The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[SuzyQ66]

Nickie, you are taking the first step towards a healthy tomorrow. It might not be easy right away....but every day that goes by it does get easier. You can do this Nickie. Just stay positive...and congratulations for making the decision to start again.

[Diana]

Hiya, Nik!

A friend of mine had some big body changes, too, after her second child. I know it's harder for you with thyroid issues, etc., but I believe without a shaddow of a doubt that not only CAN you do this, but you WILL!

Remember the triumphs and the progress you're making. It's it a wonderful thing that our "current" reality changes every day and we have the power to direct where it's going?

Hugs and blessings!
Di

[nickieluv]

I think my biggest hurdle is my brain. It tells me I'm hungry when I'm not, and it tells me 'one more day won't hurt' when it so obviously will. I suppose, in the long run, if it really were only ONE more day then it wouldn't do much damage. But that one day just gets longer and longer.

I am on plan today, two shakes down, and planning to stay on all day. The plan is easy, but doing it can be very hard, especially at first. I try to fill my mind with visions of a thin and active me when the visions of food come dancing in my head. I try to remember that if I had the body of my dreams I would not dream of filling it with grease and salt and fat. I try to remember that I need to love my body in order to treat it well, even if it doesn't look the way I wish it would right this minute.

Gotta get out of the maternity pants - here's to posting on that milestone in a few weeks!

[nickieluv]

It seems like no matter how many times I do this thing, I am susceptible to the devilish thoughts in my head. I am on plan today and staying that way, because I want to be thin and set a good example for my kids more than I want any kind of food or candy. It is so important for me to lose this weight for my health and my kids. Do you know the stats on how many overweight kids have overweight parents? I'm sure it's not 100% but it's got to be high. Some people's bodies just hold onto more weight - I had friends when I was kid whose parents were really health-conscious - they gave out RAISINS every Halloween - but they had one super slim daughter and one pudgy one, and all their lives it's been that way. I do think some people, in order to be really thin, have to decide if it's worth all the sacrifices. Someday I will be at that point myself - having to decide where I want my goal weight to officially be. I can tell you right now, I won't be a stick if it means having to live unrealistically. I want to be in a healthy weight range, and I want a weight that I can maintain by being active and eating reasonably, not one that I have to sustain by eating only carrot sticks and working out three hours a day. That's not me.

But over 200 pounds is not me, either. Not even over 150, I don't think, although after 2 kids I can't be sure that wanting to weigh 140 is possible. I will find out as I get there. But I'll never get there if I don't start with that first day of following MF.

Secret? I actually really LIKE MF. I like how I feel on this diet. It doesn't even feel like a diet after a while, once I really get going. The only thing that would make MF better is if they could deliver the L&G every night, too. Yep, I'm THAT lazy.

So, two supplements down, I am not feeling body hunger today, just head hunger. Tomorrow or the next day is usually when I feel the hunger pangs. But then it gets so much better after that - and I have Florida to look forward to! I may not want to wear shorts but with these cankles I'm not even going to wear capris down there. So it's time to get moving.

And my other goal is to get a non-matronly part in our summer community theatre musical. I love to sing and be on stage and even at my highest weight I got a really good part, but that was only because the show they picked, the lead singers didn't have to be hot. I'm probably too old by now to play the ingenue at 30, but there are other good parts, and I don't want to be held back because I look awful at this weight. My dream part is in Little Shop of Horrors. I don't want to be Audrey, although that would be fine - I REALLY want to be one of the doo-wop girls, the ones who sing in three-part close harmonies - and wear the sequins and heels. Too fun!!

I know I've said that about the theatre before, but even though it may be selfish it really is important to me. I guess I'm a little narcissistic - they say artsy types are kind of full of themselves. I hide it pretty well most of the time but I can't resist the stage!! It's just so much fun! And my daughter wants to sing and dance on stage, too - she'll barely be 4 but they usually have a kid's chorus in their shows and the director's kid has been in it since he was 4, so I told her she could audition if she wants to. How fun would that be, doing a show with my baby girl?

So anyway, whenever I feel like treating myself like crap and going off plan, I'm going to think about Florida and about being in a show. Those are really good motivators. Plus all those cute clothes I had to box up during the pregnancy and would like to see again someday!! Sometimes I can't believe I ever got under 200. But I'm going to do it again!!

