The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

Serendipity · by **Serendipity** » August 7th, 2007, 3:16 am

I knew there was a reason why I took the time to read that whole post, nickie, hehe. I love this quote and wonder in Medifast will make it their new motto:

everyone thinks MF is too expensive, or too restrictive, or not enough variety - my stars, people, if it works, who the hell cares?

nickieluv · by **nickieluv** » August 7th, 2007, 11:42 am

Ha, wouldn't that be a marketing ploy? Well if they use it, they'd better pay me for it!

So back in usual form today - up over ticker, and that's a lot of up after being a lot down yesterday. But, it's pretty normal for me to see this kind of pattern. Sad, but not unexpected. Plus I got less sleep than I needed last night - only about 6 hours.

Today's been good so far - except for an EXTREMELY cranky baby. I hate it when she's like this. Nothing makes her happy - she asks to be held, then asks to get down but then screams when I put her down - asks me to hold her and then squirms down - repeat cycle ad nauseum. Maybe she's hot - it is pretty warm today. We're expecting a big storm around here I guess, so maybe that'll cool things down a little.

Well, off to the mayhem....

nickieluv · by **nickieluv** » August 7th, 2007, 1:41 pm

Well, the baby FINALLY decided to relax - no cries or whines for a while now.

I still want to eat, though. I feel that empty feeling where I just want to stuff and stuff until I can't move, think, or feel. I know why I was an emotional eater - emotions suck sometimes. All there is to do is FEEL what I'm feeling and wait for it to go away - especially since there's nothing I can do about it except take a nap, and that's not an option - the best I can do is go to bed when the baby does. But then I feel like I'm losing prime 'get things done' time, after she's asleep.

I know it's just that I'm extremely tired. I should have expected it. I've been running in high gear for weeks - maybe even months if you count the last weeks of school and those performances, and yesterday was the first day I could relax - and today was pretty low key - so I'm finally letting my energy down and it's gone too far in the other direction.

I'm not GOING to eat, and I guess that's a good thing. I mean, for the diet of course it is, but also since I can't take care of myself in the usual way, I have to find healthy alternatives - venting here for a bit, forcing myself to leave things undone and go to bed early tonight (I still have to make it three more hours...). Funny, without the challenge I know I would just eat - I'd only be letting myself down. But now I feel like others are looking to me and I want to set a good example - especially since this whole thing was in part my idea in the first place. That'd be like asking my students to play a piece after I've told them I hate it.

Speaking of students - an area piano teacher is retiring and she's going to send some students my way - that will be a nice boost. I still have the same 6 kids, and I'd like to have 15-20. That's a good amount of buffer - as it is, if one of them quits my income drops significantly. It makes for better recitals, too - not to mention with more kids, it makes maternity leave time a lot easier to handle (I use my lesson money as 'funny money' most of the time, so little things don't come out of the household budget). My lesson money could be the diaper fund or something.

Well, I'm feeling a little better. I think I'm going to flavor my water though because I feel that nagging sweet tooth. You better believe those animal crackers are just about driving me crazy. But I know if I ate them they'd be dry and pretty tasteless - it's the IDEA of the cookie that I love.

Maybe I'll try to get some business work done. We'll see. Thanks for reading.

nickieluv · by **nickieluv** » August 7th, 2007, 4:57 pm

This is so typical of me. I haven't eaten since I think 3. And now I'm planning to go to bed and I need to chug two shakes before I do. This is me, the woman of extremes - if I feel like I could eat everything, I eat nothing.

Well, at least I didn't eat anything off-plan. And I've done well with my water. And I did get everything done I was hoping to do for my business despite the toddler drama that was intermittent this evening. It feels good to know I'm ready for the next two weeks as far as that goes. I have high hopes that things are about to take off there.

And I got some music stuff done at work today - the cordless phone worked fine in the back room after all. That is good news, too, because it means I CAN get the music at church all organized as I had hoped, and I can do it in the next two weeks and then be done! I'm sure I won't complete EVERYTHING - but getting the filing cabinets cleaned up is a big job and even if I only get to that, it will make the rest seem a lot easier. And the rest of it can easily wait till Christmas and I won't feel bad as long as I've gotten a big chunk of it done.

So, things are OK. It was a stressful day and it really shouldn't have been. Tomorrow will be better - I'll get some sleep tonight!

nickieluv · by **nickieluv** » August 8th, 2007, 6:49 am

Famous last words. I was up until after 11 - not sure how late exactly. I know I need rest but I also feel like I need to unwind at the end of the day. So I stay up and do nothing for a few hours after the baby goes to bed.

She woke up cranky today - I'm going insane. Thankfully I'm at work I guess. I'm thinking of calling someone - mom or sister - to watch her tonight for a little while. I don't know. I feel bad when I give up like that - when I have to admit that I'm not supermom with an endless supply of patience.

I shouldn't be here right now - we only have one line and I'm tying it up with dial-up (yuck). But there's no pastor anymore and no one calls or comes in, so I'm here. But I won't stay long.

Oh, and I'm PMS-ing. Back in full swing with compliance and weight loss, it's been horrible this month - I've noticed for three or four days now that I am just miserable to be around. I pick fights with my husband, I blow up at the drop of a hat, then there's my complete lack of patience with my daughter - usually her crying doesn't get to me, I'm able to stay calm and comfort her or let her get it out of her system if she needs to - but not lately. I've never had bad symptoms, either physical or emotional, but on MF when I'm really working the program, I'm a real b**** at this time of the month - a real stereotype.

