The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[nickieluv]

Alright, so I wasn't exactly on a bender, but I wasn't on plan either. This whole week it's been wonderful at work and cheating at home. But other than the MickeyD's on Tuesday I haven't ordered in or eaten fast food. Just more goldfish, some Oreos, and some mac&cheese. The picture of nutrition.

What seems to be doing me in the last two nights is the L&G. I have so much salmon in the freezer because at one point my husband just bought the whole stock I think, and I am not in the mood to eat it. In an effort to get back on track I asked my husband to cook me turkey burgers last night, but he cooks them in the afternoon and I don't eat them until several hours later, and they were icky. So I plan all day to eat right at home, and then get home and can't bear to eat what I have, so rather than just eat another supplement and stay compliant I nab the little fishies.

So the plan today (unless for some reason hubby is home tonight (he's thinking about taking the day off) and can really cook something fresh) is to have all supplements just to get through today. And I've been thinking about doing 6/0 or maybe even 7/0 during the week, and only having L&G on the weekends - or at least making that an option until school gets out. Opinions? Especially on the 7/0 thing - should I always have 7 supplements when I can't get down a L&G? Or just have a 7th if I'm feeling peckish?

I'm not feeling too badly about what I did. I'm disappointed but it could have been worse and this week was really stressful. I am back up a bit over 7 pounds but I've been really good about drinking my water even though I was cheating at night. I *had* to have milk with my cookies last night, though - isn't it against the law to have Oreos without milk?

Anyway, I wish I hadn't had yet another setback, but I have a plan to avoid these, too. Because I think it all started with eating out for Mother's Day. I felt great that day, and got a lot of compliments, and I thought I'd done a good job at dinner in spite of eating too much meat. However I think that set me on a spiral, because I ate a lot but didn't feel icky and stuffed, so it's almost like I was experimenting the rest of this week to see if I could do that again and not gain weight. I SO should know better by now, I know.

It STILL didn't taste good, you know? Except the ice cream. I think I'm always going to love ice cream and chocolate. But I can really see a life without pizza, without Chinese food (not that I had either of those this time around), without potato chips - a lot of things are losing their hold on me. And overall I do think that's fabulous news. It means I'll have fewer triggers to watch out for, and it will be easier to avoid certain things and try to make better choices. And in maintenance, if I can handle having ice cream and chocolate in moderation, every once in a while, I think I might be OK. Oh, and I have to learn how not to eat prodigious quanities of food all at once. That goes without saying I think.

It's a busy weekend ahead - a busy two MONTHS ahead, actually - but this time I mean it - if I'm not on this weekend, it's NOT because I'm on a bender. I may be 6/0 for several days but I will not be cheating. I deserve better treatment.

[Tawanda]

Happy Belated Birthday Nickie!

[bikipatra]

Happy Belated Birthday Nickie!

Ditto!

[holberry]

Happy happy belated Birthday
hb

[Serendipity]

I SO should know better by now, I know.

Why do you have oreos and gold fish in the house when you know you have trouble resisting them?

Opinions?

The complete plan is 6-0.

I'm disappointed but it could have been worse and this week was really stressful

Nickie, you can rationalize anything with that statement. If I had rationalized that it could have been worse, what good would that do? Would it change the fact that I ate more cookies than I should have? NO! Own this, nickie.

[nickieluv]

Thanks for the b-day wishes.

I think I am having a crisis of faith or something. But that's not exactly it. One little oops became another, and then it was just easier to make it one more day, and then a week....

I wanted to come back today after the weekend and say I had 3 days of compliance behind me. Nope. The oreos and goldfish were in the house because I went right out and bought them. I enabled myself to keep cheating day after day.

I won't apologize for saying it could have been worse - it could have. Things still went better than they used to when I binged. I just kept making the wrong choices, and it got easier each day to go off-plan "just a little" - a little, yeah, right.

I was feeling that I was fighting my old self. I WANTED compliance but I kept trying to convince myself that I wanted food more. Like I couldn't believe that 'eating whatever I want' might mean that I actually WANTED to stay on MF. That phrase always used to be my excuse for eating junk.

Something I could have done better (other than stay on plan, I mean) - if I was going to go out and buy cheat foods, I did not have to buy tons of them. I could have gotten a single serving of Oreos instead of a whole package of DoubleStuf. At the fast food places, I could have gotten one of each item instead of two or three. I started to realize during my binge last night that if it was really the taste of these 'forbidden foods' that I wanted, I could have gotten the taste from one McNugget, and the other 19 were just overkill. Eating junk and going off plan does not have to mean eating enough food for five people.

