The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[MerryMary]

...it helped me get into smaller jeans

Uhmmm...are we back in Lizabette's journal talking about "pubies" again?
Sorry, I just couldn't resist!
Whatever ~ UNCA started it!

<img src="http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_12_1.gif" alt="SmileyCentral.com" border="0"><img border="0" src="http://plugin.smileycentral.com/http%253A%252F%252Fimgfarm%252Ecom%252Fimages%252Fnocache%252Ftr%252Ffw%252Fsmiley%252Fsocial%252Egif%253Fi%253D36%252F36_12_1/image.gif">

LOL
Mary

[DonicaB]

Nickie~ You are cruzin, girl. You and I are both 2# from the 30# club. Isn't it exciting!!!!!!

DonicaB

[ChynnaDoll]

Keep up the "EXCELLENT" work!

Love,
Chynna

[CaribGirl]

Found it! Thanks! I swear I've never seen that before....go figure!

[nickieluv]

Well, with all these comments I had to rush over to Lizabette's journal to find out what kind of filth is being spread around here - and of course realized it was all perfectly innocuous. In fact, my husband has three maiden great-aunts that he calls 'the sisty uglers' so now I know where that came from! And now that I know what 'pubies' are, I'd gladly take regular shipments of them to my front door.

I've been online several times at work today. Mondays are long and tough, but then the rest of the week is usually better in terms of checking in here. I've had a good day so far, and I'm having fun with the kids - which I usually do, but this week is going especially well. It's nice to have planned a lesson and see class after class really enjoying it.

Yesterday and today I did my laps at lunch. Only 2 yesterday because I wasn't feeling too well, but today I did 3. I probably could have gone one more, but I'm not trying to push myself past my limits right now. I try to plan when I stop based on the fact that my stride shortens and slows - then I know I'm tired and need to quit. I checked it out and there is an outdoor paved path around the whole school, so you know when it gets nice out that's what I'll be doing. I miss fresh air. Not exercise, mind you, just fresh air. I can't wait to be able to open the windows of my house again and feel a fresh breeze coming through. And keeping one window cracked open in the bedroom at night to get that cool air rushing over me, and hear the sounds of the crickets and traffic and telephone wires.

I told my husband this weekend that if we end up going away for our anniversary, I would like to weigh what I did on our honeymoon. I was around the mid-180s then. I think it could happen - our anniversary is 8/18. I know, and I've said this before, that I'm putting a lot of numerical goals out there. But the fun part is that it really could happen. It's not like I'm putting undue pressure on myself as an excuse to quit if I don't hit that number in the time I wanted. Already, having lost almost 30#, I have crushed any previous diet attempt. I guess I was just finally ready to do something about it.

Now that I've made the commitment, it gets a little easier every day. Yesterday at musical rehearsal, I walked by the trash and there was an empty McFlurry container. I used to buy FOUR of those at a time - it would take me two days to eat them, but still. And I looked at the container and had a knee-jerk reaction of 'man, that would really taste good right now' - but I didn't mean it. I couldn't have meant it, because after having that thought, it didn't enter my mind again the rest of the night - except to marvel at how I wasn't caving in.

I have been on the slippery slope too many times now to believe I am beyond temptation. But I feel secure in what I'm doing. I feel in control. And I believe that I make the decision about what I will eat, instead of feeling driven to certain foods, or feeling overwhelmed and helpless as I stuff myself full. Feeling sick this weekend, I remembered a time in the past where I used that as an excuse to go off plan. Not this time. I realized that I was going to be sick no matter what, and I could either eat nutritious foods and maybe get over it sooner, or go off-plan and load myself with sugar as a 'comfort' and wind up being sick longer.

So many have said that there is no good excuse for going off-plan, and that you can overcome anything - illness, vacation, tragedy, celebrations - without cheating yourself of good health. It is a hard lesson to learn, and one that I'll probably always have struggles with - but I feel good right now. I feel like I'm on a good path and I'm just going to keep marching right along all the way to my goal.

