The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[bikipatra]

I know you can't help everyone, but does that mean you shouldn't even try?

ALWAYS try. It's the right thing to do, it's good for your soul and the universe, not to mention the people you try to help.

I have to agree. Our jobs on the planet are to be of maximum service to God and our fellows. JMO.

[DogMa]

I just have to say, I just saw your new avatar and it looks wonderful. You should be so proud, Nickie. (And yes, it's "beck and call.")

[nickieluv]

I do try to do what I can when I can - but now, having a daughter of my own, I feel that I have to draw the line somewhere so that I am always doing the best things for her - so she doesn't end up like some of these kids. And then it seems like what I feel I can do just isn't much at all. And I try to console myself by saying that being the best mom I can be is a lofty goal in itself and worthy of my concentration. But I know that's just me assuaging my conscience when I know I could be doing more. I have balance issues - I believe it's been mentioned before that I am very all-or-nothing.

[nickieluv]

Okey-dokey - gains two days in a row. Pretty big ones, and I'm now up 1.4lbs from a few days ago, and 7/10lb over ticker.

I have been compliant - I have gotten in all my water. I walked laps yesterday. I have only had a snack 3 days this week, and twice it was pickles, once it was MF crackers (yesterday with the chili). I have had a bar every day. My L&G portions of protein have been measured and right on. The vegetables have not been measured by a cup, but by the bag size, and that's how I've done it all along, so that hasn't changed. I have used ketchup and barbecue sauce three times total this week - usually I am condiment-free. I have had one diet soda four days this week - usually I have one a week. I have not gotten as much sleep. I am just finishing TOM. I am hoping something here is the reason and I just need to stay compliant and be patient and the scale will go down again. My clothes are fitting better this week, I noticed. So maybe things are just shifting around instead of leaving this week. I don't know. Oh, and I felt EXTREMELY hungry yesterday. Maybe I'm forgetting something that I ate? Or one of my drink mixes was sugared instead of sugar-free and I knocked myself out of ketosis? I didn't purposely eat anything off plan and I don't remember anything tasting funny. I did lick half a drop of apple juice off my finger last night - but that's a little ridiculous, isn't it?

Today was a conference day and they provided snacks and lunch. It was tough - the pasta and cookies smelled and looked delicious. I had the fleeting thought of 'I'm gaining anyway, I might as well enjoy myself.' I did not cheat.

I'm trying to decide if it's too chilly to go for a walk with the baby. And if I even want to go. The yard is a mud pit or I would gladly at least take her out to play on the slide and swing.

Well, it's time to eat again. Perhaps I will have my L&G now instead of the next meal. Right now my days are a waiting game. I see a bad number on the scale and I just have to make it through the day and try again tomorrow. I'm afraid I might be posting a gain this week at roll call even though compliant. I have to learn how to deal with this because it may happen again and again. Have others gained while compliant?

[bikipatra]

I have gained over TOM while compliant. Sometimes you do have to pay more attention to how your clothes are fitting than the scale. You have NO CONTROL over the scale. You can control your compliance, 5-1 water, exercise. That's it.

[nickieluv]

OK, I did a 6/0 today because I didn't feel like cooking. I really, really wanted to cheat today. But I said to myself, 'tomorrow if you want to, but not today.' Thank you for that, Biki!

I did have soy crisps and a bar today. But I also had 2 more bottles of water than usual. I really am hoping to see a loss tomorrow. If it's up again it's going to be a big struggle to stay compliant I think. I am hoping the change in routine will shake things up a little. Actually, I probably would have cheated today if not for my Lent challenge. I don't know if anyone is still doing that, but I committed to stay compliant until Easter and I'm so close, I couldn't bear to throw it away. So maybe tomorrow won't be hard after all.

I don't feel ravenously hungry anymore. I did this afternoon, big time. So maybe the change was good for that, too. And TOM is just hanging on forever (it's been really, really odd since being compliant on MF - I know I say that a lot, but this was something I could always count on to be painless and now I'm getting PMS-ey and the timing is all off and I really, really hope when I'm in maintenance it will all even out again) so at least I have something to blame this gain on.

But I had an NSV this week. I don't remember when exactly I noticed this the first time, but tonight it happened again. My husband said something or other and I put my hand on my hip in that exasperated posture - and my hand was not crushed by layers of fat. I have a hip. I have a waist. So sometimes things like this lead me to wonder what my body is going to FEEL like when I'm thin. What will it be like to not be squishy anymore? I mean I'll always have curves, but I think it's going to be very strange taking a shower and stuff. Like how I cut my hair, but I keep reaching back there to brush it, wash it, pull it out of my coat collar - and it's not there.

Well, I'm headed to bed soon and I'm optimistic for tomorrow. Maybe hubby will let me sleep in again so the lose-weight-while-you-sleep fairy can visit me!

