The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[katieb920]

Whats going on girl..... Just checking in on ya.????

Today the sun is finally coming out.... Yeah.

Hope you have a great evening.

[nickieluv]

Things are going OK here. I have all the curtains open, sunshine is pouring in, I rearranged furniture and changed the bedsheets and I'm doing laundry - feels like a fresh new beginning today.

I am not on plan - but I just finished TOM and I'm down to only 1 pound over ticker weight even after such a long time being completely off. I still find that when I don't even try to be 'on a diet,' I automatically eat less. I don't feel like I'm dying of hunger all the time. This just proves how totally mental dieting is for me. It makes me think that maybe I should try the old-fashioned way - slow, steady, count calories and exercise. But I really hate doing it that way. However, it would mean no particular foods are off-limits and maybe that would ease my temptations. If I wanted to go out to dinner, I could - but be sensible about what I chose and eat light the rest of the day. If I wanted to go get some soft-serve, same deal.

I don't know. MF really rocked last time but it is just not happening right now. We don't really have the money for it until September anyway - I could get through the end of May and then I'd have nothing for three months. And my Mom bought most of my food and gave me $320 for it, but I asked her to hang on to it until I was ready to order food so I didn't spend it on something else. But that money would really help us out, even if we could just put it in the savings account and know that there's a little extra in there if something happens - like my husband's car needs brakes right now. You know?

I think if I ate real foods, but healthy ones - fruit, sandwiches, oatmeal, and still had a L&G meal for dinner (because that really is simple and easy) - and then, ugh, exercised - I might get farther than I'm getting right now. They say that if you journal all your food you learn your habits, eat less, and gain some control. My cousin lost a ton of weight just doing that. Maybe I should stop looking for magic fast weight loss (which MF is, but not if you can't do it!) and just try to do something else for a while.

I don't know. I keep saying that. But I don't. MF is the ONLY THING that ever allowed me to lose a lot of weight. I don't see why I can't do it. Why I keep going off with virtually no provocation.

My sister is visiting so that's why I'm not doing it right now. She's here until Saturday or Sunday. I guess I'm just going to finish out the week, doing whatever - and see where I'm at come Sunday. I do like MF and I DO want to use the products and have the success I had last time. It works, and more importantly it works for ME, I have proof of that. When the weather gets nicer I don't want to eat as much anyway. Maybe I can make the weather work for me. And I did call the EAP for counseling and I just have to call and make an appointment - stalling on that one a bit, although I only got the go-ahead this morning so it's not as bad as it sounds. I don't know what I'll talk to her about but I'm sure something will come up. It's a little disconcerting when your own mother tells you she thinks you need medication because depression runs in the family. I'm convinced it's nothing that more sleep and proper nutrition can't cure. But something is keeping me from doing those things. Two or three visits last time and I was off and running on the diet. Maybe that will happen again.

Well, that's enough of my saga for now. I'm feeling good, feeling positive over all - things will work out. It's just taking a hell of a lot of time. And who knows? I couldn't get going on a diet with my first daughter until she was almost 18 months old, even though I tried starting at about 8 months. Maybe it's just too soon for me mentally.

[Mike]

Sounding very positive there. Glad to hear it.

[Karli]

Hi Nickie,

It's funny, I think sometimes these cravings for particular things like pizza or whatever, they seem like cravings for junk, but I think probably at the heart of it all, the craving is actually for 'balance' and the ability to have that balance as a steady part of our lives. That's your right, and all of our rights !

[nickieluv]

Whatever it may be, I am looking forward to talking with someone. Of course the counselor called today and I didn't answer the phone. So maybe I'm not looking forward to it. Starting is the hard part. I guess I'm a little afraid I'll just explode and everything will come rushing out all at once. I've got some quite destructive habits going here, and I know there must be a reason for it, and I'm anxious to figure it out and solve it. You're right, Karli, I'm out of balance. It's not really about the diet. I just can't function in any positive way for long because something is keeping me off kilter. I know counseling will help. So I'm not going to clear out all the MF just yet - it will be there when I have my breakthrough. The EAP rep told me it can take up to a year for PPD to surface. Who knows.

[nickieluv]

OK, so I still haven't returned the counselor's phone call to make an appointment. Partly because I don't know when I'd even have the time to go. Partly because going would mean I'd have to make myself presentable and that gets harder and harder to do with any degree of success. Partly because I don't really want to go at all, even though on the surface I say it would probably be good for me.

I thought about starting MF again today. The problem is, I want to lose weight but can't seem to reconcile that with the fact that I'd have to CHANGE in order to make it happen. It all feels pretty hopeless.

