The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[Karli]

Hey Nickie, sounds like you're doing great ! Good for you . Let's keep right on keepin' on .

[nickieluv]

If Disneyland is half as great as Disneyworld, you will love it, Robin. My husband just became a big kid the second we walked through the gates.

I'm keepin' on, Karli, although today was tougher. I felt more hungry, and my husband made dinner for us and invited my mom and sister, so there were potatoes involved and it's wasn't really hard to resist them at the table, but it was hard to resist going back for another plate after I had my approved L&G amounts. But I did it, and I also forced myself to do 15 minutes on the treadmill and have a glass of water. So I earned my $5 for today.

Once things are going along smoother I'll try to increase the water intake. It's sporadic but I always have at least 12oz. I was up to 96oz or more when I was really kicking butt a couple of years ago. I relate to the 'jug' issue, though - I can easily drink water 3 times per day. So whatever size container I have, that's how much I drink, and I refill it twice more. Right now I'm using a 12oz glass because I no longer have my 32oz bottle, and I can't imagine drinking 8 of them. I need to go buy another big bottle I suppose. It's not like they're expensive or anything.

So tomorrow I am declining a family pizza party invite. My husband will go, with one or both of the girls, but I just don't want to put myself in that situation after the way today went. I know I can stay compliant if I stay home, so that's what I'm going to do. I just need a couple of weeks, maybe a month, and then I will feel more able to resist, just have a bar, bring my own meal, what have you. Because by then I'll be feeling good and seeing some results. Right now it feels silly to admit I'm on a diet because I've obviously made no progress in the last six months that I was supposedly on a diet for as well. But this time feels different, and I want to keep it going. I can do this for six months. That's as far as I go. Then hopefully I'll have lost enough to feel good about moving on with our family size, and I'll continue the plan until I have confirmation, at which point I'll transition (but probably skip to the second step right away). I figure by the time I'm past the morning sickness I'll be fully transitioned and more in control than I was the last time.

I can't help but make these plans. It's just who I am. But as far as the diet goes, I am firmly taking the 'one day at a time' path and whether I lose 8 pounds or 1 pound each week I will stay the course from now until baby. I really have no choice. And I am optimistic that I will not have so much baby weight to lose next time, so it will not be like the next few months are wasted effort (as, in hindsight, it appears the year 2007 was).

[Karli]

Hi Nickie, good to read your post ! Very nice in staying with the meal portions today, it can be tempting sometimes to have more than what is recommended, but you did it !! I did go ahead and get myself a huge bottle today, yeah, just $2.99 and even if I have just one of those, I will be drinking 64 oz.. I used to have at least two and a half to three of those a day a couple of years ago . You know, if you need to stay home from the pizza gig, that is completely understandable ! I know that it can get kind of difficult to do that, but sometimes that's just what it takes, and you are making the efforts in your life to be doing what it takes.

So, here's to both of us finding our rockin' path of skinny .

[nickieluv]

Wow, Karli - that's more water than I ever attempted!!! My record was 128oz per day, but I settled in more around the 3 liter mark than 4. That seemed to be a good amount in terms of my hunger, weight loss, and bathroom visits.

I feel a bit guilty not going - like it's stupid to stay home because of food - but losing weight is really important to me, and there will be many other events that I can attend in the future. And yes, someday I will even be able to go to a pizza party and not feel like I'm going to eat five of them.

I think it's the right choice, though. The leftovers from dinner last night are already calling to me, so can you imagine how I'd be around pizza? I do plan to have leftovers, just skip the potatoes and have the L&G I'm supposed to make of them. And I'm going to do that for my next meal while the family is still here, so I won't be tempted to sneak a potato on my plate.

This program is just so great, and I have struggled so much for so long with it, that now that I'm finally on track I want to stay that way. And not go off for anything. One day at a time and I can do it!