[SuzyQ66]

You can do it Nik....stay focused. When you have the urge to go off plan....do something else to keep you mind busy.

[nickieluv]

Today has been a good day. When I just make up my darn mind to be successful, I am! I'm eating every two hours and going to bed early - that's the plan. Meals at 9, 11, 1, 3, 5 and 7, then bed by 9 (I have to wait two hours after last meal so I can take my thyroid pill). It's been great today, actually - two hours is not very long between meals and when I felt the Halloween candy calling to me I just had my bar for that meal (trying not to have a bar every day, just as needed for carb-craving triage). When I stop being so tired (i.e., baby sleeps through the night) I may have to spread the meals out farther because I'll be awake earlier and up later at night - but by then, hopefully the hunger won't be an issue.

I am going to rock it this time around. I am not going to think about going off plan. It's not an option. And I am not going to plan out months and months ahead. I'll finish today, and then face tomorrow. I am going to be a hot mama if it kills me!!!

Here's to getting back into at least a couple things in that pre-prego box by Christmas. Maybe one of the stretchier sweaters....

[SuzyQ66]

Good idea, one day at a time...Robin told me one even better...2-3 hours at a time. It sure helped me through week one and I just finished week 2.

[nickieluv]

I mentally almost didn't make it to this last supplement. It's in front of me and after I'm done typing I'll go drink it. But I had to talk a bit to myself, reminding myself that what I really want is not the same as what I might want right this instant.

Neat thing occurred to me today. I was thinking having to wash all my shake cups (I make them up the night before for ease of use) every day would be a deal breaker for me, because it would get old really fast. But I decided what I'll do is just put them in the dishwasher, run it when it gets full (which is about every other day for us) and on the days I don't have clean shake containers, I'll make the hot drinks. That's still quick and easy, and gives me a little bit of an option.

Silly, but it's a little thing that might make the difference for me. Sometimes I get too caught up in how it 'has' to be and I forget that the rules I make up for myself aren't really the important ones when it comes to MF. The rules in the book are important - when to eat, what to eat - not what container I make things in. Sometimes I get carried away. Who, me?

I can't wait till I can say I'm in week 2, Suzy. But then I'm looking too far ahead again. I just feel so excited because I know MF works and I know if I stick to it day after day then eventually I will meet my goals and maybe even exceed my own expectations. So that's hard to be patient for!

[nickieluv]

What a glorious day 2! (Keeping positive over here)

I said something in KatieB's journal just a minute ago and I want to put it here so I'll remember it (paraphrasing):

Each MF meal is a present to myself. Something I do to pamper myself. 6 little rewards each day, which regardless of pounds lost, make me feel light and healthy and happy and in control.

Hope I can keep that mindset for the long haul.

Now, you all probably know all about this already, but I just discovered Yahoo Widgets last night. So I went nuts putting them all over my desktop. It started because I wanted a countdown to my weight loss goal on my computer staring me in the face. So I have a spreadsheet that extrapolates my weight week to week based on my average losses. I just put in the date that it says I'll reach 140 and do my countdown to there. (I know the projection will change every week, so I'll have to keep changing it as I go, but I like seeing the countdown anyway.) Well anyway, I figured that out, and then added a Disney countdown, and a countdown to my kid's birthdays and our wedding anniversary, and a countdown to Christmas, and a set of Dolch word (sight words, first reading) cards that will give a new word every day for my daughter to see and learn, and finally (but most fun) - the leg lamp from "A Christmas Story." In honor of the upcoming holiday, it's sitting on my desktop, and you can click it and it will light up. It's so cute!!

So I just wanted to share that little fun thing. I went overboard on it as I always do, and eventually I might get sick of having all that on my desktop, but for now I like it. Something about seeing that goal countdown, especially, reminds me every time I get online that I am working towards something big, something important. It's not about WHEN I get there, it's just a constant visual reminder that every second of the day I am working towards a goal.

Well, I'm off for now. Enjoy the election coverage today - I hope it's not too much of a landslide, that's no fun to watch (unless it's your guy winning, I suppose).

[nickieluv]

I forgot (!) to say that my weight today puts me back in the 20# club. Regardless of where I'm starting now, I'll always think of my MF starting weight as 264. I took a little baby break and am having to do a lot of work over again, but I was just a hair shy of that 70# club when I left and I will be very happy when I get over that hurdle this time around!

