...its not their life, its mine...and I think if you are going to succeed, then you must be strong for you...and not have to lean on anyone...beacuse I think that if you have to lean on someone now, then even if you lose the weight you will not keep it off....once we all realize that we do not have to always have everyones approval, that we can do this alone, the better off we will be...we always have a crutch when we have a weight problem...I think its time to throw that crutch out the door.....My hubby and I do not even talk about MF.....he knows better....because this time I don't want his support, I want to do this alone...if I don't I will gain it all back...after all, this is a new way of life now, and NOT a diet....Mike, I feel this person will fail if she does not get the right attitude...she must like herself enough to do this no matter what anyone thinks, says, or does....that is the only way that anyone can succeed with this for the rest of their lives...most people will try to sabotage you, the whole world thinks we need 3 squares a day...they are wrong

Sher

[Starloser63]

Mike,

I think first and for most you have to do it for yourself. But I think wanting your spouses support is also important. I think a talk is what is needed here. I explained to my spouse that I wanted him to be honest. I know he loves me, and that wont change. I want him to tell me when he notices and congratulate me when I tell him how much I have lost. I also gave him permission(I guess you could call it) to say something if he knew I was doing something I wasn't suppose to. I think candor between spouses over this is what is needed.

I don't know if I helped or not. This is just the feeling I got when I read the about note. They need to talk to their spouse.

[star85]

I think as far as support goes for being on this program........if your posting on this forum then there is your answer. Obviously anyone that is part of this forum does not want to do this program alone, and DOES need some form of support otherwise they wouldn't be here! As far as support from spouses, co-workers, etc., I feel that depends on the individuals personality, the support systems that they have available to them and their individual personal beliefs, etc. Another words I think it varies on an indiviual basis, depending on the specific enviroment and circumstances that surround the person at the time. I don't believe that there is one right answer to this question. There are too many variables to take into consideration. It happends to be a very good debatable question though. That's just my personal opinion.

Kelyn