The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[bikipatra]

Ypu have a GOOD night too!

[jlaman79]

Nickie,
Sound like MF has become just another part of your life and that's a great thing! Once we get over "being on a diet" and just do it, it looses that power to constantly leave us freaked out.
I'm not explaining this well, but maybe you know what I mean.

I find myself in situations like yours with my hubby all the time. We both want a romantic holiday. We both make an effort but it's usually one sided. If I go all out, he's tired and goes to bed early, then I feel unappreciated and upset. If he goes all out, I'm pissy and wish he hadn't spent that much money and he feels unappreciated and upset. ETC, ETC, ETC.

When we keep trying to make the other happy, and we keep trying to make it better, it does get better. When I hang on to my mood or if he continues to pout and we don't let it go, it could turn into a nuclear explosion that has both of us up all night fighting and crying and leaving and coming back until finally we both break down and work through what ever issue is at hand.

How did it go for you? Did you guys work it out ok? (sorry to take over your journal)

[nickieluv]

All is well is marriage-land. I'll spare you the details.

Down another little bit this morning. I like this scale with .1lb readouts. I know I'm seeing changes where I wouldn't have before, and it helps to keep me going. Of course only Sunday's weight really 'counts' but in between it's nice to check in. So I think I'm over my kick of putting the thing away.

Jla - I really liked what you wrote about MF just becoming another part of my life. I would like to think of it that way, but I didn't know quite how to put it. The closest I came was 'this is just the way I eat now.' Life goes on - and as Carrie said in her journal I think (I've read a lot today) time is going to go by no matter what - much better to be smaller at the end of it than bigger.

I'm starting to pressure my husband to diet and I did apologize for that. I of all people should know that he has to be ready on his own, and no amount of nagging will help - and will probably only make it worse. Now that I'm taking positive steps, I don't want my daughter to have any negative role models in the house. If I'm eating better and he's not, we're going to have the inevitable 'but daddy eats that' conversations. And also part of it is, being a man, I know he could lose what he needs to in about 3 months and I just can't fathom NOT doing something when you could be to goal so quickly, when I'm looking at a year or more. But I heretofore vow to drop the subject. I know how I would feel if he were on me all the time about it and that's just not nice to do to someone.

Well, that's all for today I guess. Going to the doctor this afternoon - hopefully that will go well. I think I may ask them to weigh me - just out of curiosity. It's just a number, it's just a number - but you know if for some bizarre reason I weigh less there I'm counting that!

[Tawanda]

Nickie I'm glad that things worked out well and that you are feeling better.

Good for you on not licking your finger! I've found myself doing the same thing while making DH's meals and thankfully I've caught myself before actually eating the cream cheese or whatever it might be. I know it would be a minute bite, but I'd like to get to the point where any food that goes into my mouth has been thought out and I'm 'aware' that I'm consuming it. No more mindless eating nor mindless quantities. I want my control back and I want to make choices that are good for me. It sounds like you are already doing that. Good for you!

[nickieluv]

Well, I've been having good results so I guess I've been doing OK - but I just read tonight that you get two teaspoons of condiments, and I've been thinking it was two tablespoons. I always put it on my plate and then dip whatever, and more than half is usually left, so I've probably not gone over. But today I put 2 tblsp of Miracle Whip in my tuna, which was all I had for lean and no money to go buy something else, and I know I could have put mustard in it but I couldn't face it - or plain - and now I'm wondering if I'm even supposed to have ANY Miracle Whip because the guide only says mustard, ketchup, and barbecue sauce. I've used A1 in the past weeks, too.

Hopefully not too bad a choice, and I hope it doesn't represent the beginning of a downward slide - but part of me just thought it couldn't be OK and that's why I checked the guide in the first place and found my mistake. Onward - and now I know I need to keep better track of what lean I have on hand.