I had such an up day last week - don't remember which day it was, but towards the end of the week, just a few things happened all at once that were positive and I felt on top of the world. But then today, it's all gloomy and rainy and cold and I feel miserable. Tired, depressed, fat, ugly. But paradoxically, I feel very calm and I'm incredibly appreciative of my kids today, I'm really enjoying them. In an hour I have piano lessons coming and I guess maybe showering and getting dressed could improve my mood. Ho hum. I'm getting tired of trying to trick myself into thinking I'm pretty by wearing nice shoes and jewelry. Look at my head and feet, ignore everything in between!!!

Four months until our next Disney venture. Something came in the mail today - Disney is really good at business, you know? They know how to seduce you and entice you into coming back again and again. Disney is a little drug all its own. They make you feel special. It's comforting.

I watched an odd movie today - "Little Children." From 2006, with Kate Winslet and Jennifer Connelly. It was pretty strange. And I didn't like the ending at all - one of those endings that doesn't really end things. I like my stories to be clearly defined. Not sure why I bring it up - just babbling today I guess. What else is new?

Well, I remain at an impasse. Weight creeping up - I guess that low a few days ago was an aberration. A never-ending cycle. I end with this quote, that I probably heard somewhere and don't remember so I'm calling it mine.

I will not be happy when I am thin. I will be thin when I am happy.

[nickieluv]

Called. Appointment Saturday morning unless my husband gets called in for overtime.

Karli mentioned balance. I think we could all agree that we are overweight because something is not in balance in our lives. I don't think it's ever just because food tastes good. That may be part of it, but not the whole story. Being overweight is a symptom, not the disease.

Hopefully this will help.

[nickieluv]

Thanks, Leigh. Tell Shane I have thought about it - but I feel like it's not the diet that's the problem, it's me. I don't think I'd be able to stick to anything the way I've been feeling about food lately. Tell me I have to give up water and I'd probably go off the deep end about water. It's all in my head.

I was thinking more about my line of reasoning regarding being overweight. It makes more sense to me the more I think about it. That's why there are so many yo-yo dieters. A person can take control and force themselves to change for a certain period of time - how long depends on the person. But if you haven't addressed the reasons that you overeat, or eat unhealthy foods - be it mental reasons, or lifestyle reasons (like not setting yourself up with proper foods in the house or something like that) - then you will not be able to maintain the changes.

That's probably why I gained everything back once I got pregnant. And then, for a while, I was able to stick with the diet and lose some weight right after the birth - but I was in a bad place emotionally, very unstable because of the hormones and the breastfeeding issues - and I lost my strength to keep up with the changes and gained even more weight back. And I haven't been able to stick with it for more than a few days at a time since then.

I'm sort of in-between feelings of hope and hopelessness about the counseling. Part of me hopes it will help, and maybe I'll be able to get more normal. Another part of me can't imagine anything other than what I live with every day, and can't imagine that anything will change. This is my normal. To think that other people don't live like this is hard to accept. To not be so moody? So quick to anger? To not feel so out of control? What on Earth would that be like?

[rodeomom]

Today's Dr Phil addressed issues like this. Robin is releasing her new book, What's Age Got to Do With It and they were discussing the importance of hormone balance in women. Based on what little bit of research I have done, women as young as their 20's can experience the hormonal imbalances of perimenapause that can cause depression, fibromyalgia like symptoms, weight gain, loss of sex drive and so on and so on. If it is hormonal, no amount of dieting, or counseling will help until the hormones are balanced.

[nickieluv]

Sounds like if I don't see improvement with therapy I might be in for some tests, huh? I guess it's amazing that anyone functions normally with the number of things that can go wrong in our bodies. If one little thing is off....

[oksoonergirl26]

You should definitely get checked out-at least then you will know one way or the other. Gotta love being a woman, life is so much more fun with estrogen!

[DogMa]

Ummm, I hate to say it, but it can be even worse when you start running OUT.

[nickieluv]

I wanted to have an MF day today, but I was scared so I didn't try. So many times before I've felt really ready the night before, or the morning of, but then by mid-afternoon I've given up again. I don't want to keep doing that. So I'm staying away from the MF at least until after this first appointment on Saturday. I want to get an opinion on what might be wrong with me, how serious it might be - if it's just hormones, or mood swings, or poor sleep, poor nutrition, or really depression or something worse (i.e. requiring medication and a real shrink).

I suppose in the end I will have to eventually take the plunge. No one can guarantee that I'll make it through a full day on plan. I doubt I'll feel magically ready one morning. But the more carbs I eat the more the weight packs on, and it's disheartening.

So anyway - not sure where I'm at, but I'm looking forward to trying to figure it out.

[MyComplete180]

I think you are doing the right thing, it's hard to be 'off' I have been that way once in the past, it was rough, but makes you appreciate when your are happier and setrtled. I am personally glad you hang out and post!

[Stihl]

Hope the appointments going well...