The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[bikipatra]

Nickie~ It sounds like you are doing a good job of regrouping your thoughts. I know you will regain your strength to stay compliant. I've been following your journey and whether you realize it or not......you've have grown tremendously.

I only change my ticker on Sundays. I'm not sure why.....it just seems to be best for me. Even if I lose a pound on Monday......I don't change it until the following Sunday. But, that's just me.

Hang in there.......make today a good compliant day........and night too.

DonicaB

I was just referring to changing the ticker on Sunday too. That is weigh -in day so it makes sense. Although, people only see your weight gain once on the Sunday thread-they see your ticker every post the rest of the week. So if you lie-it is on every post you make, all week long. Some people are more comfortable with dishonesty and entitlement than others. JMHO>

[MerryMary]

Can't imagine anyone being comfortable with dishonesty! I usually only change my ticker on Sunday ... except when I reach a new club. I like my ticker to match the club I'm in. But that's just me.

Mary

[MerryMary]

Nickie, since you are into experimenting, I'd like to suggest a book to you: Life is Hard/Food is Easy by Linda Spangle, RN, MA. It is an exceptional book containing a plan to overcome emotional eating. The author clearly categorizes feelings that prompt either "head hunger" and "heart hunger." She even charts which feelings cause us to eat particular foods (e.i., ice cream, cheese, popcorn, etc.).

I believe Nancy has recommended this book on the forum before, that is where I learned about it. I have found it amazingly helpful! Emotional eaters eat for a reason--basically in response to an emotion--so getting to the heart of the emotion involved is important in creating healthier habits.

Mary

[SuzyQ66]

Nicki - you have come a long way and I know you want to continue. I agree with Tonia - you need to stop and get back on track. Love yourself to health. Love yourself to know that what you are doing will not help you get healthier any faster and is actually hurting you. Think of where you can be even 30-60 days from now just staying compliant. I have been on track for 11 weeks - I am not saying that to brag - it's been difficult - some days have been better than others - today was difficult - stress is a trigger for me and the past couple of days - cheating is tempting me - but I keep resisting. I know it will pass. Remember, temptation passes - these temptations only last seconds or minutes. It's what we do with them that makes them last longer. Please consider treating yourself better. I know you can do it and I know you want to do it. Get up, brush yourself off, and re-commit yourself to the program. A couple of us on Kelee's sight stated that we had a goal this week to all stay compliant. Join us with that commitment and we can help each other be accountable for what we are doing. Remember you are worth it!!

[nickieluv]

Thanks for the support all. I don't feel that I much deserve it at the moment, or am in a good place to accept help, but thank you.

I may keep eating because I'm lonely. I just had a week of vacation, tons of time with my baby and husband and extended family, and now it's back to the grind. Yesterday and today I have not really wanted to eat, but I still do. Tomorrow I have the advantage of church choir to take me away from my nighttime hours of danger, so I think I can actually make it through tomorrow.

And I think I have to go back to saying that I'm sticking with MF until goal, not just until 'close enough' or just until Christmas. If Christmas comes and I feel ready to stop, OK - but at the rate I'm going this week I'm going to be higher than my highest weight by Christmas and have to start all over again from scratch. I took a lot of pressure off myself saying I'd stop at Christmas and I don't think that in particular was a good thing.

Thank you for the book idea, Mary. After this I'm heading to the library website to request it. I've read a lot about compulsive and emotional eating lately, but obviously it didn't sink in and I need more information.

Biki - I know you're just stating your opinion - but (and I'm not trying to be childish here, but honest, and I hope you understand that) your post hurt me. If not changing my ticker to show a gain because I believe that's in my best interests makes me a liar in your opinion, so be it. If someone comes on here and reads all this and thinks that it's OK to cheat willy nilly and there will be no consequences - well then, he or she is not reading very carefully. And everyone hears what they want to hear. As I said, maybe when Sunday comes I'll feel OK about posting a gain and changing my ticker. But if I don't want to change it, I won't, and I'm not going to feel guilty about it and hear 'liar liar pants on fire' in my head every time I make a post all week.

