The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[nickieluv]

Thanks Kate and Chynna - you made me smile.

I'm off to have another bar and make it through the day. It's not easy, but I can do it. It's hard work but it's worth it. And you know what? L&G eating tastes good AND feels good. No guilt afterwards. Gotta fuel better for workouts.

I will say I was so close to ordering pizza today. Thank goodness I'm broke, because I probably would have done it. But then I came here, too, and saw the posts, and I can do this.

Thanks, guys.

[ChynnaDoll]

YES YOU CAN!!!!!!!

Chyna

[Justsecretgirl]

Nicki your doing great and you can do it! Yesterday was bad for me, but I'm back on track!

[katesmom]

Nickie...Great job !! No Pizza !! :whoohoo:

I am psyched for you because you denied the "Food Monster" from winning ! Keep going ! It feels so good to be compliant and healthy...One mf meal at a time...I may have some to sell, and will post what I don't like in the correct section on the board...

STAY STRONG !!!!!!!!!!! Walk away if the temptation sneaks in ! Grab a glass of water instead !!

[nickieluv]

I didn't do so great today. I had a bar at 6am after working out. Then I went back to bed, but I didn't eat again until 11:30 even though I got up around 9. I tried to keep it going and I had another bar after 12. But then I had two bowls of raisin bran. I had a L&G for dinner though, and have technically been back on track since then.

Tomorrow I am childless in the morning because they are spending the night with Grammie, so I'm going to sleep in (!) and then get up, work out, shower, and go see them.

I had a talk with my husband today about how hard this is. If you're an alcoholic, you can avoid parties with alcohol if you need to. People are sensitive to your problem and try to help you by not offering you drinks. But if you're dieting, you can't avoid everything that involves food unless you quit your job and live as a hermit forever. And people do the opposite and try to convince you to eat foods that aren't on your diet, instead of being supportive.

I'm not saying that as an excuse - just that it makes it even more amazing what people like Lauren, Robin, Lizabette, all of the maintainers and even those who have regained some, have done. Losing weight is an amazing success story. It is a victory that you can't compare to anything else. It is phenomenal.

And it is hard. Most people will fail. But we can be the few, the proud, the maintainers. (Hope the Marines will forgive me for stealing that little tag line.)

Just because something is hard does not mean you give up. We keep fighting the good fight, even when we are knocked down, or our comrades are knocked out. We help each other but we can rely only on ourselves to make the right choices. You are all here for me, but you can't keep me compliant. Only I can do that.

And I will.

[katesmom]

Nickie,
Hello and good morning to you !
Today is a NEW day !
How many days until Disney?
What a wonderful gift to give yourself.. warmth, sun, and time to relax !!

I hope that you have a great "on plan" day...It's all about choices...You always have choices...

[nickieluv]

So I'm awake, and I'm stalling.

I slept in without the girls here, and my plan was to sleep in, exercise, shower, then go see them and run some errands.

I want to do all those things except the exercise.

I know it won't take that long and I'll feel better once I've done it, and today is the last day for this workout before we move on to the next level on Monday. I'm just not in the mood today, and being alone it's harder to make myself do it.

But I'm sitting here in my stinky workout clothes so I may as well get it over with.

Up two pounds this week. No big surprise, glad it wasn't more, but still sad. Weigh-in days make me feel like a big idiot when I haven't been on plan. Two more weeks until Disney and there's really no way I can make any decent progress by then, so part of me is being sneaky and saying I should just not try. But I will try. I also thought about making my BeSlim order really small this month again, instead of ordering a case of bars, because right now every supplement I eat is money down the drain and I don't want to waste more. But I think that would just give me another excuse to be bad. With the bars, it's easy. And I still have lots of other meal options if I get bored with them.

Someday. Someday I'll be looking back on this and it will all roll together into just one long journey to lose weight. Like it did last time, I won't remember all the struggles, just the end result. But I'm thinking that may not be such a good thing. Because that kind of thinking led me to believe that losing weight this time would be a piece of cake with no struggles. I blocked out all the bad times of my last journey. And now that I'm hit with temptation and making bad choices, I feel terrible because I can't do what I did the last time. But this IS what I did the last time. I just need to do better.

I guess I can't stall much more. I have to call my mother and see how the kids are, she probably thinks I've died or something because I slept so late. Then workout, shower, grab a bar and head over there.

I feel resigned and hopeless today. I know that's not good. It's just hard to get any kind of confidence going, because every time I do, I fail utterly. My thoughts are all about how I CAN'T do this, not how I can. I feel like I'm just going to be fat forever because I'm too spineless to stick to this or any diet. I feel like even if I do stick to plan, I won't lose any weight because I don't deserve to.

Well, confidence hasn't worked for me, so maybe utter despair will.

[nickieluv]

Well, I worked out. Poorly. And I watched the next level to see what I'm in for. I'm looking forward to it, actually. It seems to be easier than level 2, because there are more modifications on the movements. I don't have the upper body strength to hold up 250 pounds for 20 minutes, but level 3 shows a lot of the moves on the knees for support.

I'm off to post a workout question. Then shower, dress, go see the babies.

[ChynnaDoll]

hey girl...YOU DID IT, despite what you said about doing it poorly, and that's what's important. You made the RIGHT choice even thoyou really didn't feel like it, and to me that's saying MORE than doing it when you DO feel like it...i'm PROUD of you and you should be proud of you toooooo!!!! I posted a coupl'a questions in my journal that i need an answer too, so if you have time take a look ok?

