The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

MerryMary · by **MerryMary** » October 2nd, 2007, 6:45 am

bikipatra · by **bikipatra** » October 2nd, 2007, 7:29 am

Serendipity wrote:I think that as private as these journals may seem while we write, they just aren't and we need to address that as a group.

I have always been a verbal exhibitionist and hold back very little. Quite a few people have thanked me for that. It's called being real and that's what I use my journal for. Some may feel more comfortable being ''general" but my job here is to be of service. If my honesty can help anyone, I have done my job. I think a lot of what people have to post in their journals may have to do with age and life experiences. I was able to get sober because of honesty, open-mindedness and willingness. I try to carry those principles into my daily life since they gave me my life back.

Serendipity · by **Serendipity** » October 2nd, 2007, 9:05 am

Like I said, there are definately two sides to this issue. I agree that total honesty is great. I also think that restraint can be called for at times. I don't have the answer. I'm just trying to see things as a new member may see them for a change. I have been to other boards where everone was negative and have left because of it. I don't see your journal as negative, bebes.....anyway when you start to whine, I have the very best emoticon for you......don't make me use it. :mrgreen:

bikipatra · by **bikipatra** » October 2nd, 2007, 9:56 am

Serendipity wrote: I agree that total honesty is great. I also think that restraint can be called for at times. I don't have the answer. make

I don't practice total honesy. You'll have to wait for the book. :mrgreen:

Serendipity · by **Serendipity** » October 2nd, 2007, 10:38 am

OMG! You mean there's more?!?!?!? Need beta tester?

Sorry for the hijack, nickster, my bad.

nickieluv · by **nickieluv** » October 3rd, 2007, 8:47 pm

No problem on the hijack. I haven't been using this space lately.

I was just checking in - didn't want to have too much to catch up on come Sunday.

I think the break is good for me - in general I was obsessing too much about the forum - visiting sometimes 10 times a day, sometimes 4 times in the same hour.

I'm glad to see everyone is doing well. I'm pretty well caught up and Biki, you've hardly posted at all in your journal! I take that as a great sign, you seem to be really embracing the new leg of your journey.

I'm not MediFasting but perhaps more importantly, I'm not PRETENDING to be MediFasting. I'm not planning to try any other diet plan - I'm just on hiatus. I feel that if I'd taken a planned break in the first place, back in August when I first started to have these feelings of wanting to be done, I would have had it out of my system by now.

I'm still using the supplements but I'm not in any way doing the plan. I will again - but this time is just for me. I'm keeping a handwritten journal and I'm getting used to that - although my wrist always hurts when I'm done, I hold pens really tightly. I'm enjoying just going through my day without feeling like I'm letting down the world with my choices. It's just me, and I'm still journaling everything I eat and drink, but I'm not judging, and I'm feeling relaxed. Now I just need to get my sleep habits back in check, and get back on the exercise.

I suppose I shouldn't even check in on roll call, because I'm not on program and I will show a gain and I don't want to skew the numbers. But I'll check in again on Sunday. For a while, I'll just be kind of scarce here. It feels right to pull away somewhat. I get a little compulsive about things sometimes. :roll:

katieb920 · by **katieb920** » October 4th, 2007, 4:15 am

nickieluv wrote:I think the break is good for me - in general I was obsessing too much about the forum - visiting sometimes 10 times a day, sometimes 4 times in the same hour.

I feel exactly the same way. When I work out of home. I am reading this all day. :mrgreen:

Mike · by **Mike** » October 4th, 2007, 9:54 pm

Perhaps, knowing oneself is what really matter. If a break from here gets you refocused on your ultimate goal, then I pray you make the best use of the time.
We are always here for you.

:mrgreen:

Lizabette · by **Lizabette** » October 5th, 2007, 6:18 am

NICK:I'm still using the supplements but I'm not in any way doing the plan. I will again - but this time is just for me. I'm keeping a handwritten journal and I'm getting used to that - although my wrist always hurts when I'm done, I hold pens really tightly. I'm enjoying just going through my day without feeling like I'm letting down the world with my choices. It's just me, and I'm still journaling everything I eat and drink, but I'm not judging, and I'm feeling relaxed. Now I just need to get my sleep habits back in check, and get back on the exercise.

HI NICK,
Just wanted you to know that we're here for you whatever you decide is best for you.
It ocurred to me that instead of hurting your wrists with a handwritten journal, you could do it on your word processor.
Then you could transfer it back to your MF journal, should you want to. Or whatever.
I hope you can get your good sleep back and the exercise will help immensely.
Take care, my dear... :heart:

nickieluv · by **nickieluv** » October 7th, 2007, 9:25 am

Well, it's Sunday and here I am - catching up some.