A good choice I made - I continued to drink all my water and eat MF foods most of the day, only going off for one meal. Again, not compliant, not the best choice - but I kept SOME good habits anyway during this week.

Today I am so far compliant and I'm starting over fresh. I will be compliant all this week and by the end of the week I'll feel stronger. I've eaten poorly for seven days in a row and my clothes still fit, I'm still in the 40# club (although far from 50 - have to change my ticker yet). I have not undone everything and this does not mean I'll never reach goal.

I have some issues I have to think about - not necessarily about food but about being thin and how I think I *have to* act when I'm thin. Things that the fat has kept me safe from (I've alluded to this before but just when I thought I had it licked, it's back). I don't know if this all contributed to my week or not.

A big issue is that I'm afraid of killing my metabolism and I think I cheat from time to time to 'shock my system.' I never tell myself that's what I'm doing, but in the back of my mind I hope for a big huge loss the week after a cheat (nevermind that I'm just losing what I gained back from cheating anyway!).

I'm still running along - I'll make it - things seem off somehow, still. Mentally I don't feel quite right. Something is up. Could be work, could be my husband, could be this musical. I don't know yet. But just because I don't feel right, I don't have to try to 'fix it' by binging. I'm going to be compliant today, and all week, and keep trying my best.

[nickieluv]

Argh, this is tough! Here's what I'm telling myself today:

It's not going to get any easier if you wait one more day to be compliant.
You just have to resist and get through this.
In an hour you can leave the house for rehearsal - just make it one hour.
You have two meals left, YOU CAN DO THIS!
That number on your ticker is icky.
The way you feel if you eat more goldfish is icky.

Maybe part of my problem was trying to 'go it alone' and not come here so much. I WAS busy, that wasn't a lie - but usually I MAKE time to come here and instead I was trying to get by without it. Yet this is the first place I turned just now when I needed to avoid eating, even though I just posted less than an hour ago.

I have some great books from the library to read - no self-help in the bunch, just pure escapism. I can make some hot cocoa and take it upstairs and read when I get home tonight - and have some water, too. I've got momentum working against me instead of for me right now, I need to turn that around.

I still feel good, though. You know? Physically. Maybe it was continuing to drink over 100oz of water a day even through my cheating. And that's hurting me because before I would feel really awful after cheating. Now, I can't even say I wish I hadn't done it. I don't know WHAT I feel about it right now. I need some distance between me and the food before I can be objective about this past week.

You know what? It really is true that cravings pass. I came here, it's only been about two minutes, but I already feel that I can hold out, cook my L&G, and be OK. And I have a plan for after rehearsal tonight.

I really want this. I want to be healthy. I want to lose weight. I have been successful and I will be again. It's really scary though, how easy it is to go back to old habits and I see that if I'm not really, REALLY careful, I will be one of those people who gets to goal, disappears for a while, and comes back in a year with another hundred pounds to lose. Or worse - doesn't come back at all.

OK - I don't know how much posting I'll be doing elsewhere, but I'm going to try to get on here at least once a day again. Going it alone was not helpful.

[bikipatra]

Nickie, really good to hear from you and I know you can be compliant when you want to enough.

[Tawanda]

Nickie, I wish I knew something to say that would help you get to a place where you want to lose the weight more than you want the food. I don't have anything to offer though. I wish I knew what makes things click when the time is right. I don't know how many times I've attempted a new diet or cutting back on my eating just to have it seem to be a trigger for more binging and self destructive food choices/amounts. This is why, when I began this program and found it was working (the click! ) that I am refusing to go off program. It is a slippery slope to take that first bite and I'm not willing to go back to fighting to get back into the mindset/program groove.

I wish I had the words to make it work for you. I don't, I can't--but I do care and will be praying that you'll find the strength within yourself to resist those thoughts that make it so that you give into the temptation to binge. Each bite of food you put into your mouth is a definite choice, whether it is program food or off program food---you are making a choice. Whether it is the first bite off program or the 20th bite, or the 50th bite or the 100th bite.....each and every one can be a stopping point. Only you can choose where to stop.

Sending you my best.

[j0j0ruca]

Thank you for being so honest and open with your challenges!

