The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[Nova]

Sure, if I ever get time in the evening to sit down and unload the pics from my camera.

I thought we were going to wash away yesterday. I don't know how many inches of rain we got. 4-6 would be my guess, and 35-40 mph winds most of the day. Some major flooding going on around here, and of course, I had to drive to Galveston Island early in the morning in the midst of it. It was rather spooky driving on the interstate and seeing the frontage roads under seawater, or seeing the fancy houses on stilts with water underneath them.

I get to go back today because I'm on jury duty. Hurrah. I just hope I can stay awake. I tried to go to sleep earlier last night, but it never seems to happen. At least I did'nt have nightmares about missing court and getting thrown in jail last night.

[Nova]

I would not be happy working for the CIA or NSA. When you can't talk about your work or your day, you don't have a lot to talk about.

On a bummer note, I think I'm getting a cold. My throat is scratchy and my nose is getting stopped up. There's no good time to get a cold, but this is particularly bad. Plus, because of my odd situation this week, I can't afford to drink water like I should. I had 2 cups of coffee this morning, and one soda at lunch, and no other liquids until dinner. Yeah, I could have had water, but for once, I just didn't care. The only good thing is I'm sticking to my diet, even if I'm not getting all my water in.

[alpha femme]

hope you feel better.
i'm proud of you, too...

you're a hot girl and always ready to encourage!

[Nova]

Thanks, Alex! I think you're hot too, especially your avatar. I would love to take pretty, artsy b&w photos like that.

I had a bad day today. Very, very sad. On my way home, I asked myself if I wanted to go to the Chinese place and have General Tso's chicken, one of my favorite dishes. I thought about it for a second, and decided honestly that I didn't. I wanted steak or chicken and veggies, so I felt like that was a victory. Unfortunately, I had a few bits of hubby's ribs in addition to my steak, so I'm not completely out of my bad habits yet. But I did pas on the yeast rolls!

[Nova]

It's Sunday now, and I've had a couple of days to reflect, unwind and relax from a very hard, stressful week. Now that it's over, I'm allowed to talk about it, so I'm putting some of my thoughts in here.

I was on jury duty last week. The case was a criminal case where the defendant was accused of driving while intoxicated and causing a crash that killed two men.

The case was complicated because there were three cars involved, and the various witnesses told slightly different stories. Two men were riding in the back of a pickup truck and were thrown out when their truck was bumped by another car. We had to rely on photographs of the final resting positions of the vehicles and the testimony of two accident reconstruction specialists to figure out which car hit which and when.

There were times it was really hard to sit and just listen. I wanted to ask questions myself, and you can't. The prosecution put the two widows on the stand and they started crying. One of the other witnesses, an older gentleman who witnessed the crash, started crying when he had to talk about it. They showed us photos of the deceased, and the medical examiner listed the multiple injuries they had. The only good thing, if you can call it that, was that they died immediately.

The defendant was drunk and he had been taking antidepressants. He didn't remember the crash and refused to take responsibility that he may have been at fault.

We found him guilty, and then we sentenced him to 12 years in state prison for each charge.

I'm asking every person who reads this to please, please talk to their loved ones, their children, their friends, and remind them to never drive while drinking or when taking drugs. Those two men should never have been in the back of the truck, but they might still be alive today if the defendant hadn't chosen to get in his car when he had been drinking. Ultimately, he was responsible for their deaths, and now his family has lost their father for 12 years, and that breaks my heart.

[Nova]

We went to Artober Fest in Galveston today. It got cold today. I had to wear a sweatshirt, and the only one I still have is an XL, and I was swimming in it today. At least it kept me warm, but I need some new cold weather clothes.

We found a neat set of artwork that we could both agree on, which is great, since hubby and I have very different tastes in art. I got it as an anniversary present. Yesterday, he literally showered me in flowers. I got 2 dozen roses and 2 sets of carnations. He hid them so I was surprised when I walked into the bedroom. He's so sweet.

I got in some exercises today. My new goal is to start exercising, because I think I see the end of the tunnel up ahead, and I need to get up to speed before I stop doing the MF plan completely. So I'll start playing with different amounts and types of exercise.

[Nova]

I seem to have misplaced my pedometer this weekend. Most vexing. But I have been good about going to the gym. I ran for ten (!) whole minutes today without stopping. And that was in the middle of my 25 minute workout period and I got in a total of 15 minutes running. I'm sorta kinda trying to do the couch-to-5K running plan, but I have trouble following their plan exactly. I never expected when I started this that I could do jogging. And even somewhat enjoy it.

I even made it a point to walk out on someone who was talking at work (very long winded and always talks too much), by telling him I had another meeting at noon. I had to get to the gym at noon, because I had another meeting at 1, so I was pressed for time, but I went and I got my exercise.

