The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[DogMa]

How are you with eating the same thing several days in a row, Nickie? I tend to do most of my cooking on one weekend day, so that I can just pull it out and nuke it and have dinner ready in a couple of minutes. Usually roasted broccoli, asparagus or green beans (to vary it I use different spices sometimes). Occasionally spinach, salad, zucchini, eggplant or turnips.

Or how about kabobs? Easy to make, and you have your lean and green all in one. And usually easy to reheat, too, if you make extra for the rest of the week.

[nickieluv]

Oh, I'm already vascillating - because this is just not like me to do something half-heartedly. I'm serious about MF - but I'm not as serious as others here, and that makes me feel a little bad or wrong.

Like medicine, what would probably be best for me would be to swallow my MF like a good girl. But I don't want to lose this feeling I have about eating - that it's just a choice, and it doesn't make me a bad PERSON to make a bad CHOICE. And vice versa, too - I could be a horrid person and only eat the healthiest foods.

And just because I eat poorly for a few days, or even a few weeks (not that I'm planning on that), does not mean I will never be a thin and healthy person. I'm slowing my train, taking a side track, not derailing it.

I say these things not to all of you, who already know them, but to ME. I finally believe it. Earlier this week, the night I had the pizza, I came upstairs to bed. As I was changing, I went to put on a new nightgown I had bought and I was convinced it would not fit. Not just be a little tight - I figured it would not even go around my middle at all. Because of ONE bad meal. This is the kind of unrealistic idea I have had all along.

I thought I was looking OK lately - and I am. I'm much happier with my body. But mentally I have ALWAYS pictured myself looking the way I do now, in a size 18 with tummy blubber - whether I was a 12 or a 24, I always looked THIS WAY to myself. So I had a long period where I thought I could lose more weight but it wouldn't make any difference. That's ludicrous. I was just completely off base about how I used to look. And then two nights ago I was sitting on the couch, and the way my leg was situated I could see the back of my knee, and how much my calf sticks out below it, and I realized - there is a thin body inside there. I will not lose 70 pounds and have legs and arms and torso be the same size they are right now. It is not physically possible, even if NONE of my skin tightens up. And I look at my size 12 goal dress and I know I could never fit in it the way I am now, but still I have thought that I would look no better then.

I'm not throwing myself a pity-party anymore about this - I have in the past, though, been all 'woe is me' about the weight loss. Gotta run - guests!

[nickieluv]

OK, so I had visitors in my classroom at the end of the day, which made me late for my meeting after school. And I've completely lost my train of thought.

I'm sick of not being compliant. I suppose I am still learning about these physical feelings and about what I want.

I do not want to lose the feeling I was talking about before, about not placing my value on what foods I do or do not eat.

I DO want to lose this feeling of being gross, huge, unhealthy, uncomfortable - a big loser, basically. And I know that the feelings are not much tied to my weight at all. I have an acquaintance who just went on South Beach and has lost 3 pounds - so she now weighs 95 pounds. Now, this is tiny, but she's about the size of a 10-year-old so it's not really dangerous. But hearing her talk about how she is the one who sees herself naked and she knows she needs to lose weight - well, I understand she wants to have the best body she can. But I can't help but think she has some unrealistic body image issues the same as I do. I don't think she is seeing herself through unbiased lenses. Not that any of us can see ourselves clearly 100%, but - I don't know. My point is, feeling fat doesn't mean you ARE fat. And she's a dancer so it's not like she's a skinny fat person either.

Maybe I am just needing to act like a child lately. This is very childish, I admit. Like if you let a kid eat ice cream every day for every meal, eventually she'll want some carrots or an apple or something. The novelty of the junk is wearing off faster and faster each time I go off like this. Maybe it's weaning or something. I just know that I'm sick of the feelings and wasting my money on stupid food. I have spent enough money on food in the last four days - well, let's see - 23 plus 20 plus 6 plus 24 - I could have paid for golf for my husband and I for 4 weeks with that money. And it's all gone in 4 days, and there will be no lasting happy memories, nothing but pounds and discomfort.

I wanted to stay on today and I let myself get worse and worse after one initial slip-up. If I had had a piece of gum, fine - but then I had another. Then I had a sugary drink. Then I had a bit of a granola bar. And so on and so on so 'why not have junk all night?' came back into play. I have been able to have a slip and get right back on plan - not today.

OK - because I am silly and need little gimmicks, I'm going to go make a second ticker again and count up my compliant days, starting with tomorrow, and make it to September. I KNOW I can do it - I just keep choosing NOT to do it and that is the wrong choice, and it's not even a choice that is making me happy.

I'm back again. I keep slipping up but I'm back.

[nickieluv]

OK so the ticker right now says 1 day UNTIL compliance but that's because I set it for tomorrow - then it will say whatever it says tomorrow, and then after that it will say _____ days since my last detour - no more! They don't give you much space for your inspirational message there, that was the best I could come up with that would fit. I wanted 'back on the MF wagon' or something like that - too many characters to make it grammatically correct with the sentence stem they set up as the default.

Well, I'm just stalling as usual before going to bed. I am saying right now - I will eat the right foods tomorrow. It's insane to do anything to lengthen my journey - but sometimes I'm insane. I still have no doubt that I will reach my goal and that alone is a wonderful feeling - I feel so empowered in my life now, having succeeded this much at weight loss. I feel in control at work and at home and I'm still working on my eating, but I am strong and I will get this right eventually!

[ChynnaDoll]

I'm rout'n for'ya my friend
Love,
Chynna

[nickieluv]

Having my MF cocoa for breakfast and it is hitting the spot I tell ya! I was feeling pretty icky this morning - very dehydrated, throat a little sore, still full from last night (wow, I haven't had that particular feeling in a long time, and I will never miss it) - anyway, this cocoa is soothing me in all the right places.