[Karli]

Hi Nickie,

I can totally relate to that feeling of guilt about not going. I have an uncle who has struggled very much with his weight over the years, and he has finally found something and seemingly the right timing, too, that is working for him. This last New Years much of the family from different states and such all came together, but my uncle did not come. He actually told the family that he was concerned he would just come and eat if he did. I *completely* understand this, but many in the family were less understanding. They said things like "we will not have the food out while you are here" and such, and they were generally disappointed that he couldn't seem to "find it in himself" to come, despite his diet change. Well, that reaction from others is silly. For one, can't anybody imagine how uncomfortable it would make an individual feel to have an event that normally includes WAY TOO MUCH food and eating, be absent of this just because of his presence ? If it were me, I would feel like everybody actually just wanted me to leave so they could finally just go back to eating in peace ... ha ha. AND, on top of that, everybody has been worried about his weight for years, so what do people want and expect ?

Okay, I know that was maybe a tangent, but I think part of the guilt we might experience has to do with other people, and a need to somehow please them. But, people will NEVER BE PLEASED , no matter what we do.

You are not staying away from the pizza gig just because you want to lose weight, you are staying away because you want to encourage a deeper set of principles and values in your life, and that simply just needs time and space.

Now, in the meantime, keep stearin' clear of them taters !

Let's rock the day together .

[Karli]

Hi Nickie, just sending some "let's rock it" vibes your way ! Have a great day .

[nickieluv]

I will rock it today. Made myself sick last night. Cold sick, not the other kind of making yourself sick. Just went nuts and ate too much, and that always makes me stuffy.

I was doing well. I was so hungry! But I had my L&G. Then I thought I'd have 'just a little extra protein,' which wound up being more meat and then a cheese stick. Then I thought 'well, those can count as two of my meals, and now I'll have a snack' - and my evil husband bought peanut butter (probably not knowing what a danger food that has become for me) so I had 'some' as a snack - and then I thought 'well I've been bad but I'll just have the veggies because that's not so bad' but the veggies included the evil potatoes and then, what the hell, let's have some chocolate/peanut butter sandwiches and little bagel pizza bites while we're at it.

It is so annoying that I can't even do this for a blasted week without talking myself right into going off plan. And if I can't stay on when I've lost 8 pounds, how can I hope to stay on if there comes a time I don't lose anything?

So today is the official weigh-in for my charts and stuff, and of course I was up, and I accept that. I have no desire to order pizza or anything today, which is good. I'll be exercising later on today (after my daughter finishes watching her movie, which is her reward this morning for having such good behavior - better than food, right?) and I'll be sure to have some water and stay on plan.

In hindsight, maybe I wanted this to happen. It's a possibility. I was planning that I would be alone, totally alone in the house, and just sit and read and maybe nap. But my little baby stayed home with me, which wasn't in the plan, and I suppose that might have upset me a little. Just because I don't like plans to change, not because I was spending time with her. So I should have done one of two things - either asked my husband to take her, too, instead of denying that I had wanted some alone time, or just gone with everybody and taken some bars and used the fact that 'people were watching' to help me stay on track.

I just get so sick of saying how this is a learning process and every bit of progress is good. I want to just be on and stay on and not have to come to 'confession' every few days around here. So there's some more motivation - not wanting to come here in shame.

So, in closing - anybody have advice on the following issue? How do you get yourself to stop thinking 'I can have a 'cheat day' once a week and it will actually help me lose faster than staying completely on plan?' I cannot get that thought out of the back of my mind. Every weigh-in day (which is what yesterday became, though unofficial) that thought pops right into my head unbidden. You'd think I'd have enough proof by now to know that it just means you lose the same 3 pounds over and over again. Brain surgery maybe? Hypnotism? Swift kick in the pants?

[nickieluv]

So the thoughts were in full force today, but I was busy with the baby and couldn't indulge them, and you know what? The feelings passed. Amazing how that happens. I know I keep being told that if I distract myself the urge to eat/cheat will go away. It always seemed before that by trying to distract myself I just thought about it more. This time I was unwillingly distracted in a sense - it was something outside instead of me trying to not think about it, which as we know is a perfect formula for thinking about whatever you're trying to avoid!

