The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[Carrie]

Being back on track, I started thinking about why I eat when I don’t want to.

There are some reasons (excuses) that were no surprise to me: sadness, depression, loneliness, happiness, anger, etc. But there are two reasons that I binge that have surprised me very much to discover. One is exhaustion (both mental and physical) and the other is self-pity, or feeling sorry for myself.

Being physically or mentally exhausted is one of my worst times for being able to successfully resist the urge to eat. The exhaustion rolls over me like a wave, and where do I find the energy to fight it off? I usually didn’t. It has surprised me very much to realize that plain tiredness is one of my biggest food triggers.

Oddly enough, my recent move to my new apartment has helped me fend this one off - because I have to park on the street and the thought of getting the car, getting the food and then finding a new place to park is too overwhelming to consider when I’m that tired. Before - it was a simple thing to hop in the car, get the food and get right back home. (I try to forget that there’s such a thing as food delivery). Now that I have recognized it, I try to fend it off, if I’m anywhere near my next mealtime I go ahead and have it early. Or I reason with myself and acknowledge that I’m dead-tired, but a mini-binge isn’t going to help that. It seems to be working, (cross your fingers for me).

I am embarrassed to admit the self-pity one but it’s true. I get to feeling sorry for myself for needing to be on the diet, being tired of the diet, or any number of the other disappointments or problems in my life (ie a NORMAL life), and that seems to be my other really bad trigger to eat. The pity either makes me think ‘I’m having such a hard time, I deserve to eat something good tonight’, or I wind up being angry about it and think ‘Everything’s just unfair, I’m gonna eat.’ How silly is that?

I think that I can turn just about ANYTHING in my life into an excuse to eat. It’s been my ‘cure-all’ for all these years. I notice now when these thoughts start creeping in - I tell myself I’ll just have ‘one little treat’, or I’ll just have a ‘good dinner’ tonight and get right back on the plan in the morning. It’s insidious. For the last while I think honestly, that my weight loss of 43 pounds was satisfying enough that I justified eating for a while. (The resting on your laurels thing). Everybody was telling me how great I look, so I just got happy and coasted. I returned to eating pretty much what I wanted – not as bad as before – but nevertheless, one day I caught myself thinking ‘You know the way you ate before has no place in your new life’. I woke up then and accepted that I have a lot farther to go.

I have learned more about myself and my relationship with food in the last 4 months than in my entire life, and that all helps me continue reaching for this goal. I realize now that learning this stuff and learning to deal with it is the ‘lifestyle change’ successful dieters talk about. Before I’d hear that and think ‘yah, yah, I don’t care about a lifestyle change, I just want to lose weight.’

There are many, many ways to take a little detour from this journey. Actually the number of ways to stray is only limited by the boundaries of our creative little imaginations. But pit stops or not we can all make it. Success is success whether you tried once and succeeded, or whether you tried 26 times and failed 25. Regardless of all our reasons/excuses for taking detours, It’s all just trying one more time than we fail.

Carrie

[Jeanette]

EXCELLENT post Carrie!! :)

[Simmshe]

Agreed--great post Carrie!

I think that figuring out what are triggers are is crucial to our success and growth. And I can soooo relate to fatigue-related cravings--this is one of my biggest triggers, too. I'm a night person, and in the past, even when I was tired, I would force myself to stay awake until 2:00, 3:00 in the morning (sometimes for work deadlines that I had to finish, other times just because I didn't want to go to sleep--I've even stayed awake until 6:00-7:00 in the morning several times over the past few months). But, of course, the food that I would eat to "help me stay awake" would be the wrong food--loaded with fat, sugar, carbs, and I would soon find myself ready to pass out more so than I was before I ate. I read (can't remember where) that when we are tired but have to or want to be awake, our brains send "eat" signals--it wants/needs energy to stay awake. And what better source of energy for our bodies than carbs? So, fatigue-related cravings aren't fully a conscious choice, there are some unconscious forces at play.

It's good that we are figuring out triggers, and we sometimes don't know what an effective anti-trigger is yet, but we'll figure it out eventually, even through trial and error.

Thanks for sharing Carrie--it's great to see you doing the mental/emotional work and having epiphanies and/or mini-epiphanies . I'm paddling in the same boat with you, trudging through the same murky waters of self-loathing and self-sabotage en route to the clear waters of self-love and self-actualization .

Sheryl

[RavenKat]

Yep - right there with ya!

What ISN'T a trigger to eat?! And not just the bad stuff....

Yesterday I had a great day with my boss and got some stuff off my chest. We had a great conversation and a walk in the sunshine. What did I want to do when I got home? Eat. Now does THAT make any sense?