The doctor's appointment went well. He actually wanted to weigh me without my asking, because it had been 8 months. I was down 15-16 pounds according to his scale. According to my scale I've lost 18 now so that's pretty close, and being that it was 8 months ago and I only started MF 2 months ago that means I pretty much maintained for 6 months prior to starting. I was eating poorly but still, that knowledge gives me hope that maybe I have SOME skills that might come in handy at maintenance. I don't know what they are yet, but I hope they're there.

Of course he also said I need to exercise, which I am starting next week, and he upped my thyroid dose again and said that should help with my energy levels even more. Can't wait to see where I am at my next appointment - 4/19. 100% compliance until that day!

I did realize today that I'm going to be compliant right through Easter, and that means no Cadbury Creme Eggs. I love those things. I could eat like 8 in one day before. So I asked my husband to buy a pack (I actually said 'a ton' but I think one 4-pack is sufficient) and freeze them so that when I reach goal, whatever time of year it is, I can have one to celebrate. I know, I shouldn't celebrate with food - and it's a sign that I still have some bad habits that I am obsessing about this candy - but they are Cadbury Creme Eggs and have a real emotional element because they are what my father always got me for Easter.

They're in stores already, you know. Now, come April I may feel differently. But I'm only human, and that's how I feel now.

[bikipatra]

Won't they be avaiilable next April, nice and fresh?

[katieb920]

Nicki

You crack me up. I love those Cadbury eggs to. I read that you have a thyroid problem. Me to. I have to take 175mg of Levoxyll. Doctor said that Have to take that for the rest of my life. But Since taking levoxyll and doing medifast. I feel great. I have not started exercising yet I keep saying I am going to I just have to get my whale butt to do it

Good Luck

[Serendipity]

Hi Nickie,

I have a tuna tip for ya. I use low fat/low carb ranch dressing in mine. It's not exactly like the mayo, but it does the job and tastes great and it's on program. Miracle whip is just too high in fat and carbs for now.

I never liked those eggs, but I have 6 pieces of pumpkin pie in my freezer....been there since Christmas. I thought I would have a piece every once in awhile, but it just doesn't call me and I forget it's there.

[nickieluv]

So I was down almost a pound today, and that's good. But I think I'm suffering ill effects from the sugar in the Miracle Whip. I am starving today. (Like Biki was earlier after the syrup incident.) I've already had my snack for the day, although there's more water I can get in and will do so after posting this. Hopefully that will help.

However, I realized today I'm an idiot. I was thinking that I still don't have anything for lean, and now the tuna is gone (thanks for the tip, Jo, I'm going to pick up some dressing next time we shop!). So I thought I would do 6 supplements today instead. Then I thought of eating the eggs as my lean even though you're not supposed to because it's all I have, and having vegetables with them, when I remembered - DUH - we can have real eggs! I could have had that yesterday and avoided the whole condiment issue! So I'll be having eggs today and shaking my head at myself. It's not like I didn't KNOW about the eggs - I had them twice last week. But I always think of my lean as meat, so there you go.

I also earned another mini-reward today. I have this chart and I earn something every five pounds (although my husband has not been great about paying up and owes me two rewards still - now it's three). I got on the scale before my shower because I have determined previously that when my hair is wet I weigh more (sad, isn't it?). But after my shower I tried again just because I was so close, and it read .1 pounds lower and that earned me my reward. I even got on again to double check in case it was a fluke. I'll take it, however pathetic it was how I earned it! Must have had heavy dirt today.

Despite the hunger, I have felt great today - mentally, I mean. I felt pretty. I was having a great hair day. I was in my new jeans and I thought they made me seem narrower. Today with the kids, being the day before vacation, we had a 'fun day' reviewing old songs from earlier in the year, and doing some of the dances with them I was thinking "I remember the first time we did this and I felt so heavy." I was hopping around and singing and my breath support even seemed better. Of course it was also a Friday and we have all next week off, so maybe that was the cause of my mood.

I guess starting my exercise next week will be good timing then - I won't have the excuse of not having enough time. I'm not sure what I'll do yet - I like the bike we have but it has to be in our bedroom, and it takes up so much room - maybe I'll rearrange the furniture and find a way to make it work. Then I can start to get some reading done again - there's a way to enjoy exercise! Of course my husband is going to kill me because just before Christmas I had him move the bike OUT of our room and back to the garage because I was never using it....