I am compliant so far today - the first day all week. I don't know if this means I am back on the plan - I am trying to carefully evaluate before every meal what I really want, what my goals are. I don't want to just barrel into it only to fail tonight, or tomorrow, or next week. I want to be very, very sure. I am trying to listen to myself, talk to myself, really be true to myself and not try to fit into another idea that is not my own.

I feel that not coming here every day is still in my best interests - it may always be. I get very caught up in the drama that is sometimes here - and to be honest, I created my own drama almost daily in my journal installments - will she or won't she be compliant today? What forbidden food did she binge on last night? It was so tiring to type the same things over and over again. I can't imagine the horror of trying to read them.

I have come to understand this week Holberry's point of view. I thought I was being very open and understanding, but I didn't really get what she was saying. I kind of thought she was just mad that some people were cheating (OK, mostly me) and she felt she couldn't. But that wasn't fair of me. I was using this place selfishly, just coming here and babbling on and on about my struggles, and I didn't really just stop and look at myself and realize that I was not doing MF anymore. I just kept pretending I was trying - pretending to all of you, and to myself. I wanted to be compliant Nickie like I had been before, supportive, strong, having great losses. But I wasn't in that place, and I wouldn't let myself be where I was. I was lying deep down. I didn't want to be on MF. I wanted to be done. But I was forcing myself to keep starting each day on plan even when I was almost certain it would not end that way. I thought that was a good choice but it really wasn't.

Taking a few days to just be off plan - I've made better choices. I'm up, sure, because of the kinds of foods I'm eating and the general increase in calories - but I'm not bingeing. I'm just eating. When I'm hungry. That's it.

I'm sorry I put you all through my selfish struggles. I feel more in control and adult now to have said that I am not on the path you all are on at the moment. I want to lose more weight - I'm discovering that a little more each day - and today I may be compliant but I'm just going to take it one hour at a time. For now, I'm going to go take a nap with my daughter and enjoy my long weekend. I do miss this place, don't get me wrong - but I am feeling stronger each day and someday, I might be ready to be back in spirit as well as in cyberspace.

nickieluv · by **nickieluv** » October 7th, 2007, 5:42 pm

Wow. What a difference a few hours makes.

My husband and I spoke and we have both spent the last several weeks being unhappy with a pledge that we made to each other - namely, to wait two more years before having another baby. We thought we wanted to get finances more in control, lose more weight, be patient - but that's not what either of us wants.

I had a little scare the past two days and I can't even call it a scare - because I was praying that I was pregnant. I spent months and months - actually, almost 2 years, even before MF - telling myself that if I could get under 200, my reward would be to get pregnant. But when I got there, that didn't seem to be the plan anymore.

I am EXTREMELY excited to tell you that we have decided to try to have another baby. NOW. (I don't mean right this second, don't worry. :mrgreen:

) And so, I am not going to be MF'ing. I know that I could be on it until conceiving. But I feel more comfortable trying to get my eating habits into a healthy place without using MF. I will be starting up my prenatal vitamins again in the morning, and I am going to plan out a 1200-calorie diet with lots of produce - both fruits and vegetables - and avoid junk food and fast food. Neither of us wants to wait any longer.

Depending on how quickly we succeed, I may be back on MF in 15 months at the earliest - 9 months of pregnancy and 6 months of breastfeeding. I WILL be back. MF was a Godsend for me and I feel right now that it is the way for me to reach my goal. But right now, my goal is to add to my family with another daughter or a son.

I feel so happy about this. I think I've been struggling with this for a long time, and it's what started up my cheating. I feel so hopeful and so excited.

Now, 15 months is a long time. And I have to tell you, I know I won't be coming here very much, if at all. My focus is going to be in a completely different place. But I have really appreciated the help I've gotten here, and the PM's while I was on my 'break' this week - so please, if anyone wants to keep in touch via e-mail, just send me a PM because I don't know if any of you will still be here in 15 months - and I really want to know how you're doing. I know, I can always come back - and I'm sure I will from time to time - but still, if you want my e-mail, let me know. I'm happy to correspond!

Lizabette · by **Lizabette** » October 7th, 2007, 5:50 pm

I'm very happy for you and your husband, NICK. I know you'll take good care of yourself for baby's sake.
Keep us posted on your progress as much as you can.... :heart:

nickieluv · by **nickieluv** » October 7th, 2007, 7:25 pm

Thanks Lizabette. I said I wouldn't be here much but I've already come back tonight - and you will not be able to keep me away when I have happy news to report! You all will be the first to know - seriously. I won't tell my family or friends until 12 weeks but I will not be able to keep it completely quiet!

dede4wd · by **dede4wd** » October 7th, 2007, 9:48 pm

Hi,
I'm very happy for you and your family! You sound very excited about this decision and I wish you all the best!

D

bikipatra · by **bikipatra** » October 8th, 2007, 1:20 am

Nickie, how exciting!!! I had better receive periodic (pun intended) udates from you frequently!!! I will miss you so much!!!

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