I was thinking about how I thought my clothes wouldn't fit after one bad meal, and that was just unrealistic - well, actually, it was pretty realistic in the past. I was squeezing into 24Ws because I couldn't bear to go up another size, so yes, one bad meal and I would be all bloated and none of my clothes would fit. Now I have some wiggle room - not necessarily a good thing. I think my maintenance wardrobe should eschew elastic. Not that any of my 18s have elastic. It's funny - there are some cute tops in the women's section at Walmart (where I'm getting all my transitional clothes), but I won't even go over there now that I don't have to.

Today will be an outdoor day - a festival this morning that my husband is performing at, then maybe golfing in the early afternoon, then a meeting about my musical after 3 - then nothing this evening. Unless maybe I decide to get my hair cut. Tomorrow we are unsure of - we may be going to my father's but nothing has been planned yet. Of course that's all after church.

I feel positive today. I'm off to bathe and dress the baby, then myself, and then we're off to that festival (a hicksville favorite, but a big staple of the place where I grew up). So off I go start my day.

Oh, interesting aside - while on MF I have been steady for the last 3 or 4 months at 31 days in my cycle. I've cheated before but still remained on that schedule. It may be a coincidence but I don't know - I think there was something in the foods I ate this week because I was at 27 days this month. Which just makes planning to AVOID getting pregnant harder when I won't stay 'regular.'

Today I choose to be compliant. I will not let one little nibble pass my lips - barring that, if it does, I will not let the second nibble pass my lips. And I will eat my supplements on time and I will get a decent amount of sleep.

[bikipatra]

YOU can do it Nicks. I will stay off EBAY and you will be compliant!!!

[nickieluv]

Thanks - I'm doing OK so far - 2 supplements down, another one in an hour or so - I'll make it but it won't be easy today. I feel very hungry and the allure of off-plan foods is undeniable, just because they're familiar. But MF should be familiar, too, by now. I have to remember that wanting an off-plan food doesn't mean I should eat it - my body is not craving them for any good reason, it's just my mind craving them. We're planning to do grocery shopping later today so maybe I can branch out and find some other veggies to eat, maybe some other lean options, too. I'll have to remember to take my QSG with me. I'll put it in my purse right now so I don't forget.

OK - did it - and picked up a bottle of water to tame the hungries.

[Mike]

YOU can do it Nicks. I will stay off EBAY and you will be compliant!!!

So, is this to be another support challenge?

[holberry]

Hi Nickie!
Im a bit quirkey... but I eat an artichoke everyday for my l/g. It takes a long time to get through it and very satisfying. Also Ive been having broccoli slaw with a tbl of dressing. I hate broccoli but this is nice cause it does not taste like broc, but has a delightful crunch.
just some ideas.
Have a good compliant day, you can do it!
hb

[bikipatra]

YOU can do it Nicks. I will stay off EBAY and you will be compliant!!!

So, is this to be another support challenge?

I failed. After feeling so bad after shopping yesterday, I went Ebaying again!

[bikipatra]

So Nicks, what's the hair like???

[nickieluv]

I failed, too, Biki - we must be psychically connected! I didn't take a shake with me when we went grocery shopping (didn't think we'd be out too late), and then my husband wanted to stop for dinner. I COULD have chosen a L&G but did I? Of course not. People keep saying to keep RTDs or bars in your car, but it's so hot the bars will melt (I only have ones with chocolate) and the RTDs are gross warm in my opinion. So I just need to take something fresh with me whenever I leave the house, even if I'm positive I'll be home before my next meal. Or buy a box of the fruit and nut granola bars next time to keep in my purse.

Fresh start today. I'll have a nasty post for roll call this week but I'm making progress - I weigh as much immediately after this cheat as I did after a week back on MF after my last cheat. So my spikes are lower.

We are going to my Dad's today so it will be a busy day - I have to remember to pack all my supplements with me this morning because I don't really know how long we'll be gone. I'm sure it will be a nice day, and I only have one more week of school left and next week I'm on vacation from church. That's supposed to be our golfing weekend together but we'll see what really happens, since I spent all our golf money on food this week - moron. I am having piano lessons this week so there will be some coming in, but not as much as I spent.

Well, I have more posts to catch up on and then I need to get ready for my day. Oh, and the hair - she just kept cutting and cutting. I think I like it but I NEVER thought I would have hair this short - it's short ALL OVER, front back and sides - before when I went short it was all one length, it was just a short length. Now there's a lot of - well, it's like chunks of hair all over my head, just a little longer on top. I like it best when it's wet, because it curls up on the ends. What product do I use to keep it that way, without making it hard and crunchy or taking away volume? I have gel, mousse, and curl-defining spray.

The good news is styling it is just wash, product, scrunch and go. I can handle that. But it looks just awful first thing in the morning - I wet it down this morning before I came downstairs because I looked so horrid. I'm having a hard time feeling feminine with it so short. Just more good reason to lose more weight!!! Onward and downward!!!!

[bikipatra]

I would mix an anti-frizz serum in my hands with a curl enhancing lotion or spray, and scrunch it into the hair. Arrange a little as you scrunch. Then leave it alone as much as possible. Otherwise you could get frizzies or helmet head.

[DogMa]

Hi Nickie!
Im a bit quirkey... but I eat an artichoke everyday for my l/g. It takes a long time to get through it and very satisfying. Also Ive been having broccoli slaw with a tbl of dressing. I hate broccoli but this is nice cause it does not taste like broc, but has a delightful crunch.
just some ideas.
Have a good compliant day, you can do it!
hb

That's great if it's working for you, but probably not the best advice since artichokes are not on the approved list of vegetables.