The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[SuzyQ66]

Your doing a good job here Nickie...keep it up. My new shipment just came today...haven't had a chance to unpack it but I got the news bars. Will try one tomorrow and let you know what I think.

[nickieluv]

You haven't gotten around to opening your shipment, Suzy?!!??! I can't imagine that - I rip the darn thing open the second I get my hands on it. Already looking forward to my next shipment, even though my cupboard is completely full. I even have boxes on the counter that I'm using up first, before I even get into the cupboard. I guess I just like getting packages. Hence the shopping issue....

Today I was faced with cookies - not once, not twice, but three separate times in three separate places in the space of four hours. Totally resisted and actually did not even feel a desire for the yummy goodness. Oh, someday I'm totally having a cookie again - but they'll still be there when that day comes. And now that I'm approaching the zone - yep, I think it's coming soon - I can see myself enjoying my new life too much to waste time sitting and eating a bunch of junk. I am going to want to get out there and do things!!! Not every day, of course - sometimes you do just want to veg out - but more often than not, I can see us as an active family. Even if it's just getting out in the yard every day to play.

Feeling VERY good today. A little euphoric? Maybe that's too much, but I'm definitely feeling calm and happy at the same time. I feel so much more in control with my daughter, too - I am not losing my temper right and left, and you know that was the sugar and carbs causing me to be wacky. Well, I know it, anyway. I will have to continue watching myself and see if I really am more level-headed when I'm on MF, as a general rule.

And this is a major future-trip, but not diet related - hubby and I talked for a while last night and we have decided that in 9/09 I can quit the church job - or at least drop back to just being the organist instead of being in charge of everything musical. But we can live completely without that paycheck now. Now here's a sinister moment - on my way to choir rehearsal tonight, it occurred to me that maybe I'm eager to get out of that job because this year is going so well, and I want to end on a high note. Because I can't think of any good reason to quit except that I want to, and that makes me feel guilty. (Who am I if I'm not feeling guilty about something, right?) I do like these people and I don't know if they can replace me - only because I do so much that a sane person would not willingly want to take my place. Time will tell - I'm not announcing anything until after Easter, and probably not until June more realistically. It's just going to be hard to make the break - I want a more fundamental church for my daughters' religious education, but we've been there four years and they are really wonderful people, even if I don't agree 100% with their theology. It was supposed to be just a job, but we've all gotten attached to the people. They're looking for a new pastor - if they could just get someone a little more fire and brimstone, I'd be happy - but this is a feel-good denomination, so a pastor like that wouldn't last long.

Well, I'll be thinking about that for months until the announcement is made so no need to make big decisions now. To sum up - diet is good, finances on an upswing, great vacation coming up - and that's all for now.

[SuzyQ66]

So glad to hear Nickie that things are looking up. It's amazing how Medifast can even out our moods while losing weight. Your last post sounded very happy which makes me happy.

No I didn't rip open the package because I had too much to do last night. I went grocery shopping after work, came home and ate my L&G, and than took one of my daughter's shopping for a winter coat. I finally opened my shipment at around 8 or 9pm.

Continue with happy thoughts.

[nickieluv]

Not a good evening. I was fine all day long - even most of the evening, actually - and then I just decided to eat. Some chicken tenders (my daughter's unfinished dinner), PB, a little cheese, then 2 bowls of cereal.

It was definitely emotional. I just didn't stop to think about it soon enough. I can see now that it was all related to stress I'm feeling about unresolved financial issues. Either way things turn out will be fine, but we've been up in the air about it all week. And I started feeling really down about 3pm, which was the point when I knew someone who had the answers was getting off work, and that meant I wouldn't know anything at all until Monday. It's such a roller coaster when you're shuttling documentation back and forth electronically, and answering tons of questions - and in the end I'm afraid it will have been all for nothing, a waste of all this time and effort.

I know I'll just have to be very diligent and go through another day or three of toughing it out. I was just saying to my husband today that I can see gaining all the weight back just as easily as I gained it in the first place. I blame it on the pregnancy but that's not all of it. After the baby came I ate because of stress and exhaustion and postpartum stuff and it just kept going on and on and on until this week I finally broke through and took back some control. It's scary how easy it is to lose control again. I take heart that there are some very long-term maintainers who still come here to post and encourage us all. They prove (Lauren, Robin, Lizabette come to mind) that by being mindful you can enjoy a thin life for the rest of your life.

