The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[nickieluv]

Thanks for popping in, Robin! 80 works, right? What else will we be doing at that age anyway?

I am having a munchy day again today, too. I'm thinking the sore throat is what made the weekend so easy to stick to plan. I'm doing it, thank God again for these new bars - and I dipped two of them in PB today at mealtimes, and I'm two glasses behind on my water - I'm not in the mood for water today, I may go with another non-caloric beverage for the evening. But I'm doing OK today. The food thoughts were louder today, but I put them off with my 'later' response. I went into a lot of detail in my 'later' fantasy, but it did remain purely imaginary.

It seems if I can make it through till about 2, I'm fine. It's a horrible reason, but here it is - by then, it's too late to get the food, eat it, and dispose of the evidence before my husband gets home. He took out the trash this morning and I'm thinking he saw the pizza box in there and that's why he's not spoken to me all day, because he's pissed that I keep doing this. I suppose I'd be pissed and confused if I were him, too - hell, I'm ME and I sometimes feel that way about all this. It could also be just that he was very busy all day, but my guilty conscience reads into it. At any rate, he'll be home in about 10 minutes and then I'll know for sure.

The end result is that I have been on plan today. My 'later' day, by the way, is Monday right now. I'm hoping that by then the food fantasies will have lost some strength, and I will have gained some strength. And then if I make it through Monday, I can say it'll be the next Monday. I'm sure by now my point is clear - I keep saying it more to strengthen it in my own mind than to clarify for anyone else.

So on the Biggest Loser - I really enjoyed last night's episode. But my husband and I were doing our own challenge, and I started out gangbusters but then had all these hangups, and I will be lucky to end up at the same weight I started it at - 235 - by next Tuesday. So my husband will be winning that one. Sigh. Good thing we never really bet anything on it! He could have made out like a bandit, I was VERY cocky about winning when we took our initial weights.

That's all for now - time to clean up a bit and teach for a bit, then hopefully enjoy the evening. It might be a L&G night. I'm actually psyched that I've had my meals at normal times, when before I might have crammed them all together and been all out by now. But I still have two meals left. I wasn't perfect today (the PB) but I'm darn proud of myself for making it. In fact, I almost feel strong enough to push my 'later' all the way to Disney and go from there.

[DogMa]

I was NOT happy with last night's episode, because of who was below the yellow line - or, more accurately, who wasn't. (This is vague in case anyone hasn't seen it yet.) Plus I was just ready to scream at Vicky when she talked about her lack of self-awareness and her lack of a plan for when she got home. And how she and her kids don't eat veggies and she won't even really try to get them to have some. Sigh. And Bob was surprised? Maybe he should have thought of that back when he talked Amy into saving her, so he might have had HER around instead - someone who was doing this for the right reasons and not just to win the money. You made your bed, Bob. And you're right, she'll probably gain it all back. I almost hope she gains some back before the finale. It'd serve 'em both right.

Ummmm, yeah, not a fan of hers. Or of the game play. Or even of Bob's lately. I'm not sure I'll last another season if the show doesn't fix itself. I'm sick of the game play, I'm sick of the pettiness, I'm sick of the whole "do everything for the team" attitude, and I'm sick of the incessant product placement. So there. (And sorry for the hijack there, Nickie. /rant)

[nickieluv]

Wow you guys - I hadn't looked at it that harshly I guess. Although I did not believe her or Bob when he was saying 'she gets it' and won't gain it back. And the veggie thing totally pissed me off. What kind of mom is she that her kids don't eat ANY vegetables? Even mashed potatoes, which are barely a vegetable? I'm high and mighty about it, I know, but even though my husband and I eat like crap we have always given our daughter the proper foods - she loves all veggies and will try, and usually eat, anything you give her (how much she'll eat is another story, but she's not a picky eater, just a light eater). Sad news about Ryan, though - did you know he had gained it all back? I meant to do a search about him today but forgot.

Being in the trenches, I know how hard it is, and imagine how much you have to think and put effort into maintaining. You all may wish I'd finish losing the weight before I fret about it, but I really believe it's helpful for me. I don't want to do all this work just to have it be for nothing. I'm learning about myself as I go, and while it won't be smooth sailing in maintenance most likely, I do feel like I have some ideas already of how to take control of my weight long-term.

