The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[nickieluv]

Sidrah suggested I use a recent post of mine as a start to my journal - so here it is. I'm not very good at journalling - but maybe this will get me started. I used to do it all the time - usually when my life was going through a big change or problem - but when life is ho-hum for a while there's nothing to write about. Then again, maybe I'm just not looking hard enough for the good stuff in my life.

Anyway, here is my first post, pasted from the Weight Room.

Hi -

I officially started Medifast a week ago yesterday, and I have officially cheated more days than not since then.

I played a graduation ceremony today and watching all those kids just starting out, and seeing three of them who were already grossly overweight (possibly even weighing more than me) made me so sad!! I kept thinking of both my own graduation, and the day someday when my daughter graduates, and realizing how few years we really have together before she's on her own. (She's only 11 months old, so maybe I was being a little melodramatic, but a mom is entitled!!)

I came right home and rededicated myself. I made a list of 20 things I hate about being fat, and 20 things I wish I felt instead (I think someone here posted that idea - thanks!!). I posted a copy on the fridge, one on the cupboards, one on the phone book (for those weak moments I want to order in), and laminated one for my purse. Just FYI, I'm going to post that list here for a public record. I posted two "before" pictures of myself in the places I usually go to graze. I also had my husband use my cell phone to take a picture of my fat rolls (eeeew!) and made that my phone wallpaper, in case I bypass the phone book and try to call from my stored numbers for pizza!

So, to finish - here are my lists.

THINGS I HATE ABOUT BEING FAT

1. Old lady clothes
2. Sweating
3. Dreading cameras
4. Being embarrassed to eat in public
5. Losing out on intimacy because I feel gross
6. Missing out on things because I’m embarrassed to go out
7. Setting a horrible example for my daughter
8. Seeing pretty young things and being jealous
9. Feeling tired and lazy
10. Feeling ashamed of myself
11. Knowing I’m so out of control with my eating
12. Having my clothes stuck in my rolls
13. Having rolls!
14. Pretty shoes being too painful to walk in
15. Seeing my reflection and losing all confidence
16. Being able to grab handfuls of fat all over my body
17. Having to sit down to tie my shoes
18. Having no balance
19. Looking ten or twenty years older than I am
20. Having my own father weigh less than I do

THINGS I WOULD LIKE TO FEEL

1. Beautiful
2. Confident
3. Sexy
4. Fun
5. Alive
6. Energetic
7. Comfortable in clothes
8. Comfortable with my body
9. Excited to see my reflection
10. Able to go out with my husband and knock his socks off!
11. Able to run and play with my daughter
12. Able to do anything!
13. Free to dance in public
14. Proud of myself
15. Excited to go places and get out of the house
16. Worth a million bucks without a stitch or a gem on my body
17. In control of food and my eating habits
18. Complimentary stares
19. Like my husband would be crazy to look at another woman
20. Like myself again – the way I felt in college, but stronger

Thank you for reading, anyone who did - I hope to be posting some great news soon! I'm only going to weigh-in every ten days, but thank you all so much already for your advice and support. Now I'm going to put it to good use!!!!

[nickieluv]

Well, today is day two. I was OK yesterday - I didn't get in all my water and only had four meals, but I didn't cheat.

Today is tough. I'm starving!!!! It would be so easy to call for pizza - my personal weakness lately. But I have that disgusting photo of my fat rolls as my cell phone wallpaper, and so far that's keeping me honest. Also the before picture of me on the fridge has helped today. I have my list posted everywhere still - I need to read it a couple of times I think. I can eat again in about 90 minutes - I just keep hearing people on this forum say that the first three days are tough - maybe even the whole first week - but that it does get better.

I also managed not to get on the scale this morning. It was tough - I want to see such fast progress! But I'm hoping that by weighing only every 10 days I'll see bigger overall losses/progress. 10 days is not so much, I tell myself. I have a fridge chart and every day I don't cheat, I can "x" off the chart. My goal is to see row after row full of "x"s. In about 50 days we are going away for our anniversary, and I want to be good all 50 days - the way I feel now, vacation will be an excuse to eat like a horse - but maybe that will change as I get used to eating differently. I don't want to undo everything then!

So, to sum up - starving, anticipating, fighting my every impulse - just another day on a diet!

[loriannk]

Stick with it. YOU CAN DO IT!!

Maybe you are overly hungry today because you didnt get all your meals in yesterday. It is extremly important to eat all your Medifast supplements and your lean & green meal if you are doing the 5 & 1 plan.

Good Luck!!

Lori

[nickieluv]

I do know how important it is to get in all your food - at least, I've read it here a hundred times! But my problem is eating late at night. To get in that last meal, I'd have to eat around 9:30, and for me that would mean staying up for the sole purpose of eating. I work every morning and personally need at least 8 hours of sleep to make it through the day, so I think it would be less healthy for me to stay up, even though I could use the nutrients. I'm trying to work out a way to space the meals better, so that I get them all in. Trouble is, at work I tend to forget to eat - it's new for me to have to do that.