It's horribly stressful at work right now, and this is the first time I can honestly say that I do not have enough hours in the day to do all my assigned work. Unfortunately, there is no one to pick up the slack in our office. We are all overworked significantly. I have problems with anxiety attacks, and I have to stay calm and relaxed, or I start having trouble breathing. It's not a full blown panic attack, but it's annoying and difficult. Most people can't even tell I'm having trouble because I've learned to mask it over the years. But with all the stress, I'm forced to be very calm at work and take time at lunch to go for a walk or go to the gym. It's probably pretty good for me, actually. I also won't let them force me to work late every night. 10 hours and I'm going home.

The positive side of my anxiety attacks is that my lung capacity is 140% of normal. I've been measured, and the doctor was amazed how strong my lungs are.

I've been out of my office for almost 3 weeks because of various things, so when I got back today, almost everyone had something positive to say about my weight loss. It's very, very flattering to the ego.

However, most of them also said they didn't see where I had any more weight to lose, and when I told a couple how much I weighed, they didn't believe me. I say I'm just dense. But I still see my saggy tummy and my thick thighs, and I know I'm a long way from done. But how do I tell? My mom's worried I'll become an anorexic. I doubt that'll ever happen. I love food too much. But I'm terrified of gaining back the weight.

I haven't seriously cheated once in over 7 months. Once or twice, I've had an extra ounce of cheese, or something fried instead of grilled, but I've never had sweets, breads, fries, alcohol, sugar, fruit, cheese or milk. Not once. And now I'm scared that as I think about transition and maintenance, I'll have all these foods open to me again, and I'll binge and gain it all back. I see it happen to others on this board, which is why I think I was motivated never to cheat thus far.

My hair is coming out, which I hate, and I still have at least 10, maybe 20 pounds to lose. My husband wants me off Medifast by January 1 and everyone says I look great, but I don't see it, not completely. I don't know what I should do. *sigh*

[Lauren]

Holy crap, Nova, I could've written that entry myself! No kidding, every single aspect of it, from your recent jogging to your being "dense" to your not having cheated and worrying about maintenance...it was freaky how close to home this hit! I am totally going to hijack your thread, don't kill me!

I hadn't jogged in probably at least 16 years, and it never even dawned on me that I would or could. A million excuses including the size of my chest and bad knees and shin splints, yada yada, but really, I was just too damn fat. :-) The truth is, as I had been exercising throughout this process, I started getting an urge to run, out of nowhere, I'd be walking along on the treadmill or pumping it on the elliptical, and feel the need to sprint. That was a foreign feeling! But I was always embarassed that if I did, it wouldn't last more than :30, so I wouldn't honor it. Finally when I got to a weight that I felt less self-conscious, I just went for it. I don't know if this "couch to 5k" is just a phrase you used or an actual program, but I am sort of working to that myself! I have had a long term goal, for no reason whatsoever that I totally made up out of nowhere, to be able to run a 7 minute mile. It's just something I want to do. I am now working towards that goal - I'm not there yet, but each week I see improvement. And yes, it surprises me, but I sort of enjoy the jogging too! The first few minutes I hate, but then I love the rhythm of it, and get into it!

Regarding your anxiety - I don't really have that issue, but I would say that making it a point to get to the gym or go for a walk during your lunch is a fantastic plan, and will keep you sane. You may also consider checking out some yoga classes periodically, I am by no means a devout yoga goer, but I've found that a morning yoga class (or even a 10 minute morning yoga video) may regulate your breathing in a helpful and healthful way.

I had to laugh at the whole being "dense" thing. I can not get over how much I've lost and how much I still weigh! People keep telling me I'm done, but honestly, the scale could still go way further down and I'd be normal. I sometimes think that people (our friends and family) have had such a long term image of us as fat that when we get "normal" they see us as way thinner than we are. And another thing, it's almost like they don't see why we have to be thin, why aren't we happy with normal? This is a weird topic, because when I started MF, I said I just wanted to get to average - even plus-size average - like a size 12/14, would be fantastic. I still believe that when I hit that mark, I felt accomplished. But I find this diet so lovely, that I felt I could go further. Why shouldn't I have the right to be lean? Why not? My goal in life is not to be skinny or a waif, I actually always wanted to be one of those super-athletic chicks, the kind who you see running in a sports bra and short shorts down the street without a care in the world. I laughed at your anorexic thing, because I could never be anorexic either! I slurp down each of my meals at high speed, and wish there was more! You need to honor your own goals, and the goals that your doctor recommends, and trust that. Don't worry about others' perceptions, because they are comparing you to the old you, not to society - does that make sense?