But I also have heard and seen enough stories of people who lose weight and then immediately gain it back. While you're losing, you have to understand why you gained in the first place or you can't fight it. Key for us will be cooking instead of eating out, and taking smaller portions without going back for seconds. I don't think (other than the obvious stuff) that there are any 'bad' foods - people just abuse food, and we were guilty of that. Plus we have to be more active. Simplistic, but true. We have to put effort into maintaining or we will gain. Gone are the days of just grabbing something to eat without thinking about it.

I'm proud of some of the habits I've already changed. I can drink water now, and when I'm thirsty it's usually the first thing I reach for instead of soda or Koolaid (SF, of course!). And I used to be a huge one for grabbing a bag of chips and sitting in front of the TV or reading a book while stuffing my face. I don't do that anymore - I don't feel like I need to constantly have food in my hands to keep busy. Even when I was off plan, I kept on reading without eating - and that's huge for me, because that was a habit from childhood. Broken!!

Well, there were more messages that I needed to check on, plus I need to pee (all that damn water!!) so off I go for now. Thanks everybody for the BL opinions - nice to have them in my journal for a change.

[nickieluv]

Pretty hungry today. Upgraded from feeling munchy.

Did a 5&1 after all, plus had two snacks. So mostly legal today. The thing I love about openly telling myself (oxymoron?) that I'm doing the 6&0 is that, when I'm hungry, I have the L&G and it's almost like I'm cheating - so it satifies the hunger and the silly need for rebellion. Even when I have a snack I feel like I'm cheating (which I know the 2nd one today was technically cheating) but I'm not!

I think I need to say that I will stay on until Disney. I don't want to gain a ton of weight on that vacation, but vacations are special occasions with a defined beginning and ending, and even when maintaining I bet I would gain a few on a vacation - probably not popular to say this but I think that's part of the point of a vacation. A break for your mind. It is totally possible for me to go 4&2 while on vacation, though, so I might do that and it will probably feel enough like cheating (yes, technically, there is no such thing as a 4&2 so it will be cheating in actuality) that it will work out for me. Plus there will be exercise from all that walking and swimming - I'm sure my daughter will have me living in the pool when we're not in the parks, if the weather cooperates. Supposed to be pretty temperate in February, and she and I will practically polar bear swim anyway. Not for long and maybe only wading in her case, she's too little for the cold, but I've done it.

I'm not spending a lot of time thinking about vacation eating, just weighing my options. I probably won't decide until the moment we pull out of the driveway - but I'm certainly going to pack as if I'm going to stay on plan 100%, just in case.

SO looking forward to weigh-in Friday. Need to know how many I earned this week, of course. Plus I might even be in the 230s already, and that would be awesome. I've kicked butt before, I can do it again - I feel like I AM doing it finally this time around, after lots of excuses. Low 220s and I can wear the non-maternity jeans again! Hooray! (Squeezing a bit still, but not too badly - low teens and they'll fit just fine.)

[DutchChoc]

HA!

Well, nickieluv, did not know as much about Geneen Roth as you, apparently! I just liked the way she said "some people" use food and weight as excuses for not dealing with all the other well-deserving issues in life and they act as kind of buffers between the self and those other even more complex coping strategies.

Sorry you're munch/hungry today but sounds like you're doing well hanging in there about it. i hate to think of you worrying hubby is mad or disenchanted about the pizza box because I know how that can make us feel even more forelorn sometimes. All we need is a reason to feel bad about something sometimes - for whatever reason, and we should stop. We really do the best we can or the best we WANT to do at given times and can only work on doing better as we can do better. Take care!

[nickieluv]

Thanks Dutch - I do tend to go on a bit, don't I? Now you know more about Geneen Roth than you ever wanted to!

Sorry to you and Leigh that I completely forgot to mention the pizza thing - not a word from him. So either he didn't see it, or he did and has finally realized that he needs to just let me be about these things and I will find my own way. Either way I'm relieved. Hopefully that will be the last time I feel I need to hide my eating - that's a problem for me, too. These food fantasies I'm having about Monday? Well, the day is Monday and not Sunday for a reason - without my husband here, I can eat whatever I want and not worry what anyone thinks. Not that he cares how much I eat, I suppose, other than worrying about my health - but I know in my heart I eat enough food for at least two people, if not three, when I'm on a bender like that, and it's shameful and embarrassing.