Well, this killed 15 minutes anyway. Off I go for now.

Oh, and Jo - I can't imagine sweets and chocolate NOT calling to me but maybe someday.... And Biki, yes they'll have fresh ones next year but what if I reach goal early?! Probably this is not even an issue though because I know I'm not going to buy them myself - not worth the risk - and I doubt my husband will even remember the conversation. OK, I was going - bye!

[nickieluv]

Here I am again. I was upstairs putting the baby to bed and so not in the mood to cook. I need to eat one more time and it needs to be L&G. I contemplated going 6&0 today and having a second bar even. But that would not be compliant and I've come too far to start talking myself into stepping away from the plan, no matter how small a step. Yesterday's condiment debacle was bad enough, and I already said I don't want that to turn into a big backslide.

I was up until after midnight last night, even after going to bed at 9, because I was reading. It's a book from '91 called "When Food Is Love." It was written as a narrative and so I just went cover to cover. I'm thinking of re-reading it tonight because when I read things quickly I know I miss things, and there was a lot in that book. Mostly what hit me was not about me at all, but about how fragile my daughter is and how much she depends on me - and she doesn't understand when Mommy is in a bad mood or wants some quiet - she just knows I'm sometimes not there for her. I think I'm a really good mother, but the book made me realize that I still need to be even more for her. Growing up I could never tell what kind of mood my father was in - if he was happy, you were golden - but he could turn on a dime and be yelling in a second. I don't want to be like that with my daughter, but I see it sometimes. I lose patience or I get overwhelmed or tired or frustrated, and I have frightened her sometimes by just shouting 'enough!' I always feel so bad and say I'm sorry I yelled, but the damage has been done. I don't want her to grow up feeling that she has to walk on eggshells or be perfect or never make a sound in order to not be yelled at. I guess this would be a new issue I should go see the counselor about.

But I did like what she said (Geneen Roth, the author) about compulsive eating - that it's like a cast, covering the real emotional wounds and hoping they'll heal, but really they need to be exposed to the air and light to lose their hold on us. I think MF is accomplishing for me what her 'diet' plan is supposed to - it's taken the compulsion out of eating. It's not about deprivation. Sometimes I have hungry days or emotional days and I feel I need more, but sticking to MF means I can't have more, and that forces me to examine what I really am feeling.

And upstairs tonight, rocking the baby, I was thinking about 'cheating' with that extra bar and I had the thought that the way I eat is not really connected with my weight loss in my mind. Yes, I know that I must stay on plan. But it's almost like the weight is coming off all by itself and I'm not doing anything. MF is so easy right now, that I just eat what I'm supposed to, and in the morning when I weigh less it's a miracle. I don't struggle every day to get the right mix of foods, and try to figure out what I can 'get away with.' This just does not seem like a diet anymore. I know it is - but it feels different. It's not as hard. When I have cravings I just know I have to get through today - I don't focus on not having chocolate for 10 more months like I usually would. I don't spend all week thinking that finally, on Friday, I can have pizza and it won't be so bad and by weigh-in I'll have made up for it. I'm not justifying bad behavior anymore - this is just the way it is, and will be, until I'm ready to transition.

I know there are people out there who just make up their minds to diet and they go on and never go off and do great - even when it's not MF. I have never been that type of person. I am approaching the 20# club and I have never, NEVER lost that much weight in my life. Usually I hit 5 or 10 and then go off the deep end. This really does seem like a miracle. And what's more, I can picture myself reaching onederland, and reaching goal after that. I'm not afraid I'm going to fail. I'm not afraid it won't happen. I just know it will happen. I don't know if anyone out there understands how foreign it is to have these kinds of thoughts in my head. I am not berating myself. I am not doubting myself.