Well, those are my deep thoughts for the day.

[Tawanda]

Nickie, I just keep thinking that once you have this all stuck in your head and can live it each day---there will be no stopping you and what an excellent role model you will be for your daughter. She'll be taught from a young age, to nuture herself with healthy foods, in healthy and appropriate amounts with an occasional treat in reasonable quantities. What a wonderful gift that is going to be to both of you.

You are making great strides in getting your mind wrapped around how you want to live your life in relation to food. I'm getting some good insights for myself, as you work through your feelings in your journal.

Keep it up! You're going to make it to goal and have food become healthy fuel for your body so you can live life the best that is possible.

[nickieluv]

...what an excellent role model you will be for your daughter. She'll be taught from a young age, to nuture herself with healthy foods, in healthy and appropriate amounts with an occasional treat in reasonable quantities. What a wonderful gift that is going to be to both of you.

Thank you, Tawanda (great avatar!). I actually look at my daughter's habits and realize she could teach me a thing or two or twenty!! She eats only when she's hungry. Sometimes that means she eats all day long, sometimes it means a little nibbling and only one meal, sometimes it's your usual three meals a day. She eats anything - she likes grape tomatoes as much as grapes, and she clamors for a bite of whatever vegetable I'm having with my L&G. I know she would eat the 'bad stuff' if I bought it for her - I mean, let's face it, that stuff tastes good - but I know she gets treats at other times so I'm learning not to feel like I'm depriving her. She doesn't know the difference - to her all food tastes good, and she enjoys eating it, but she uses it for fuel. The biggest thing I could learn from her is how to not sit still!!! She will just run around the house, do laps downstairs, for no reason at all. She just likes to move and run and dance - it feels fun and good to her. I suppose at one time in my life I felt that way, too - but then I learned that exercise is supposed to be work, and good for you, and it lost its appeal for me.

I don't want to push her into something she doesn't want, but I hope that she will be both musical and athletic - my own mini-Karli. I wish I had made time to do sports in HS as well as music. I think it would have been really good for me. But I will follow her lead in all things and try not to pressure her to live out my own dreams in her life.

I look at my daughter sometimes and I think how sad my mother must be to have all three of her children be severely obese, one of them (my sister) with major health problems. I do not want my example to be the reason my children suffer. I have already pledged to live a healthy life, to stock a healthy kitchen, and to teach my children moderation in all things.

I'm sure some will say MF does not teach realistic eating - but I think it's been very valuable for me, as a compulsive eater, to learn to look at food as fuel - to have a set schedule for eating, to be regimented about what I can and cannot eat and drink. To allow me too much freedom to choose is to allow myself to get in my own way.

I don't know what will happen after I reach goal and transition into maintenance. I may crash and burn and start gaining weight back and lose control as soon as I reintroduce foods into my life. I don't think I will - but I could. And it is such a relief to know that MF will be here for me if that happens. That I can watch myself and, like Robin, go back on plan fully for a time if necessary to get my weight where I want it to be. I may gain and lose those last 10 pounds a hundred times trying to get it right - but I WILL get it right. I am not the only one whose future is dependent on my success.

[nickieluv]

Today I was up 1/10lb. No biggie. I squished two meals together again in order to get to bed early, and had soy crisps and a bar on the same day.

I did get outside with the baby last night - she was in hysterics when it was time to come inside. I can see that she is definitely going to keep me outside and active this summer! We'll be in the pool, playing on the swings, going for walks, heading to the playground - and all at a toddler's pace, which is above my fitness level so she'll give me a good workout.

I walked my laps today - but only 2. I felt a little guilty as I was finishing the 2nd one and realizing I had no desire to do another. But I just stopped. My goal with walking is not to work out per se, not to lose weight, but just to get moving and get some enjoyment out of it. So I figure there is no point in pushing myself right now, because if I start telling myself I HAVE TO do a certain amount, I'll just do nothing. So my bare minimum is 1 lap a day. If the day comes when after my 3rd lap I am not on the verge of collapse I'll do a 4th. Actually, 3 aren't that bad. But being at work I don't want to get sweaty and smelly in the middle of the day, or get too out of breath for my next class, so it's really an easy walk right now. I do move briskly, but not savagely.