I do hope I don't give in and actually do it on Monday - but the key is that if I do, I can't beat myself up about it. I was able to beat my own personal odds and stay on plan the last two days after cheating on Monday. For all I know it's a good idea to desensitize myself to the idea of 'bad' foods, or maybe it's a necessary step to learn that I can control myself when it comes to food and make amends for bad choices. I suppose that's some of what Geneen learned, too - she says she still has chocolate every day, and has her favorite foods from time to time but in moderation, and has accepted that she can not be stick thin and still be able to do those things. But she can be at a healthy weight. She also says she still sometimes uses food for something other than nutrition, although she's quicker to realize it and it is the exception rather than the rule.

I hope to get there someday. I don't want to fear food any more than I want to worship it. Food can be pleasurable, and I want to be the kind of person who can enjoy food without making it the center of everything. I want to learn that the first bites are the best ones, and you don't have to eat the whole bag of chips despite what Lays says. I think intellectually I'm closer than ever - emotionally I have a way to go. But I'm doing it. I'm really doing the work.

[DutchChoc]

yeah, all of what you said is so true. There are times I know I'm pretty full of a fairly sane meal (this is in the past, now) and yet Ill keep eating those last bites until it's all gone no matter what, even if I'm EXHAUSTED mentally from the thought of doing it or the physical action of doing it. Well, guess what? All those calories would have a place in my life for the other times I'm legitimately HUNGRY, duh!!

So, we're already doing pretty well just by having our L&G and not getting into everything else, you know! This is great, frankly, though I still get kind of disgusted being hungry when I DO know how to solve that problem, lol --

Well, I look at it this way, this issue I have with food makes me human and have greater humility than I would ever have if I didn't have it and couldn't understand it. Lots of moving parts in the food wheel and lots to learn about what works and doesn't work. Maybe overeating is one way of never thinking of a solution, just thinking of the misery; after all, it is pretty compelling as a concern that there's little effort-strength left to try to do more than drag our sorry butts on to the next day, at the worst of times.... and THIS, on the other hand, is an opportunity to think more clearly of how to help ourselves, which is why I like your thinking aloud on those things because I find much "food for thought" there.

Take care, nickieluv. You're doing great and you will continue to do great.

[nickieluv]

I was out of the house all afternoon today, which threw off my eating schedule. I did take enough meals, but didn't get a chance to eat both of them, just one. It works out OK, though, because it's a late night. So now I can eat one more time before I leave, and then I can have something when I come home. Tomorrow is weigh-in!!!! I was ALMOST in the 230s this morning - so I'm hopeful.... Hmmm, twice a day - not gonna happen! We'll have to save some of those for a slow weight-loss week. We'll have a bank.

[DutchChoc]

Good luck on your weigh-in! I hope the weight-loss fairy brings you lots of happiness. It's sure motivating and makes it all worthwhile.

[nickieluv]

Yeah, the hard part comes on the weigh-ins that aren't the first one. That first one is usually a nice kick in the pants. My projection will say I'm going to reach goal by Christmas or something like that with such a crazy first week number. But it will be nice to see.

Now, though, I can't get my hopes up even about tomorrow. Weight fluctuates and I'm due for a visitor any day now, so who knows what'll show up on the scale in the morning. I know I've had a good week. Not a perfect one, but the best one I've had in a really long time as far as my eating goes.

Today, with my timing being off in the afternoon, I wound up having 3 meals within about 2 hours (so, eating every hour) after I got home. Having to skip that one mealtime while I was out made me hungry, I guess. And I literally couldn't eat - there was no time I could walk away or stop what I was doing, other than that once, and as soon as the opportunity came I ate. But anyway, I'm home now and I'm not hungry at all. I've had extra water this evening and was busy out at church, but it's nice to come home and not be starving since I ate so long ago. Well, I guess it was only a little over 3 hours. So technically, should I be eating again, because it's been that amount of time, even though it means I would be 6&1 today? I'm not going to eat, but I would like some feedback on that one.