[bikipatra]

I dont believe in that fairy anymore. I think she took early retirement or went on a boozer. They'll probably be taking applications soon. I know a certain person who is small enough to fit into the costume but she is too busy all day to work nights too.

[nickieluv]

Well I lost 6/10lb and am under ticker but I wanted to lose like 2lbs so I guess there's no pleasing me. I had my L&G for breakfast today so I wouldn't have to worry about it later. I hope that doesn't backfire and leave me hungry today. We'll see. But I will be compliant if it kills me.

[bikipatra]

I hope you have a great and compliant day. As I learned AGAIN the hard way this morning, we can't control that scale.

[JonnaD]

Nickie, have a great day with your little girl. Try to forget about the scale (I know it isn't easy) and enjoy the day.

[nickieluv]

Hmmmmm. I am having an odd day today.

I feel tired, but I did get a bit of a nap. It's rainy and I'm depressed again. And mostly I am sick of MF (or so my mind is telling me) and I just want to eat off program.

According to my little calendar today is day 33 of compliance. And I have only had one cheat in the last 45 days. This is a pretty major string of days for me. I wonder if this is some kind of mental hurdle. I am grateful for the Lent challenge because without it I think I would have an easier time chucking the plan for dinner tonight. And I am hopeful that by Easter this phase of wanting to cheat will have passed.

I think that's what it is - a phase. I think I may periodically have them. I can't pinpoint what might have set this one off, or even how long exactly it's been going on. But I think it's been at least 4 or 5 days or so. I don't even have a particular craving. I just feel hungry, like it's the first 3 days all over again. And I can't think of what I could have eaten that might have put me out of ketosis. When I say compliant, I really mean it. I have followed the program exactly as I understand it, and I'm sure I understand it correctly after all the questions I've asked.

Part of me thinks I should just get something and eat it and then maybe I won't feel like this anymore, and I can go on to another long string of compliant days. But then I think of what I might want, and how sick I got last time I ate off program, and I don't want to feel that way again. I'm able to make it through one day at a time, but then the next day I feel the same way and it's getting very annoying. I promise myself the next day will be better, and so far they aren't better, and I've had a REALLY slow week in terms of weight loss, even seeing gains on a few days. I guess I just am not a patient person. I haven't really been tested yet because things have been going so well so far. I'm pretty much failing my first test, then, I guess.

Well, in a few minutes I can eat again - today has been a day of trying to distract myself until meal times, as has most of this week - see what I mean about it being like the first three days again? - and then I have the last performance of the show. I will be SOOOO glad when it's over. It was a short run but still. I'm still hoping for that nice big check for all my work (I even wound up being the pit conductor in addition to playing the piano - fun to watch me, I'm sure), and it would be REALLY nice if the money was waiting for me in cash on the piano when I got there tonight - but it hasn't worked that way in a few years so I'm not holding my breath.

I know it's possible there's something emotional behind this hunger - in fact, I'm starting to think it's pretty darn likely actually, that this has something to do with my husband and my stress about money and wanting to quit work and be pregnant and be thin all at once, NOW, not a year from now. Maybe if I can find some time to face these things and put them to rest my hunger will go away. And it would be a shame to derail my progress for emotional issues. So compliant I shall be. Even though it's (whine alert) getting hard to do.

[bikipatra]

You aren't failing your first test. First of all, this ain't your first rodeo. And secondly, you didn't fail because you remained compliant! I hope they get really generous tonight!

[Pashta]

Hey Nicki, last year when I would get hungry like that, even though I was totally compliant, I had a big loss that week. So look forward to that, maybe it's the same with you.

[katieb920]

Wow congrats on being compliant for 45 days. I do agree with you on being hungry. I just have another shake. If I do not have that shake I will eat off program and then the next day I will be so angry with myself. Keep up the great work you are doing fabulous.
Katie

[nickieluv]

I was definitely rewarded this week! 3.5# gone - way more than I expected. Looks like Pashta's luck was with me too!

It's funny how I say the scale doesn't affect my day - and to a certain extent that's true - but with that loss today I feel like I was catapulted forward and now I am chomping at the bit for the 40# club. I really, really want goal by Christmas and I am slowly starting to believe that:

1) I can get there if I remain compliant the WHOLE TIME

2) It actually IS possible to remain compliant the WHOLE TIME

3) It is not worth it to go off plan and I am going to remain compliant the WHOLE TIME

I'm still trying to get to Easter compliant. Having that goal really saved me this week. So after Easter I'm going to try to keep going for 6 more weeks, till my birthday. I would like to have lost 50# by then. These little compliance goals are really going to continue to help me. It's like a personal challenge and really, once you hit a certain point, it's too depressing to consider starting all over again at day 1. We have a 'countdown to Christmas' clock, too, so I'm going to look at that periodically. Today there are 274 days until Christmas. I can do it!!!!! Next Christmas when my MIL buys me clothes (and actually she has really good taste) they will be TINY!! Woo hoo!!