It was nice this morning, and then a cool rain has been falling for several hours. The air smells great - fresh and clean. I have to sit through another musical rehearsal tonight, but I have to remember that last year at this time I was there four or five nights a week as the music director. Just being the accompanist is so much better - except on the nights I have to go and all I want to do is sleep.

I think it's the time change doing me in. I try to go to bed early because I'm tired, but I can't fall asleep because my body thinks it's an hour earlier. Then when I get up, I should be rested, but I'm not because again, my body thinks I'm getting up at 6 instead of 7. I hope it evens out soon, because I feel really, really whipped.

My cold (if that's what it was) that I got over the weekend has not hit me too hard, and I think it's because I'm eating better and I'm moving. Maybe that's why I'm tired still, too. I'm a little run down but my symptoms are disappearing quickly. Like I was only stuffy for two nights. And my throat only hurt one day. I've always been pretty healthy but being my first year in a new school building, after a year off entirely, I'm picking up all the germs probably. I can't wait until my immune system has a chance to catch up, and I'm running on all cylinders next year.

I'm already thinking about next year in terms of curriculum and lesson plans. I want to really get a set syllabus for myself for each grade level. At least the concepts and topics - the songs I use can change every year, but I want to have something that pulls it all together. This year was mostly trying to make it week to week, and do something meaningful each day - but the overall structure has been missing.

Well, I have a long night still ahead, and I'm going to try to get over to visit my daughter (she's spending the night with grandma today) before it's time to go to rehearsal. So I'm headed off for now. Man, have I mentioned I hope I stop being so tired soon? This really is making it hard to concentrate!

[nickieluv]

I'm hungry - but I'm not. If I wasn't doing MF this would be one of those nights when I ate and ate and couldn't get full - but really all I need to do is go to bed. I'm putting it off, though, even though I feel like I could fall asleep standing up, because the last several nights I've gone to bed early and lain awake for an hour. So I did a little online shopping - read the posts here - and now I'm going to try to look at some pictures of hairstyles for Saturday.

I really don't know what I want. I keep having a recurring picture of short, curly, blonde hair. But I just don't think it would look good on me. And, I don't really want to cut my hair very much. I keep trying to grow it out, and before it gets too far, I cut it all off again. Then, I can't decide if I want to go for color or a perm. Or neither. I told the person when I made the appointment that I'm going to need some kind of consultation or intervention or something. I go through this EVERY time I get my hair cut - it's such an ordeal! That's why I only do it about every six months. It's a lot of stress. One of the things I believe I will like about being thin is that I won't have to consider each haircut in terms of 'is it going to make me look even fatter?' As if a haircut can really disguise 120 pounds of flab! But I dream.... Oh, and it's only about 95 pounds now.

Well, I'm off to do hair research - but not for too long. I should be in bed already. Ah well. Soon enough.

[bikipatra]

I think chin length hair is flattering on most faces. You could wear it curly or straight.

[Serendipity]

I think chin length hair is flattering on most faces. You could wear it curly or straight.

On the other hand, chin hair is not!

[nickieluv]

I forgot to mention that I tooted my own horn last night at musical rehearsal. The kids were commenting on my MF - which I mixed before going, a fruit punch and a peach tea, in water bottles, so they didn't know it was anything other than drink mix. But the director asked what it was (funny how the adult says 'that looks kind of gross' but the kids aren't fazed at all) and I told her. Then said "I've lost 28 pounds." She said that was amazing and that she actually had a bunch in her cupboard but hadn't been able to stick with it during the show - but that she'd start up again after this is over.

It's funny that before when I lost weight (the pittance that I would lose) I would be thinking it made no difference and no one would notice - and when someone did, it invariably made me quit the diet. Now I'm in a different frame of mind, and I'm getting annoyed that no one is saying anything. I mean, 28 pounds is a lot. It just goes to show how big I really am, that that much weight has not made a noticeable difference.