I'll be on-plan tomorrow. I don't have any doubts about it. I just can't romanticize - I have to remember it will be hard and that doesn't mean to throw in the towel and 'make a weekend of it.' Like a food orgy or some nonsense. And I believe that I will learn how to spot these train wrecks coming and head them off better. I did try, in my own way. I drank glass after glass of sugar-free drink mix. I had a second bar with a PB snack spread on top to try to satisfy my craving but still be mostly on plan. It didn't work, so next time I will need another strategy. I wonder if a shake or cocoa might have been better - something that was not chewy, and didn't give in to my usual coping mechanism of eating. And if water would have helped more than the fake-sugar tasting drink mix, which might have just made my cravings worse. Things to try next time, anyway.

So now, it's after 1AM and I need to get to sleep. I don't want to sleep in too late and take advantage of my husband - he always lets me sleep on Saturdays but I feel badly about it, because it's like he never gets a day off that way. Once you're a parent, I guess you never get a day off again, huh? Although I suppose when they are older you get more time to yourself - but then you spend all that time worrying about them. Still, I wouldn't change it for the world. Good night everybody.

[nickieluv]

Back on track today, with a little bonus. My husband wanted to exercise this morning, and my daughter is at the age where she wants to do everything we do. So I asked if she'd like to exercise with me, and she did, and I let her choose the workout (walking or dancing - I have lots of workout DVDs) and we did the 1-mile Walk Away The Pounds DVD. She did the whole thing and never lost interest. I felt like such a good mom exercising with my daughter. Kind of makes up for the fact that she steps on the scale when she's in the bathroom most of the time, too. Although she never says things like "I'm fat" because I'm careful not to say that in front of her. Instead I tell her I'm doing Medifast because my doctor wants me to get smaller, just like her doctor wants her to get bigger. And whenever she says she has to check what she weighs, after she gets off I tell her she weighs the perfect amount for her.

I think weighing and exercising are not such bad habits, if they are not taken to extremes. Sure, I weigh myself too often - but doing that really helped to desensitize me to the numbers on the scale. In this first week I've had losses and gains, and it's always a nice surprise when I see a loss and if I see a gain, I just chalk it up to some factor or other and get on with my day. (Of course I know what today's gain was all about....) And to see me exercise is not a bad thing, as long as I'm not doing it for hours and hours a day AND skipping meals AND obsessively weighing myself. And trust me, there will never be a problem with me thinking that I need to exercise for hours and hours a day or skipping meals.

Isn't it ironic that I have a daughter who eats and eats but doesn't gain weight? Me, of all people. My husband says she gets that from him - when he was a kid he was so skinny you could see ribs. She's not that skinny - she's perfect, if you ask me. Of course.

Well, off to have a hopefully fun day - we are thinking about going on an adventure (that's what we call it in our house whenever we go anywhere that isn't church or shopping).

Oh, I placed my order for the next month - entirely the new bars. I have so many drinks and shakes that I don't need any more right now. I also moved my ship date up a week, so they would hopefully arrive before Thanksgiving. I did the BeSlim Club so I still had to place a full order so I'd get that free week of food in my second month - for the next month or two I'll drop down and not order so much so I can clear out the cupboards, and then I'll probably settle into a routine order of the same things every month. Not that anyone cared about that - but Suzy's second review of the bars made me decide to just get 'em.

[nickieluv]

I am still on track today but the 'bad thoughts' are out in force. The 'what's another day' thoughts, and the 'I'll just be low-carb today' thoughts. Then I asked my husband for a time out so I could just take a shower and enjoy that little bit of alone time - and while in the shower I told myself that I could either look this way forever and accept it, or choose to make a change. So I'm having a diet soda right now, and in another hour I'll have a meal, and then after that I'll have another one when the time comes, and just get through today. I can do this.