I'm still hungry today - I can eat at 4:20, yay! Only about 72 minutes and 55 seconds to go - not that I'm counting. Right now I'm really being pushed by NOT getting on the scale. I only have to resist first thing in the morning, because like a lot of overweight people I'm sure, I will only get on the scale stark naked to avoid the extra pounds all that clothing affords. Anyway, not knowing how I'm doing keeps me honest. So many times I would say on a diet, "well, I lost three pounds, I can cheat a little now and it won't be a big deal." Plus on this diet, I know ANY cheat is a HUGE deal and will put me back at square one. I tried Atkins for a while way back when and it was too strict for me, but I do remember how every little loss piled back on with the slightest miscalculation of carbs.

Also to any anal-retentive types out there with mild obsessive-compulsive tendencies - my chart is really helping, too. I love charts, and I love crossing things off - as sad as it sounds, it helps. I literally would rather be able to make my little "x" on the calendar than have some popcorn - or whatever else I happen to be craving at the moment. Anyway, my charts are all in word or excel format and if anyone happens to be reading this and wants one, let me know and I'll forward it along.

Well, I'm off. I can't wait for day 10 when I get to weigh in! Oh, and I changed my start date to 6/24. I cheated so many times in that first week I'm just choosing to wipe it off the books and start fresh.

[sidrah]

Hi,

Glad you are here; it will help you out a lot I think. I am entirely opposite about keeping charts and checklists. I try to keep it all in my head. I know what you mean about the countdown to the next meal, but my problem is that I start late or forget to eat something and tehn I feel like I blew the whole day. Your way helps you better.

They are right about getting used to it and waiting a few days. If I do run out of time and know I won't be able to go to bed b/c of waiting to eat, then I minimize the time in between meals. Maybe, you can do a mid-day one every 2 hours and get everything in that way. Maybe you can do tea or hot chocolate right before bed. You will not wake up as hungry, I have found when you eat everything the day before.

Good going, so far


Keep doing what works --->

[dede4wd]

I know what you mean. I LOVE marking off a compliant day on the calendar!

Sidrah gave you some GREAT ideas...The hot drinks at night right before bed are great! I wouldn't stay up later, I'd just work on my schedule during the day. I have to set the alarm on my phone to remind myself to eat!

You're doing well and I can't wait until you get through the hard part and are flying high in the medizone!

DeDe

[nickieluv]

I'm looking forward to when it gets easier, too. I really need to eat something every 2.5 hours to stay on schedule. I end up going 3 or 4 hours at work, though, and then I try to squish them in at night and go every 2 hours, but I always seem to have something going on, or the baby's schedule takes precedence, or something happens. I WILL get the hang of it and find a way to fit everything in. Especially if it will help with the hunger. I know where my problem is, really - it's work. I have to figure something better out there.

The thing that really makes me mad is this - the first time I cheated, I didn't even want to. I went out of my way to eat the food I THOUGHT I wanted, based on past habits, when my body wanted another shake is all. But at the time I thought I could only have one shake a day, too, so I thought another shake would be cheating, so I just lost it totally. I know better now - but I was in the groove, I was enjoying the supplements, I wasn't feeling crazy cravings - not like this time. So I'm completely annoyed that it's so much harder this time, but I suppose it's poetic justice and I think the experience will help me stay honest in the future.

Thank you for the advice - I just can't wait to see results, and I know I will, I have faith - but man, is this transition tough! I gave piano lessons today - and some of my students pay in cash, so in the past that cash was eating out money. It's sitting on my piano and it's so hard not to pick up the phone right now - but my anniversary is coming and that's my first small goal. Not a weight goal - just to be cheat-free all the way till August 18th. And then, we'll see what happens on vacation!

[alpha femme]

how about making your piano money your new victoria's secret fund?

hang in there!

[nickieluv]

Now there's a fun idea! My husband prefers Fredericks of Hollywood, though. Typical male.

[wildtrk]

<<<<<< typical male

[nickieluv]

Well, I sort of cheated yesterday. I like to think I made a better choice, though. I made some tomato soup (Medifast) but after three sips I just couldn't eat any more - I've since traded it off, I LOVE the swap-n-shop!! But anyway, I had steak. Too much steak - three pieces of it that were about 5 inches round and 3/8 of an inch thick. It was so nice to chew something real, and it was quiet to prepare - I couldn't run the blender for a shake because the baby was already in bed, and my first soup was such a disaster I couldn't face another one that night.

I was still kind of hungry today, especially in the afternoon - thoughts of popcorn were foremost in my mind as today's craving of the moment. But I've resisted, AND I actually got in all my meals today! I didn't have a lean a green, I had 6 supplements. I'm not planning to do that often - I know it can be too low in calories - but it just worked out that way today.