I went to counseling for food obsession when I was skinny and one thing I learned is that starch (carbs) are a sedative. The reaction your body has is like taking a valium. Well, duh! No wonder I prefer carbs to anything else. Conversely they make me feel the worst. How great can your life be when you are tranquilized all the time?

A tactic I am trying is one that I read on a site that wants to charge a million dollars for kits and books for self-help but it's a good idea:
What am I feeling? What do I need?
If the answer to the first is "I'm tired", the logical answer to the second is "Sleep" or "Relaxation"
If the answer to the first is "I'm lonely", what I need is to call someone or write a letter or get online.
If "I'm hungry" then have more water, another shake, have a pickle.

Recognizing triggers is uber important and finding the logical reaction will hopefully make the difference.

Thanks for making me think this morning, Carrie.

Kat

[Carrie]

I usually drifted towards LOTS of simple sugars. Of course I'd get restaurant food for dinner - and always something 'good' not something healthy - I'm sure my choices of meals were several times my caloric need for the entire day. But the biggie was all the stuff I added to that - bags and bags of candy, chips, etc - the more sugar the better. I'm pretty sure that for years I was starving my body of protein. And honestly, even though I feel much better on this program, sometimes I just plain MISS eating, I miss my old behavior. When I catch myself feeling that way I have to remember how miserable that behavior made me in the long run.

It's kinda like idealizing your past - sometimes I think back and wish I could be in high school again - how carefree it was, no responsibilities, no worries, and then I realize 'What the heck am I thinkin?' I was miserable in high school, a seething mass of insecurity, trying to juggle band, volleyball, etc, etc, all the while worrying about EVERYTHING from whether anyone could notice the zit on my face to if I had right Jordache jeans on that day. I wouldn't go back to that for all the money in the world! Ok - maybe for that much, LOL

I can relate to your day yesterday Kat, when I have something good happen, I want to celebrate - translation, EAT.

This morning has been tricky for me - I got here at 8am, and had an email announcing the impromptu bridal shower TOMORROW for a co-worker. Gifts aren't necessary, but appreciated, AND it's potluck, so we're expected to bring a dish to pass. In my opinion, it's pretty tacky and inconsiderate to issue an invitation like that the day before the event. Apparently the idea is to cash in on gifts. I work in an office with A LOT of personnel problems. I'm a supervisor, but also the one with the least seniority, so several women here have targeted me to be the easiest mark. They look for ANY reason to gossip and complain about me, so I struggle to stay positive and non-paranoid.

I have noticed that while they don't seem to hesitate to complain to one another about me, for everything from not washing my hands well enough to leaning back in my chair, they are also not hesitant to pick my pockets for donations to their childrens cheerleading funds, Christmas gifts for their favorite causes, and now wedding gifts. Anyway, as a supervisor, I feel obligated to give a gift. So I'm supposed to find a gift, wrap it and prepare a dish (which I cannot eat) all tonight, unexpectedly. Am I wrong to think this is completely inconsiderate and tacky???? It would be totally ok if they'd given some time to plan and prepare, but to dump this on everyone and expect them to rush around is just nuts.

I planned on finding something inexpensive. Maybe on a clearance rack or something, and I had also considered giving a nice photo frame I have at home that I've never gotten around to taking out of it's box - it's very nice pewter - and that would have saved me a trip to the store - oh no wait - I have no gift paper at home, so I have to go to the store anyway, and I have no FOOD in my home so I have to go to the store to get the stuff to make my dish (which I can't eat).

At this point 2 coworkers approached me and I asked if the person needed anything in particular, and don't you know those co-workers had just happened to buy a set of 8 place settings and were looking for someone to go in with them - so I wound up doing that to the tune of $25. Which I have to admit is more than I wanted to spend on someone who smiles at me, but gossips about me behind my back. On the positive side all I have to do is fork over the money. And I'll be spending at least another $25 bucks to buy the 50 dinner rolls, butter, and 8 two liters of soda I'm bringing to the potluck tomorrow, NONE OF WHICH I CAN EAT!

And I'm so frustrated I want to EAT! Am I overreacting or is this insanity????? Either way, thanks for letting me rant. I'm still really upset, but at least it's not bottled up anymore.

Carrie

[RavenKat]

The people you work with sound like a bunch of crazy you-know-whats!!! They bought 8 place settings? Do you mean dishes? For a baby shower gift?

What I hate is the "I need to do this so people don't hate me" crap - I fall for that ALL the time!!!!!! I SO feel for you! The weird part is that I spent my 20's purposely p*ssing people off! (insert PUNK here) Now I buy gifts for showers and prepare potluck food when I basically hate that junk. Of course, if it's a friend then I'm cool but just someone you work with? Bite me.

*****Forgive me for assuming that you do it so people won't hate you - you might actually be a friendly, giving person that enjoys that kind of stuff.