Very proud. Perhaps unrightly so, or maybe pride isn't the feeling and I'm just not sure what to call it. I'm glad I didn't cheat today. And I feel so - awakened, to realize that the urges do go away and I won't die from not eating. Even though it feels hopeless in the moment, I am so glad I didn't do anything to regret. And now it's after 2, my personal witching hour, so I can be smooth sailing the rest of the day.

Why is it that I am so wrapped up in what I can and can't eat?

My mom said the other night at dinner that at her age, she's just realized she doesn't want to spend her whole life thinking about what she can or can't eat. That's her reason for not going on or sticking to a diet. And I thought to myself at the time, that's what I love about MF - not having to think about what you're going to eat. You just do it and you lose weight. No choices to make.

Obviously, this food thing has something to do with my family. We're all overweight so we must all have some similar issues that we are passing on and enabling in each other. I don't want my children to struggle like this. I can break the cycle now if I try really hard.

I believe it has emotional roots. And I shouldn't say we're all overweight. On my Dad's side, yes, except for one brother and one sister. On my Mom's side, yes, except for her mother - who is borderline anorexic actually, you have to force her to eat. And it's been that way for years and years - maybe since my Grandpa died, maybe longer, I was too young then to know for sure. But all my aunts and uncles were thin until they became adults. ALL of them, both sides. Among the cousins, they are all thin on my Dad's side, but on my Mom's side it's half and half if you count me and my brother and sister.

I don't know what all this means, just kind of typing to keep my hands busy right now. I think, since the baby is happy, I might try to go back in my journal now and find where I was a couple of years ago in terms of MF. It's just so hard to navigate those pages - takes forever. But I am interested to see what the patterns were back then, when I was successful.

[nickieluv]

I had the thought that the way I eat is not really connected with my weight loss in my mind. Yes, I know that I must stay on plan. But it's almost like the weight is coming off all by itself and I'm not doing anything. MF is so easy right now, that I just eat what I'm supposed to, and in the morning when I weigh less it's a miracle. I don't struggle every day to get the right mix of foods, and try to figure out what I can 'get away with.' This just does not seem like a diet anymore. I know it is - but it feels different. It's not as hard. When I have cravings I just know I have to get through today - I don't focus on not having chocolate for 10 more months like I usually would. I don't spend all week thinking that finally, on Friday, I can have pizza and it won't be so bad and by weigh-in I'll have made up for it. I'm not justifying bad behavior anymore - this is just the way it is, and will be, until I'm ready to transition.

I know there are people out there who just make up their minds to diet and they go on and never go off and do great - even when it's not MF. I have never been that type of person. I am approaching the 20# club and I have never, NEVER lost that much weight in my life. Usually I hit 5 or 10 and then go off the deep end. This really does seem like a miracle. And what's more, I can picture myself reaching onederland, and reaching goal after that. I'm not afraid I'm going to fail. I'm not afraid it won't happen. I just know it will happen. I don't know if anyone out there understands how foreign it is to have these kinds of thoughts in my head. I am not berating myself. I am not doubting myself.

I realize though, just now, that I am taking myself out of the equation. I'm not really giving myself credit. In saying it's a miracle I am discounting my hard work - like I've done all my life - because once something seems easy for me, I attribute it to luck, not to anything I've done. I have to remember that *I* am putting only the right foods in my mouth, *I* have remained compliant for 19 days, *I* have done the work and it is not completely a miracle that I'm losing weight - I am making it happen. I have the power here, and the strength. If I start to take that away from myself, then I take away the accountability, and then I think bad things will happen. You know, the whole 'I'm doing so well I can tweak the plan because I'm special and know what I'm doing' attitude.

So, in summation - yes MF is a miracle for me, but it's only going to work as long as I am doing my work with food and exercise. Just because it's easy for me doesn't mean it doesn't count. It's still work and I should be proud of myself. And it won't always be easy, and I have to remember that I am in control of the good things that happen to me, it's not just luck - and when bad things happen it does not always mean I am to blame.

Just wanted to move this up in my journal. I've been reading and I was just as bad a mess back then as I am now - it just didn't take me as long to get back on track as it has this time. And the key was just sticking to plan. This post was after about 3 weeks on plan, plus a couple of days. I didn't find the moment when I got it - how I got through the first three days - I'm going to go back and try to find that next. I just wanted to have this post handy.