[ChynnaDoll]

Oh Nickie it is soooo GOOD to see you:+)..i've missed you, although i know you've been so busy here recently. Hang in there girl..take it one day at a time...actually that's ALL we have because we were not promised tomorrow....you'll get'it right:+)

Also, HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!

Have a GREAT rehersal tonight!

Love,
Chynna

[dede4wd]

Hi Nickie,

So glad you checked in. I've been where you are, I know how you feel. I wish I had the right words or the right advice to make it easy to get back on. I don't. All I know is that I feel better on-program than off and getting healthier feels better than being big and miserable. I also hate the guilt after I cheat, so I've decided not to do it anymore...I'll have enough trouble with the choices I get during maintenance. I'm going to enjoy this time on the weight-loss phase where I don't have to make a lot of choices.

Get on the boards as often as you can (I know you're busy), this forum is so much more help than we realize!

D

[Mike]

A big issue is that I'm afraid of killing my metabolism and I think I cheat from time to time to 'shock my system.'

Nickie,

The fact that you are here and keep hanging in there says alot about you. You are trying hard, and it is indeed a struggle. I'm glad to see you are still here and keeping at it.
As for shocking your system, although some will say that doing that is what caused them to lose... I still don't think its really what does it. As Jo, Nancy, and many others will remind us all about, the best shock to our system is compliance. I'm guilty of not being on all the time and my slow loss shows it.

Hang in there, keep at it... its the most healthy thing you can do for you.



... and P.S. - Happy Belated Birthday

[Mavesse]

Aargh, that first day back is a nail-biter, isn't it Nickie? I know because I was there...yesterday! And I hadn't been drinking my water...

I'm so thankful that you're back on track. And even if you do have another slip, I bet you'll keep on trying. Look at all you have accomplished so far--you have to be pretty committed to lose 40 pounds in our food-oriented culture

You are so smart to stock up on excellent reads. What a great treat! What did you choose? I'm busy reading all the Harry Potter books, hoping to be done the sixth volume before the seventh comes out in July. It's a challenge put to me by my students. I must be the only school teacher in the English speaking world who had never read them. I thought I was just cracking along until I saw how thick #4 is

Take care, Nickie.

[nickieluv]

Thank you SO MUCH everyone for stopping in. I am doing well and I'm going to make it through today.

I really DO want to lose weight more than I want a certain food item. This week felt like me trying to fight that feeling. I identify myself a lot by the way I eat - food was just everything in my world for a really long time. It was my only comfort, my only friend. Now it's not anymore - maybe I was grieving it or something like that.

Another good thing - I did not hide my binges from my husband, and I even ate off-plan foods in front of others who know I've been dieting. I didn't want to lie, and pretending I was still on-plan when I wasn't felt wrong. So I told people I'd had a bad week, and you know what? Nobody cared. What a shocker. But it was a big deal for me because for years I never ate in front of ANYONE, and certainly if I had to, it was always picking at food, never eating like I would if I were alone. Taking the eating out of the closet felt good.

My rehearsal was fine tonight. Actually, we got a lot more done than I had imagined we would. And my daughter was pretty well-behaved - she's been going to rehearsals of one kind or another since she was 6 months old so she's pretty used to the routine of that kind of thing.

I would have to say the emotion I feel the most about being compliant today is elation. I thought I'd be relieved - but instead I feel great. I love how I feel when I'm compliant. I love knowing that I am doing something productive and healthy. I really am going to try, as I do every time, to make this cheat my last - and I hope I can do it this time. I did think about quitting, taking a month off - but why on Earth would I do that? Why would I walk away from success when I've found the key to it?

Oh, and Mavesse - I've planned to read all the Harry Potter books I don't know how often, and I've never even made it through the first one. I'm sure they're great but I can't get into them. We have all the DVDs sitting in the living room, borrowed from my father, and I can't even find the time to watch one of those. Maybe this summer - for now I'm on a Clive Cussler and Orson Scott Card kick. And actually, that'll probably last me all summer given how much (or how little) time I can take to read nowadays.

Well, I'm not going to have a L&G today - I missed my chance to cook it because rehearsal came up faster than I expected - I was a tad late as it was - but I'm signing off soon and taking a shake probably to bed with the rest of my water and reading for a bit. I'm wondering if tomorrow and the next day will be hard again, or not? Because I much prefer being on-plan, and today I learned that I only had to resist that first time, for a few minutes, and I was set for the whole night. Maybe I'll be set forever - but I'll be watchful.