by nickieluv » September 17th, 2007, 9:46 am
Tried the dog thing - he was a sweet little mama's boy but when the baby came, I had no time to take care of him properly. We found him a great home with a young couple and soon after he got a doggie sister, too! I know he must be loving his life now - I still have pictures of him, and sometimes I miss him. The family was great about sending photos of him in his new home. But it helps knowing he is much happier now. He was ready to go, too - he jumped right in their car when they came to pick him up after the first playdate. I'm a cat person at heart, and dogs are too high maintenance for me in general. But I bear them no ill will.
The carrots on the salad were shredded. It was funny, though, my first salad was all greens and the second salad had the carrots. I used as little dressing as I could.
Saturday night I was an idiot. I only ate some pickles and pork rinds (I know, yuck, but here's why...). It wasn't time for a supplement but I was hungry. I completely forgot my resolve to just eat extra supplements if I had to, as long as I was eating appropriate foods. So I had pickles as a snack and just kept snacking till they were gone. Then I had the pork rinds because my husband is low-carbing and he got them out to munch while we watched a movie. So since I saw them, I ate them. I should have followed my desires and just made the beef stew when I was hungry, even though it wasn't technically time to eat.
Then yesterday, I just didn't eat much of anything. I had a RTD before church, but like 2 hours after I woke up. Then after church I had 16oz of regular Pepsi. Then at my jewelry party I had 8 peanut M&Ms, 2 2-inch round slices of bread, and 2 triscuits with cheese. When I got home I went to the store for a sandwich (there I go again - but there was nothing in the house I 'wanted' to eat) and actually made a good choice there. I put all kinds of things in the cart but all I walked out with was a turkey wrap. Then, though, the store had a special on those little Friendly's sundae cups (little - hah! One cup has 400 calories, 200 of them from fat!!!) and the special was 12 for $12, so I bought - 12. I had 2 last night.
So I was really surprised when I had lost 2.4 pounds overnight, until I remembered in all of yesterday I had not one drop of water. So it was certainly a dehydration weigh-in today.
But I'm wearing brand new clothes today - had to take the tags off them even - and I feel so good being under 200 again. It was a reminder of how losing weight has made me feel. Sure I look better - but as mean as it might seem, I have to remember what I look like under my clothes. I've always worn clothes well, so people tell me, so that they don't think I weigh as much as I do. Or maybe that was wishful thinking. But whatever, that's not the point. The point is that I am able to fool myself into thinking I'm hot stuff (and my husband helps that illusion) when really I have so much more work to do.
So I've decided I'm going for 135. It's more in the middle of the BMI range and let's face it, I'm not big-boned and I'm not super muscular, so being at the high end probably isn't going to be good enough. I never thought in my life I could weigh in the 130s, but I'm going to try it.
I've had 2 days on my 100-day journal for water, food, and exercise. My goals for this ten days are to get back into full and total compliance, and to exercise 5 out of the 10 days.
The thing is, I always feel so good and determined in the morning, and by the end of the day I lose my nerve. I need to take the days when I feel beautiful and change my thinking a little. I tend to think 'I look good, I can eat this and get away with it.' I need to think 'I look good, now what are the foods that are going to KEEP me looking AND feeling good?'
I am almost breathless when I think about reaching goal. Literally. I even get little butterflies of excitement in my stomach. I feel so fabulous now that the thought of feeling even better is overwhelming.
At this moment, I believe I can do it. I believe that no food or emotion is enough to make me give up my goals. I believe that it is within my power to be at goal by Easter, certainly by my 30th (yikes!) birthday.
Shoot. Until I typed it, I forgot that I'm going to turn 30. It doesn't quite seem possible that I could be that old already (no offense to those older - I don't mean 30 is ancient, just that I'm not ready for it!!).
All right - so my goal is to feel and look better at 30 than I did at 20. Than I have ever before at any point in my life. I am going to be unveiled at 30 as a strong, healthy, vibrant, thin, desirable, capable, loving, caring woman. And the world better watch out!!
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