Being me, I would drop the food off and leave after a few minutes. If you can't do that, then drink a shake, grab a giant glass of icewater and attend but feel superior.

Kat

[explorthis]

I overreacting or is this insanity?????

Absolutely, overreacting. My wife is one that panics also during these unplanned “take your cash” and “hurry and get food” crises that occur regularly. She comes home in tatters, and expects me (which I do if warranted) to run shopping for her.

This is where the “black and white” Mike comes into play. OK – let’s switch roles for a second, you are the useless gossipy woman (heh heh – I won’t go to far into this one) and your planning a last minute whatever, and lay all this on everyone including Carrie. So, the day occurs, Carrie gives a small “gesture gift” (and I do mean gesture – this is not your best friend, or family member) but brings no food, BECAUSE she is strictly Medifasting. (Remember - you are in the other person’s shoes for a minute) For that matter, Carrie does NOT even show up to the potluck food-4-all. A few minutes pass, the party or gossip group is in full swing. Hmmm where is Carrie? Do you (again in the other person’s shoes) even think about it? You know Carrie is Medifasting, and DOES NOT LIKE TO PARTICIPATE in these types of things. Do you give it a second thought? NO. Is it really the end of the world that Carrie is not there? NO. Does the world continue because Carrie is not there? YES.

That said, be bold. You create your own circumstances. Supervisor or not, More tenured than others or not, this is your choice. Why succumb to crapola like this? This is going to happen over and over and over again. This is not the first time, nor the last. Why play these games with these people? More important, why allow these people the feeling of winning? Why subject yourself to the agony, and anger that will exist while you are “there” while others are eating your food?

This is the speech I give my wife when she is in this situation. I am disgusted with people like this, ones that expect, expect, expect. I say screw 'em all. She generally ends up realizing I am right. WHO CARES in the end? No one!

My .10 cents.

-Mike

[Sylvia]

As usual, I agree with Mike.

I also manage people and have done so on and off for a long time. I often tell other less experienced managers that popularity is overrated. If you are constantly worried about whether you are liked, whether people are talking about you, etc., you will drive yourself nuts and end up being ineffective at your job.

I try to manage well and do things the right way. I consider how people will feel or react about the actions I take but don't dwell on it too much. Ironically, I find that the less I care about being liked, the better people seem to like me.

I think you should do what you want to do for the shower and then not give it another thought.

[Simmshe]

I think that might have been worth .50 cents Mike .

I just truly learned this lesson this year--how to say no and not feel guilty about it. It is a great feeling, and I refuse to be coerced or guilted into doing anything that I don't want to do, regardless of who might not like my decision.

And I agree--the last-minute notice is tacky and inconsiderate and gives you plenty of reason to decline, citing the short notice! If you do decide to go, why prepare any food? I don't know what large grocery stores are in your area, but a couple of them in my neck of the woods have really good delis that prepare tasty food for such occasions (pasta/potato salads, party wings, veggie platters, etc.). Maybe a store-bought dish would be a good choice--one that's on sale even?

[Carrie]

I don't think this is about whether people like me or not. Frankly I don't care if they like me at all. But that does not mean that I still don't have to spend 8 hours a day here, and co-exist with these people.

*I* would consider it rude to ignore a bridal shower invitation, even one extended as haphazardly as this one was. What I resent is being put in a situation of having to re-arrange my life for an evening to rush and get a gift and prepare a dish (at least I got that part down to just a trip to the grocery store.)

Personally I think it's tacky to have extended the invitation at all, particularly the day before the shower is to happen, considering the fact that I wasn't even aware this woman was getting married Saturday, we have no personal relationship whatsoever, etc etc. But nevertheless, my standards of etiquette require that I do participate and respond. To me, ignoring the invitation would be like trying to make 2 wrongs make a right. It doesn't solve anything for me to respond to their tackiness with rudeness.

Nor does it, I think, preclude me from feeling rightly offended by the whole situation. But I've been put in it, and have to act in a way that makes me comfortable. I'd feel like a shcmuck if I just ignored it, but that doesn't change the fact that *I* never would have dreamed of being so inconsiderate as to announce Wednesday that I was throwing a shower the next day everybody bring a gift and dish! Sheesh!

So basically, I'm peeved that I have to respond to what I consider a tacky situation - but I'd just make it worse in my mind if I didn't do anything at all because 'the whole thing is tacky in the first place'. That probably doesn't make any sense to anyone but me, but I can't figure out how to say it another way.

Oh well, it's over and done with .

[Carrie]

Kinda like when somebody has 6 kids and has a shower everytime. I'd still feel obligated. Maybe that's the whole thing, I have to forget all my Mom told me about manners and obligations and tell em to go have their potluck and shower without me................. but I don't think that's very nice, and can't quite see myself doing that.