Well, tomorrow is another day out of the house - my daughter needs some diagnostic testing done at the hospital. Not pleasant tests, either, so Mommy is going to be very stressed trying to hold it together while they put my baby through pain. Hopefully it will turn out nothing is wrong - I will certainly post about it when I can. The doctor says these are pretty routine tests - it's just that one of them hurts, and there's no other way to do it. But this is a nationally recognized children's hospital so I am confident they know what they're doing and will help my daughter through it. If anybody has a moment around 9:45, just think of us and if you're inclined to pray, I'd welcome it.

[DogMa]

Aw, I hope the baby's OK and it's not too painful - for EITHER of you.

Re: all the food issues, I don't know that I'll EVER have a completely healthy relationship with food, but I don't know that very many people do. Thin people also occasionally overeat, or eat when they're stressed, or whatever. The change is that I don't do those things nearly as often. I still occasionally "binge," but they're so short and so limited, I'm not sure they even qualify as binges. I still tend to have "clean plate syndrome," so at home I make sure to use smaller plates and I don't put as much on them. When I'm out, I'll order something small so that it's not a huge tragedy if I DO finish the whole thing. I have huge problems controlling myself around ice cream, so I don't keep it at home - even the diet stuff, because I'll still eat the whole darn package - and I don't go out to have it very often (I think the last time was about six months ago, other than sharing a dessert for my birthday that had a small scoop). You do what you have to, and you find what works for you.

And re: the extra meal, I guess it would depend. If it had been three hours and you were still going to be up awhile, I'd probably go ahead and have it. If you were going to bed soon, I'd skip it.

[nickieluv]

First of all, the baby was a trooper. It was the older one, but she's still a baby to me of course. Turns out she will need to be on low-dose antibiotics for at least 2 or 3 years, then have the tests done again to see if she has outgrown her condition. The doctor said most kids do outgrow it by the time they are teenagers. The problem is that as her bladder fills, some of it refluxes into her left kidney, and that can cause infection and huge problems. So she just always has to be on antibiotics to protect against it. At least there was no talk of surgery - unless it gets worse.

She got all kinds of stickers, and after the more invasive test the tech gave her a little beanie baby fluffy dog (she named it Riley) and the neat thing was that on the little tag, the dog's birthday is the same as hers! She wanted a blue and pink and purple shirt (I totally spoiled her the rest of the day) and a taco and vanilla ice cream with chocolate syrup and french fries. She ate a ton, which actually is nice to see because she's usually such a light eater.

I was not on plan today. It was by choice. I had chocolate milk for breakfast and then nothing until 3. But my victory today is that I ordered less than half of what I usually would, and did not eat all of it.

So here's what I'd normally have gotten:
2 nacho bowls
3 soft tacos
1 large fry
2 double cheeseburgers
2 M&M flurries
and maybe even some chicken nuggets

Isn't that disgusting? I don't know that I've ever written out the quantities before, but I have a feeling it's not all that shocking to some who might read it.

Today I got:
1 nacho bowl
1 large fry
1 double cheeseburger
1 medium strawberry shake

and I didn't finish the nachos or the fries - left quite a bit behind, actually. It's still not a healthy meal and I shudder to think of the calorie load - in the thousands easily I'm sure - but it's so much better than what I usually do that I'm feeling good about it (aside from being way too full and kind of yucky-ish in the tummy - and yet I ate it...). And tomorrow it's back on plan. AND I didn't hide the 'evidence' - I ate it, I made a choice, that's the end of it. Hiding your eating has got to be some sort of disorder, so time to end that, too.

The rest of the day I'm planning not to eat (not that I could anyway, after all that) and I'll do what I can about water, although I'm in the mood for a diet soda since I haven't had one in over a week. Oh, and I'll probably share an orange with my daughter.

So that was the day. I wish nothing had been wrong with my daughter but it could have been so much worse. It's a little stressful thinking that I'll have to remember to give her medicine every day - but I take a thyroid pill every day so maybe I can tie it in to that somehow and only have to remember one thing still.

Off I go. My husband keeps trying to talk to me and I asked him to stop so I could finish this, and he got all pissed at me. The man asks me to hurry up and get off the computer, and then he won't leave me alone so I can actually concentrate and finish here quickly, and when I ask him to, he's mad. So typical....