Thinking about how easy it would be to just stay the same, sometimes that seems like the better choice. But I am not happy this way. There are lots of things I am happy about, but not my size and the way it makes me feel and the way it holds me back. Only 90 days until Disney, and that is just an arbitrary date that I'm holding out there as my carrot to chase. In 90 days all this financial stuff I'm worried about will be solved one way or the other, and we will be just fine, and I could either be a third of the way to my goal or still sitting here just as I am at this moment. The time will pass no matter what. I can either do something or nothing. Today I choose something. And tomorrow I'll deal with tomorrow.

[SuzyQ66]

Nicki - great job deciding to stay on program!! You are moving in the right direction. You will become stronger as each day passes and you are already doing it. Just think...when Disney comes...how great you will look. Just keep those positive thoughts coming. Tomorrow marks 4 weeks for me...I cannot believe that I have already stayed compliant for one month. If I can do this Nicki - so can you!! Keep up the good work. And if bars are your thing...I don't think you will be disappointed.

[nickieluv]

I was not even close to perfect yesterday - 1 shake and 1 bar, then at my next meal time enough PB for like 3 or 4 snack portions (plus the calories in PB are nuts - no pun intended) and then a L&G, heavy on the lean.

Today I've been much better - we were out of the house so I brought extra supps in case what my dad made for dinner wasn't OK for me - but I think it was, although light on the protein (I didn't want to take so much, though, since it was feeding 5 1/2 people). So I've had that meal, 4 supps, and the PB. I'm looking forward to these new PB crunch bars to maybe take care of that PB bug I'm having - although I ordered mostly chocolate mint. I think I just need to tell myself PB is not a snack, which I think someone said it actually isn't, but used to be long ago - boy did I jump on that with a vengeance!

Still lost 4# this week, which is respectable. Less than three months now to Disney - we've changed over to having Thanksgiving at my dad's so I know I can stick to plan - he understands the whole diet thing, plus it's fewer people when we go to his place and lots less temptation. Plus I did so well today there that I'll just pretend it's today again. But my sister-in-law, although she did MF for a while, is a food pusher through and through - my dad won't care if I don't eat, or just eat a little of what I'm allowed to have. My husband is already planning our Christmas dinner and it's MF compatible - so that just leaves avoiding the munchies at the two larger family Christmas parties. I can handle that.

So things are going well - little hiccup this weekend but today is going much better and hopefully tomorrow I can get back into my at home routine and continue to do well. Hope everyone had a good weekend.

[nickieluv]

For no apparent reason I binged on bread last night. Of all the boring things to waste your calories on, right?

So I've decided I've been a bit too easy on myself. I took the first 10 days or so and was pretty lenient, just letting myself get by and bending the rules to suit my mood. But now I think I need to be a little bit more strict. So I'm on all shakes for today at least, not allowing myself even one bar, but I will have extra shakes if I need them. And I'm playing the L&G by ear as to whether I will have it tonight or not. At the moment I'm not hungry at all - probably still digesting the damn bread - so hard to tell right now how I'll feel later.

I'm calm - not really mad at myself or anything - more curious as to why I let myself do that instead of just having a shake and going to bed, which was all I needed to do to finish off a compliant day. Oh, and hubby caught me - that was embarrassing. So there's a clue - I wanted to eat alone. Something to think about - but while I'm thinking I'll be shaking.

[nickieluv]

3 shakes down and so far, so good. Of course the mental urge to cave in is there, but it's a quiet voice in my head, not a loud one. I moved the furniture all around so that kept me really busy and not hungry. Now it's time for piano lessons so off I go.

[nickieluv]

OK, how have I done today?

3 shakes. L&G. One bar w/PB (yes, I KNOW I said I was cutting that out, plus no bars today, but....), some extra PB (and THAT is why I was supposed to cut it out), and 2oz of extra sharp cheddar.

I did, on the plus side, successfully avoid a binge by doing housework and staying busy online. Now I'm going to go to bed, and start fresh tomorrow. And I will try again to have no bar and no PB, but at least no PB. I am contemplating ordering some MF crackers for a snack. Which is funny, because I wouldn't buy the SF jello because it worked out to 50 cents per container, but the MF crackers are more than that per packet and yet I feel OK about buying them. It's just that I think the crackers would 'hit the spot' more than the jello, being crunchy.

Anyway, that was my day today. Hope everyone had a good Monday, wherever you all are....

