The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[katesmom]

Hi Nickie !
So glad to see you ! I am at work but wanted to say hello and wish you lots of luck on your re-start...You can do it and you have done it before.

I like your idea of keeping mental images in your head to keep you on track..I'll try that too !

It's cold here in Ct today and the wind chill is wicked...

I would have loved to have more than one child, but we were getting too "old" to really try and have a healthy baby. We had our daughter at age 38, and now I'm 47..

I think it's great that you want another baby...Cheers !

[Karli]

Hi Nickie,

I hope you are having a good first day ! Thanks for stopping by my journal. So far I am jamming today, and I will say that YES, I have been getting tired of the bars. I have been eating them every meal just about for the past few days, and I still LOVE them, but I have been feeling like I want variety, and I have a lot of variety right now ! I say, do whatever you need to do to get yourself through. I will admit, for some reason I feel like I am doing something wrong by eating 5 bars a day, but I'm not (and neither are you !) ! It's just the old version and the old tape playing in my head ... silly tapes that play in our heads.

You know, for whatever reason this bridesmaid thing is helping me to kick it into gear, and though I haven't been absolutely perfect, I have been doing really well and the core of my life is on program right now. I have wanted to go off every single day though, partly because that is just what my habit had been everytime I restarted for the past two or more (!) years ! I haven't gone off yet though because I have SO been there, DONE that, and I KNOW very WELL how absolutely crummy that feels to do that ! AND, I truly don't want to feel like a female jabba the hut in that dress in front of all of those people !

Being in my second week now, I can feel myself starting to shift gears though. My thoughts are changing regarding food, I am starting to get into the mindframe of "this is how I eat" type of thing, and I like it ! I actually like the safety of the program again, I like the food, I like being on this path again ... but those feelings and thoughts don't necessarily come until a solid footing gets established, I am realizing. You can get there, too ! I am starting to remember ALL of the reasons I don't want to be carrying around this extra fluff and luggage ... when I am truly honest with myself, I know it just sucks to feel uncomfortable in my clothing, to not fit into clothing, to wonder if my belly might be hanging out in front of other people. That sort of thing. And, I am starting to remember how good it feels to not be thinking (vainly !) about all of those uncomfortable things !

I swore to myself that if I ever got really rolling again, I would go all the way and stay there. I think I am on that rolling road now, and I would like to be here with you, too, on your rolling road .

Cheers for the day !

[nickieluv]

Thanks Pam and Karli. I see that I just have to power through a few days or weeks and then things will get better. I've been there, I know how that feels and it's wonderful! But for some reason lately I am just afraid to go there. I figure that must be it, because I'm not eating out of hunger. If I was, I could just have a supplement. But it's like I'm purposely avoiding the supplements. I'm using the excuse of having things in the house that tempt me - but they don't really tempt me, I just am trying much harder to not diet than I am to diet.

Right after every 'eating episode,' I feel renewed strength to stay on plan 'tomorrow.' Ha ha. Then I argue with myself in the morning for a couple of hours before deciding whether I'll be 'on' or 'off' today. But it seems whichever I decide, by about 11 I've decided to be 'off' because 'one more day won't matter.' Except I know that each day does matter, because it extends my bad habits and patterns.

I've done it before and I can do it again - but it seems like I just refuse to do it. Purposefully. Obstinately. Absolutely refuse.

And I feel like if I could just do that first day, maybe that would give me more strength to handle the second day. I'm on the verge of enlisting my 3-year-old to pull food out of my hands if it's not MF. She would do it, too.

When the girls are in bed tonight, I'm going to go back through my journal and try to find the spot when I really 'got it' last time around. Maybe I will be able to tell myself something from the past. Not giving up!!

[nickieluv]

The 'clear out the closet' day is always a fun one, Leigh. I did it recently even though there wasn't anything that was too big - there were just things I hated in there. They are now gone! Not that there's anything I really LOVE wearing at this size, but at least the only thing I out and out hate that is left is that one pair of non-jeans pants that fits. Looking forward to tossing those out someday, but with only one other pair of pants to wear I have to keep them around for a while.

Definitely keep going, chickie. When I got under 200 last time I totally lost all motivation. Of course we got pregnant shortly thereafter but I would say I was completely sick of MF for about 6 weeks beforehand - and that got me into a really bad spiral which lasted the whole pregnancy. Looking forward to making better choices the next time. Live and learn!

Disney - I would have to say Magic Kingdom was my favorite, mostly because it was my daughter's favorite so there are tons of memories in that park. She's just under 40", which is a cut off for most of the rides in the other parks, so she couldn't do much except in Magic Kingdom. And I also loved that the rides are made for fat people. The seat belts fit around me and everything. So there were no embarrassing moments, I was able to just relax and enjoy the vacation. Favorite ride - maybe Soarin'. I didn't go on many because I'm a wimp, and I was afraid of that one, but it turned out to be great. I was able to remember that it wasn't real, and also to enjoy the fact that I would never be able to see views like that in real life. Test Track was fun, too - just the right amount of thrill for me (I have a low threshhold - we went on the Tomorrowland Transit Authority, which is basically just a little train thing that goes around the sights, but it goes into Space Mountain and I almost freaked out thinking that I'd gotten on the wrong ride accidentally!!).

