The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[nickieluv]

Sorry, Lauren, I didn't see it. Of course you count! I'll go check it out right now.

Also - could it be coincidence that I'm on plan today and I'm in a good mood today? I feel more energized, happy, light. I did spend some money today but I talked with my husband about it first. I bought some clothes for the trip. I have nothing that fits for bottoms except this one pair of jeans I just got. So I ordered two pairs of capris. I had several shirts in the cart, too, but the total was twice as much as I'd intended to spend so I clicked them all out of there. I kept the two capris, one bathing suit (so I don't have to wear the maternity one - my other one is way too small) and a dress to wear as a cover-up (it's the same color as my swim shoes - silly, but I like to match) on the way from the room to the pool and back. I hope we have time to swim. There's so much to do in the parks, who knows? I won't take the tags off it in case we don't swim, then if I don't wear it I can send it back. Of course I hope it all fits when it gets here. I ordered what I think is my current size, but you never know when ordering online.

Well I have to go do a little typing for my church job review session tonight. It's the first time I've had such a thing in the four years I've worked there. Should be interesting. Whatever. I want to type up a job description so HR will have it on hand when they try to find my replacement(s). I was planning to leave in September but now I think I might wait until the new year, so we'll have more money coming in to pay off bills in the fall. Haven't talked with my husband about that yet, although really it's my decision to make. I just think we might want to wait on giving up over $800 a month until the debt is all gone. Or at least mostly gone. I'm looking to start 2010 with no debt except the house and SUV loan. What a dream!!

Now the older child is hollering for me. She's so funny. Off I go!

[ChynnaDoll]

Nickie you are sooooo UPBEAT today girl..lol! Sounds like you've got it together with the clothes for the trip:+) I EXCITED for you!!

Chyna

[nickieluv]

Yeah - I'm trying not to be so negative and punish myself. And forcing myself to wear one pair of jeans for a week seemed mean. If the capris don't fit I may still do that, but at least I've tried to be kind to myself.

I'm looking forward to having as much fun as I can on the trip. I still plan to be as compliant as possible. It just doesn't make any sense to wait any longer.

So I'm trying the new mindset. I can't exactly shut off my brain so I'm trying to reprogram it. Be positive whenever I see the tiniest loss. Use the strategies that I know I can use when I feel hungry or feel like cheating - have an extra supplement, have a glass of water, visualize my fantasy summer day running after my kids and laughing, imagine the feeling of being pregnant again - heck, even go stand naked in front of the mirror if I have to.

And most importantly - treat myself better. Not wear clothes that don't fit and are uncomfortable. Not wear something I hate just because it does fit. Think of each successful day on MF as a present to myself and my family. Celebrate my efforts and realize that they are leading somewhere, and each day gets me closer to the goal.

I'm off, probably for the day - I have a book I have to read that's due back to the library tomorrow and I've barely started it. It's only a little over 300 pages, though. I promise I won't stay up TOO late.

[nickieluv]

Finished the book! No fines for me! I hope - it was technically due yesterday, but I had my husband drop it off on his way to work, which is before the library opens, so I'm hoping they'll give me the benefit of the doubt and think I gave it back yesterday after closing. It's only a nickel or a dime or something for the one day late, but it's more that I hate turning things in late. I would have renewed it but someone else was waiting for it so they wouldn't let me renew. Hence the two-day reading jag.

So - starting MF because you can't think of anything better to do that day is not a very foolproof plan. Because odds are good you will think of something better to do on another day.

I have been so not in the mood to exercise this week. I skipped Monday, worked out Tuesday but later in the morning instead of getting up early, skipped yesterday because Tuesday left my inner thighs aching, and almost skipped today, too. But I can still salvage this week if I work out tomorrow and Saturday. That's only four days of exercise but if I do all five days next week, I'm on track with 9 days for each level of the DVD. And anyone who knows me will tell you that I HAVE to work out with each level the same number of times or it won't count. Touch of OCD - not that I don't realize how awful that is for people who have it full blown, but I definitely have some of those kinds of quirks. I have managed to not push my 'quirks' on other people, but I still have to have the TV volume on a multiple of 2 or 5 when I'm in charge of the remote. The baby bottles - if one of them topples into the sink for just an instant, it's dirty and I can't just sterilize it, it has to go through the dishwasher. The dishes themselves - everything gets prewashed before going through the dishwasher. Scrubbed so not a speck is on it - but it still has to go through the dishwasher. My mother actually thought she was helping one night and she unloaded the dishwasher because she thought the dishes in there were clean - and I had to take EVERY dish out of the cupboards and rewash them because a dirty one might have touched a clean one.

It's not debilitating or anything - just a major annoyance for my husband and yes, sometimes for me too. But there it is.

