The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[nickieluv]

I'm OK so far today. I took a nap and that helped - can't eat when you're sleeping! I'm having all vanilla shakes the next couple of days to get rid of them - actually, that's my main reason for doing all shakes in the first place. That and the fact that chewing seems to set me off.

I have had the thoughts about food and how sad I am (how sad that I am sad!) about not eating the yummy junk I want to eat. But I know I'll be glad I didn't eat it when the pounds are coming off. Day by day I'll make it through.

I have little half-formed future plans in my head but I am not going to go into all the details. I'll keep them half-formed and in the back of my mind. For now I just need to live my life, and along the way keep doing MF. I'll make it through today - tomorrow should be OK - then Tuesday I'll be home alone again with the girls and that will be a bit of a test. But I will worry about that day when it gets here.

Just keep jiggling and I should be fine. All my yucky rolls are back. I could jiggle a different roll every day this week. So no more rolls in my mouth until the rolls on my body are gone.

[nickieluv]

I think I will make it through day 2. Usually, if I've made it to this point, the evening is easier.

I had two shakes and a bar, and wanted another bar for my 4th meal - with PB of course - but I made myself have another shake instead. It seemed to be a wise choice. Denying my craving/sweet tooth/whatever you'd call it kept me sane. I had a shake, and just now I had a pack of MF crackers - my last legal treat in the house besides pickles - and I'll be OK until after piano lessons when I can eat again. And then I get one more besides that. So I'm sure I'll be safe today.

I was not going to get on the scale - ha, you all probably knew I couldn't resist - it's ridiculous. Down 7.6 pounds since yesterday. Obviously I was carrying around a ton of water which is not surprising considering what I ate Saturday night. Still, it's a nice boost to see that number plummet so rapidly at first.

It's not going to be easy, but I hope I'm finally ready to stick with this. I do feel more determined than before. I'm hungry, of course, but I'm able to distract myself. I'm not full of denial when I look in the mirror - but not full of self-loathing either. I just see that there needs to be a change. And I have the time now to do it, and the inclination. There are no big deadlines looming unless I decide to drive myself crazy like that. And I'm just not going to do that. One day at a time. I can't totally stop thinking about the future, but as I said before I'm just going to keep those ideas in my head, to myself, and not make them more important by writing them all down or making big plans.

Day 2 will be a success. And tomorrow will be a 'normal' day with my husband at work so I'm sure there will be challenges and temptations. But I will do my best to deal with them, especially now that I know giving in to my appetites and cravings just makes things harder. If I just sort of want a bar, OK. But if I'm dying for one? Have something else instead, because giving in just makes it harder to stay on plan. I don't quite know why I work that way, but I do. Also, it helps to mix and down the shakes pretty quickly. I know you're not supposed to do that, but it makes it seem more like medicine that way and I'm not ready to really enjoy my supplements yet. Sounds dangerous. So I'm just spending my day keeping busy in between doses.

I'm still not having a L&G. As long as I am feeling in control, I want to stay that way. So I will save it for some time when I think I can't stand it anymore. I see my doctor about my thyroid and have bloodwork done every three months, so if anything seems to be going wrong I'll know soon enough. (Just my nod to the 'doctor's supervision' clause of the full fast. Obeying the law there more or less.) I might do the whole summer this way, because I generally don't feel like eating as much in warmer weather. And once I'm back at work, I have no doubt that I can have a L&G every day (which I will probably need at that point since I'll be busier) and still stay on track.

Well, getting dangerously close to laying plans and putting things in writing, so I'll stop now. Just killing time until piano lessons start. My 4 o'clock didn't show but I know his Mom knew about it so I'm not going to call and nag. I'm sure something came up. Maybe I'll go practice my Chopin for a bit. Some of the parents have been getting on me to play at the recitals myself - not sure why - but I thought this time I might do it. The Minute Waltz. It would certainly be good for me. And a nice warm-up - the music staff want to have a faculty recital next year and my solo chops are in poor shape compared to my accompanying chops. I'm thinking Rachmaninoff for that one - I'd love to do the Prelude in C# Minor but the 18th Variation of Rhapsodie on a theme by Paganini might be more what I could handle. (Little Karli shout-out there - miss you - sorry I've been so self-absorbed lately!)