I realize though, just now, that I am taking myself out of the equation. I'm not really giving myself credit. In saying it's a miracle I am discounting my hard work - like I've done all my life - because once something seems easy for me, I attribute it to luck, not to anything I've done. I have to remember that *I* am putting only the right foods in my mouth, *I* have remained compliant for 19 days, *I* have done the work and it is not completely a miracle that I'm losing weight - I am making it happen. I have the power here, and the strength. If I start to take that away from myself, then I take away the accountability, and then I think bad things will happen. You know, the whole 'I'm doing so well I can tweak the plan because I'm special and know what I'm doing' attitude.

So, in summation - yes MF is a miracle for me, but it's only going to work as long as I am doing my work with food and exercise. Just because it's easy for me doesn't mean it doesn't count. It's still work and I should be proud of myself. And it won't always be easy, and I have to remember that I am in control of the good things that happen to me, it's not just luck - and when bad things happen it does not always mean I am to blame.

[Karli]

Hi, Nickie. Well, I have once again been so grateful to read your thoughts. So many times I feel like I am just speaking with you though I am reading and have really no idea who you are. But, you seem like a friend .

Anyway, you have inspired some more thoughts in me and reminded me of something I caught a glimpse of earlier today, but had forgotten about until I read your journal post. I will use my thread for that (when I can get it into words) but I just wanted to say that I so much appreciate your honesty, and your individual journey. You are doing so well.

Thanks .
Karli

[nickieluv]

I had some more thoughts this morning about my father and growing up and the kind of parent I am and want to be. I think I'm going to call the counselor and get back in, maybe this week of vacation if I can. I wanted to write about it in my paper journal, but I couldn't. It was like if I wrote it down, it would be real. Don't worry, nothing really horrible happened to me, but I have painted a picture of my father as perfect all my life, and to have to face that he isn't is tough. There are things about him I want to emulate, but lots of things I don't. Interesting how this memory just popped up, though - actually I've always remembered it, but this time I let myself feel the emotions connected with the memory and it made it seem completely different. I'm glad to be moving somewhere with this, though.

Normal day so far - nothing too exciting happening. I'm not sure if I'm even going to get dressed and leave the house. I do feel a nap coming on, though. I missed my morning weigh-in window so I'll have to wait till tomorrow to find out how I did this week officially. I do still have my little graph on the fridge - to keep me focused - that even if I don't lose 5 pounds every week (and how could I?) it shows that I am making progress. I'm very visual so it's helpful to have that. I'm tired of the way the house looks - maybe this vacation we'll move some furniture, maybe paint a room or two. I hate to say it, but I think we might have it the best way it can be - that depresses me. I like rearranging rooms. It's like having a new house for a while.

I really have nothing to say, can you tell? I'm just checking in because I thought I should. Another compulsion? I'm working on those. I have lots.

[bikipatra]

Nickie, in all seriousness, have you ever been screened for OCD? Its just you joke a lot about your obsessions and compulsions and I don't know how seriously to take it. It seems to frequently come in to your posts from the beginning. Just concerned.

[Karli]

I like rearranging rooms. It's like having a new house for a while.

I know exactly what you mean. I definitely do this about every 9 months or so ? It's sometimes longer between that, depending on the room and its use. But, I recently did this to our living room, which is where I teach out of. We moved my 7'6" Yamaha C7 across the room, over carpet , and had to lift each leg to put cuplets underneath it . Talk about a workout !! LOL.

Anyway, I like fresh arrangements .

Also, though I know there are some lines that can be crossed, obsessive, compulsive behavior to some extent is often quite healthy. It's human nature, even. And actually, I know some piano teachers who relish this particular behavior in some of their students . I don't really know Nickie, but I don't feel worried about her.

Anyway, cheers to you, Nickie .

Karli

[DonicaB]

Nickie~ I'm glad you're on vacation. (Actually I'm jealous ) Is your school a year round school.......or this some sort of winter break? Just curious really!

I'm like you.......I love rearranging rooms and painting them, etc. Well.......sometimes I don't like painting.......but, I love the end result.

Enjoy your time off.

DonicaB