I hope you're still reading, Biki - I'm tired and cranky and mad at myself and it's making me bitchy I'm sure. I almost didn't post anything at all, and maybe it would be better if I go back and delete all this. But I wanted to say something. And I also want to say that I know it's OK if we disagree and it doesn't mean you (or anyone else I might disagree with) hate me. But when I first read your post, it triggered a memory of an event a few years ago with a coworker and I think I was reacting more to that than to this - and still am.

OK - so, one more day wasted. I'm going to go get that book Mary recommended and get to sleep and tomorrow is the day. Back on track. Obviously I've forgotten why I wanted to lose weight - and I've begun to think I've lost enough for now. But that's not true. I'm still a cow - a nicely coiffed one now, but a cow nonetheless. Maybe I need to wear a pair of tight-waisted pants tomorrow instead of babying myself with too-big clothes to hide the bloat. Time to face the music and get my path straightened out.

[MerryMary]

If not changing my ticker to show a gain because I believe that's in my best interests makes me a liar in your opinion, so be it. If someone comes on here and reads all this and thinks that it's OK to cheat willy nilly and there will be no consequences - well then, he or she is not reading very carefully. And everyone hears what they want to hear. As I said, maybe when Sunday comes I'll feel OK about posting a gain and changing my ticker. But if I don't want to change it, I won't, and I'm not going to feel guilty about it and hear 'liar liar pants on fire' in my head every time I make a post all week.

Nickie, you know yourself better than anyone and you certainly know what will work for you (or what you feel compelled to try). I have read in many posts that folks are 1 or 2 lbs. "over ticker," so I think anyway you want to be accountable is your business--and I support you in that.

I agree that eating off plan comes with consequences and I've accepted those consequences when I've made the choice to go off plan. I cannot see how anyone would think otherwise especially if they read the struggles you have faced.

Glad you are going to read the book--I have a hunch it will be very helpful.

Mary

[bikipatra]

Nickie, I am am sorry your feelings were hurt. However, grown-ups know we live in a world where our actions have consequences. You just don't seem to want to own up to yours. Do your best to stay compliant until Sunday, post your loss (or gain) and change your ticker. It's that easy. I have just given up.

[Pashta]

Wearing tight pants is actually one way of eating less when you are *not* on a diet. I've done that many times hehe. I think that's a good idea for you Nickie!

[bikipatra]

Wearing tight pants is actually one way of eating less when you are *not* on a diet. I've done that many times hehe. I think that's a good idea for you Nickie!

or WEAR SPANX. THEY HOLD YOU IN SO MUCH YOU CAN'T EAT A BITE!

[nickieluv]

Nickie, I am am sorry your feelings were hurt. However, grown-ups know we live in a world where our actions have consequences. You just don't seem to want to own up to yours. Do your best to stay compliant until Sunday, post your loss (or gain) and change your ticker. It's that easy. I have just given up.

As of yesterday I did not feel I had the strength to see my screw up reported every day in every post. So I can see how that seems dishonest when I say it that way. I can also see how it looks like I'm trying to avoid the consequences of what I did. I get it now. I honestly couldn't see your point before but today I have a different perspective.

Continuing to binge yesterday pretty much eliminated the possibility of glossing over this. Had it only been two days, and three pounds, there was a good chance I would be at least the same as ticker for weigh-in. This morning I was *10* pounds over ticker. It hurts to say that. It hurts to admit it. It hurts to feel my own disappointment. It makes me feel like a huge glutton.

I can rationalize some of it away - I'm bloated, I'm retaining water, it's PMS, etc. But it's still pretty disgusting that I could gain 10 pounds in 4 days.

The good news is that tonight I am very busy, which will help me get through this first day of compliance (it's hard to break the inertia of cheating). And I believe I've figured out why this happened.

Day 1 - Sunday - I was depressed about returning to work and stressed by the baby.
Day 2 - Monday - I wanted ice cream on Sunday but didn't get it so I got it on Monday instead - plus a few thousand other calories.
Day 3 - Tuesday - I really didn't understand why I did this one. I was sad about it and confused that I was still cheating when I thought I'd figured out what my emotions were.
Day 4 - Wednesday - ditto Tuesday. Although some of it could have been that I was craving salt and it all started with a salty snack. I could have just had the white cheddar soy crisps and stayed compliant and I wish I'd thought of that yesterday.