[nickieluv]

Back again - day 3 here - feeling fine! I don't have any desires to order in or do anything besides keep on track and keep losing weight! Hooray!

One day at a time - I keep saying it. I'm trying not to think any farther ahead than the end of the day today. Getting too far ahead of myself always causes problems, because then I start setting goals that feel impossible and I give up.

It's not really getting harder to avoid setting those kinds of crazy goals - it's more that I have this happiness and hope bubbling up in me, and it increases by the day. Each time I make a good choice I feel amazing about myself. And I feel like this could really happen, finally.

I am still not eating a L&G. I think this gave me problems before because I stopped measuring my portions and I never even attempted to ration my condiments - more denial there, I was telling myself I didn't use that much and it didn't really matter. But I think I must have always kept myself out of ketosis, and so the hunger and cravings never had a chance to go away. I'm not in a hurry to try a L&G, even though this time I would measure and not use any condiment with carbs. I am saving it for a time when my energy might ebb, or if I decide to start exercising later on. Although part of me is thinking of having a L&G on Friday - once a week, and when I'll have my husband's support at home for the two days following in case it causes any trouble. Because I have read some awful stories about how hard it is to eat food again after being on the full fast for a long time - and I don't know how long is 'a long time' and I don't want to go through that pain.

I'm feeling good. Great, actually. I feel like it's time to do this - time to get rid of these fat clothes, for one thing, that I will be SO happy to see dumped in the donation bin at church. Of course I have a huge range of sizes in my closet and boxed up in the attic, so hopefully I can have the boost of getting into something new at fairly regular intervals. We shall see.

Off to live my life today - still hoping someone will want that cream of broccoli and chicken noodle soup - seriously, if you have something you absolutely hate I'll take it off your hands (as long as it's not cream of broccoli or chicken noodle soup). I'll even swap only a few of the packets if you don't want them all - I literally cannot eat them even if I plug my nose so they are just sitting there mocking me. Help!

[katieb920]

Hey girl. Totally agree about the lean green. I do 6 supplements a day. The only time I do the Lean green is if I am out somewhere.

Doing the 6 for me really helps me. I do not think about dinner. And it keeps me out of the kitchen. Sometimes the problem is I still have to cook for John and Matthew. But the thing is I make them things that really do not tempt me.

Also you no what i have been doing to keep my self on track. Everytime I think about food I take a picture with my cell phone and look at it. and then go AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH LOL.. It has been working.

[nickieluv]

That's a cute idea! Long ago I used to keep a picture of my tummy on my cell phone to help me stay good. It didn't work so well - mostly because I couldn't bring myself to look at it! Hopefully I won't need too many tricks and will keep doing well.

I know you've told me before about not eating L&G and doing 6 supplements - but that first and second day I was always so hungry that I couldn't resist and it did NOT work for me. Sunday my husband ate down at our local Memorial Day festivities and Monday he ate at a family picnic - so I was able to avoid dinner in the house both of those days and the hunger wasn't an issue. I'll admit that I wanted to grab a chip at the picnic yesterday but it was more to have something to do than because I wanted it. Although the salt would have been nice. But I have my pickle spears in case of emergency, and bouillon. And by the time I have to face another out-of-the-house dinner with family, it shouldn't even be an issue because I'll be feeling too good to compromise. Right?

Well, there I go with advance planning. Have to stop that! I'm setting myself up for a bad day today because it's been 3 and 1/2 hours since my first and only supplement of the day - but that 'no hunger' thing has really kicked in and I just keep putting off the shake. But I'm going to have one right after I finish reading the new posts here. Have to stay on track so I don't get out of the zone!

[nickieluv]

Feeling a bit of a gnawing sensation, I'm sure because I waited so long between shakes this morning - so I waited an hour and fifteen minutes and had another shake. And I'll have another before 4, before piano lessons start for the day. Then I'll still have two meals to have before bedtime. Sticking with shakes is helping, too, I think - I can't imagine that all bars would have the same effect on my hunger. I wish I had more 70s, though, since I'm on the full fast at the moment. I do have a box of swiss mocha 70 but I'm saving them - forcing myself to get rid of all the vanilla first, then chocolate, and then the lovely swiss mocha for last. Had a cappuccino just before bed last night, and it was a nice way to end the day - so sometimes I do enjoy the supplements, after all.