A really good time - I'm glad to be home and back into the routine, but it was also REALLY nice not to have to worry about a single darn thing while we were there. It was truly a vacation and I loved it.

I spent some time this afternoon working on my motivation - finessing my mental pictures, and also setting a small but definite goal to work towards - my birthday. I have no pound goal for that date, but I would like to earn enough money by then to have my new wedding band sized. It's going to cost about $400 because it needs some major work in addition to the sizing to make it sturdy enough to wear, so I am 'awarding' myself $5 for every day that I am on plan, drink some water, and do a little exercise. I kept it very simple - even ten jumping jacks counts as exercise, and one glass of water counts for the water. I'm trying to make it very attainable so I don't stress myself out trying to be perfect, but just work on changing my habits, which I believe is so key to this experience. So if I am good almost every day between now and then (5/16), I can 'earn' my new ring. If you knew me well, you'd know jewelry is a pretty powerful motivator. And by then, heck, maybe I won't have to have it sized quite so big?

Tomorrow is the day. I now have a definite plan and a goal and a desire. Too bad I had to manufacture it all, but I only need to get through, say, a month, and then I'm hoping the internal motivators will kick in - how much better I'm feeling, the energy I have, the clothes I'm tossing out. No worries about the number on the scale. Progress. One day at a time. Imagining that new precious baby that will only come if I get myself healthy. (And, to be honest, I'm already trying to figure out how to talk my husband into #4 when #3 arrives. It's going to be a tough sell but honestly, I'd keep having kids forever if I could.)

Good night everybody! Looking forward to Biggest Loser in a few minutes, and looking forward to completely joining this community of losers in my own right.

[DiamondintheRough]

Hi Nickie,
Glad you are back, the forum is very quiet when you aren't here! You can do this, if I can ANYBODY can. I know you must think a lot like me so here is what works for me...having a date in the future that I want to lose as much weight as possible by. The first time I did Medifast my big day was my son's graduation from high school. I was about halfway there when he graduated but I was so thrilled with the way I felt and looked I kept right on going. I kept the weight off fairly well for about 6 months by exercising and then I started a new job and it was the beginning of my gaining it back. This time my goal was my birthday. My birthday was almost 3 weeks ago. I did have a minor setback while in Florida for my birthday trip but as soon as I got back home I am right back on plan and now weigh 1 pound less than before the trip. Now I am using my son's graduation from college for my new goal. If you want to eat bars all day long go right ahead. I am eating 4 bars a day and one pudding made like a shake or a shake in the morning. I also take a lot of vitamins and fish oil. To be completely honest my lean and green meal at night is slightly larger than it should be and I am still losing weight. Maybe not at the breakneck speed some people are but I am happy with it. I drink 4 bottles of water a day and if you aren't you need to. I am so full from the water I could care less that I am not eating a lot. I am in your corner with you, prepping you for your fight, knock em out! You CAN do this!
Jennifer

[nickieluv]

I guess I feel like it's cheating to need an external source of motivation. I suppose I believe that I should be losing weight so that I can live longer, be healthier, do more things with my kids. "Look good for reunion" just seems so superficial, and like it will lead me to gain weight back after the event has passed. By the way, there's no reunion, that was just an example.

But in the beginning, I think it doesn't matter what gets me motivated as long as I get started. So this ring is my start. I know from past experience that the way I feel as I progress will keep me going. But getting this lump moving in the right direction is requiring a Herculean effort so far.

I forgot to check out my journal to find the info on when I turned the corner - almost exactly 2 years ago. I will have to remember to do that tomorrow. It's a time committment because, unless I just haven't found it yet, there's no 'jump to' section - I have to go page by page and wait for them each to load in. We have DSL but it's not great, and that's time consuming. But I think it would be educational to make that effort, to say the least.

Well, I've stayed up too late again - another symptom when I'm being 'bad.' But I'm going to bed about 90 minutes earlier than I have the last two nights, so it's a step in the right direction. Tomorrow is it - I have my motivation, and I'm also planning to tell myself 'by this time next week you won't be hungry anymore' and hopefully that will help, too. Water (but not forcing it - too many rules make me want to break them all), supplements, bars if that's what I want, and NO OTHER FOOD.

[nickieluv]

Doing decently today. Had 4 bars so far, and my lean. Will have the green for dinner. I know you're not supposed to do that but I don't want to have another lean serving when I already had one, and I didn't feel like cooking veggies when I had the lean in the first place.