[nickieluv]

I found it. Day 1 and day 2 of my start two years ago. And there was no secret. No magic. I struggled. I wanted to order in every night. But I didn't. I toughed it out, and then, in a few weeks, I got to where I was in the above post.

I romanticized the whole thing. Let myself think it was harder this time because my circumstances were different, I wasn't working - but last time, my husband was working nights and I was basically a single parent during the week, and I still made it work. Life is a piece of cake now compared to then.

I wonder if this is why I waited so long to look back. I think some part of me knew there was no great secret waiting to be discovered, just old fashioned stick-to-it-iveness.

But the searching did show me that I can do it again. Nothing is missing this time. Nothing is keeping me from success that wasn't there last time - namely, ME.

And, on a positive note - I am so over what the scale says. That's a big difference from last time, when practically every post was 'should I weigh daily or weekly' or some other debate regarding the scale and my self-worth.

Baby is not so happy any more, so off I go. Feeling kind of empowered, actually. A Dorothy moment - I had everything I needed all along.

[nickieluv]

Day is done. On track. No magic, just remembering what is most important - the goal, not the moment. At least when it comes to weight loss, that is. I'm all for embracing the moments in life, when I have the time.

[Elke]

You are an amazing woman. Too see what you did back then and bring it to now, its also just what I need to do. Thank you so much!

[nickieluv]

Spoke too soon but not the end of the world. I stayed up reading another 6 hours past my last supplement, so I had some pickle spears and a SF popsicle. But no chocolate peanut butter sandwiches, although I did think of them a couple of times. I know I should have had another supplement, but in a way I was hedging my bets, in case I did decide to eat the PB. Glad I didn't. The urge passed - twice in one day, who-da thunk-it?

I spent so much of my life reading and eating simultaneously that even though I've broken the habit, it still calls to me sometimes. Heaven on earth used to be Doritos and a new Stephen King book. Well, the times they are a-changin'!

No exercise the last two days, so no more money earned for my ring. I'll have to try harder to do something tomorrow. It's only 15 minutes but even that seems too much sometimes - but then, this is the woman who just spent 6 hours reading a book cover to cover. I find the time for what I want to do it seems!

[nickieluv]

Well I don't seem to have lost any weight overnight so I will attribute it to the salt in the pickles. My total snack (pickles and popsicle) wasn't more than 50 calories and zero carbs so although not in the spirit of MF, I can't imagine it made me gain weight. I weighed with all my clothes on, too, so I'm just guesstimating what my weight really is this morning.

I'm trying to decide what workout to do this morning. I'm back in the mindset of not wanting to sweat very much, but the walking workout I can do is so boring. I have some new dance workouts and the Biggest Loser workout, but those will probably have me dripping. I might just get on the treadmill for 15 minutes again, but that's boring, too. I simply haven't been in the mood lately to devote to a full workout. I can't wait until the weather warms up and I can do more 'lifestyle exercise' like walking the girls around for a half hour and taking them to the playground. There's one two blocks away, and one a mile away, so I can pick how much effort I want to expend.

I just know that I have to do something or I don't get my money towards my ring. Why did I put that box on the checklist? Because I know it's important, even though I don't like it very much.

So here's to a no-snack day - or at least, an allowed-snack-only day. Yesterday's researches were beneficial, because even though I wanted to have those sandwiches, I kept remembering how I lost weight last time, and that I just need to get through a few weeks on plan and it won't seem like work anymore. Three weeks isn't really so bad - and if fighting for three weeks means I can stay on for three months without daily wars with myself, it's worth it to keep going. So my goal is to get through the musical I'm doing and be able to check all of my boxes every day. By then, it'll be nicer out, I'll feel better, and it should be tons easier.

[nickieluv]

I was just posting in Karli's journal and noticed that my ticker has a snail on it. I didn't do that on purpose but it struck me funny today. I certainly have been a snail about this - if snails moved backwards, that is!