Just checking in, as I usually do, on here way too much. But I'm feeling good. It is so true for me that when I'm ready, it really is easy. All the fighting has stopped - I finally am committed to this and know what I want. Namely, to fit into a size 16 bathing suit before we go to Florida again. But I'll settle for not having to wear the maternity suit again!!

[Karli]

Nickie, I have not even been remotely willing to put myself into a suit since my first Summer during and after MF. I don't know if I have too much desire to get into a suit ever, ever again. I will probably regret that when I'm 80 though and look back to my age now and think I was actually hotter than I feel I am now.

Anyway, I am glad things are going well for you ! I hope that today just continued your success and I am finishing my day 1 as you are finishing (or have already finished) your day 3. Let's do it together, and with everyone else ! ha ha ... that sounds pretty funny

[sidrah]

Never way too much!!!

I am guilty of the same thought, but it helps, so I go with it. Once upon a time there were 30-40 new posts every time I logged on and my goal was 2 times a day minimum to keep up with them all.

Now, it is tough to find new recipes and daily conversation, so please post away. It is helping you and definitely helping me.

[nickieluv]

Day 4 is going great so far - I'm going to get that new bathing suit out and I'm going to look at it every morning just as a reminder of where my head is for the day. I am FINALLY able to take things one day at a time! Of course, I'm still me, so I have future plans, but I am not living in the future for once. I am firmly in the here and now - and it's not so bad after all.

Perhaps it's a coincidence, but my husband and I agreed to a 30-day challenge of our own in the bedroom (TMI, sorry) and I think that might be part of what's helping me stay on course. We have had virtually no action in that arena for a long time because I just feel so fat and ugly that I can't stand to let him touch me. But we started the night before I woke up and read the scale and decided it was time to lose weight and stop kidding around - and so each day since I've been on plan, weighed less than the day before, and because I'm taking some control I can finally enjoy him. It's kind of symbiotic - staying on plan makes me feel better about myself, so I can enjoy the evening, and the evening fun makes me feel thinner and attractive, so I can stay on plan the next day.

I'm so glad that more people are coming on here now, and that I am ready to be involved in the weight loss of myself and others and really contribute to this online community. It doesn't hurt that I was apparently carrying 90 pounds of water weight or something (how long can this go on?) - I was in the 250s this morning. Insane!!!

[Karli]

ha ha ... Nickie, 90 lbs of water weight, that is humorous. Okay, wait. You mean you were 271 like 4 days ago and now you are in the 250's ? Am I understanding you correctly ? That's *awesome* -- Hey, I totally get ya' about feeling too disgusting to be touched ... that is how I feel much of the time. My stomach is completely off limits to the hubinator, but he likes to tease me and touch it anyway ... gah ! He's kinda cute and funny that way, but I feel like such a slug ! Anyway, I am so happy that you are finding your way .

[nickieluv]

Yes, I was at top ticker weight Sunday morning, and this morning I was 259.8. Now, it was hot Saturday, and I had Pizza Hut for dinner, so definitely I was retaining some extra water - I imagine if I'd done nothing I still would have dropped a few pounds the last couple of cooler days. But after seeing that number, caused by water or not, I couldn't wait! And I can't deny that it's making this week a heck of a lot more fun. I step on every day with a pep talk - it could have rebounded up a bit, that's OK, you're doing the right things and you're going in the right direction - but I've stepped off in shock the last two mornings. I expected a big drop the first day, but I never thought it would keep going like this. (I am secretly hoping that my extra 130 pounds is all water weight - tee hee!)

And let's not mention the stomach - after two kids, I am just disgusting above the waist. I expect the tummy below the waist, I'm used to that one. But the baby tummy above the waist is all lumpy and squishy and yucky. Can't wait till that's gone - although I fear it will never entirely go away unless I'm willing to do way more crunches than I can stand. Oh well, I'll just have to get another baby growing in there to fill it out.