Lastly, I haven't cheated at all, except for the fact that I don't measure my protein and my veggies at meals. I eyeball it, and if I want more of either, I have more. But no off plan cheats. It has made it easier, I agree, and I sort of dread the lack of structure that maintenance could bring. And then people will say, oh you can try this, or have a bite of that, because we're not "on plan," you know? That's why I think I am going to stick to it, still have 3 or so packets a day, and just have two L&Gs, and maybe a piece of fruit or something, for awhile. I totally agree with your anxiety about it, I think all of us close to goal are having the same issues - Jo has mentioned it as well.

We just need to support each other, and watch ourselves, and weigh regularly and be honest with ourselves. It is a slippery slope, and I'd prefer not to ski it! Cross country at the peak sounds much better!

You are doing amazing, Nova, and you will continue to be so successful because of your dedication and determination. My apologies for writing a dissertation in YOUR journal, but you totally hit home with me!

Ciao!

Lauren

[Nova]

Lauren, thanks so much for what you wrote. I certainly don't mind disertations, and I love hearing what you had to say. It really helps me to see someone who's been where I'm at, and it reinforces my dedication to stick with it.

[DogMa]

Nova, I have many of the same fears about gaining back the weight. I've done it before, and I know it just makes losing the weight even more difficult the next time. And the next and the next and the time after that. A few things are helping me:

1. Because I'm so goal- and results-oriented, I still have a goal. It's just more fitness- than food-related.
2. I still follow a defined eating plan. I have restrictions because I want to maintain/improve my health, so I limit fat and carbs. Because it's only been a couple of months, I still track everything.
3. I allow limited binges. Once a week, I have a free day when I can eat anything I want. At first, I went a little crazy on those days. But that's been changing, as my brain finally starts to figure out that I can have this stuff every week, so I don't need to have it all right now.
4. I exercise, and I've made it a priority.
5. I still eat six small meals a day. I also have a daily treat or two (usually Medifast pudding at night and something else that's allowed on my plan but still appeals to me, like a small serving of pistachios or some especially tasty soy crisps or a Body For Life bar or a spoonful of peanut butter).

I don't know if any of these will help, but they seem to be working for me so far.

[Nova]

I've been sorta planning what I want to do on maintenance, and I plan to use what I learned on Medifast.

* 5-6 small meals/day
* having a limited number of choices for each meal, to make meal planning easier (That's my favorite thing about MF, is that I can just grab packets and go)
* allowing enough calories in the evening for a snack/dessert like the MF pudding
* keep posting here and being accountable for my actions
* weigh myself every day so I don't let myself slide down the slippery slope
* drink 80 oz of water/day

I think I'll have to allow myself a free meal/day, like you do. Plus I plan to limit some foods, like wheat, bread and sugar. I've been doing pretty good at working out this week. It takes 21 days to make a habit, right? So I'm about 1/4 of the way there. I'm actually looking forward to going to the gym tomorrow and seeing how well I do on the treadmill. I'm even more looking forward to going back to weight lifting.

On another note, I finally finished season 2 of Battlestar Galactica. Holy cow! What a great show.

[Nova]

Did more exercise at the gym yesterday. That's 4 times this week. Elliptical for 23 minutes, pullups (with only 40 pounds assistance!), dips, and shoulder press. I need to spend some more time at the gym and see how the lower body equipment stacks up. They don't have a deadlift platform, and I'm hestitant doing squats in the racks they have. And I really distrust machines for lower body work. I guess I can start doing lunges, and I'll come up with some other exercises.

Just for kicks, I picked up an 80# weighted barbell and carried it back and forth for a few steps. The weight was offset in my hands, but wow. I felt so heavy on my feet. I tried to imagine walking around with that extra weight for every single step. After 10-15 steps, I was tired enough that I thought I might actually have trouble racking the weight. When I did, I felt like I could fly without that extra 80 pounds holding me down. Amazing!

Last night, I stopped to do some shopping while the traffic was bad. Found a couple of cute tops, and I bought something I probably shouldn't have. I bought some peppermint bark. We used to buy this in Virginia when we could find it, and for the last 3 years, we haven't seen any peppermint bark anywhere. Last night, I found it. I debated a bit, then I picked up 2 boxes. Now keep in mind, I can't eat it, and my hubby is very determined to lose weight on his own. He's lost almost 25 pounds in the last 5 months.

I bought these as a Christmas present to each of us. On Christmas, I'm going to allow myself my first off-day. I'm going to be in transition or maintenance at that point, so I think it'll be okay for one day, and I'm certainly not going to eat the whole box in one day. In the meantime, I'll find out if my desire for candy really is gone, like I think it is. I pledge that if I ever get tempted to eat it before Christmas, I'll just throw it in the trash, but I don't think I will.