And just to give you an idea exactly how petty people can be, the following are actual complaints spoken by members of my department:
1. The door to the computer had been closed (apparently opening it is too much effort for the offendee)
2. I don't a. use enough soap when I wash my hands and b. run my hands under the water long enough. (apparently one squirt isn't enough, and I've never noticed that I'm walking around with soap still on my hands)
3. I lean back in my chair (I haven't found the rule against this, but apparently there is one somewhere)

Things like that, and yes it's funny to read, and ridiculous as anything I've ever heard, but I still have to coexist here without 1) committing homicide and 2) going totally nuts. That ain't easy folks.

[Simmshe]

Hi Carrie,

I understand where you are coming from, and I know this is a moot point now because you are going to the shower, but I have a couple of questions for you (if you don't mind considering them). What's rude about declining an invitation to attend a party/shower that you don't feel up to because of the short notice and inconvenience that it's causing you--why isn't it okay to put your needs first? You aren't obligated to a woman that you hardly know and who doesn't care about you. Ignoring the invite could be considered rude, but nicely declining it so that you can take care of yourself and your needs--what's rude about that? Personally, I think the biggest obligation we have is to ourselves and our self-care. This may sound selfish, but it's not. I'm a compassionate and generous person, but I've had to learn how to truly put myself first. I'm a tough person, but have been taken advantage of and obligated in the past by the only people who could get away with it--my family. I know it is cliche, but honestly, the more we put ourselves first, the more we have to give to others--and I have experienced this first hand.

I hope I'm not crossing any boundaries or reading too much into your statements, and if I am, I apologize. It's just that I see similar past patterns in myself about what you are saying.

That's a very tough situation there at work--you must be mentally/emotinally drained by the time you leave work every day, being in such a negative environment--what a petty, miserable bunch you work with! Are you the "nice one" at work? It seems that the nicer people are, the more people with pick with them. The nice person is always the scapegoat--I've seen them be screwed with at several places I have worked. I can tell that you are a nice person, but adopting a little "bite me" attitude, as Kat so eloquently put it earlier , can really get people off of your back. The nicer you are, the more they will mess with you simply because they know they can. But when you stop tolerating nonsense from people, they change how they treat you. I know that you definitely want to keep the peace there, but it shouldn't have to be at your expense. I know it's not easy and I'm not in your shoes, and we all certainly have different temperaments and ways of handling things; but I hope that a middleground can be found there at where you work so you won't have to be in such a toxic environment.

All right, I guess I should do something "productive" here at work, but it's pretty slow now--hence all of my posts this morning!

Sheryl

[Simmshe]

Doh ! I reread one of your earlier posts and see that you are bringing store-bought food items. Sorry, brain freeze. I'm battling a bad sinus headache and just feel kind of loopy today .


Sheryl

[explorthis]

*** DISCALIMER ***
This Dear Ann Landers post is not meant to put anyone on the defensive whatsoever! (but it is a great read)

That said, reading what Sheryl said:

Are you the "nice one" at work? It seems that the nicer people are, the more people with pick with them. The nice person is always the scapegoat

I think, based on my tiny but of “guess what type of person Carrie is” (an I can guess I am pretty astute) that she is the nice person, but no one shall “pee in her Wheaties”, unless she opts for this. I think she will stand her ground as needed. Am I on the right track here?

However, Carrie, you never addressed my “shoe on the other foot” scenario. If you knew one of the temperamental “persons” were in your boat, and did not show, BUT sent or brought a trivial gesture gift, after all was said and done, would you really think twice about it, after it was all said and done?

Life goes on, its not the end of the world. Life is full of trivial trivia, and continuing circumstances. There is nothing wrong with * YOUR * choices. Carrie is Carrie, no matter what is said here.

-Mike

[elle4nelly]

Actually none of this is that complicated!
just get a card or sign the Office one. Small gift or chip in. Go in with a diet coke in hand...chat for 15 minutes make sure you're noticed by the person for whom the whole "Hoopla is about"..then make your very quiet exit as if you were heading for teh Girlsroom!
Works everytimes for me....Medifast or not....
It really need not be a big deal! For it isn't!
It's our choice to be on a fast. And these office ..baby showers...bridal parties...goodbye big mouth party...will always be around......
OK, I admit I have a easier time because I had a pulmonary embulism in feb and all greens are off limits and so many other things....so I usually tell people I'm not allowed to eat a lot of things...and they leave me alone whether they think it's strange or not...
Who cares??? My life doesn't have to make it in the "Washington post or New York times" .
We really don't owe people an explaination of why we're at these parties for 15 minutes and or why we're not eating all that Mad Fattening food....
A one liner is sufficient..had a big lunch or not hungry today...
They wanna gossip about it??? Let them!!

Nelly