[nickieluv]

Day 4 done. A little tougher today. I am so irritable it's not even a little humorous. I had one bite of my husband's steak - it just smelled really good - no condiments whatsoever on it. And I had my allowed 2 dill pickle spears. I'm OK, really, and it's not like I was starving and in danger of pigging out. I just worry that having some real food was a mistake, even though it was just a little bit. But I think it was just the pickles - they seem to sour my stomach most of the time, which is a shame because I love them. Mostly when I have them without any other food they do this.

On the bright side - only two more days of having these stinking vanilla shakes. I will be so glad when they are gone! And more good news - I did get a taker for the broccoli and chicken noodle soups so hooray! There will be a variety of goodies coming my way next week from that kind soul.

Things are going well. Except, I feel a little funny today. Aches in my arms, feeling tired. Usually days 4-6 are a bit harder for me than days 1-3 so hopefully by the weekend I will be feeling normal again. And I never get headaches, but I've had a mild one off and on for a couple of days. I suppose this is all normal 'just getting on plan' stuff but I'll keep an eye on it. No sense in doing the full fast if it's going to make me collapse.

Wonder what the scale will say tomorrow. Hard to imagine anything lower. I'll be OK if it's a bit higher - sodium in those pickles, you know. But I've got to get drinking water - I've not been doing well at that at all. It's not like I'm out of the house a lot so it shouldn't matter if I have to run to the bathroom every ten minutes. I will make water my goal tomorrow - 3 liters.

[nickieluv]

Glad to hear that Shane is back on board with you. Maybe he just needed a little break, like you had on vacation, to get recommitted.

Up two pounds today. But I know that I did everything right yesterday so I am not worried. It's funny - if I see a number I like on the scale, I trust it. If I see a gain, I weigh myself again just to be sure it's not a mistake. So yesterday might have been a 'mistake weight' but even if it was, I'm still in great shape for the week. And I am drinking my water today (with Momentum infusers - 1 per liter - to help me get used to water again before I try to go plain) and sticking to plan and nothing will get in my way!

I feel slightly less crabby today. And no headache - which might have been dehydration I suppose, so maybe the water is just what I need on all fronts. I am so ready to get this weight off. I am going to go full force from now until Disney. I see no reason to cheat. Especially when I can have one bite of steak like I did yesterday and get the feeling of cheating even though I'm not. The trick will be not taking just one bite of something that is not on plan with the justification that I am taking in so few calories it won't matter. I know it will matter - maybe not in terms of the calories and carbs, but in terms of me knowing that I can't have just one bite of non-plan foods and still stay strong.

So - day 5 - it's going to be no problem - because I am focused on just making it through today, and I'm not thinking about tomorrow. I don't know why it took so long to get my head straight, but I am so glad that it's finally happened. I don't know if the counseling has anything to do with it - I'm only having one appointment a month right now because of scheduling issues, so I've only met with her twice. And that's nowhere near enough time to attack any of my issues - which I think are pretty typical (perfectionism, high personal standards, superwoman complex, denial of my own needs until they explode in an orgy of spending or eating) - but maybe just admitting that these things can be changed is giving me a feeling of strength.

No last night, my husband is working lots of overtime and went to bed way too early for me - plus he's just wiped out physically - and if you can believe it, I missed it. I kind of thought this 30-day thing was going to turn into a massive chore. But I'm finding that I look forward to the alone time and together time it forces us to have - no chores or arguing or anything like that, just the two of us alone and focused on each other. I suppose we could just hold each other and gaze into each other's eyes without doing anything else and I'd still enjoy it. So hopefully we can get back on track tonight.

Well, that's all for this morning. Time for my first supplement (I have to wait that hour every day because I take my thyroid pill first thing in the morning - sometimes it's a dicey hour!) - on my way to killing the vanilla shakes. I might force myself to have 6 of them today just to get them gone.

[nickieluv]

I know the water is good for me - and all the exercise of those extra trips upstairs....

[DogMa]

I'm glad things are going well, Nicks! Keep up the good work!! (And drink that water! The headache, and even the achiness, can definitely be dehydration. I can feel myself dragging when I don't get enough water.)