The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[dede4wd]

Nickie,

Keep posting, keep talking, it shows you're committed and want to do the right thing.

We'll be right here to cheer you on!

DeDe

[Mike]

Nickie,
Read through most of your posts and I have to say, you are doing great. You are also getting lots of great support from the other "posters" on here.
I just want to encourage you, as a teacher myself, it gets stressful, but don't let that get you down when we go back to work.
As for the chai - it rhymes with Thai -
Now, on to the important things of New Years and football.

[LadyT]

Hi Nickie!

I have been reading all about you and I have to say that I can really relate to alot of what you write - and you write very well btw!

I thoroughly enjoy your posts and want to add my 2 cents and say that you are doing really great!!!

I responed to your last post in "roll call", but wanted to pop in here to say hi!

Keep up the great work....you can do this!

[nickieluv]

Thank you all. Diana and Mike, don't worry, teaching stress is a non-issue for the most part. Being a music teacher, going from an upper level to lower is like a vacation. I used to work nights and weekends all the time doing musicals, all-county festivals, after-school rehearsals, you name it - and now I just go in, play with the kids, and come home. We do some performances and special events but it's all prepared within the school day, with only three nights a year to perform for the parents. I am in heaven! And my new principal is really wonderful. It's such a different atmosphere and I feel very supported there, as well. Whenever I ask the teachers for help they are so willing to do things! It's an amazing change for the better.

LadyT - it sounds like our scale issues are practically identical. I'll keep you in line if you whip me into shape! Not that you need help, I see by your ticker you are moving right along!

I certainly hope not to let you all down - or myself - I hope my head is indeed in the ball game this time. I'd forgotten how it was last time, which is why I re-read my journal, and I was just not committed to it at all back then. Everything else was more of a priority than my health. No more of that!

And I'm finding that it's not even that hard to fit all the meals in. I just have to be mindful of them. Instead of letting myself get distracted and miss a meal, I find myself watching the clock to be sure I eat on time. When I do eat, I say the time of my next meal over and over in my head for a minute so I don't forget. I need to have one right now, actually - today is flying by!

I have my school schedule planned already - thankfully I have some predictable breaks so I'll be having a meal before I leave home, around 8, then another at 11, then the third in the vicinity of 1, and my 4th around 3. Once I get home the last two meals will vary a little with my schedule, but only having to get in two more at home will be no problem. So I will not forget and get too busy to have a shake/meal - this is a priority.

There's another girl at work who had a gastric bypass a few months ago, so I'm just kind of pretending to myself that I did that, too. That I have to eat small amounts every so often to keep up my strength, like it's a Rx (I think Dede has said that?). One day at a time, one meal at a time is definitely my current tape loop. I just know this is going to work this time! I feel like I'm approaching it completely differently and that I am ready for success now.

OK, I must go eat - I have to play a wedding tonight so I can't get off-schedule now or it will really screw me up later.

[nickieluv]

I'm not sure why I'm feeling this way, but I might as well get it out there.

I went to that wedding (we won't talk about that too much - except to say I was underdressed even though I thought I'd look fine and I freaked out and just omitted all the pedal parts on the organ) and thought I'd be hidden enough to have my shake before it started - no such luck, right on display was I. So, I had to wait until 7:15 - only a hair over my 3 hours, but now I have to stay up until at least 9:15 for my last meal, and I was hoping to turn in early.

THEN - I had to drive about 40 minutes one way for this thing, and when I'm in the car what do I think about? Which fast food places are on the way that I can load up at. Now, I did not have any cash, and I didn't directly go by a SINGLE place (which was cool), and I really wouldn't have blown it. But I'm mentally hungry tonight (I don't think it's physical, because I've been doing everything right today, but my brain is messing with me) and after surviving the drive I come home to have my husband tell me he ordered himself a pizza.

I was so mad!!!! I'm STILL mad, actually. It's not here yet but we were going to bow out of that party to avoid these kinds of temptations and then here he goes and plops it all right in front of my face!!!!

I'm NOT GOING TO EAT ANY. I'M NOT NOT NOT NOT going to eat any. But it's going to be a mental battle that I just did NOT want to have!! It's arrived. He says he thought he could have it eaten and put away before I got home but the place was really busy. He says he's sorry.

It's not that I don't think he has a right to eat whatever he wants. I just didn't want to have to face this tonight.

So here's the thing - I don't have any "allowed" snacks in the house. I only have my supps and Crystal Light. It's too late now to ask for advice and I'm just going to have to keep busy until 9:15, have my hot cocoa, and go to bed - but in the future, what can I do in a case like this? Anything?

I'm going to go ahead and repost this somewhere else to try to get more answers. AAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

[bikipatra]

I already replied in the other thread but you DON'T have to wait to have your supplement if you are tired, hungry or ready to go to bed. I misunderstood and thought you had eaten all your supps. Don't torture yourself. Sorry about feeling underdressed at the church thing-in the grand scheme of things-it really means nothing. What is taking center stage in your life is your desire to get better. And you are!!!

[nickieluv]

Thank you Biki! You have led me to another understanding about myself.

When I was upset about this, what was my first impulse? "OK, I can't have the pizza and I know that, but what CAN I eat?" Like I had to eat something, and I couldn't just wait it out.