[DogMa]

Hey, thanks for keeping tabs on me in my journal, and sorry I haven't stopped in here. I hope you're doing better staying on track today.

As for it being easier to just stay the same ... I don't know about you, but I know for me (and most folks I know), staying the same isn't really an option. If I'm not watching things, then I'm GAINING. Every time I started a new diet in the past, I started it weighing more than I did when I started the one before.

Plus I still think a big part of this should be the health aspect. I realized the other day that I started Medifast soon after my brother was diagnosed with diabetes, and I don't think that was a coincidence. It's not like you're eating healthy when you're not on plan. So the question is, how badly do you want to see your kids grow up? How badly do you want to be around to know your grandkids?

[nickieluv]

Now why did you have to go and make me cry?

I'm in serious denial about the health effects of my high weight. Nothing bad has happened yet so it's hard to admit that this could actually kill me. But I can't imagine not being there for my girls.

I'm working on a combination of things to keep me on track - mental, emotional, and physical. I found a website with a 31-day affirmation program to try to break the negative thinking habit. I'm also going to exercise every day, because if I'm honest it really does feel good to move my body.

There is no reason that this morning has to affect this afternoon negatively. So I'm going to go have a shake and start over from this moment.

I really do want to stay on plan - however, I feel like I've been punishing myself with food. Yesterday I did what I did against all my inner screaming to stop. It's pretty pathetic.

It's going to be a tough haul. Hearing about Katie moving on, I admit that I've had those thoughts, too, like maybe this isn't the plan for me right now. Except that it IS the plan for me. I only wonder about stopping because I'm afraid. It's admittedly harder trying to figure out how to do this without the structure of working outside the house, because that kept me at a distance from food for many hours in the day. It was easy to stick to it at work. And when I came home, I had my husband's help with dinner. I also didn't need to keep much in the house because my daughter was with my sister all day long. To be honest, though, all the temptations in the house were put there by me. I did not have to buy them. But I did anyway.

There is no easy way. If there were, no one would be fat in this world. It's about changing my entire lifestyle as it pertains to food, and making food much less important than it has been. Many other things bring pleasure and fun to life. Food has been my one and only for a long time and I'm letting it continue, instead of shifting my focus.

I have to change. Just because nothing bad has happened yet, doesn't mean I'm safe. Or invincible. Thinking about looking great or moving easier or being less self-conscious in public has not helped. So maybe Robin is right and thinking about NOT being there when my girls need me will do the trick. People die every day, thin or fat. But that's no reason to add more and more risk factors to your life.

I'm back on plan. And now I can decide which I want more - a cookie, or to see my daughters on their wedding days, or be there to help them as they become moms themselves. It's depressing to consider otherwise but I have not been very realistic. Time will run out no matter what I do - but how could I live with myself if I didn't do everything in my power to keep my promises to my kids?

[DogMa]

Yeah, sorry, I didn't mean to be harsh. Guess I'm still a bit angry since my brother's heart attack, since the diabetes diagnosis wasn't enough for HIM to change his habits.

It's true, though. Sure, you could get hit by a bus tomorrow. But you don't need to go walking into traffic while blindfolded. You do what you can to protect yourself and to be safe, and that includes living a healthy lifestyle. Right?

[nickieluv]

So I have 2 months of MF in my cupboard right now, plus another BeSlim shipment coming out at the end of the month (had to make a full shipment to get the free week - hey, it's a deal!) and between one thing and another I just bought another month's worth. So by the time December starts I will have enough food to last me until practically Easter. Or, at the rate I'm going, it will last me until next Christmas.

This is just getting silly. I don't care if I have 20 shakes a day, the point is that there is no food other than MF food. I think if I can convince myself that there is no other food out there, but that I can have all the MF I want, it would do me some good mentally.

Lately I'm either eating too much or not eating at all. Very extreme. At least the MF products have nutrients, unlike most of my off-plan fare. I think I just don't deal well with food limits. So, my MF is unlimited. I can have all the shakes I want. But only MF. When I have a L&G I need to get back into the habit of measuring, instead of eyeballing. After I eat it, if I think I'm still hungry, guess what? I can have more MF.

Thus spake the nutcase.