The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[Tawanda]

Wow, you made it into the teens in a big way. Congratulations to you.

[bikipatra]

Congrats on the loss and great day!

[ChynnaDoll]

O'ooooh Nickie what'a FABBBULOUS day you had yesterday!! I am so HAPPY for you lady:+))),,,and the lunch sounded sooooo good!!!...LUVVVVV Prime Rib...lol!

You are doing so GOOD Nickie!!!..and CONGRAT'S are certainly in order for your weight loss...all yall are just leaving me in the dust...lol!

Keep up the good work:+)

Chynna~

[Sojourner]

Congrats on the teens, Nickie!!
Damn, girl, you're almost through them already!

[ChynnaDoll]

Nickie, just checking up on you too girl. Hope everything is still going well:+)

Enjoy your day!

Chynna~

[nickieluv]

OK, so I finally made it into the teens after what seemed like forever, and I blew it.

Monday it was stress eating. I can forgive myself for the goldfish and the apple jacks because I know why I did it. The 50 carbs worth of breaded chicken cordon bleu I cannot forgive myself for because I was not hungry and I talked myself into eating them.

Tuesday it was more goldfish and McDonald's. Completely unforgivable because AGAIN I didn't want any of it, but I talked myself into it. My first reaction is to do whatever it takes to stay on plan but I kept hounding and hounding myself until I bought/cooked/ate the garbage.

Still in the teens - hanging on. So ANNOYED that I did this to myself. I'm fighting the battle of 'you look so much better and you feel great, take a break' versus 'look at all that flab in the mirror, you can do better, keep going!' And I feel dumb. I know better despite all my excuses.

Today and henceforth I shall be compliant. I did not bring a bar to work so that I will have it tonight while I'm out at musical auditions. I will cook and eat a L&G tonight around quarter to six even if I don't feel like it so that I am not skipping meals and heading to auditions on an empty stomach again. I'll have the bar and water while we're ironing out the cast list, and afterwards I will come home and go straight to bed instead of munching and watching bad movies on TV until after midnight. And this evening I will get my invitations done for a party on Sunday - yes, this Sunday - that I've been putting off and putting off for almost a week.

All righty then - I've got a plan, I will make it work, enough of this silliness. I truly am annoyed with myself and I've got to work on getting over that today - moving on. And what have I learned from this? That there's some reason I don't want to or don't feel I deserve to succeed and really reach my goal. I still have some uncovering to do. I'm not going to agonize over it, though. I'm just going to live my compliant life and see what unfolds emotionally.

BTW, with this musical starting up, especially as I'm still teaching until the end of June, I doubt I'll be able to keep up on the boards as well as I have been. I've already had to cut out reading most of the posts and just stick to some journals. In July I can start being here more again. I just wanted to say that so no one worries I'm out on a food bender every time I don't check in for a couple of days. This was an isolated event. (Positive self-talk, see?)

[Tawanda]

Nickie, I wondered if you had gone off program and that is why we didn't hear from you the past couple days. I wish I knew something to offer that could help you resist the temptations. Have you considered going to talk with someone about your feelings in regards to losing your weight? I just wondered since I thought you did have someone that you've talked with in the past. Perhaps they could give you some suggestions on how to deal with what you are thinking and feeling.

Take care of you.

[ChynnaDoll]

Nickie wrote:
All righty then - I've got a plan, I will make it work, enough of this silliness.

and you WILL!!! You got the right mindset i'm hearing and that's a GOOD thing:+) slip-ups from time to time is normal, so don't beat'up on yourself so much sweetie+))...you're back ON track now!!

Good luck with your upcoming summer musical:+))

Chynna~

[bikipatra]

Forgive yourself Nickie and move forward.

[nickieluv]

I know people usually (well, OK, me in particular) disappear for a while when they're struggling with the plan. It didn't start out that way - aside from cheating I've also been extremely busy the last three days.

Emotions - I've been stressed by the musical (don't want to do it, have to do it, fully expecting to hate the whole experience). Stressed by the end of school (can't wait for it to get here, have 2 grade-level performances to get through still, kids are antsy and becoming more and more off the wall each day). Stressed by church (our pastor is retiring, it's a long process to get a new one, and once we do, what is he/she going to expect from the music program? Lots of changes? Can I do what he/she wants?). Lonely (still missing the hubby, but also my daughter spent the night at Grandma's yesterday and I haven't seen her in 28 hours - and even the days are getting harder, because I just want to be home with her all the time). All of this leading to a general fatigue and sadness.

The odd thing about the eating - and the encouraging thing, really - is that I didn't want to cheat. It was like I was feeling badly and part of my mind remembered that food used to make it all better - so even though I didn't want to do it, I kept pushing myself toward it because it used to work. But I KNEW it wouldn't work before I even ate a bite. This is a shift from previously WANTING to cheat and having to talk myself OUT of it - this time I talked myself right IN to it. So it was actually harder to binge than to stay compliant. I am hopeful that will be a great motivator from now on. I mean, look at all the time I used to waste thinking about food, planning what I would eat, having to go out of my way and leave the house to get it - and then the horrible aftereffects of eating it, which I used to live with ALL THE TIME, can you believe it? I felt so bloated and full and stuffed last night - on much less food than I used to consume, too. These are all positives I think. My body is starting to prefer health to sickness. Now my mind just has to catch up. I even - gasp - have been thinking about exercise lately. As in I think I might want to do it, and not because I think I should - I actually am feeling some urges in that direction. I've been looking around the house trying to figure out how I can get the Gazelle back in a convenient spot. I don't know if it's possible in our tiny house but I'm trying, anyway.

I still feel so much better than I used to. I'm making great progress. I want to reach my goal, I really do. I don't know what it will be like, but I can't imagine it will be worse. Even if all my problems stay the same, I'll look different. Is that really such a big deal? I'm only working on my appearance here. My heart and soul will remain the same. I will still love who(m?-there it is again) I love and they will all still love me.

I know I can do this. I STILL know that in spite of everything in the last two days with my eating. Eating a cheeseburger does not change who I am and what I want. Food is not that powerful. I make the choices in my life and I am not powerless. I have reached the point where I prefer health, vitality, and comfort with my body to sickness, lack of energy, and comfort in my food. It took 5 months on MF to get here, and I don't want to go backwards.

So, here I go. No matter how many compliments I get and how uncomfortable they are starting to make me; no matter what transpires in my life and how low it threatens to take me; no matter how hungry I think I am and how my brain tries to break me - I will win this battle!

Hey, that pretty pathetically rhymed. Let's make a little song out of it....

[Mike]

Nickie,
You have such a positive outlook, even after bad things happen... that's what I truly appreciate about you. You are doing great. Even when we fall to the temptations... we get back up and back on plan.
Keep up the good work, and let us know if you need anything.

[DogMa]

You'll more than just look different, Nickie. You'll also FEEL healthier and more energetic - but those are GOOD things. You're right in that you'll be the same basic person inside. You'll still love your daughter, you'll still be married, etc. Losing weight won't change any of that. But it will mean you can DO more with your daughter, and be a healthier model for her.

[ChynnaDoll]

DITTO to what Robin has said Nickie!

I love the way you take back CONTROL of things:+)

Keep on shakin' my friend!..our crusie a'waits us:+))))

Chynna~

[Diana]

Hey, Nikki --

I couldn't NOT pop in!! I'm just so incredibly proud of you and the way you're changing. I haven't read the comments above, but it looks like we're all in agreement here.

Keep up the tremendous life-changing work!!

, Di

[bikipatra]

Nickie, I know you are very busy right now but check in when you can!
And, no, to quote you-I do not believe you are "on a food bender."