[nickieluv]

So I had a speedbump today. Less than 500 calories worth of speedbump, but major carbs, and I am thinking I should just not eat the rest of the day? But that doesn't seem very healthy in terms of retraining myself for the long haul. I can see cutting back if you have an idulgence but it seems like overkill to eat nothing for half the day. But I want to do that because having had 3 supplements, it would keep my calories for the day at a MF-type level.

I think I will have my L&G for dinner and no more supplements. That way I'm still having something healthy but I am minimizing the damage. Calorically. I know I've just set myself up for another hungry day tomorrow. Sigh. I'm a moron sometimes. It's a journey, not a dinner cruise, right?

[DogMa]

Personally, I'd just get right back on plan and at most skip one supplement to make up for the indiscretion. But that's just me. Mentally, I think it's better to just jump back into the mindset as soon as possible.

And btw, missed a few posts, but you mentioned the theater being selfish? So what if it is??? There's nothing at all wrong with losing weight and becoming healthy for YOU. I think sometimes the moms here do so much for their families that they forget that it's OK to treat themSELVES well, too. You deserve it. You deserve to be thin. You deserve to be healthy. You deserve to feel attractive. And you deserve to do something that's just for you.

[nickieluv]

Thanks Robin. It's hard for me to be selfish - even before I was a mom, I was all about doing things for other people and ignoring myself. It's very foreign to put myself first sometimes, even though I realize that if I don't give to myself, I'll have nothing left to give to others.

I overcame the urge to make it a bigger speedbump! That is progress. Right now I'm just not feeling hungry at all, so I will probably leave it be for the rest of the night - since if I eat now, I'll have to stay up later than I want to because of the pill issue.

Tomorrow I might do my L&G for breakfast if I'm ravenous - eggs and broccoli sounds good. If I have time to cook anything.

Today could have been so much worse. I'm not proud of what I did but I'm glad it stopped there and didn't become an excuse to binge like crazy and start over tomorrow.

[nickieluv]

OK, so I didn't binge like crazy, but I had some lean without the green and then something naughty. And the something naughty counts as a binge all by itself, although not so bad as I am capable of.

Today I went over 4 hours before having anything at all and then had the bar. It was what I wanted. If I had to make something at that point it would have been a phone call, not a supplement. I know that's against the rules but I'm starting to think as things go, that's a smallish rule to break, having the bar first.

The only two things I know how to do are follow MF or eat for 2 (or 3, or 4...). Neither one is exactly right for daily life. WHEN I lose the weight, I'm going to actually take the time to transition unlike last time. Maybe that is the place where you learn more lifelong habits?

My problem is, when I'm off, I can't seem to be off just a little. I always think I can, but then it leads to more bad stuff. Robin says to just have another shake if you are feeling hungry, because in a few days the hunger will pass. I have such a hard time with that. It's like having the extra shake would be just as big a failure as the binge, so why not go down in a blaze of glory? I've got to change that thinking. If I had only had that extra shake yesterday, I probably would have been fine. I even have some 70s now that my bro passed along to me, maybe the extra protein would be more filling, who knows? I think I'm going to be using those up first, just in case that theory is correct.

When I think of never reaching my goals, it makes me want to cry. I am not happy like this. I'm happy with my life, my job, my family, my finances, everything is great - it's just this body that gets me down. You'd think with so many other things being in place, fixing this would be easy. Maybe I just haven't learned to value myself yet, as much as I need to. The foods I eat off plan don't seem like rewards, more like punishment. Like I truly don't believe I deserve to be thin.

Being fat is the tradeoff for all the blessings I have. I can't have everything, no one can, so I have to be fat. If I am fat, people are not jealous of me. People aren't threatened by me. I am not 'the whole package' so I am safe. People don't pay very much attention to me. (Which is kind of silly because my job requires me to perform in front of kids all day long, and once a week adults, too. But I guess I'm used to that kind of attention, so it's like background noise.) My husband is happy with me this way, so maybe if I were thin he would not be able to handle it.

My biggest fear is that if I become thin - if I finally have that one thing that seems to have eluded me, when everything else is so great - what will I have to give up instead? Will I lose my husband? A child? Financial security? I feel that there is some kind of cosmic balance at work here, and if I gain thinness, I will have to lose something else. And I don't want to lose anything. Is that crazy?

[DogMa]

Yes. LOL (Sorry, I couldn't resist.)