Actually, that's not entirely true. I see a difference. And I'm in smaller clothes. And my family has noticed - my husband, mother, sister, and sister-in-law (2 of them, actually). And there was one person who said something at work last week. But I guess I'm just so excited about it, that I want it to be the hot topic. I know that bringing up someone's weight is a sensitive issue. I understand that. And this is my first year there, and the only person who said anything is someone who has known me for a few years - which none of these people have. And there's a woman who had gastric bypass in November, so every day it seems she looks smaller, so I know she's losing really fast and is stealing my thunder, so to speak. And anyway, who knows what these upcoming pictures this weekend will show. Maybe I don't look that different.

But anyway, I am forging ahead. And even if no one ever says a word, I feel good, and I know I'm doing the right thing for the right reasons. People have noticed that I am walking laps at lunch - kind of hard to miss the fatty huffing and puffing down the hall with a water bottle, I guess.

Wow, that was a pretty demeaning statement. I'm wearing a dress today that I still have, and wore all through my pregnancy two years ago, because it's all that's clean, and it's making me feel icky. This has been my standby dress for years. And wearing it now makes me feel like I'm due any minute. I should probably get rid of it - but it's still the standby dress.

Oh well - I need to get to work. I'm sure I'll cheer up once I'm singing with the kids. And I was down to 235.7 today - ever so close. I may not hit 234 this week, but I think 235 is on the horizon, so I will have earned my haircut and not be cheating on Saturday when I go in for it. I printed out pictures of styles that appealed to me last night, so now I just have to find out what they all have in common that drew me to each one, and go from there.

Can you tell I don't want to go today? I woke up this morning wishing I'd taken a personal day - but it was way too late to call in, and you have to get approval for personal days in advance. Personal days are use 'em or lose 'em, so I'll have to plan a day off for myself before school's out. If there's ever a good time - I'm too darn responsible.

[nickieluv]

OK, I'm at work now. I only live a mile away so my commute is pretty much nonexistent. Which is nice - I used to drive an hour one way to my first teaching job. You don't realize how much time that saps out of your week until you don't have to do it anymore.

I am on here again because I feel like something is up. I don't know what it is yet, though. I know I'm tired. But I'm also feeling very negative and down today. Seeing a loss on the scale did not even lift my spirits. I don't want to be here today, and that's pretty unusual.

Of course, I haven't seen my baby much at all this week. Monday I saw her for a few minutes before work in the morning, but not at all in the evening because I had rehearsal and my sister brought her home after I had left and put her to bed, so she was asleep when I got home. Then Tuesday morning my sister was there even before we were awake to take her for the day, and I couldn't get her until after 6 because of my piano lessons - so I saw her for about 2 hours before she had to go to bed. Then yesterday I didn't get to see her in the morning at all because I had to leave for work early for a meeting, and she spent the night at my mom's because I had rehearsal again - and I was too tired to go over in the afternoon to visit, because I thought I was going to fall asleep driving home (and I already told you it's not that much time to drive!). So this morning I must really, really miss her. It's funny, before I had her I didn't know if I'd ever want kids - and now, every moment I'm not with her, I feel how deeply something is missing from my life.

That must be my problem - I miss my baby. I get to pick her up right after work this afternoon, but then I have to go out again for choir rehearsal at 7, so I'll get less than 3 hours with her today. At least tomorrow I don't have to go anywhere. And to forewarn you, if this is what's happened to me this week, I can imagine next week will be even worse. I have to be out of the house for the show Monday through Saturday. I know I'm getting paid for it, but still. And then at the end of May I'm going to be vocal director for a summer show.

I need to talk to the director about doing rehearsals only a few days a week for as long as possible, and doing a recording for the choreographer so that I don't have to be at dance rehearsals to play, and maybe even doing small group rehearsals in my home. I can't take two months of being away from my baby every night. In July it will be better because I'll be home with her all day - but for May and June, I need to be home. This is the epitome of what I dreaded about coming back to work. And this is the reason why I need to get control of my spending and my income so that I can stay home full-time with her again.