I was able to space my work supplements out better, and when I made dinner, I made up some chocolate pudding and froze it. After I put the baby to bed, I came downstairs and had my frozen pudding. I won't pretend it tasted like chocolate ice cream - more like chocolate italian ice, if there is such a thing - but it was filling and calmed my sweet tooth.

So, I am really excited about tomorrow, and hopefully doing this again - getting in the lean and green this time, though. I also tend to think that, with the steak, my body was trying to tell me I needed something. I wasn't craving junk - I'm not naive enough to believe that because I want a sub I really NEED one - but I was craving the texture and taste of meat. So I don't think it was so bad - could have been so much worse - there was cookie dough in the fridge and I didn't even look at it twice.

Well, cranky baby demands my attention. Good night!

[nickieluv]

Well, I was thinking yesterday that I was treading the slippery slope of justification talking about the extra steak I had - it's been an odd week, though, and I did think steak was a better choice than so many other things.

I need to buy groceries - the salad I bought last week went bad before I could finish it, so today my lean and green was only lean. I had chicken breast strips with mustard - no breading or anything, just those deli strips you can get from Louis Rich or something like that. That was around 3, and that was the last time I ate. There was a revolving door on my house tonight and I just couldn't ask everyone to get out so I could eat - and you can't eat in front of people because I didn't have anything to offer them (darn groceries again), plus I didn't want a bunch of questions about whatever crazy diet I'm on now - you know?

Then, after the baby went to sleep and I could eat, nothing looked good. I can't have another bar - that would be the easiest thing. So I'm having a diet soda and probably nothing else, since I'm going to bed right after I'm done here.

Of course, that steak was supposed to last me all week....

But anyway, I'm not going to cheat and that's something at least.

I seem to be obsessing about cheating on every post I've made - it's just ALWAYS been a problem on EVERY other diet I've been on - a few good days, and I DESERVE that sundae or whatever. I'm thinking about weighing myself in the morning - I'm sure I'll see good results, and an extra push would be good to keep me going on this ten-day stretch. But I'm afraid that would be cheating too, because I promised myself only to weigh in every ten days.

I'm really obsessed with rules. I set these things up for myself, and then I'm not very flexible about it, so when I do something I said I wouldn't I feel like I've blown everything. I'm trying not to be that way this time. I mean, so I weigh myself, so what, right? It's not the MEDIFAST rule, it's just my silly rule, so if I break it what's the big deal?

I guess the problem is I'm a big old perfectionist, so I set myself up for failure every time by being too strict. I have to be strict about what goes in my mouth - but about other things I need to lighten up.

And that, my friends, is a huge life lesson that I will probably struggle with forever.

[nickieluv]

Oh, and I had to change my start date again because I can't read a calendar - Sunday was my restart, and that was the 25th, not the 24th.

[Lizabette]

NICKIE,

You are going to do fine, because you are really trying to get it right! Things are going to begin to fall into place and it will be so much easier. So keep those check marks going.

One little word of caution, when you miss a meal that really does hinder your weight loss. It is better to have an extra shake than to miss one. So your weigh-ins will be much better if you eat all 5 meals. You might make 5 little checks daily for each meal on your chart, plus your L & G.

Sunday is a good day for your weigh-in because that is Roll Call Day. (And it's only 7 days instead of 10)

You are getting some good advice from everyone, and we are all here to help in anyway we can.

Lizabette

[nickieluv]

Well, I think I want to be a part of roll call - so I'll weigh on Sundays for that, and then on whatever day my day 10 is each time. I did weigh myself a few days ago just to see - it was good news. I'm not saying till tomorrow for sure, though.

I've wanted to cheat a lot this weekend. My husband is on a special diet now for his cholesterol, so he's saved me. We can't order out, because he can't eat it - and technically I can't eat it either, so we're safe. I've wanted Chinese in the worst way - probably because of the sugar, which I'm sure I'm not getting as much of now. Although the bars and shakes all taste plenty sweet to me.

I haven't been GREAT on the plan. I haven't cheated but I haven't always gotten in all 6 meals. I'm right on track with water, though - one hurdle I conquered on my last diet, and hopefully won't struggle with again. Last night I again had a lean with no green - today we got to the grocery store and I had lean AND green, but I've missed two meals. I know it's throwing my system out of whack but we were preparing for a picnic tomorrow and had to clean the house, and we were running all over to find things, and time got away from me.

The good news is I can see a time on the horizon when I won't feel tempted to cheat so much. It's coming, I can feel it. I just need to be better about getting all my meals in, and then some bumps will smooth out I think.

I'm glad I'm here, that's for certain. I need to turn around my views on food and this is helping. Seeing how much soup is in a soup serving, and a meat/vegetable serving - and realizing that I can be satisfied with less food and I don't have to stuff myself at every meal. The hunger is waning, and it's nice. I had my doubts about transitioning off this plan - jumping the gun a bit, I know - but I think it could work. We'll have to see when the time comes.

For now, tomorrow is an early day and a long one with the picnic we've planned and church in the morning. I'm already up almost 2 hours later than I should be. Bye for now.