OK, how amusing is this? I work at a church and Jehovah's Witnesses just knocked on the door OF THE CHURCH to hand me their booklets. I think that shows a lot of chutzpah. (I shouldn't use words if I don't know how to spell them or exactly what they mean.) Of course if I really knew my Bible I should have invited them in and debated with them or something - but that's not me. Even though I was raised in the church I'm still young in my beliefs - there's only one thing I know for sure and that's the way to salvation.

Well, as amusing as that was, it seems to have calmed me down some. I'm going to go do some work in the files again - that's kind of calming, too, the routine of checking files, pulling some out, grabbing a copy of each piece. I can get a lot done in 4 hours - maybe even all the cabinets, if I put my mind to it. Maybe I CAN get everything done I want to in these next five days.

Lauren · by **Lauren** » August 8th, 2007, 7:16 am

Nick -

I have to laugh, I'm sorry! I know you just unleashed fury and frustration, but I am dying at your story. You'd think I'd be laughing about the Jehovah's at the door of your church, which, yes, is really freakin' funny, but even funnier is that you used a YIDDISH word, "chutzpah," to talk about it! Any other religions you'd like to throw into the pile? That is just too cute. Somehow I think if you told the Jehovahs that they had chutzpah, they may not know what you mean...but I do!

I wanted to tell you that early in my MF months, like the first 3 months, I had PMS like I have never in my life experienced. All my life I was relatively normal, got a little klutzy, but no big deal. But early MF days I was practically a lunatic, paranoid, angry, sad, thought my friends hated me, hated myself, all of it. And then the period itself was worse than ever. But it subsided, and then I was pretty smooth sailing from then on. So just alert the hubby that you know you're being a raving b**ch, and to please forgive all for the next few days. :-) And make a note that anything making you really angry right now may not actually be a big deal, and to push it aside to be addressed when you've, um, mellowed.

Good luck!

Lauren

Serendipity · by **Serendipity** » August 8th, 2007, 8:17 am

My defination of PMS:

The inability to overlook other peoples' stupidity.

DogMa · by **DogMa** » August 8th, 2007, 9:41 am

I was laughing at the "chutzpah" story, too (and yes, Nickie, you used it correctly).

But before I got to that part, I wanted to comment on the earlier post about emotions and how much they suck.

The good thing here is that by NOT burying them with food, you're learning (I hope) that even when they ARE unpleasant and frustrating, you can deal with them in other ways. And feeling frustration or stress or anger or sadness - or whatever other feelings might come your way - isn't going to kill you. It may feel momentarily better to eat, but you're learning that if you don't give in and eat junk, you're still going to feel better eventually when the emotion passes. And when that happens, the better feeling won't be mixed with guilt or recriminations over what you ate. You're also learning ways to deal with them - because yes, taking a break to get some rest or writing about it here or elsewhere ARE ways of dealing with unpleasant emotions. (And really, if you're stressed or tired, isn't it better to take some time to relax and/or rest? That would seem to directly address the feelings you're having, whereas if you eat junk, you're still going to be stressed and tired because you haven't really solved the problem. Even with other emotions, it works. For instance, I've learned that expressing anger - whether to a person or just here - works far better at releasing that anger than burying it with food ever did. Eating will just make me angry at mySELF.)

OK, sorry for the book.

nickieluv · by **nickieluv** » August 8th, 2007, 11:41 am

Glad I'm good for a laugh, you guys!

Lauren, I'd had bad 'episodes' at TOM early on, but with all my cheating things evened out again - at least I assumed it was the cheating, maybe it was just my body getting used to things. And now it's having to get used to things again. I just hope next month it goes better, or the kids at school are going to be running away in fear!

Jo - your definition of PMS is my definition of being awake. :mrgreen:

Robin - yes, it was nice not to add guilt to my feelings. Feelings go away on their own, you're right - and if they don't it's because they really need to be dealt with. If I can lick this emotional eating, start to put a 'stop' on myself before I reach for food, I will have a huge part of the maintenance battle won. How easy on maintenance to eat more today and make up for it tomorrow - except I wouldn't, I'd just eat more tomorrow, too. So this is all a good learning experience.

I still feel pretty moody, but a teensy bit better. And I am FORCING myself to go to bed early tonight - no later than 9, which will still give me a little quiet time first. I was looking forward to a nap on Friday, but then remembered this Friday is Doctor Day for me - three different appointments, so no nap. But sitting in waiting rooms will be relaxing - ha! I may have to cancel my GYN appointment, though, due to TOM - I know it's not supposed to matter but it matters to ME, you know? Then again, it takes over a month to get an appointment, and I'm already four months past when I should have gone in.... We'll see.

Well, I'm having my L&G now to try to head off any possible struggles later with thinking I'm hungry, or being too tired to cook - so I'm going to go eat. And get some more water - not doing so well with that today.

nickieluv · by **nickieluv** » August 8th, 2007, 11:43 am

I keep forgetting to write about my odd dream last night! Too much and too nonsensical to tell it all, but the funniest part was Mike and Diana were here and they were inciting me to eat pasta and soft serve ice cream. Telling me since I had one bite of pasta, and blew the day, I might as well have some ice cream since I love it. The awful part of this is when I woke up I was afraid I had blown my compliance - thank God it was all a dream!

DogMa · by **DogMa** » August 8th, 2007, 12:59 pm

How rude of them!!!

I used to dream every single Yom Kippur that I got up in the morning, forgot I was supposed to be fasting, and had breakfast. Every single year.