Even though I'm doing better today, it's still unnerving how easy it would be to cave in. And I can't really put my finger on why I'm doing better, either. I speculated in Karli's journal that the nicer weather has something to do with it. It's sunny and feels a bit warmer today than it has been. Maybe that makes it easier to think of spring and summer and how I want to feel different when they get here.

It seems that if I can make it past about 2pm on plan, the rest of the day I can pretty much guarantee will go well. That's harder than it sounds, though. But I don't have to tell you all that.

It's day 1, a good start, and a month from now hopefully I won't be thinking about food so much. Not that I've felt hungry, exactly - I've just felt like indulging my usual habits instead of being 'good.' But obviously not too strongly, or I would have caved.

I am excited to be making a start. Here we go.

[nickieluv]

And I love those daisies on my ticker. Every time I look at it, I feel cheerful.

[katieb920]

I agree with you..... If I can get past 3 I am pretty good. I just wish I could say just do it. Dont ever cheat ever. I know Lauren did it. And serendipity also. They were so strong. Why can I not do it. I am going to try.

Good luck nickie. I say we should do another challenge.

[nickieluv]

Ooh, I don't know. Challenges always seem to be more like me challenging myself to cheat as much as possible! I don't make it past the first week usually, if that even. But I am definitely here for you.

It is so much easier not to cheat, and yet that seems next to impossible, doesn't it? However, that is my goal from now until my birthday. Just shy of three months. I made it through today with 2 pieces of SF gum, and I did have my lean separate from my green, but it's a start. Tomorrow I'll probably have my lean early, so I will plan to nuke some veggies to go with it. No time to really eat dinner tomorrow anyway, so I'll try to have that mid-afternoon when I tend to get the urge to eat. Actually, if that's my trouble time, I don't see any reason why I can't eat my lean and green at that time every day. I'll have to see how it goes.

[nickieluv]

Can't believe I forgot to post today! Well, I do believe it, because it was my crazy day out of the house all evening, but still.

Did fine today. Got behind on supplements, actually, because I forgot to eat right before I left the house. I just had a bar and I'll probably have a cocoa right before bed, in another hour. I hate having to stay up for supplements but I'm trying to follow most of the rules and I've read somewhere to wait at least an hour between supplements if you must squish them together.

My husband is still doing the diet but he's had a hard time getting started after vacation, too. He's out getting BK for dinner - but I am not tempted and the most I might do is swipe a pickle from him - which is an allowed snack item. He says he just doesn't want to do it anymore. So we'll see where he ends up. He lost a lot so maybe he just needs some time to sit at his new weight before losing some more.

I'm just happy to report that I'm doing fine on day 2, and not looking back - or too far forward.

[DiamondintheRough]

I knew you could do it! Keep going, don't look back and if anyone tries to block your new path push them out of your way. You are only a day or two away from increased energy and decreased hunger. GOOOOOO NICKIE!!!!!

[ChynnaDoll]

Hey Nickie! Congrat's on successfully getting through day 2:+) and especially after that FUN vacation Glad you're back!

Keep up the good work my friend.

[nickieluv]

Thanks Chyna and Diamond. I do appear to have turned a corner, because I'm not struggling nearly as much - feeling strong on day 3! And losing nicely, too, I might add - although I try to make the scale just an afterthought to my day, not the focus of it. Still, looking forward to the official weigh-in day and seeing that ticker move downward.

Food thoughts are not as powerful. It would still be just as easy to order something, but I haven't. I don't know if it's the ring that's keeping me going, or the desire for nicer weather and a nicer body to match, or just that it's time and I'm ready. But I'm just enjoying the progress and hoping it lasts.

Food is not so great. Feeling good about yourself is much better. Not that food is bad, but the path I'm on now does not allow for it.

When we take our next vacation, I don't want to shy away from the camera the way I did in Florida. You can hardly tell I was there. But at least I didn't hold back while I was there. I went in the pool, went on rides, did everything I wanted to do without thinking about my size (at least, after that first ride, once I realized I was going to fit on them all). I ate, and enjoyed the food, but there was so much to do that I wasn't looking at my watch wondering when the next time I could eat would be. It was so nice to just not care for a few days. Totally my idea of a vacation. And I didn't even care if people were looking at me thinking I was enormous. And you know what? They were all just as busy as I was and I'm sure didn't care a bit. Except that there were probably people doing what I was doing, which was looking around and instantly feeling better once I saw someone bigger than me. Sad but true.

Well, I'm off for the day. More rehearsals tonight, but believe it or not it's drawing to a close. I've got a baby tapping my leg so I'm going to go now.

[DogMa]

I'm glad you had such a good time, and that you got to go on all the rides that you were afraid you'd have to miss. It looks like I'll be going to Disneyland and California Adventure when I go home in April, so YAY.