Time to go shopping for a new pair of skinny jeans! That's better than candy!

[KimKim]

Nova, Lauren, Robin . . .

Wow. I see so many similarities in thinking here and while you three are sailing to/in maintenance and transition, I'm back from my self-imposed "maintenance" break from MF and my subsequent weight gain of 6-7 lbs. I have to look back on my diary to see what I actually did here and change my ticker, too.

I believe that I would have gained more had I not:

1. exercised most days
2. kept my diary --- having to admit to eating 7 cookies in one sitting is sooo humiliating when you see what you ate in the diary. I can laugh about it now but, goodness . . . it was a day's worth of nutrition and for what?

I forgot to tell folks that I was extremely faithful to my diary.

But I wasn't around a scale during the day, so I weighed in with my tennis shoes and all after aerobics at the gym. It showed that I was maintaining the same weight. I did a great job and became even more lax, having pancakes and cheesecake, etc., so that's where the weight gain came in. In fact, now that I think about it, most of my weight gain came within a 3 week period of time during the 8 weeks I was off. So, I have to say that I did maintain pretty well most of the time (if that makes any sense).

I remember that late night sundae I had in a city where there was no gym and it was too cold to go outside for a few days. I remember having a Ben & Jerry's sundae in the airport, thinking I would burn it off when I got home and then didn't exercise for a good five days. Oh, I remember!

Ditto on the "will never be anorexic" kick. Really enjoy food too much as well.

The one thing I can say about maintenance for you all is that it really is a lifestyle change, you DO have to focus on overall fitness and health, not just "weight loss" because you all will have "been there, done that" and the struggles I've had (but also the victories) have given me greater insight into what I'll struggle with during maintenance but also that with which I'll do a good job.

So, please don't be afraid. You have shown great discipline and that will come in handy even during transition. Just do not jump to all of the sweets and everything you missed. Like Robin, maybe give yourself ONE free day and then stick with all of your other good habits afterwards.

The running thing I can also relate to because I have always hated running. I can dance and jump around all day long but ask me to run and I am instantly tired. LOL. But, I was on the treadmill one day, just walking and angry that the aerobics instructor didn't show up and I was at 3.5, then 3.7, then 3.9 and all of a sudden, the music increased and I increased, easily to 4.1 and the next thing I know, I was jogging at 4.2 and 4.3 and then I kept on jogging for about 5-6 minutes. I was amazed!!! So proud of myself. I did it again on another day and now I am actually looking forward to it. I am going to compete with myself as well and I've been kicking myself because I've not been to the gym in three days and those could have been great workout days on the treadmill, if nothing else.

I know one of the reasons why I never did the treadmill is that I tried a girlfriends' and as I ran, my weight was making it jerk and stopping the runner. I was so embarrassed.

Anyway, you're all an inspiration and I hope I've offered you something while I calmly take some of your discipline to get me through this long haul of a weight loss phase, cut in half by the glories of Medifast!

Kim

[Nova]

No weight loss for me this week. Bummer. Looks like October is shaping up to be a very slow month. I've been tracking each month on my refrigerator since I started, and I can see the monthly trend going down little by little. On October 1, I weighed 171.5, so that makes it only 5.5 pounds this month. Gets frustrating when I see guys losing 4.5# a week. *sigh* Oh well, I'll stick to it.

My other thought is that I started exercising again. I know in the past, when I was exercising, it seemed to slow my weight loss down. So my new goal this week is to keep exercising the same moderate amount, but add in an extra meal every day I exercise. You'd think I'd be happy to eat more, but I think it's going to be difficult to schedule an extra meal in at work. Oh well, I'll make it work somehow.

Cleaned out my lingerie drawer this morning. Told hubby I need a new negligee. (spelling?) The one I had looks like a frock now. Toss. Ditto with the swim suit, and half my underwear look like granny panties. However, repair work on two cars took all my clothing money for the month.

I think I might have tweaked my shoulder doing dips on Friday. It's awfully sore, more so than just new exercise sore. Maybe a nice ice pack. I should have known better than to push it on the first day.

[Nova]

I've been putting off touching up my hair color because I know it's hard on my hair, and I've been having a lot of hair loss lately. I finally did it today, and it was positively scary. Even though I was as gentle as I could manage, too much hair came out. I'm gonna triple my fish oil caps every day, even though each one is 10 calories. And I'll reevaluated in a month. If my weight loss is still slow, and my hair is still coming out, I think it's probably going to be time for me to take a break. I've lost enough weight that being bald isn't going to add anything to the sexiness.