Oh - I did go to bed right afterwards, and skipped the meal. And I was down 12.2 pounds this week - forgot to change my ticker. Had bigger things on my mind this morning, obviously.

[DutchChoc]

Good luck balancing for your weigh-in tomorrow, OrigAUgirl - that gave me a chuckle because I know I'd be doing the same thing whatever it took to find out, maybe without a leg to stand on.

Hi, nickieluv - glad your stress is over on that one. Maybe it will kill your interest in eating "Monday", now - and you can set your sights past that day, too. 12.2 pounds is amazing for a week! Hope everything goes well tomorrow and that you can find it easy enough to get back on plan.

[nickieluv]

Husbands are funny and demanding creatures, aren't they? I wish I had a wife to take care of me after I'm done taking care of him!! Maybe it's because I'm a woman, but I really think MEN are the weaker sex and thank goodness they have us in the picture to support them. It's hard work sometimes, though, because I lose patience when it starts to feel like he's another one of my kids instead of my (supposedly adult) partner. The good times outweigh the bad, and I'm never leaving him unless he commits one of two unforgivable (in my book) sins - cheating on me or hurting the kids. And I don't believe he'd ever do either, so we're good.

As always, time will tell about tomorrow. I had planned all day long to be off plan, and after my daughter decided what she wanted I was just going to tag on something at whatever restaurant she picked. All these possibilities were going through my mind and I stopped and reminded myself of all the times I got way too much food, but ate every bite of it because to throw it out would be wasting money. I still need to downsize that meal I had by a lot more before it's reasonable, but it felt good to order less and STILL throw some of it away.

I am hopeful I can be back on plan tomorrow. Let me put it another way - I WILL be back on plan tomorrow because that is my goal and I am in control of the food. I made conscious choices today, and I did not feel like I was at the mercy of the food - I was in charge. And I will be in charge tomorrow, I will just be making different choices.

One of our family Christmas events is next weekend - the big one, with all the aunts and uncles and cousins blah blah blah. Of course there will be a meal. I may be able to find a L&G in there. If it's a buffet thing, then I can just not eat and tell people I ate before or I'll eat later if they ask why I don't have a plate in my hand. But if it's a sit-down, I'll have to eat something. Because I do NOT want to explain it all to so many people. If I had already lost all my baby weight, maybe that would be different - but when I've just started and you can't see any results, I feel like people will look at the fat girl on the 'diet' and just laugh because 'it'll never work' and 'who is she kidding?' The next day we are hosting another family Christmas at our house, but it's much smaller, and everyone coming already knows about the diet and won't care whether I eat or not. In reality, I bet no one will care at the big one, either. I mean, I don't look around to see what other people are eating, and I don't notice if somebody decides not to eat - so why will anyone be watching me? I just bring it up because I'm nervous about it. So I'm planning to be on plan from now until then and hopefully I can stick to my guns when I get there. Do you think everyone there will just be worried about how much they can stuff themselves and won't care a bit about what I do or don't eat? I guess that's what I think intellectually - but I still have some hangups.

So tomorrow it's back on plan and heading back down the scale. I'm so behind on water today but I'll pick that back up tomorrow, too. Actually, I should take a bottle of water to bed with me because odds are I'll wake up in the middle of the night parched. Off I go to read for a bit - it's only a little after 8 and both girls are asleep - aaahhhhh, sweet silence....

[DutchChoc]

Yes, I have the same thing to face through the 24-27 December period when we're visiting family in FL. They do what I never experienced before, too, which is fill everyone's plates the same way from the top of the stove in the kitchen - now Where is that done? I think it's the oddest thing. I mean the cook does it - would be slightly better if the individual eaters could do it for themselves. Anyway, that will be tough because I've also become a vegetarian this year and they don't usually have much that doesn't get covered with gravy. Sauce, they call it. Yippee. So that period, for me, will not be heavenly.

Glad you're feeling strong about a day on the plan - today, I'm not, for some reason. Want oatmeal and don't have any MF oatmeal, so I will have to do with a shake and look forward somehow just to tomorrow's rollcall.