Things are getting under control, but we still need both of our full-time incomes to pay the bills. I'm planning to work for one more year - and then the hope is that I can go on leave again. So I have about 12 months to get bills paid off. Time to make some serious charts and really get an action plan for saving money and paying down debts. Oh, how fun.

[Karli]

Hi, Nickie . I am just catching up around here and your's was the first journal I read through this evening .

You know, you are really doing great. Taking your laps around the school is fabulous, just do what you feel right about doing right now. And, that's just it :

My goal with walking is not to work out per se, not to lose weight, but just to get moving and get some enjoyment out of it.

I think that's how it should be. A huge part of the enjoyment I get out of exercising is just in knowing that I can ! Before I started MF and I was working out, my main goal was to try to lose the weight and it really made exercising a drag. I remember several months ago now, going out for one of my first longer walks since I stared MF and was down about 50 pounds and realizing that I was walking just because I wanted to, and just because I craved it. I wasn't walking because I wanted to lose weight anymore ... I just enjoyed it. That was actually a very first for me in all my life ... even with all of the sports that I did in highschool.

And, the more you use your body athletically without that pressure of "must lose weight... must workout," I think you will just enjoy it that much more. So, for me, I just realize there is so much more that I can do now and it is simply the most freeing feeling. It's like I get to live my free-spirit and I kinda wonder "how far can I go ?" ... you know ? It's like playing a musical instrument without feeling bound by anything. Okay, enough about that... hee hee.

Anyway, I really just wanted to pop in here and say how happy I am for you. I am always so pleased to read you and learn how you are feeling for the day ... what's working for you, what's not, and then how that affects your life and your attitude and all. My goodness you are a busy woman ! Hang in there, and YES, DEFINITELY get a rehearsal tape. You should not have to sit and play through ALL the dance rehearsals !

Cheers to you !
Karli

[nickieluv]

Thanks, Karli. My husband and I are still trying to work out schedules for the next few months, because he wants to act in a different show that is going to be running at about the same time. And with his wants and my obligations, we have to put the baby first now, and it's taking some finagling.

I didn't walk at all yesterday. I didn't feel like it. Today I'm in a pretty good mood this morning so I probably will do laps today. I'm going to try to move the haircut appointment to this afternoon to try to avoid the snowstorm we're going to get this weekend. And I had a kind of NSV, although I'm not really in the mood to enjoy it - I'm wearing one of my husband's XL polo shirts. We're supposed to wear green today for work and the only greenish sweater I had just didn't feel comfortable today - so on a whim I went into his closet and he had a green polo, and I put it on, and it's not tucked in (not ready for that one yet) but it covers everything and is over my jeans and is still not pulling at my tummy. It might be pulling in the rear, but I can't see back there so I don't care.

Fridays, as I've said before, are usually good days. So that's probably why I'm in a slightly better mood today. But I still feel tired, and kind of depressed - and I slept in a bad position so my left shoulder and side of my neck are tight and sore - and really I just don't want to be at work at all, but I'm trying to make the best of it. I know I have a good job, and the day will be over sooner than I think, and then I can be home for the whole weekend with my little girl. She cried last night when I had to leave for choir rehearsal. She kept saying 'no' when I said 'bye-bye.' Like that didn't make it wrenching to walk out the door. That's part of my reasoning for getting the haircut tonight, too - that means I won't see her for a bit longer today, but tomorrow I won't have to leave her again. So we can have tonight together, and all day tomorrow, and Sunday, and take naps together, and just stay close - or as close as she'll let me.

Well, classes are going to begin soon. We shall see how this day goes.

Oh - and I haven't had cravings in quite a few days. I can see food and smell food and not want it, because I know MF is going to work if I stick with it. There are no doubts on this plan, and no room for fiddling with it, so I just eat what I'm supposed to eat and wait for the magic to happen. I haven't even thought about a Cadbury egg all week. Miracle!