This morning, when I got on the scale and saw how much I had gained, my first thought was relief.

I've been looking ahead to my doctor's appointment today for at least two weeks. I was thinking that there was a very good chance I would show 30# gone in 9 weeks, since my last appointment. That scared me because I was afraid my doctor would think that was too fast, and tell me not to keep doing MF. So this morning, at my weight with clothes, I will only show a 15# loss in those same 9 weeks. And that is less than 2# per week and falls into an 'acceptable' rate of weight loss.

How stupid is it that I'm afraid my doctor will take me off a diet and so I take myself off it first? Of course this is my MO in relationships, too - you're going to hurt me, I know it, so I'm going to be miserable so that you'll leave me and prove me right. In the long run I was trying to protect myself. But even if he said to stop MF, that doesn't mean I have to. The man doesn't live with me and check up on me every day. And as long as my tests are all still looking good I don't know why he would have a problem with me losing weight in the first place.

The thing is, he was very happy with thinking I'd lost 16# in a YEAR the last visit, when he weighed me. So I was afraid that double that in 9 weeks would send up red flags. He might not even take my weight today - he only did last time because it had been so long. So essentially I just wasted 4 days and gained 10 pounds for NOTHING.

I guess I learned more about myself. And it did lead to a book recommendation. So you never know what will come out of a mess like this. Maybe it will turn out to be the best thing I ever could have done, a turning point. Who knows.

[bikipatra]

Nickie, sorry if my advice sounds rough sometimes. You know I don't sugar coat anything and appreciate it when I get the same treatment. When it comes down to it, this is a life or death struggle. I am so glad you are gaining some perspective and I wish you all the luck in the world getting back on track. Also remmeber that a lot of that weight gain is water you hold on to when you eat carbs. Back on program and compliant, you should lose it rather quickly

[Pashta]

Also remmeber that a lot of that weight gain is water you hold on to when you eat carbs. Back on program and compliant, you should lose it rather quickly

My thoughts exactly.

[nickieluv]

Nickie, sorry if my advice sounds rough sometimes. You know I don't sugar coat anything and appreciate it when I get the same treatment.

I know - you're honest, and even though sometimes it's painful, at least I always know where you stand. This is no reflection on you, but I personally need to learn to stand up for myself more and not always try to agree with everybody else just to be liked. That's why I said at one point the fact we have different opinions doesn't mean you hate me. That probably sounded odd but I had to say it 'out loud' because that's how I operate sometimes. It is childish and I'm working on it. I still don't know what I'll do on Sunday but whatever it is, it will be well thought out.

Also remmeber that a lot of that weight gain is water you hold on to when you eat carbs. Back on program and compliant, you should lose it rather quickly

Oh, wouldn't that be nice? I hate to say those kinds of things because I don't want to get my hopes up - but if I could even just get back into the 220s it would be a miracle. On the plus side I've gotten in all my 100+ ounces of water every day, even while cheating. And I flossed.

[bikipatra]

The flossing is good. You didn't try to pick up the pizza guy again, did you?

[DonicaB]

Nickie~ It sounds like you are struggling to find your motivation. I really want to encourage you to look into getting the book that Mary referenced to in her post above. (Life is hard, food is easy)

I have read and re-read that book several times. I especially like the chapters where she talks about motivation. It would be so much easier if we could just open a kitchen drawer and find our motivation, but unfortunately it's not. The author talks about motivation being a choice. We have to choose to be motivated.

I've been where you are, Nickie. Struggling to find my motivation, and hanging on, if even by a thread, to stay compliant. The biggest mistake I made was that I stopped believing in myself. I stopped believing I could do it. Then I began to hide and stopped posting here or in my journal at home because I was afraid that my failure would cause others to stumble.

Don't make the mistakes I did. Believe in yourself, Nickie, because you know you can stay compliant. You've already proved that. Your motivation is there. I've read it in your posts. You just have to make your mind up to do it.

We here to cheer you on.

DonicaB