Anyway - I exercised today but I don't think I'm going to be on plan. I do think I was on to something with the more positive approach that I talked about on Tuesday. When I'm ready to go full bore on this, that's going to still be my philosophy - celebrate every little step, and not get overwhelmed by how many more steps there are to travel. I just keep thinking 'it would be nice to lose weight,' and that's not a very powerful statement. I can't MAKE myself care, although I keep trying. I try to look at the health aspects of it, the self-care and self-love part of it, the setting-a-good-example-for-my-kids part of it - but I can't embrace it right now. It's kind of sad, because right after the baby was born I did embrace it. I was gung ho and doing great for two whole weeks before the whole breastfeeding debacle. Sometimes I think if I could go back, I'd never have gone off the diet - but I know that I needed to do what I did because now I don't feel guilt about the way things happened. If I hadn't tried again, I know I would have felt selfish and like a bad mom.

Well, I'm just kind of babbling here, and my daughter is awake so it's time for me to go upstairs and officially start my day. I'm glad to see everyone is chugging right along. I am jealous (or is it envious? Biki could always set those kinds of things straight) of the success I read about, but I know I can have that success too, when I'm ready. If I don't die first.

[nickieluv]

On the plus side - I'm a gold mine for MediFast. I'll be buying their damn products the rest of my life at this rate.

[Susie Q]

Jut dropping in to say HOWDY!! I hope you have a terrific on plan day

Susie

[katesmom]

Hi Nickie !
I can feel the sun shinng on you already !

We all want to come with you to Disney !

Have a great day and be good to yourself !

[nickieluv]

I see it's been quiet lately! I do try to come on at least once a day and read the posts, and post some myself if I have something worth saying.

Less than 44 hours and we will be on our way to Florida. I'm starting to get excited. As it gets closer I'm realizing that there's not much I can do other than sit back and enjoy the vacation. At this point I've done all the planning I can - now we have to have the experience for better or worse.

The clothes I ordered came today - they all fit, although I'm not thrilled with the capris. They are a stretch fabric and so fit pretty close to the body - but they do fit, and I'm just going to make sure to wear longer tops with them so I don't look like I'm ready to pop.

I'm feeling relaxed about my appearance now, too. I actually felt pretty the last few days. I think it's because I'm not fighting with myself all the time. I am really looking forward to this vacation, and I've already set myself up to start MF on Monday when we return. We'll get back Saturday or Sunday, so I'll have a little while to rest up and get back into our routines, and then it's on with the plan. I think this break has been just what I needed. I believe I'll feel happy, rested, and ready to tackle my weight problem when we return.

Cute story - my husband called me today (he usually doesn't call from work, just sends text messages from time to time) to thank me for all the work I've done setting things up and planning for this trip. He said if it were up to him, he would have had a travel agent book the whole thing and then just showed up and done things on the spur of the moment. That's the sweet part, but the cute part is this - he told a couple of people about how I made reservations for meals and made the whole family read through the attractions and make an itinerary for each park. He was complaining, actually, telling them because he thinks I'm nuts. And these people have been there before and said what a great idea that was to do those things, because if you just show up and wing it you'll miss out on a lot of stuff. Vindication!!!!! Yes!!!!! I'm not crazy, I'm smart.

So, I will still be sad to go without my little baby, but other than that I am totally looking forward to this. And my mom even said she would pay her way and come with us to watch the baby - but it was too late, the hotels were all booked up unless we went deluxe, which was like $4000 dollars more - so, needless to say, that's not going to happen. But it was sweet of her to offer, because she would have hated every minute of the car trip down. I just wish we'd known sooner, because then we could have booked a family suite for only about $1200 more. But I like to look at these things as being meant to be or not, and since they had a room initially but while they were typing in my info someone else booked it, I'm taking that as a sign that it was not meant to be this time.

As long as we get there and back safely, the trip will be a success. So I know some of you here are inclined to prayer - would you please include our family this weekend and next weekend? We are driving straight through so it will be a heck of a trip both ways.

Well, I probably won't be able to check in again before we leave - I have a totally booked evening tomorrow from about 3 to 9, and then Friday will be all about packing and cleaning and last-minute supply shopping. Everybody get skinny while I'm gone!!!

[DogMa]

Just wanted to stop by before your trip. Have a great time, and say hi to Mickey for me!!!

[Mike]

Happy times at the happy place ;o)

[katesmom]

Hey Nickie !
I may bee too late but if not......

Have a great time and RELAX GIRL !!!!

We will all be here when you get back !!

Have fun !

[nickieluv]

Wow. Thanks everybody for wishing us well. It was tremendous. We are glad to be home and resting after all of that fun stress. My baby is mad at me. Seriously. She's happy as a clam with her father and her sister, but she's taking her time warming up to me. Doesn't the mom always get the blame?!?! .... She'll come around. I'm looking forward to Monday, when it's just me and the girls home alone again, and we can get back to our routines together.

Really, a great vacation. We will definitely be taking more of them together, and probably will head back to Disney in three years. I think next time we'll do the 4 days at the park and 3 day cruise package. Definitely have to start saving up for that one now, though....