I'm only 30 minutes away from my next meal. And I've been pleasantly surprised. I can't even smell the pizza - must be getting a cold or something - and I've been keeping busy on the computer - some here, some with a project for church - and while I can't exactly say I don't WANT it, I can live without it.

It must be helping me to think that I can have all these things later if I want them, someday, just not now. Before it's always been "you can't have that, say goodbye forever, it's not healthy and you can't ever have it, ha ha ha." Now I know it's not healthy, but I can eat it if I want to - I just don't want to, right now. And I think this plan will teach me that I can have ONE piece, not half a pizza, and be satisfied - by getting me used to eating less.

I think when I transition I could have issues going back to bad habits - it's obviously happened to a few people lately from reading the boards - so I will have to let their wisdom in this guide me, even though I'm not there yet.

It was just really eye-opening to hear myself think that I HAD to eat something, just because my husband was eating. I'm not even hungry - not really, but my brain is tricking me again you know - and I don't think normal people eat when they're not hungry, do they?

I hope MF will teach me new habits that stick with me. Smaller portions, better choices, enjoying life more than food.

Oh, and the church thing - it'll be fine - I mean, it's over already and in the scheme of things, you're right, no one is going to remember what the organist looked like in her corner. I wanted to ask if I could borrow a choir robe to wear but it was a Catholic church and I'm not Catholic, so I didn't know if that would be against some religious rule. So it's my own fault for mis-reading my "look" and not having the guts to ask for help fixing it. Lesson learned there, as well - not a food lesson, either. So there ARE things that don't involve food. I thought that was a myth.

Well, since I have Biki's blessing, I'm going to make my hot cocoa now even though I'm early, and head to bed. See you in the morning - one more day to suffer through my babbling until I go back to work and give this place a breather.

[DogMa]

As one in maintenance who still turns to food somewhat, I have to say there's a HUGE difference post-Medifast. First of all, I don't use food for any emotional turmoil - I made some bad food choices last week in the midst of a HUGE crisis (two crises at once, actually). So that's one difference; in the past, it didn't take much for me to turn to food for comfort.

The second, and even more vital difference, is I basically set aside a few days to eat this way and basically take my comfort where I could find it. If eating a piece of pie could help me deal with my emotional pain for even a few minutes, I was willing to do it. But the week is over, my uncle is better, my dog is gone, and even though I'm still grieving, I'm no longer making bad food choices. Because of that, the damage was minimal (and there may not even have been any; I need to wait till the sodium is out of my system to know for sure, but at most I gained maybe a pound). This is a major difference from previous behavior.

I can't speak for anyone else, but at least in my case, I don't see this as my old habits returning. Old DogMa would still be scarfing down ice cream by the pint. New DogMa didn't even HAVE ice cream - or even think about it, actually. You really CAN teach an old DogMa new tricks. (Sorry, couldn't resist.)

[Mike]

Just to help a bit with the time thing. If you need to, you can double up on supplements in a need to situation. You also don't have to wait 3 hours between meals. The main issue is to not go more than 4 hours between meals because then you start to get hungry and your body isn't happy with you.
Sorry you have to deal with these issues. Hope it gets better as time goes on.

[nickieluv]

Thank you DogMa for the encouragement - it is inspiring to know that change can and will stick with us along the way.

Mike, it turned out to be a non-issue - I made it into a big deal because in the past, it would have been. So instead of waiting to see how I would deal with it, I just assumed it would be a disaster and reacted accordingly. I am learning left and right these days - I don't have to react to food and temptation the way I always did (giving in) - I can have new attitudes! And I think I do!

I had a bit of a confessional session with my husband last night, trying to explain why I reacted the way I did to the pizza situation. I told him about my past binging and hiding food, which I had apparently kept hidden even better than I thought - he said he'd had no idea my behaviors were like that. I should emphasize the 'were.'

I feel such a disconnect from the way I was in the past. I know I'm going to be very susceptible to setbacks, and this initial sort of 'euphoria' about how I'll never slip up may fade, but I just feel really strong right now. Can it last?

Well, I'm going to try again to stay off the internet today and accomplish something in the real world. Toodles.

[bikipatra]

Don't stay away too long!

[BerkshireGrl]

...I'm going to try again to stay off the internet today and accomplish something in the real world.

The real world is sooo overrated

p.s. Nickie, you've doing great! Stay tough!

[DogMa]

You're doing great, Nickie! And you're right: There may be setbacks. Many of us have had them. The key to me is working on the all-or-nothing attitude. A setback can be one meal, one day or even one week or one month. But it doesn't mean you have to give up.

The thing about all the folks here who HAVE had setbacks is that they ARE here. People like DeDe and Laura and JeepGirl - all of 'em have slipped, and all of them are right back here working toward their goals.

So maybe you'll slip and maybe you won't. But a slip doesn't have to mean failure.

[nickieluv]

I am very all-or-nothing, about everything, you're right about that. It is something I'm realizing has to change. But, if it keeps me honest, I'll take it - if I have a slip-up, THEN I'll loosen the rules and allow myself not to quit.

The "all" isn't so bad - it's the "nothing" that gets me everytime!

[dede4wd]

Believe me Nickie, I have an all or nothing attitude, I'm working very hard on it. I beat myself up more than almost anyone else can.

The key to me is working on the all-or-nothing attitude. A setback can be one meal, one day or even one week or one month. But it doesn't mean you have to give up

You're so right Robin, I'm working on it!

DeDe