You're on the track girl:+) what exercise program are you on?
TTYL!

Chyna

[nickieluv]

OK. So I'm changing my ticker every ten pounds (goal) and telling myself that I can have a meal off plan when I get there. But see, I'll never get there, because every ten pounds I'll be changing the ticker.

I have so much weight to lose, and the temptations come up so often (usually around day 7 once I really get rolling, I slide big time), that I'm hoping this will get me past that day 7. 10 pounds doesn't seem as overwhelming as 110 pounds. 10 pounds is doable.

Last self-pity moment, I swear. I've technically been on MF since late August. Over 5 months. And NOTHING to show for it except less MF in the cupboards. What a waste of my time. And no one to blame but myself.

When the next 5 months has come and gone, it's June and sunny and getting warmer every day, we're putting up the pool and playing outside, I WILL NOT weigh 250 pounds. That time is going to fly by. I already said that it will blur together and I'll forget the struggles. So why give in?

150% of this is mental for me. Yes, I said that on purpose. I can eat the food. I can do the exercise. It's my brain that won't get on board. My body can do it. My head won't. Anybody want to loan me their brain for a year? I'll take Lauren's or Robin's, please. Or Leigh's or Shane's.

[Lauren]

The last thing you need is a brain. It's all the thinking that's doing you in.

Stop thinking.

I have said this to you so many times, Nickie. Just stop. Stop analyzing your thoughts, behavior, attitude. Yes, for some it helps. For you, it's paralyzing and ALWAYS goes poorly (in this regard, for the immediate time being).

Just freakin' do it. Shut up and put up, if you know what I'm saying.

No brain.

Mummy.

Sleep walking.

Lauren

[ChynnaDoll]

DITTO to what Lauren said sweetie...and we're not fussing at'cha:+)..sometimes thinking about and dissecting things toooooo much causes the problem to escalate..example, i thought my hubby was cheating at one point when we were dating, andi drove myself CRAZY thinking this and that
and wondering this or that and visualizing this and that until i ALMOST had a mental breakdown...we're married now but ialmost drove'm away with alllllmy thinking..lol! so thinking TOO much is not healthy sometimes..mommy chyna talking here:+))...but you will eventually figure out what works BEST for YOU:+)

love'ya

[ChynnaDoll]

NICKieeeeeeeee wakkkkkupppppppP
Chyna

[nickieluv]

Yes - but HOW do I turn off the brain? I think I might need drugs for that.

Your story about the imaginary cheating was funny, Chynna - I haven't done that exactly. But I know of things that my husband did before we were married and when we weren't even dating, and those visual images just formed in my mind unbidden once the words were spoken, and it took YEARS for them to fade. They still come up in my brain when I think about the subject (like to type this), but they no longer have power. They are just like flashes, afterimages, nothing really tangible. But for a long time they were vivid and painful.

I don't believe I know how to do something without thinking about it first. I would say I eat mindlessly, and that much is true once I get started. But I think about it in great detail before it actually happens. Even with MF, I imagine and picture myself grabbing a bar or mixing the shake before I actually do it. It's like I'm practicing in my head first. But that gives me time to think about alternatives, too. And when I go off, it's not automatic. I think about it for a long time first.

I imagine that's partly why I'm a prime candidate for addiction, and just happened to choose food. When I'm full, I'm sluggish. I don't think as clearly. I get to just lie around like a lump. In college I was a heavy drinker, and I mean heavy. Almost 100% percent of the time, if I had one drink, I had enough to black out. And now, I don't drink, because if I do I can't stop. Well, in a party situation, anyway. At home I can have a sip of something, or one glass or one bottle, and be done. But socially it's like I have something to prove. Like, 'look at me, I may be shy and brainy but I can party too.' Cigarettes never hooked me, though. Again, it's something I'll do when I drink, so no drinking, no smoking. And the last time it was just gross. I felt it for two days afterwards. Because of course I don't puff, I inhale. Again, trying to prove that I can be a bada**.

I'm not sure what all this has to do with the diet. It just seemed to go along with the idea of shutting off my brain. Because when I'm sober and normal, I'm no fun.

There is a constant stream of thoughts through my brain. Any topic, all the time. I do wish it would stop sometimes but I don't know how to make it. So I keep trying to trick my brain into doing what I want and ignoring the alternatives. But it's not working.

My husband suggested I stop with MF. I told him that felt like quitting and I was not going to do that. But today I didn't start off with a supplement and I feel so much more relaxed. So I am going to just not think about MF for a few days. I've failed so many days in a row that it's my new habit to do so. I want to get away from all the negative feelings.

MF has become a source of depression, anxiety, stress - nothing good. I'm keeping up the exercise because I can do that. That's just once a day. What I eat is a series of choices all day long that is never finished. I'm just cleansing my palette, so to speak. Wiping the slate clean. I've done that several times already but I've never actually stopped trying. So every time I didn't succeed, it was another mark against me. I'm going to stop even considering MF for a little bit. A rest.

[ChynnaDoll]

I'm REALLY feeling you Nickie..really. Sometimes you have to step back and take a look at things. If this is causing you depression/anxiety regularly, then i think you have made the right decision for yourself at this time to not deal with this plan..maybe later. You know best. Maybe this upcoming trip will be the ultimate blessing you need right now to just relax your mind and be free from worrying about things.

I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers my sweet friend. You'll be alllllright:+)

Chyna