So, I was expecting to have tons more posts to read today when I logged on. Where has everyone gone? Of course, I'm back, so you'll all be appropriately thrilled I trust.

I am a little scared of starting on Monday. But I'm trying not to think about it at the moment and freak myself out. I'm just going to get some sleep this weekend, rest up, then weigh-in Monday morning and get with the program. One nice thing about vacation (of course there were many nice things) is that all the summery weather made me think of summer clothes and summer sun and not wanting to weigh as much as a baby elephant when the heat reaches our neck of the woods. Slow and steady. One choice at a time. And now I'm starting off with a full case of bars so I have them and no excuses for making a supplement taking too much time, especially with the hectic schedule of the musical(s) I'm doing over the next few months. Possibly even from now until July, if we decide to try out for a community show. That's two shows I'll be vocal director for, and then one I'll hopefully get a part in. Only if the last one is a good show, though. It's not worth the time away from my family if I don't love the show. I'm not being a big diva and saying I'll only do it if I get a lead - I hate it when people do that. I'm saying if it's not a show I love, I'm not even going to audition. And if I do love it, I'll audition and do it even if I'm cast as a rock or something.

Well, see everybody Monday. Taking it easy tomorrow, letting the day sort of wash over me after I get home from church, maybe a nap, and then Monday is D-day. See you soon!

[Karli]

Hi Nickie, so happy you had such a good time ! And, rock the Monday, just do it !

[katesmom]

Hey Nickie !
Glad to see you back from the Land of Happiness ! I always have loved a trip to Disney, and they have just about something for every one !

I am persevering and you will too ! Yeah, it's been really quiet here, and I'm not sure why...

Rip open those bars and get er' done !

[nickieluv]

Well, yesterday was not my last day 1. Today will be.

It's funny how hard this is. I keep waiting for it to be magical and easy. But it never will be. At least, not at first. I know that the longer you're on plan the easier it gets. It's all about breaking old habits.

Yesterday I tried not to have any bars. Saving them for a rainy day. Getting rid of the older supplements before opening the new ones. But today I have talked myself into starting (just eating now after being awake for almost 3 hours, but I'm having a bar) and decided that if I want to eat all bars, who cares? I'm sure I'll get sick of them at some point and when that happens, I have lots of other options in the cupboards. But if eating bars will help me, then I have to eat them.

There are so many reasons not to change. But I just have to admit that nothing will change unless I change what I'm doing. I'm sure we all wish we could lose weight without changing any of our foods or habits, but that's not ever going to happen. There is no magic pill. That Alli that they advertise? I looked into it. Average additional weight loss when using the pill is 2 pounds per YEAR versus just diet and exercise. And people are spending how much on these kinds of things month after month?

I have what works. It's in my kitchen. But it will not work unless I commit to it. I can be scared - heck, I am. Scared of failure and scared of failing even if I try - that's the worst. That I'll make the effort and see no results. Maybe not realistic, but still a fear of mine. But my husband has done so well, and even if I don't think I deserve to lose weight, he and my kids deserve to have me healthy.

I said to Karli, it's all about motivation. So true. You can only fight yourself for so long. You need to embrace the change or it won't last. I have a few ideas lurking in my brain - mental pictures, a certain song that reminds me of a great thin memory (back when I was thin but didn't know it because my mind was so messed up I couldn't see what was really in the mirror - not that it's any different now, convincing myself I don't look so bad), and imagining the feeling of being pregnant again. It kind of sucks that I gained practically all the weight back with my second daughter, but it doesn't have to be that way again. I have a number in mind that I want to get to, and when I hit that number I'll start transitioning and trying right away. You only need a few extra calories a day when you're pregnant, not nearly as much as you would think, and in the early months it's more about what you eat than how much, so I would have plenty of time to transition even if we conceive right away.

I want to have another baby. And I refuse to let it happen at this weight. Or above 200. 190 is my first goal - just to get lower than I got the last time. But the baby goal is 160. I'd settle for 180 - it depends on how long it takes because I am on a bit of a timeline here because my husband doesn't want to try past a certain age. When I think too much about it, I start to feel like I can never reach that goal in time, so why bother? But I'll certainly never reach it if I never start, and even losing ten or twenty pounds is better than nothing.

So I'm starting today. For good. It's not that hard. I can do it. Just eat when I'm supposed to and avoid all the extras. It's not about how much I lose, just the fact that I'm losing at all and moving in the right direction. The numbers are just like mile markers, but it's not a race. The real success is day to day, making good choices - not what is reflected on the scale. The last day 1 between now and baby 3. It can be a little discouraging to realize that I'm going to do all this work, and then have to do it all again after the next one. But I can do so much better, and not be sitting above 200 the next time. Pregnancy is not a license to eat.

But for now - I am going to make it through today on plan with no cheats.